A Long December // Counting Crows

My body wraps around Emily in a big and little spoon scenario, her back to my front. Who knew I could be at peace in the midst of chaos? My entire life has been seasoned with it like the bitter aftertaste of a strong drink. On the surface, life is good, always has been. But whenever I looked deeper into the losses we've suffered, the grief my family has survived, I would be overwhelmed by what I saw.

Until Emily.

It's an unbelievable thought to have under the circumstances. She's suffered even more than I have though you'd never know it from the outside. It's only because she's let me in, shared her darkest past with me, that I know the truth. And yet here we are, contentment surrounding us in the peaceful bubble we've made only hours after visiting her son's grave.

The burning need for justice fights its way back from where I'd shoved it at the memory of Emily's tears while she sat by his gravestone. I don't think it will ever fully dissipate. I'm almost certain I will walk this earth for the rest of my life holding back the intense need to right the wrongs Emily has suffered. An impossible task. I should know more than anyone in her life considering the life I've led up until now. Watching my siblings overcome abuse and neglect, working alongside my mother to make a better life for us, opening the doors to opportunity. Wrongs can't be righted. They can only be soothed. Even then, we walk with the shadow of pain left behind.

But here I lie, holding Emily to me and wishing I could drag John and Silas behind a building and beat the shit out of them. Expose Anita Brooks for the psychologically abusive witch she truly is. And maybe someday the truth will come out, but it won't be me making those claims. I refuse to hurt Emily anymore than she's already been hurt. Wounded. Nearly destroyed. Having her secrets spilled will only cause her more pain. I won't be the one adding to what she's already overcome.

The woman in my arms has risen above it all. Pushed past every plan her enemies formed against her. I'm in awe of the strength it took. The strength it continues to require of her on a daily basis. I don't think I could have survived what she's been through. I don't think I'm strong enough.

I finally fall asleep, holding Emily to my chest. Wishing I could protect her from the rest of the arrows aimed at her. Hoping I'm man enough to be the support she needs.

Scared to death I'll end up letting her down.

***

Consciousness finds me in the wee hours of the morning, before light from the dawning day filters into the bedroom. Engulfed in warmth and contentment, I attempt to roll on my back only to realize I'm trapped. Suddenly I register the heat from another person snuggled into me.

Emily is not only cuddled up to me, but wrapped around me so tightly I can't tell where I end and she begins. Her lips press against my chest, fluttering kisses on my skin that have me suddenly alert in every sense of the word. I'm wide awake now. My girl needs me, and I'm not about to disappoint her.

"Baby, slow down," I murmur with a sleep-thick voice. Brushing her hair away from her face, I watch in awe as this woman loves on me. "I want to savor every moment."

A hum vibrates from Emily's lips, resonating deep in my chest. Her hands splay across my back, her body lithe and writhing as she throws her leg over my thigh. I try dragging her higher but she holds firm.

"Come here." I need her closer. I need her lips on mine.

"That's what I'm trying to do," she says, grinding against my side. I can't have that.

"Ah, there is no try. There is only do." The words leave my mouth before I can stop them. Emily stills, her enticing motions halting as soon as what I've said registers.

"Was that...Yoda?"

"Um, yeah." I groan. "Zack Maron has been a bad influence on me." Brianna Royce's main squeeze also happens to be Clinton's silent partner and the one who instructs us in defensive martial arts. And he's a massive Star Wars nerd. I can't count how many times I've heard him quote the Jedi master as he trains us. Apparently it's rubbed off.

Emily laughs. "Oh my gosh I'm so going to tease Brianna."

Just my luck Emily is friends with all of them now.

"And how will you explain the context?"

She looks at me, clearly not reading the subtext in my question.

"Will you tell her I said it in bed, between rounds of boisterous sex?"

"Oh." She clears her throat. I catch the quick blush in her cheeks before she looks away, hiding whatever embarrassment she feels. "I hadn't thought about that part."

The heat in my blood runs cold. I don't know what I was expecting her to say. I hadn't thought about it either, other than accepting the burning realization that she's more important than a job. But I guess a bodyguard can't compete against fame and fortune.

I move to pull away, get myself out of the bed and away from the sum total of my failures. Emily grabs my arm as I go.

"Wait."

"It's fine, Em. I should get up anyway." I need to run. Need to blast brain numbing rock music as I pound the pavement. I don't know the area but that's what GPS is for.

"No. It's not fine. I wasn't finished."

I look down at her from my spot at the edge of the bed. Her eyes plead with me. I close mine, a pathetic attempt at ignoring the pull she has on me.

"I'm listening."

"I didn't want to assume. We haven't talked about what's next. How am I supposed to know what to say when we haven't even said it to each other?"

I open my eyes, looking at her again, and recognize the vulnerability staring back at me.

"But we have said it. At least, we've said as much as we're ready to say." I slide back down, pressing my body against hers. I lean in closer, my confidence back after her confession. Pressing my lips against the shell of her ear, I whisper the words I've already said. She clearly needs to hear them again.

"I'm not going anywhere."

She shudders under my arms.

I lean back to look her in the eye. "You may not know this about me, but I'm not into hook ups. I don't sleep around. I've never had a relationship with a client. And as much as I wish we didn't have that issue to resolve, we do. At some point we will. But for now, we can roll this out however you want. I don't care about my reputation. I can find another job if I have to."

"I don't really care about mine either, but people will talk. It will get back to Mother Dearest. She already has her opinions, false as they may be. I hate confirming them in her mind."

"Then we won't. To everyone else it will be business as usual. But you and I know the truth."

"The truth," she repeats, resolution in her voice. Determination.

I kiss her. She kisses me back. My need to protect her from the demons chasing her doesn't end at our relationship. I'll do what it takes to keep her from being a target. As long as the two of us know what's real, the rest of the world can fuck right off.

I start to roll on top of her but Emily's hand shoots out to push me back. Instead, she's the one climbing on top of me. With a smirk that can only mean she's up to something, Emily leans down to kiss me hard. The smirk stays plastered on her face when she pulls away. Emily leans over to her side table, opening the drawer and reaching inside.

Before my brain can conjure the image of some kind of intimate toy Emily might try using with me, she produces a marker. She shoves the thing between her teeth, biting the cap as she pulls it off. With one eyebrow shooting to the ceiling, she asks the silent question.

Trust me?

I nod. Because I do.

I watch in silent awe as she leans over my chest, writing on my skin directly over my heart. I can't see it from this angle but I recognize the period she adds at the end with a flourish before shoving the pen back into its cap nestled between her back teeth.

"What did you write?"

"You'll see." She starts to put the pen back, her smirk firmly in place.

Before she can get the marker back in the drawer, I snatch it out of her grasp.

"My turn." I declare, pulling the cap off with my other hand. I push her sleep shirt up, drag the waistband of her shorts down and add my contribution to her hip. I, too, add a period with a flourish, more satisfied with four little letters than a man has a right to be.

"What did you write?"

"Ah," I say with a wink. "Nope. You, too, will see."

Then I toss the marker on the floor and flip my girl onto her back. Neither of us will see our ink until we've thoroughly wrung each other out.

"We have some 'coming here' to do."

An hour and many moans later, the two of us stand together in her bathroom, staring back at our handiwork.

"How is this possible?" she asks, touching the letters I added to her skin.

I shake my head. "I don't know."

"Did you see what I wrote? Could you make out the letters when I was writing it?"

I shake my head. "Not even close. The only explanation is we've synced up somehow. Spent so much time together we have the same thoughts."

"Mine." Emily whispers the word I wrote on her hip. The same word she wrote on my chest. In permanent ink.

I drop to my knees and kiss the spot I claimed. I would have written it over her heart as well but I picked a more obscure spot on her body.

"I want a picture of this. I want to remember writing it." I look up at her. "Is that okay?"

Emotion shines in her eyes as she looks down at me, nodding her head without speaking.

I grab my phone from the counter and snap a picture. Then I stand up and take a mirror selfie of her claim on me.

"I kind of like where you chose to write this." It didn't escape my attention that she claimed my heart. Or maybe it was just my pecs. I have worked hard to build the muscle. And it's clear Emily likes what she sees when she looks at me.

"I love how it looks."

I catch her eyes after she says the word. Her fingers brush over the letters, stopping at the period.

"It's funny that we both turned 'mine' into an entire sentence."

"Isn't it?" I sense her vulnerability when she finally looks into my eyes. "Because, from my view, we don't need to say anything else."

She nods.

"You're mine." I lean down, pressing my lips against hers before I continue. "I'm not going anywhere, remember. Which means I'm yours. And that's pretty much 'end of.'"

"What more do we need to say?" Emily smiles.

"Exactly."

"Period."

"Punto."

"Finite."

"End of."

We lock eyes, frozen in the moment. Knowing we need to get ready to go back to the real world. Where I'm just her body guard and she's on the verges of international stardom, if her mother has anything to say about it.

But right here, right now, it's just the two of us. And she's my entire world at this moment.

Mine.

"I'm not going to scrub this off right away, I hope you realize." I level the truth on her.

"Me neither."

"Good girl."

Her eyes flutter at my praise. I'm going to have to use those two words more often. I love the effect it has on her.

"Ok, Princess, are you ready to go back to reality?" I ask, to her chagrin.

"Reality bites."

I laugh. "It does." I wink. "And so do you. At least you did a few times last night." I kiss her cheek. "But I'm not complaining."

Emily laughs, a sound I was hoping for. It's hard enough for me to leave our bubble, I can't imagine how it is for her. Unfortunately, we don't have a choice. She has obligations. And I'll be right by her side the entire time with my fists clenched.

Because although I trust Emily, I don't trust her team. Not anymore. I never trusted her mother, but the list of people in Emily's circle that need a reckoning has grown exponentially. Too many of the people around her have been silent, complicit with the campaign to tear her down.

I was hired to keep Emily safe from herself by the very people trying to use and abuse her. I'll be damned if I let them get away with it.

She's mine now. And nobody messes with what's mine.

Gah, love a possessive man. Ok next week we are back to reality. Any guesses about when the other shoe will drop?? LOL it's coming...

PLAYER is going to launch in just over a month. I CAN'T WAIT to share Jacob and Char's story with the world. PLUS there will be a bonus scene written several years into the future (all new) and I'm planning a secret spinnoff side project novella that blends some of my worlds together.

News on that coming soon, too.

A Long December has the right somber mood, and the same perspective of looking back while also looking forward with hope. That's Javi in this one. 

https://youtu.be/1D5PtyrewSs

Isn't this adorable?????