a brief retelling of Old Man {Tony Stark's Daughter}, chapters zero through twenty-eight, as presented to you by best friend and former cell mate of Scott Lang, Luis

Old man? Oh, I had an old man once. Not the greatest relationship, but not as bad as my homie Scott and his dad. I remember once he tried to eat a tortilla made of ranch and--

Oh, a different old man? Tony Stark? Oh yeah! Yeah, he's a great dude. I frickin' love Iron Man. I remember one time he had this relationship with this girl, who was like "yo, I'm actually a HYDRA agent, but I can't tell you because you're Tony Stark and I just got pregnant with your kid, so imma have to leave you and go raise the kid on my own and leave Hydra because I realized it's not so cool anymore" about sixteen years ago. The dude was pretty traumatized, but it was whatever, man.

Flash forward to 2016. Christa's mom, Rubi, died from a nasty brain tumor, and so Christa was left all alone. No family, no real friends, nothing. Until Hawkeye--man, I love that man, he's so cool with his--you know--his bow and arrow and suit and everything--man, Christa's house got blown up while she was there cleaning up her mom's stuff and Hawkeye went and rescued her like it was no tomorrow. Not really that great for her... she went deaf and her best friend Angus got really injured, but it's all cool because they both got to the hospital just in time thanks to Hawkeye. And guess what? Man, you know what really makes me love Hawkeye? He started fostering Christa because she didn't have nowhere to go! Dude, what a legend! So she went over to his house with his family, and oh my word his kids are adorable did you know that? Anyways so Christa did some hacking after a doctor's visit and found out she's related to to Tony Stark, 'cause she's like a supergenius, and after a lot of stuff happened--including some weird mind-telling-the-future stuff she had, which was really frickin' cool--she convinced Hawkeye to take her up to the Avengers Tower in New York to meet Tony.

Anyway, so she came up to him and was like "yo, I'm your kid that you never met and conceived sixteen years ago! Also I'm deaf could you get me something for that?" And Iron Man was like "what the hell, dude? I don't have any kids! I'm Iron Man!" And then Pepper Potts was all like "Yo, dude, you need to step it up and take care of this kid, 'cause she's yours and you need to make up for all that and everything." And then he was like, "Yeah, I know, I think I'm gonna have a heart attack again!" And then he had Christa's DNA tested to confirm whether or not he really was her father, and it came back negative, and so she flew off back to the Bartons', and everyone was really depressed and stuff, but then the Bartons were attacked by Hydra agents, and Hawkeye's wife was super badass and saved them all, and at the same time they found out there'd been a mistake and Christa actually was Tony Stark's daughter!

So anyways, Christa was really injured, and she was forced back to the Avengers Facility in upstate New York, which was really frustrating for her because Clint and Lila, Clint's daughter, were, like, seriously injured, yo, and she couldn't go see and help them, and she and Tony now have this really strained relationship and everything, which is the absolute worst because both of them deserve the best in their lives, 'cause like, they've lost a lot of people, like so many, like I kind of wanna cry when I think about it.

Anyway, it gets so much worse because the facility gets attacked by Hydra, who tries to kill Clint and Lila, which is kind of a lot of attacks on them if you ask me, which sucks, and then Christa was like "I ain't going to no safehouse! I'm going to save my family!" which is like, super emotional, man, and so she ran to find Clint and Lila, but then she was freaking kidnapped by Hydra.

Pepper was too! She thought Pepper was taking her to a safehouse, but turns out she was this lady called Jin this whole time. She was holding Pepper captive so she could use her face, and Christa found that out when she got to the Hydra base, and it was really messed up because Jin started torturing her, and it seemed like Pepper was dead after she and Christa tried to escape, and then Christa was given this drug and now she's trapped.

Yeah... now I think about it, I'm kinda scared for them, man. Tony and Angus tried looking for them but couldn't find them. I don't know what's gonna happen next, dude. It's kinda scary.

and scene