Papyrus sat up in bed, instantly awake.

And then, before he even really knew what he was doing, he was lunging out of bed, kicking open his door, racing down the hall, and all but ripping Sans' bedroom door off its hinges. Then he was kneeling at Sans' mattress, scooping up his brother, sobbing into Sans' chest, burying his face in Sans' jacket.

"woah, hey," Sans murmured groggily, still half asleep. "hey, calm down, take it easy, it's okay." He cradled Papyrus's head in one hand and reached around to pat Papyrus's back with the other.

Papyrus cling to Sans, clutching his jacket in an iron grip, the jacket seemingly only moments ago, Papyrus had been holding, its wearer gone.

The thought made Papyrus cry all the harder, sniffling and choking and sobbing in his brother's grip. And for another snatch of a moment, he saw that quiet apathy on Sans' face again, as he collapsed to dust, that calm resignation, the acceptance of his own death, and once again, Papyrus felt that raw terror and grief ripping through him.

Sans' grip on him tightened. Papyrus could hear Sans talking, distantly. Telling him it was okay. It was over now. He was safe. Sans was there. He would keep Papyrus safe. He would always keep Papyrus safe. It was okay. He would protect Papyrus. Papyrus was safe.

Sans told him.

And there was that moment, Sans stepping between Papyrus and the human, taking the life-ending hit that was meant for Papyrus.

Protecting Papyrus.

Papyrus's wails rose an octave.

Sans just held on to him. He started rocking a little, side to side, and rubbing Papyrus's back.

Papyrus didn't know how long they sat there. Sometime, Sans gave up in words, switching to humming a quiet, simple tune. He still held on to Papyrus, arms wrapped tightly around the distressed skeleton.

Papyrus tried to reign in his ragged breathing with limited success. Every time he came close to calming down, he would remember how he held on to Sans, how Sans went from holding on to him like he was now, to going limp, to crumbling apart—

And the cycle, this small cycle, Papyrus falling into grief, sobbing and crying, would start again in a cruel echo of the bigger cycle, his encouraging words falling on deaf ears, followed by his own skull falling in the snow.

Eventually, in one of the lapses, where he had almost gotten control again, Sans quietly encouraged, "c'mon, bro. i don't think you can handle whatever this is alone. just tell me what's wrong, 'kay?"

And Sans' gentle prodding was all it took, and before Papyrus knew what he was saying, the whole thing came pouring out, how they were stuck in this cycle, how they almost always died, and Papyrus didn't know how to stop it, how they just kept coming back, except no one but Papyrus remembered, how he kept waking up, like it was all some twisted nightmare, except he was stuck in the same day, again and again, how he didn't know what to do anymore, how nothing worked, how it was getting harder to do anything, because every time, what he did failed, making it harder to do something else, because nothing worked, and he couldn't do anything, he couldn't do anything, why couldn't this be just a nightmare, just a nightmare, he couldn't do anything, he kept thinking next time, he'd have better luck next time, but he couldn't—

Papyrus sucked in a sharp, pained breath as he realized something, as it sank in, all the way to his Soul.

"pap? are you— you alright?" Sans asked in a halting voice.

Papyrus lurched upward, tearing out of Sans' grip, the sheer horror of his realization shaping his face into something shocking. "H-how long?"

Sans just blinked.

"You said, 'better luck next time.' How long- how long have you known?"

Sans let out a strained laugh. "papyrus, i dunno what-"

"Sans-" Papyrus cut him off- "I let you lie to me about your nightmares, and I let you lie to me about how you're doing, and I let you lie to me about the human, about them killing, so please, please, for once, I'm asking you to tell me the truth, please, please, just tell me, how long have you known about this?"

Sans just looked down at his hands. "... too long."

At the tiredness, the sheer exhaust in Sans' voice, Papyrus's expression softened. "Why-... didn't you tell me?"

Sans glanced away, avoiding Papyrus's gaze, and Papyrus could tell he was about to do that evading thing. "why didn't you?"

Papyrus was about to chastise Sans, about to demand an answer to his question first, but he saw how Sans was fidgeting, how uncomfortable he looked, how it seemed he was almost in pain, and Papyrus relented. "...Because-" he hesitated. "Because-I didn't think you'd believe me-..."

"pap. you asked me to be honest."

Sans' implied criticism was all it took. "... Because I knew you were already stressed, and I knew you had nightmares every night, and I didn't-... even if you were supposed to forget, I didn't want to worry you more, didn't want to add to everything you were already dealing with, not even just for one cycle-..."

Sans let out a sort of bitter laugh.

"Now- now you," Papyrus prompted, "tell me why you didn't tell me sooner. Please."

Sans let out another small, sardonic laugh. "the same reason, more or less. 'xcept, you know, to keep you from becoming like-..." He let out a long, slow breath. "papyrus, in every reset, you are the only thing i look forward to. the only thing that's worth it, the only bright thing, the only thing that keeps-... keeps me from... getting on with it, if you get what i'm saying. and i didn't want-... didn't want that to-... i couldn't do that to you. take that from you. i-..."

Papyrus just blinked. "I-... I think I understand. But Sans-..." Papyrus hesitated a moment, breathing slowly. The very idea that Sans would—...

He couldn't bear to think about it. "Things will get better, brother! They will!"

Sans just let out yet another bitter laugh.

Papyrus frowned at him. "Now, Sans, I know things are hard right now-"

"they're also hard in every other time, papyrus. things are hard in a hundred, thousand, million, billion other times, an infinite of other moments, just like this one, or the last, or the next, or the one after that, or every single one after that, forever. and if you take a step back, look at it all at once, it's just an infinity of hard moments, all strung out in infinite parallel lines, all side by side. and maybe, right now, you're screaming out in pain, but so are an infinity of other you's, all screaming at the same time, all side by side, all in a hard right now, and the thing is, papyrus, no matter how painful it is, you hear the same sound enough times, long enough, and it all-... it all just starts to blur together and fade away, until it's just background noise, and you don't even hear it anymore. you hear it enough and it- it just all stops mattering."

Papyrus blinked a little, his brow furrowing in concern. He didn't completely understand all of what Sans said, or even most of what Sans said, but he did pick up on one important thing: Sans had given up.

But Sans wasn't done, not yet. He looked up at Papyrus, just a spark of ferocity in his eyes. "but you, you, pap, you're the only thing that matters to me, anymore. keeping you safe, keeping you protected. keeping you happy. and before, i didn't do anything because i couldn't. and it was always over quick enough for you, and i didn't have to worry about it lasting. but now, now you're remembering, and now—... i can't sleep, papyrus. i can't work, i can barely think, i'm barely even alive, all because i remember the resets, and as long as you didn't remember—... i could still say it was okay, still say you were safe. but now, now you're remembering, and i-... what if-... what if this happens to you?" Sans looked away again, back to his hands. "i... i'm sorry, papyrus. i promised you i would protect you, and now i can't. i'm sorry."

Papyrus blinked a little more, looking down at Sans. His brother was still staring dejectedly at his hands, shoulders slumped and head hanging in misery. And Papyrus felt something swelling in his chest, something telling him to do something, to fix this, to find the solution. So he reached out and grabbed Sans' shoulders. "Brother. Listen to me. This is not over! We're not done yet! And this isn't going to happen to me, and it's not going to happen to you any more, either, because now, you're not alone. Now you have me, and even if you thought you didn't want this to happen, it's still a good thing, because now, I can help you! Now, I can support you, and you can support me, and together, we can figure out how to stop this! We can do this, Sans!"

Sans still looked skeptical, though, so Papyrus wrapped him in a tight hug, once again pressing his skull against Sans' chest.

"This will get better, Sans!"

But Sans didn't respond.

~o0o~

They spent the rest of the cycle sitting there, in Sans' room. Papyrus wanted to talk to Sans more about his experiences with each cycle (like why Sans called them "resets," for example), maybe cross-reference mental notes, or try to figure out how to stop the cycle, but he could tell that the confrontation had taken a lot of Sans's energy, and his older brother wasn't in much of a condition to be talking about it. So instead, he just sat there, hugging Sans, rubbing Sans' back, trying to comfort Sans, and generally trying to help Sans understand that it really was a good thing that he was remembering, now.

So they spent the whole cycle there. And even when the human came knocking on their door, they stayed there, Papyrus suggesting that they not open the door, to which Sans responded with a quiet "yeah."

And time slipped by, and Papyrus knew the cycle would be ending soon, so he gave Sans another squeeze, telling his brother it was going to be okay, it really was.

And then, just like he knew he would, Papyrus sat up in bed, instantly awake.

§

A/N

So the cat's finally out of the bag. Let's just hope that doesn't come back to hunt me, considering I'm just a small mouse, and cats eat mice.

In other news, I was listening to this while I wrote. Wrong fandom, I know, but I think it still fits pretty well!

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

Anyway, thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it! Comments and votes are my Favorite Things and my biggest motivators, and every notification I get makes my day!