"Happy New Year."

Elle raises her head and offers Darren a nonchalant nod, her attention swiftly returning to her tower of backlog. "Happy New Year."

Darren makes himself home on the couch, sitting comfortably. "How were your holidays?"

"It was fine."

Deep down, it was more than fine. The holiday season had been a whirlwind of emotions, with moments of magic, romance, frustration, and utter madness. It was an experience that would be inscribed in her memory until she's gray and old.

"It's common courtesy to ask me about mine."

Rolling her eyes, Elle feigns a grin as she shoots a pointed look in his direction. "Alright, Darren. How about yours?"

"It was awesome. I flew to the States. Met with some relatives."

The mention of the US strikes a nerve, causing Elle to involuntarily flinch and slump in her seat. She clears her throat. "Good for you."

Darren leans in, his elbows finding a comfortable perch on his thighs. His gaze, sharp as a hawk's, pierces through her defenses. "Mm. You look more miserable than I last saw you. I was expecting you to be more pleasant. What's eating at you?"

Given that Elle has been grappling with sleepless nights ever since she returned to the city six days ago, his observation shouldn't have surprised her. The energy required to perform the charade of someone untouched by grief has long since evaporated.

"Kindly keep your comments to yourself, please," she hisses, gesturing to the door. "I'm busy."

"Okay, okay." Darren concedes and reluctantly gets up, but before exiting her office, he drops a parting blow. "I was actually hoping not to see you here again."

"Sorry to disappoint you," she murmurs through clenched teeth.

"I'm not the person you should be sorry to." And with that, Darren departs, reviving the frustration and melancholia within Elle. Not that the sadness has ever truly vanished. It has merely taken residence in the corners of her soul, resurfacing during her late-night crying sessions.

She exhales heavily, sinking into her chair and absentmindedly toying with the pendant of her necklace. Every fiber of her being aches for Naoki. He's likely back in Japan, preparing for his permanent return to his birthplace. Five years have stretched out before them, an unfathomable expanse of time. Too long.

Surviving the aftermath of their first breakup was possible because they couldn't be together. It was a harsh reality she had to confront, while simultaneously shouldering an overwhelming load of responsibilities. Of self-doubt.

Of loss.

But it's not the same anymore. The absence of Naoki is a void that can't be filled. No amount of busyness or distractions can mask the hurt in her heart.

During the ride home, Naoki clung to Elle's hand as if his life depended on it, reluctantly releasing her only when necessary to adjust his position or when she needed to retrieve coins for the toll fee. Zoe and Kaito seemed confined in their own worlds, but Elle caught Kaito's gaze in the rearview mirror a few times.

"You can drop us off at my apartment," Naoki suggested, his eyes fixed on Elle. "I'll drive you home."

Elle nodded eagerly, longing for a moment alone with Naoki, no matter how brief. Nothing else seemed to matter at that moment. Zoe beamed at Elle, and Elle returned the smile to her best friend, knowing she would confide in her later. She would definitely need her support, even though she would undoubtedly rebuke Elle for not pursuing Naoki.

Instead of heading straight to the parking lot, Naoki led Elle to his apartment. Along the way, Elle playfully mentioned that her legs still felt wobbly.

"Don't worry, I can carry you easily," he quips, grinning from ear to ear.

Her cheeks flushed, squeezing Naoki's hand tightly.

"Just kidding. That's not the real reason. Although it could be, if you want it to be," Naoki added.

"I don't!" she replied, sinking her teeth into her bottom lip.

Naoki unlocked the door, revealing his sparsely furnished apartment. Aside from his meticulously arranged computer setup, the place was nearly empty, much like Elle's own place. Elle followed Naoki, running her fingers over the furniture as she walked, and her gaze drifted to the impeccably clean kitchen.

"Help yourself," Naoki said, digging through his cabinet.

"Okay..." She swung the refrigerator door, and she was greeted by a ton of tupperware. "You cook?"

"I do," he replied, stealing a glimpse at her. "Is that surprising?"

"Not really. I'd be more surprised if you didn't."

Unable to contain her intrigue, Elle sidled up behind Naoki and embraced him. "What are you looking for?"

"This," he muttered, spinning around and facing Elle, his eyes dancing with anticipation. "Give me your hand."

Bemused, she arched an eyebrow but complied, extending her palms expectantly.

Naoki revealed a dazzling gold necklace, its chain shimmering like liquid sunlight, while the pendant itself boasted a mesmerizing sunflower made of preserved resin. Elle's jaw dropped in awe. "What... Where did you... Why?"

"It was supposed to be my Christmas gift to you," he confessed, rubbing his nape sheepishly. "Sorry, it's late."

"No, no, I love it! Thank you!" she squealed. "I knew you had a surprise up your sleeve!"

"You knew, huh?"

"Yeah. You had gifts for everyone but me," she added. "It clued me in that something was off."

Naoki laughed at her response. "Aren't you just the cutest?" With a gentle twirl, he positioned Elle so her back was against him, and he swiftly retrieved the necklace from her grasp. "I should have let you in on the secret. We could have spent the rest of my days here like this."

Skillfully securing the necklace's clasp, he enveloped Elle in his arms, savoring the scent of her hair and landing tender kisses on her earlobes. Elle's heart raced within her chest, hoping that he could feel its wild rhythm. So he'd know how he made her feel.

"Are you ready to go home?" he asked.

"But this is home," she whispered, her voice brimming with heartfelt sincerity.

"Then, are you ready to stay with me?"

Her fingers instinctively fidgeted with her bracelet, a subtle gesture that conveyed her mixed feelings, and it was enough for Naoki to not push the topic further.

They departed from his apartment in a tranquil silence, their fingers intertwined as they sat side by side in the car, exchanging no words. Elle watched the urban landscape pass by, the buildings, cars, and people blending into a blur as her mind wandered aimlessly, envisioning a tomorrow without Naoki. The love of her life, and her greatest pain.

Naoki shifted the gear to P and turned the engine off, his gaze vacant but accepting.

Lauren Berlant said that cruel optimism was to pine for something a person thought was good for them when it could actually result in their own undoing.

For Naoki, Elle embodied the concept perfectly. She was his object of desire, and the root of all his torment. Someone who could get him to crumble but also build him up, only to wreck him again. True enough, what he longed for he could hate because she was the source of his frustrations.

But he didn't hate her; he loved her anyway.

Because love, well, was to accept frustration. To concentrate on pure reciprocity he'd call more of an obsession. And what he felt when he looked at Elle... It was liberating.

Excruciatingly liberating.

"When you leave you won't reach out to me again," Elle muttered not as a question, but as a statement of fact.

Naoki nodded, his voice hushed as he made a solemn oath, "But I'll always love you."

Elle swallowed the lump in her throat. "Don't. And I won't promise that, either. We'll agree not to wait for each other. Not anymore."

He pressed his lips firmly. "If it was that easy we wouldn't be here." He tightened his grip on the steering wheel. "Should I not follow the terms of the contract?"

Elle frowned. "You're asking me? A lawyer? To support a breach of contract?" She balled her fists in her lap, frustration mingling with her sorrow. "How much...? How much would be the penalty?"

"About fifteen grand, I think."

The last lifeline had disappeared, leaving Elle to emit a defeated laugh. "We're only delaying the inevitable."

Cupping Naoki's cheeks in her hands, she drew him closer. "I'm sorry for everything. From the very beginning until now. I'm sorry for wasting your time when you could've had someone who would move mountains for you."

Naoki grasped her left hand and kissed her palm. "You didn't waste my time. And honestly, I could not compare to Tita Rose. She's a total rockstar."

Elle broke her own promise and started to cry. Naoki pulled her into another embrace as if trying to glue her back to a whole. "It's okay, Elle. I'm not angry. And I don't regret crossing paths with you again."

"Only so we could separate again. What's the point of it all?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "But I regret nothing," Naoki recoiled, landing a soft kiss on her cheek. "You know where I'll be, Eloise."

Elle curls up on the floors, hugging her knees tightly to her chest, seeking solace against the bed as she finishes recalling their final goodbye. The lights are off, and the room is enveloped in darkness. Elle yearns for the power to effortlessly flip her emotions just like that, so she can spare herself from the recurring anguish within her.

A faint knock on the door interrupts her trance. "Elle?"

It's Zoe. Elle stays still, hoping to find refuge in her state of solitude. When she doesn't respond, Zoe persists, knocking once more. "Elle? I know you're in there. Please, open the door."

Summoning every ounce of strength on her legs, she steadies herself, stumbling slightly.

As expected, Zoe barges in, her face a distorted mix of disappointment, frustration, and in what Elle interprets as pity.

"What happened?" Zoe asks, her voice trembling. "I thought everything was going well. Weren't guys getting back together? What happened?"

"It's none of your business," Elle retorts, her tone icy.

"It's my business," Zoe presses, wiping away the dampness in her eyes. "Look at you, Elle. You're miserable. Again. I've seen you spiral like this again when you broke up. And then when he left you at the hotel three years ago. And here we are again. Aren't you exhausted from punishing yourself?"

"I'm not punishing myself, Zoe–" Elle protests.

"You are," Zoe cuts her off firmly. "And no one is asking you to."

Anger boils up inside Elle, the bottled up hurt rising to her throat. "Stop, Zoe! You have no idea what's going on!"

"I do understand, Elle! I was there when Tito Ben died! When you went to counselling during your gap year! And I'm here! Witnessing you falling back to that dark hole you've worked so hard to get out of! I've always been here, so I know!" she insists, seizing Elle's elbows. "So I am not letting you do this to yourself!"

The silence that ensues bounces through the four corners, the days of Elle's journey to her well-being flashing before the two of them.

And then, she breaks. Elle collapses on the floor, her tears cascading down her cheeks, her sobs deafening and utterly gut-wrenching. Zoe deflates beside her, extending a comforting embrace.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled," Zoe apologizes tearfully. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"I don't know what to do, Zoe. Naoki... He's bound to the States. A contract awaits him there. And I can't go."

Zoe exhales, "Did you ever ask Tita Rose if she wanted you to do this for her? Did she tell you to live your life like this?"

"But Papa—"

"Tito Ben would want his daughter to be happy," Zoe states, combing her fingers through her best friend's hair. "As much as I like you as close to me as possible, this is not where you belong. Not anymore."

Elle unleashes another burst of tears, every drop a testament to her despair, and most of all, hope.