"Hey" it seemed like his piercing eyes looked right through you, and right into your thoughts, when he wasn't wearing his usual sunglasses. It made you feel a little bit nervous and jittery.

"Adler... What- uh, brings you by at this hour" you looked up to him, not because you admire him but because you are short.

"Miss me" he spoke in a dark tone and wore a sickly charming smile, you realize, it's not him making your heart drop into the pit of your stomach. 

"No... " a whisper, you weren't answering him, you were just in a state of denial, either way you wouldnt miss him, tormenting you for the years you had been alone. Not like it wasn't your fault, it being your mind and all. Although maybe it was better you hadn't been, maybe it was some sort of coping mechanism for everything you had been put through. Your shattered mind attempting to pick up the pieces of what's left, and make some sort of sense in your decayed world. 

"That's rude" the long lost hallucination of a man you might say you once did look up to, was back.

He basically pushed past you and you shut the door, turning to him.

"You can't be here....I got rid of you. " you pointed at the old friend and knitted your eyebrows out of frustration.

You were forced to watch as he made himself comfortable on the bed in this barren room

"Is that so? " he looked at you with an eyebrow raised

"Why are you here! I can't deal with this shit right now, Do you know how much this will fuck me over if anyone finds out you exist? " in your mind when the real one came back, this one should have gone away. That's how it works right? 

For 3 years he's just been there annoying the shit out of you. Being a constant reminder that you could be so weak minded. The fact that he had decided to show up now of all times made you feel even worse, it made you feel like you couldn't even handle the simplest of tragedies without completely falling apart. It made you feel like a mental patient, and if they find out you'd go straight to a psych ward.

"You blame this on me? I'm all in your head dear, or did you forget that. " he chuckles at the stupidity you so clearly put yourself through "you wanna know why I'm here.. Maybe you should ask me, or... Her. "

'Why would she have anything to do with this? ' after looking at the ground for a moment, you move your gaze back to where he was stationed just to realize, he was gone.

"That's fucking great, I'm losing it... " your body and mind ached. Just one drink could make this all better. Or so that's what you told yourself. Being so lonely and miserable, it seemed to not be worth it. You felt as if the people in these walls agreed. Your mind plays tricks on you now, you'll have to live with that. Can't even trust yourself.

You Groggily carried your weakened body over to the bed, right where he had disappeared. The night became slow but you never actually seemed to drift off. Its as if you had just left your body and were looking down upon this pathetic excuse of a person you had been forced to live with all these years.

For the next hours going into the night, you laid there, staring off into the off-white popcorn ceiling unable to drift away. Not that it was anything significant or unusual, when you were sober you had to live with your thoughts. Everything seemed to come crashing down on you, all at once. Sometimes it was to much, but there was always people with you talking you out of making mistakes. That's how it started. To avoid any non undoable action you just drank until you blacked out. Tonight you just wished 100 times over you could get even a minute of sleep in. Unfortunately the stars weren't too forgiving on you, so you just laid there in demise till the sun came up.

The next morning you were forced into a meeting with Hudson on little to no sleep. Not the best mix if anyone's being honest.

"Bell, you look... Alive and well. " You knew damn well he made sure you could see the scowl on his face.

"Yeah, a damn miracle someone like me was able to go right under your nose for so long" you gave a short chuckle and slapped a hand onto his shoulder "ah, that's alright, you are just not as sharp as you used to be-"

"Bell! " you where cut off by a displeased Adler, who had stopped what he was doing and put his hands on his hips.

'what a dad'

You had your head turned towards him with both of your hands now raised in defeat, still finding glee and satisfaction in bothering both of the old men.

You all had been sitting awkwardly for about five minutes while Hudson read the report Park and Adler hastefully wrote up last night.

"Have we gotten Ms. Pushkinas side of this story? " he asked towards no one directly

'Another name to bring back bad memories'

Yet again he will go through every possible way  no matter how difficult, to leave you seemingly worthless and untrustworthy, and in this case, just the "bad guy".

"It is unnecessary, we all know what happened" you spoke up not having the foolish attempts

" your mind is still untrustworthy, is it not? " he unfortunately had you there " therefore I cannot trust the word of a-" he was quickly cut of by the last person you expected

"Really.. Who's fault is that..." Mason whispers the last part, but all of you heard him

Hudson drags out a sigh. "Where are you holding her? " he looks to Adler completely disregarding everything that had just been said.

For the past ten minutes you had been staring at Adler, arms crossed with and angry expression on your face.

He wouldn't let you go in the room...

Deep down you knew it wasn't his choice, but you couldn't help but wonder what Katya and Hudson were speaking about. And you had to complain to someone. 

"Even you heard what she said... And he knows that, he read the report!" You had stayed silent for a moment. "If you let her out she will try to kill me again... You know that right? "

"I know bell" he was tired, you assumed he was up all night trying to write said report about what happened the night before.

"I remember, we don't even need her" you still persisted, but it was pointless. Your fate was already sealed in your mind.

"I know. " he continues to agree, but you didn't know if he actually did or if he was just trying to get you to shut up

"All she is telling him in there is lies" you pause for a moment deciding on whether to annoy him further " but I guess I'm dead already huh... " you looked down at your feet

You had known that the past would catch up eventually... You just wished for more time not even knowing why. Isn't that what you wanted? Every minute of everyday had just been constant pain, constant regret of all the mistakes and wrong turns you could have made to have ended up in this chair right now.

After standing up from the chair seated across from his, he called out once more

"Your not dying before me kid." He looked up at your blank face

You stood and thought and for a moment

You were hoping he'd keep that promise, but then again, did you really want to loose him?

"New Jersey... That's where he'll be."

"What?" He raised an eyebrow processing what you had said

"The... Pines, a mall,  lotta people, blueprints... For a bomb I think.. That's what I remember. " you sighed, he was silent for a moment. He rubbed his forehead and you could tell that stressed him out.

Maybe you shouldn't have said anything. Maybe you should have left and handled is your self, not burden them all anymore.

"How long have you known. How long did you know about her?" The way he questioned you confirmed your mistake

"I figured that out Last night. But I knew she was my-... I knew when I met her" he stood up from his chair

"Are you saying we coulda had this guy a month ago! " he whisper yelled, inching closer, you put a hand on his chest to keep him back, not that he would do anything.

"Are you saying you would have believed me? " you were sure he wouldn't have, regardless of what he says, but that shut him up.

"Didn't think so..." You looked towards the hand you had on him and slid it up to his shoulder "I have to get out of here. you got what you needed, guess I was useful after all huh" that last part was to yourself but he was listening to every word. "uhm.. till next time, Russell."

You were about to let go and turn away but he grabbed your hand stopping you from moving 

"Hey, I'm sorry, your right" he moved the hand on your's, to the side of your face "But we will figure it out, it's gonna be okay I promise." he looked down at you his thumb rubbing on your cheek as he whispered "....please stay"

The effect he had on you was almost ridiculous. But it brought you out of this world, he made you feel something again. Your problems just suddenly went away, like he had the power to do so.

The loud slamming of a door brought both of you back to a cruel reality.

He was done

You wondered what had went down and you doubted you would get the truth from Hudson at all.

But now.. That was the least of you problems

You look at the space that was rushed in between you and the older man, and almost silently sigh

so many confused thoughts went straight into your head, rushing to a conclusion of you being once again used for his precious job

'Why would he even want that..... He wants something from me doesn't he'

You could always find something to be pessimistic about. You would beat yourself up for that forever. Always wondering why you can't just let yourself be happy. Always figuring out what the angle was, you had to know every detail of every intention. It's not like you didn't know why, that didn't make it any less hard. Most of the time you wished you could just be. But because of the mysterious man next to you..... it was an impossible task. 

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1824 words

Omg I am so sorry 😭
I was dealing with a lot this summer and I had no time everything just did not go the way I wanted to.

But anyway I finally got this out so I really hope you all enjoy, I'm so so sorry it took this long and for those of you who were just waiting forever I'm so grateful you stuck around, I love you 🤟

No clue when the next one will be out so please be good for now 💜

       -mick