Chapter three, I'm not a monster

June had spent most of the morning packing necessities. Food. Water. A spare of clothes. Surprisingly, she was calm even if was only on the outside. Because on the inside she wasn't. She was angry at the situation that she somehow got herself in, at the idea that everyone thought she couldn't be trusted after everything they'd been through. If she was being honest with herself, it did hurt to have the people you trusted most think the worst of you. She would've never allowed anyone to think so lowly of them despite their arguments, the disagreements.

She couldn't shake that look in Rick's eyes, the one of uncertainty. She should've known the moment he didn't take her opinion about the future of this prison into consideration, that he'd never actually listen to her.

She shook the thought away as she entered her room in cell block C once again, quickly grabbing her gun and axe from the bedside table. She couldn't spend much time here considering she had been exposed. She had to be careful, keep distance between herself and others.

As she adjusted her belt around her waist, June's eyes found the music box and how it had been closed. Last time she was in here, she had left it open- she didn't have time to close it. She took a moment to really look at her room. Everything had been organized. Clean. Even her bed was made.

Someone had come in.

June blinked. And when she did, a voice behind her made her shoulders tense.

"Beth did it."

June turned sharply.

Kallie stood in the doorway, a too-big flannel draped over her frame, her backpack slung over one shoulder. She looked calm.

"She came in while you were gone. Said this place needed some... peace." Kallie's fingers brushed the doorframe as she stepped inside, eyes drifting to the music box. "She left it closed so it wouldn't collect dust."

June stared at her. "What are you-?"

"I'm coming with you."

June wasn't surprised. She looked at the kid- her little sister in every way that counted- standing there like she'd already made up her mind. And then, quietly, asked, "Does Hershel know?"

Kallie nodded. "He said it was my choice. So I chose."

June couldn't argue with that. Tension eased at the thought of Kallie joining her now, she'd much rather have a partner than be alone out there. But she didn't want Kallie to carry this burden of exile.

"You don't have to come with me. It's okay." June reassured.

"But I want to."

"You sure?"

"Always."

June nodded. Though that meant she'd have to fight much harder if they ran into danger, she was okay with it- with carrying that responsibility.

Kallie stepped further into the room, letting her backpack slide off her shoulder and drop on the floor with a soft thud. She didn't sit, but her posture stiffened, just enough to show that there was something else she needed to say.

June's eyes narrowed at the girl, almost as if her stare alone could pull out whatever Kallie was hiding.

"What is it?"

The girl picked at the sleeve of her jacket, her mouth pressed into a tight line. Then, finally, "It's Glenn. He's sick."

June blinked. And the space between it, the entire room collapsed in on itself. Her pulse spiked so fast she couldn't feel it- just the aftershock that came with the realization.

"No," she said automatically in disbelief. "No, he was fine yesterday."

"He's not fine now."

June swallowed hard, but it felt like her throat was full of sand. Her vision swam a little, but she didn't cry. She couldn't. The panic lodged itself somewhere deeper than tears could reach. Of course, it was Glenn. Of course, the world would twist the knife right there. She turned away from Kallie, staring at the wall like it might give her something solid to hold onto. Her jaw flexed. This is why she said the things she said. Why she made the choice she did. Because if they had acted faster, if they'd taken her seriously, maybe-

But the thought was poison. She couldn't go there.

"When did this happen? Where- where is he?" She muttered, her voice so low it barely registered.

"Maggie found him earlier," Kallie told her. "He's in quarantine with the others. Sasha's sick too."

June's fingers curled into fists until her knuckles turned white. She wanted to break something. Scream. Tear through the walls and demand someone to fix it. But none of that would save her brother. She couldn't imagine how he felt right now, how far along the sickness had gotten. She didn't want to think about it- because if she did, she knew she wouldn't be able to go get the supplies he needed. If she went to visit him, she wouldn't leave. She knew herself.

She took a deep breath, collecting herself, before turning around.

"Come on," June picked up Kallie's backpack from the floor.

Kallie quickly followed her out of the cell and to the outside of the prison where the SUV was parked- trunk open, the back already filled with jugs of water, a couple of cans of food. The late morning sun was warm against her skin, but the air still felt cold. Maybe that was just nerves. Or maybe it was the tension radiating off June's shoulders like static. Controlled, but barely.

She watched June move, watched how she walked like she was chasing something just out of reach. Not frantic, never that. But purposeful. Dangerous. Like she needed a reason to keep herself sharp.

Kallie had known her long enough to recognize the signs.

June wasn't shutting down. She was sharpening.

And maybe that's what worried Kallie the most. Not that Glenn was sick, not even that they were about to drive off into God knows what- but that June, who had always been the one to anchor her when everything else was chaos, was barely holding herself together. Because even when she didn't show it, Kallie felt it. The way June's hands trembled ever so slightly when she reached for the duffel bag. The way her jaw stayed tight like she was clenching her grief between her teeth, refusing to let it out.

Kallie wanted to say something. Something comforting, maybe. But she knew better. June didn't want comfort- she wanted control. And right now, the only way she could have that was by moving forward.

So Kallie stayed quiet.

But her thoughts weren't.

She remembered the first time she met June, back at the farm. Her home. She remembered how intense she'd seemed, even then. There was something fierce about her. Not just in how she spoke or fought, but in the way she loved people. She loved like a wildfire. Protective. Brutal. Quick to burn everything down if it meant saving just one person she cared about.

And Kallie knew- knew- if the universe tried to take Glenn away, June would burn it down.

But that kind of love came at a cost.

Because sometimes it left June in pieces. And she didn't always know how to put herself back together. And somehow she hadn't crumbled. Not completely.

And Kallie respected the hell out of her for that.

Because if June did ever fall apart... no one would know how to stop her from breaking everything else around her, too.

"Here," June said, tossing Kallie a walkie as she climbed into the drivers seat. She didn't meet her eyes.

Kallie held the device tightly in her hand and exhaled. "He'll make it," she said gently. Not just as reassurance but as a fact she needed to believe.

June didn't answer. She stared ahead, about to start the engine.

"Hold up."

June looked through the car's dirty side mirror. Daryl was approaching, crossbow slung over his shoulder, Michonne a few paces behind him, followed by Bob and Tyreese. His eye was swollen like he had been in a fight. Then, her mind went to Rick. At his bandaged hand. The cut on his cheek. Her chest tightened at the thought.

"We're goin' with you," Daryl said plainly, as if it was already decided.

June's hand didn't move from the key.

"Did you think Rick was gon' send you by yourself?" He added, now leaning on the car window.

June gave him a look. "I think I've got enough help."

Daryl raised an eyebrow. "She yours now?" He nodded toward the passenger side, where Kallie sat quietly, alert, but watching. "Didn't you know you were takin' kids on exile missions."

June didn't take the bait, she just looked at Kallie. "What do you think about that, Kal?"

Kallie didn't hesitate. "I think I'd rather be useful than useless."

Daryl huffed through his nose- not quite a laugh, but something close. "Fair enough, princess." His gaze softened as he looked at her. That older brother kind of concern he reserved for people who reminded him of himself. Then he turned his attention back to June, more serious now.

"Look, I don't believe you did it." He kept his voice low. "Tyreese? He's pissed. He's not thinkin' straight."

June's fingers tightened on the wheel. "Neither's Rick."

"He's tryin'. We all are." Daryl looked off toward the prison for a second. "But if you think leavin' alone's gonna prove something, it ain't."

"I'm not trying to prove anything," she said quietly. "I'm trying to get the damn medicine to save Glenn and everyone else before it's too late."

There was a beat of silence.

"You're still one of us, June." He met her eyes. "No matter what they're whisperin'."

She looked away first. A moment passed before June unlocked the car. "Hurry up."

Even when she wasn't looking, Daryl gave her a small smile as he and others quickly got in the car.

Once the doors shut, June started the engine, jaw set, eyes forward. Kallie glanced sideways at her, uncertain, but didn't say a word. And just like that, they pulled out of the prison. She knew it was going to be a long, uncomfortable ride and she regretted not leaving sooner to avoid this.

The road stretched ahead like a lifeline, narrow and cracked, flanked by trees and stillness. June kept her hands steady on the wheel, but her shoulders were tense and her knuckles had long since gone pale.

Kallie sat quietly, but not absent. She watched the road too, though not in the same way. June watched for threats. Kallie was watching for cracks in the silence, in the tension, in the woman driving beside her who hadn't said a single word since the gates closed behind them.

In the backseat, Michonne hadn't spoken either. She was watching too. Her gaze flicked from the window to the rearview mirror and back to June. Calm. Michonne had seen this kind of silence before. Not peace, but pressure. The kind that built just before someone snapped.

Kallie reached down and unscrewed the lid of her water jug. She didn't say anything, just leaned forward and placed it gently in the cupholder closest to June.

June didn't touch it.

"Your hands are shaking," Kallie said quietly, not looking at her.

"I'm driving," June muttered.

"That's not what I said."

That gave June a pause. Her grip on the wheel slackened slightly. A breath, slow and ragged, slipped through her nose. Kallie wasn't trying to call her out. She knew that. The kid never did. She just had this way of noticing things and not letting them go unseen. Of naming the thing everyone else was too afraid to say out loud.

June eased her foot off the accelerator a bit, slowing the car down as she reached the water and took a swig of it.

"You me want me to drive?" Kallie asked lightly, clearly joking, though her eyes were earnest. "I've got at least ten minutes of practice on a tractor. Once."

June bit back a laugh. "Yeah, and I'm guessing you ran over something important."

"Three tomato plants. And Beth's old bike."

From the backseat, Bob chuckled. "That explains a lot, actually."

Tyreese raised an eyebrow at him. "You say that like you've never run anything over."

"Well," Bob began, "once there was a squirrel. But that was mutual, I swear. That thing wanted to go."

Michonne shook her head with the ghost of a smile, her elbow propped against the window. "That poor squirrel."

"There was an understanding between us," Bob insisted.

"You imagined that," Michonne said.

"Still counts."

Kallie twisted in her seat to glance back at them, eyes brighter now. "So, this is what a supply run with adults feels like. Less screaming, more questionable animal deaths."

"That's 'cause you ain't seen June at full volume yet," Daryl muttered from the far back. "Give it five minutes."

"Do not listen to him. He's a fibber."

That earned a scoff from Daryl.

The tension in the car had eased just slightly and June was grateful for it. The mood was good. Easy, even. Like for a second, they weren't people trying to outrun the inevitable. She caught it in the mirror. The way Kallie smiled, the way Bob leaned back like he forgot what weight was. Michonne with her arms folded, pretending not to be entertained. Even Tyreese, quiet as he was, had that far-off calm in his eyes. Like he wanted to believe the worst was behind them.

She wanted to believe that too.

She wanted to believe that his anger toward her would pass, that he was just caught in the moment, in her words that she meant nothing by. But June caught a glimpse of Tyreese's cold stare through the rearview mirror every now and then, and it only made her more annoyed. He was looking at her like she was the culprit without knowing the truth. He needed someone to blame. Someone to direct his anger toward. She understood. She did. But June wasn't a punching bag.

The last thing she needed was someone to accuse her of something she didn't do.

"You need to take a right up here," Darly announced from the back seat, tapping the window with two fingers.

As the car reached the stop sign, June slowed down a bit as if there were actually other oncoming cars. She turned onto a road- fallen leaves scattered on the cracked ground and small trees had been knocked over on the sides. She narrowed her eyes slightly, trying to get a better look ahead. For a moment, there was nothing but an empty road until she got closer. It was just a walker at first. One singular. Then two. And that's when June hit the brakes at the sight of a crowd of hundreds of them. They walking toward them, toward the noise of the car.

They began to swarm around the vehicle. Dead bodies on top of each other trying to get in.

"They're everywhere," Kallie whispered, already reaching for her knife.

June didn't think. She didn't have time to. She just put the car in reverse, backing out of the hive of walkers. She trampled over a couple, crushed a few torsos but then a thud. Something lodged underneath. The SUV bucked.

June shifted to drive.

The engine revved. But they didn't move.

"Something's jammed," she hissed, trying again. After failing a second time, June's eyes scanned around the area outside the car, looking for an escape.

"Make a run for the gaps right there," Daryl told Michonne as he pointed to the right. Then he looked at Bob and Tyreese. "You two, you make a run for the woods and you don't stop for nothin', you hear me?"

Bob nodded frantically while Tyreess remained stoic.

Daryl slid the sunroof open, he glanced at Kallie and June. "Come on, you guys go up first."

Kallie grabbed her backpack, handing it off to him. Daryl tossed onto the roof then he reached out to help the girl up. She hesitated for only a second before gripping his arm and pulling herself through the opening. Once she was out. June was next. She hurriedly followed Kallie out.

She stood, overseeing the hundreds of walkers that were coming toward them. It shot a wave of panic through her system. She waited for Daryl to come out as well, once the three of them were safe that's when Michonne exited the car, Katana in hand and she started decapitating any walker in her way. Bob ran for the woods like instructed.

While Tyreese stayed in the car.

Daryl shot his crossbow taking out a walker as he slid down the front window of the car. "Come on."

June and Kallie followed. June had her gun out, she aimed and shot at the ones Daryl couldn't get. They pressed forward, her breath sharp in her chest, her boots heavy in the dirt, but she didn't slow. She kept thinking about Glenn. About getting what he needed before it was too late.

They all made it to the entrance of the woods. June looked around, making sure they were all accounted for. Kallie, Daryl, Michonne, Bob-

"Where's Tyreese?" She asked, heavily breathing.

Bob looked behind him while running toward them and she followed his line of sight. Tyreese was getting crowded by walkers, but he was still fighting them off. Somehow.

Daryl didn't say a word. He just urged them to go into the woods- to leave Tyreese behind.

And June almost did.

Almost.

"We can't leave him," Kallie said.

At that, June didn't waste a second, turning to Daryl. "I'll help him. You guys go ahead."

"No-"

"-I'll be fine." She reassured. "Just make sure Kallie's safe, okay?"

Daryl groaned as if he wanted to argue with her about it, but he didn't. Instead, he grabbed Kallie's arm and pulled her into the woods. Michonne and Bob followed close behind.

Tyreese didn't deserve her help. Not after what he said. Not after he looked at her and saw a killer. She could've left him. Could've justified it to herself. Let the walkers do what they do and keep walking like it meant nothing.

But something in her wouldn't let her go. Maybe it wasn't about Tyreese at all. Maybe it was about Glenn, sick and in pain, depending on her to bring something back. Maybe it was because she would never be able to look Sasha in the eye if she just left her brother out here. Maybe it was about Kallie, who saw the best in her even when Jume couldn't. Or maybe, just maybe, it was about proving to herself that she hadn't become the thing people feared.

Because she wasn't a monster.

She didn't leave people behind. Even the ones who would've left her.

So she stayed.

June raised her gun. Steadied her breathing and took the shot. One walker near Tyreese fell. Then another.

Tyreese's arm paused mid-swing as he heard the gunshots. He saw the walkers drop in front of him one by one. He found June, across the field by herself. She had stayed back. For him. He knew he didn't deserve it. He knew if he made it out of here alive it would be because of her. The person whom he had blamed for his girlfriend's death. A part of him was appreciative, but the other part, the one that just couldn't let go still loomed over his thoughts- over June's words. We should take care of it. It was all he could think about when he first saw the trail of blood leading all the way to Karen's burnt body.

A flicker of something passed through him. Shame, maybe. Or regret.

He didn't know what to do with that. Not yet.

So he kept swinging.

A few seconds passed before there was a clear path for Tyreese to get through.

"Come on!" June yelled, redirecting a few walkers in her direction.

Tyreese took out one more and then ran toward her as he dodged the walkers trying to grab him. Once he made it to her, June lowered her gun and quickly stepped inside the woods to get away from the rest of the herd that heading for them. There were no words exchanged between the two, not at first.

June, breathing heavily, slowed her pace as she glanced at the man beside her. He was covered in blood and chunks of flesh. Her eyes scanned his body to make sure he wasn't bitten before looking away and deciding to walk ahead of him to find the others. She didn't think there was anything to say to him. And if she did say something, it wouldn't be civil. It would lead to an argument. One she didn't have the strength or time for.

So she kept walking. Silently. Once they made it other side, she moved the leaves out of her path to reveal Daryl aiming his crossbow at them. He quickly lowered it realizing it was her and rushed to her side. While Bob went to Tyreese's as he was about to tip over.

"You okay?" Michonne asked, concerned, putting her katana away.

"Yeah," June said.

Daryl looked between June and Tyreese, his jaw clenching like he was biting down on whatever he wanted to say. Eventually, he just exhaled and turned to Michonne.

"We need to rest," he muttered. "Ain't makin' it far without supplies."

"We should head south," Michonne added. "There's a town a few miles from here. I saw it on the map."

June turned away from the group, her eyes scanning the trees, the shadows between them like she could already see the path to the college stretching out in front of her.

"We can't wait," she said.

Daryl stepped toward her. "June-"

"No," she snapped, louder than she meant to. Then quieter. "We don't have time. Glenn doesn't have time. Neither does Sasha. I'm not gonna sit here while they run out of it."

Tyreese raised his head at that. Still breathing hard. Still dazed from the fight against walkers. But listening.

"You don't know what you'll find there," Bob warned.

"I don't care," June's voice was sharp. "I'm going. With or without you."

A pause.

"You're outta your mind," Daryl muttered.

"Maybe," she said. "But I just can't lie around while my brother's life- everyone's who's sick at the prison right now depends on it."

That hit a nerve. Michonne's gaze hardened, but she didn't rise to it. Daryl just shook his head and looked away.

"You wanna talk about dying?" Tyreese's voice cut through the air. "You wanna have a moral compass now? You didn't care about that when you said what you said. 'Take care of it'. That's what you said."

June turned toward him, her expression unreadable. "That's what you say to me after I just saved you?"

Tyreese didn't flinch. "I didn't ask you to."

She blinked. "Right. Because saving your life without a permission slip invalidates it."

"You think you do one good deed erases what you said?" His voice rose. "You told them to kill people like her. Like Karen."

June didn't like his tone of voice. It was too loud, too much- accusatory in a way that made her blood run cold. For a second, she wasn't standing in the forest. She was somewhere else. A door slamming. Her name being shouted, twisted into something cruel. Elias's voice echoed through her skull. She took a step back before she could stop herself. It wasn't fear. Not exactly. It was a reflex.

"No." Her own tone sharpened now. "I told them to contain the sick before more people died."

"You said, take care of it. What the hell else did you mean, June?"

Silence rang between them for a beat, but not the calm kind, more like the silence before thunder strikes.

Kallie looked between the two, eyebrows furrowed in- she had noticed the way Tyreese had been glaring at June the entire car ride, how June was hesitant to let him join them. Maybe this was why. Because June wanted to avoid an argument- or maybe it was her trying to escape responsibility for what she had said. Kallie wasn't sure. The only thing she knew was that June wasn't guilty of whatever Tyreese was trying to accuse her of.

June's hands curled into fists. "I meant don't do what we always do. Don't wait until it's too late."

Tyreese shook his head slowly, like he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"You don't like what I said or how I said and that's fine. But don't put someone else's blood on my hands because of it. I'm sorry Karen is dead. I really am."

He let out a bitter laugh. "No, you're not. You're just sorry people are looking at you differently now."

June's face barely twitched, but the words struck bone. She felt them like a slap. Like something Elias would've said. Twist the fact and then cut deep with them.

"You think I care what people think about me? You think that's what this is about?"

"It's always about you." Tyreese stepped forward, chest heaving. "What you had to do. What you thought was right. No accountability, no goddamn consequences-!"

"Don't talk to me about consequences." June's voice cracked. "I've made calls that haunt me. I've lost people because I waited too long to act. So yeah, I speak when it's ugly. When it hurts. Because that's the job. That's survival now. If you don't like it than I don't know what to tell you besides deal with it."

Michonne's eyes widen slightly, and she took a step forward toward June. "Hey, let's calm down. Okay?"

June scoffed. "I should calm down now? Tell him that."

"Both of you."

Tyreese just stared at June. Breathing hard. She wasn't yelling but her words hit harder than if she had been.

"You think you're the only one grieving? That you're the only one who's scared?" June asked, rhetorically.

Tyreese didn't answer. But the fire in his eyes flickered briefly.

June took a breath that barely filled her lungs. "I didn't kill her. And blaming me won't bring her back."

The silence that followed was different than more. Less charged, more exhausted. Kallie shifted her weight beside June, looking between them with tight brows. Michonne was still now, watching like she was deciding whether to say something else.

June looked away first, her voice flatter now. "I'm not staying here while Glenn's dying. I'm going to the college. I don't care how many miles are left. I'll crawl the last ten if I have to."

Without waiting for a response, she turned and started walking.

Kallie glanced once at the others, then followed.

Daryl didn't try to stop them. He knew June and if she wanted time separate from them, he'd let her have it. He understood that this whole situation- the accusations- was a lot for her to handle. He's surprised she didn't say worse to Tyreese. Maybe she was holding back because she really didn't want to hurt him more than he was already was. Maybe her leaving was a way of showing restraint. The only peace offering she had left in her.

All he could do was hope like hell they'd come back in one piece.