I woke up in a medical facility I didn't recognize, which was saying something since I'd been in quite a few. I saw an unfamiliar girl walk in and shot up, immediately clutching my head and crying out. The girl rushed over, gently pushing me back down onto the bed.

"Be careful," she said in a thick accent. "Your head isn't used to dealing with what you've been put through. Too much strain could make it go off again." I frowned.

"W-what?" I asked, my voice hoarse. How long had I been out? She sighed.

"My name is Shuri," she said. "You're in Wakanda. Captain Rogers and Mr. Barnes came in yesterday with my brother. You were unconscious, but they told us what happened."

"Your brother?" She nodded.

"T'Challa. He said he knew you." I nodded.

"Yeah. We fought in Germany." I looked down at my leg as a memory resurfaced, and Shuri chuckled.

"We were able to heal your leg, but it's still a bit damaged. I think it has something to do with your death last year." I sighed.

"Yeah, that makes sense." I frowned again and looked up at her. "Wait...you said Steve and Bucky told you what happened. What do you mean? What happened?" She furrowed her brow.

"You don't remember?" I shook my head, and she nodded. "Okay, I will explain everything I can, but first, I need to let them know you're awake." I nodded, staring at my hands. I couldn't remember. Why couldn't I remember? A few minutes later, Shuri came back in with Steve and Bucky behind her. Steve hugged me gently, and Bucky smiled softly. I smiled back and held out an arm, sitting up as carefully as I could. He chuckled and walked over, wrapping his arms around me tightly and rubbing my back. When he let go, I looked between him and Steve.

"Shuri said something happened," I said. "What did I do?" The two men looked at each other, and Shuri smiled softly.

"I'll let you three talk," she said quietly before stepping out of the room as Steve pulled a chair over and Bucky sat down on the edge of the bed.

"What happened?" I asked them. Steve sighed.

"What's the last thing you remember?" I gulped.

"I...I remember the video, Tony attacking, um..." I frowned. "You told me to get out. I went to leave, and the doctor stopped me. After that, I'm not sure." Bucky nodded.

"After that, it was like you were another person," he said. "You started attacking all of us. We weren't sure what had happened." He stopped and looked at Steve, who nodded for him to continue. "But I realized on the way here...you were acting similarly to me when I was read the trigger words." I frowned.

"Trigger words?" Steve nodded.

"They're the words that used to turn him into the Winter Soldier." Bucky nodded.

"Still do. But the way they work, I think, is that they're implanted in your brain for so long that your body complies with whoever reads them no matter what." I frowned.

"But I lived in an orphanage in Amsterdam." Steve sighed and shook his head.

"Not always," he said. "He looked between Bucky and I guiltily. "When S.H.I.E.L.D. and Hydra fell and all the secrets were released, Natasha managed to get me a file on the Winter Soldier." He looked at Bucky. "It was how I was trying to find you. Well, it wasn't all about you." He looked at me. "Your mother was in it." I looked at my lap.

"She was another asset," Bucky said quietly. "Her parents had given her up because Hydra offered to save them. They were starving and desperate, so they agreed." I looked up at him. "She wasn't like the others though. She was raised to fight but that's exactly what she didn't want to do." My eyes burned at the thought of my mother. "One day, she had the chance to escape, and I helped her do it. Got punished for it too." He frowned and looked down as if he was ashamed. "But she was never free. Hydra had...implanted a tracker on her, and they knew where she went." He looked up at me, tears in his eyes. "They had her killed in Germany about a year later." I nodded, biting my tongue. "I guess they found you with her and did the same thing to you that they did to me, programmed you to kill under command, and then hid you somewhere they could keep an eye on you." I let out a shaky breath and nodded. It was quiet for a moment until Steve stood.

"I'll let you two talk," he said quietly before leaving the room. I stared at the white sheets under me, fiddling with a loose string I found.

"Are you okay?" Bucky asked. I looked up at him and chuckled dryly.

"As well as I can be?" I said, almost asking. "I mean, this is a lot." He nodded, and I sighed, carefully standing off the bed and walking over to the window that overlooked Wakanda, but it's beauty was lost as my thoughts raced.

"When I ran from the orphanage," I said, "I thought I was good. I thought I was getting away from people that wanted to control me and take things out on me. I was free. And then I find out that my whole life, I've been a pawn in someone else's game and I never even knew it?" I heard Bucky's quiet footsteps as he walked up behind me. "The doctor, he...he took out my brain and played." I turned to look at him. "He made me do things I didn't even know I could do." He frowned.

"I'm not a fighter," I told him. "I mean, I can fight, but only because I'm fast enough. And Russian, really? I can barely speak English!" I slid down the wall, and Bucky slowly sat next to me. "I don't know who I am anymore." He wrapped an arm around me, rubbing my shoulder gently.

"You're Chris," he said simply. "You're a girl who's been through things no one should go through, especially at such a young age, and managed to come out on top. You're a girl who was willing to give her life for the people she cared about even without knowing they would find a way to bring her back. You're a girl who talked to me in an airport in Germany because I was alone and tense and started making jokes about her own death to lighten things up." I looked up at him. "This doesn't change who you are, Chris. I don't know how many times Steve has told me that I'm not the Winter Soldier. I'm Bucky." He smiled softly. "So you're not whatever they made you. You're Christine Garrison. Or Stark. Or whatever the hell you're going by now." I laughed, leaning my head on his shoulder gently.

"Thanks," I whispered. Bucky tensed up momentarily but eventually laid his head on mine, and I smiled. This was all I needed right now.

so, um, i'm in a really good mood today

my friend set me up with someone and we've been talking all day and i really like her

so i think i'm gonna upload all the remaining chapters of this book today!!