Hello folks

This is a small update. A little something I managed to type.

Happy reading . Please ignore any errors or typos .
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For the first time in years, Sanskaar felt like crying. Standing before him was a woman who walked into his life, pulled him out of those confines of darkness he had been dwelling in, and made him taste life and the joys it brought. There was the woman he lost his heart to, longed with heart and soul…only to hear her say …this.

He waited .. for her to say this as one of the teasing sessions, she loved to come up with and laugh it off, to say, Of Course, I love you Sanskaar, and promise she would never toy with his feelings this way. 

He wished he was good with words .. to tell her how much he loved her.. How the last few weeks had been so exhilarating and terrifying for him …

Exhilarating because he felt like a teenager in love … airy-headed. A kind of love he never experienced before which made him hopeful of the future and gave him the courage to spin dreams …

Terrifying because it sacred him … how much she was becoming important to him, how much he longed and craved for her presence every moment, how he would wait for the clock to strike evening so he could rush back to her and that little kid, and how much it scared him, the thought of walking back to a house without her …

Didn't she know? didn't she feel…that evening where he stripped all the walls around his heart and uttered those words of love at his vulnerable most. He looked at her … a thin layer of mist covering his eyes. He literally wanted to plead with her not to do this to him…not break his heart. He loved her ..loved her so much …

But he knew it was in vain. 

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Nothing but silence ruled for an hour. Maybe because he has dealt a severe blow before or somewhere deep down he wasn't convinced of Swara’s words, Sanskaar composed back rather quicker than anticipated. He needed time to process and gather his thoughts back. He sat in silence paying half attention to the absurd theory Swara came up with.

“I am sorry, I have hurt you. I was just trying to be practical. You don't love me, Sanskaar. It's just that I am the first woman whom you have spent a lot of time with. I mean, you never had any love interests in college too. You haven’t met any other women. and It is completely natural for you to feel inclined towards me, experience all this lekin tumhe bas meri aadat hogayi, That's the reason …

“Aadat?” Sanskaar cut in with his calm tone. "You really think I am an idiot, Don’t you?  jisse aadat aur zaroorat ke beech ka farak nahi pata. You think I am not sure of my feelings for you?”

“Yes! Because if you had been sure of your feelings or had the capacity to handle them, I wouldn't be standing here in the first place.” Swara countered.

“Well! I Can’t argue with that,”  Sanskaar nodded. So what now?" He asked after a minute of silence.  If I meet some 100 women, kiss them and come back claiming, I still love you, that's when my feelings hold value? If not, they don’t matter to you? Right!” He asked, feeling a fresh wave of pain.  He could keep up with his feelings not being reciprocated, but it pricked she wasn't even willing to consider.

“Not 100,” Swara replied in the same impassive tone the conversation started with. It was needed to ensure her feelings or emotions stayed out of this discussion.  “ And we can skip the kissing part, “ she said, feeling uncomfortable at the images his words evoked of him and some random woman. “ I think you should meet a few, explore a little more to understand what appeals to you.”

“Wow! “Sanskaar mocked. "What are you now? My matchmaker? I am being given options too. How very  generous of you Miss Bose.”

“I am being fair, Mr. Maheswari, ”came Swaras's reply

“Fine!" Sanskaar drew in a deep breath gathering his thoughts. There is no point in further arguments. No amount of his pleading or pledging his love would work, he was sure by now. 

He had no clue why Swara was so bent on this theory but if this is the only way if he could convince her of his feelings … he is up for it. If he had to break 1000 hearts to win one heart of Swara, He would, till Swara comes around.

His head was already throbbing as his heart, he decided to retire for the day. “Guess I will leave now,” He said, wondering how one night could change everything. It was only yesterday he was left feeling elated. And in 24 hours he had his heart brutally broken. One minute you are spinning dreams of a future and the next minute the harsh reality comes crashing down.

About to leave, he turned back.” Swara! " And she turned to face him for the first time in all the long conversations they had that night.  “ I am sure you have a theory about last evening too because as far as I remember we were not exactly communicating on professional terms.” He stressed professional for effect

Swara wished he wouldn't bring this up and even felt relieved till a few minutes later, he didn't broach it but she should have known. She is dealing with Sanskaar Maheswari and he didn't miss a thing. But she was prepared.

"Well!" She tried to sound stern and unfazed. "As I said, we had been spending too much time together last evening … I would blame it on the setup. We had  dinner, a little wine which made us heady .. then the dance…" Swara gulped, recalling the moments that followed next. She wished he wouldn't notice tension coiling her insides and prayed it wouldn't reflect, not with the way he was scanning her weighing the truth of her claims

 “ And then .. there was rain which obviously made things complicated … so. I meant.. “ 

If she thought she was prepared, no she wasn't at all. Not for his next move. He was before her in the blink of an eye, grabbed her by the waist, and his mouth captured hers with no warning. And she wasn’t thinking anymore with the way he was kissing her …urgent and demanding

He kissed her with all the pent-up frustration he had been holding back. She managed to tick a wrong nerve tying their passion to a bloody setup. … and she wasn't going to get away with it. 

If she didn't love him, she wouldn't be holding him this way. He refused to believe, Swara would let a man touch her the way he did if she didn't hold any feelings for him deep down.

He kissed her with a raw agonizing need till she turned soft and pliant in his arms and was kissing him back equally needy. His hands dived into her hair, angling her head for a better position, his lips sought entrance and her lips parted, surrendering with a sweet sigh. He tasted the warm recess of her mouth, giving her a taste of his own. Her hands grabbed a fistful of his collar as her body arched into his asking more …

It was the exact moment he chose to step back leaving her trembling and out of breath. He managed to catch a few breaths on his own Everything felt hazy as Swara tried to clear her head.  He stood before her, his eyes glinting with a challenge and Swara wanted to crawl into a hole. Her words clearly didn't match her actions.

“Well! I guess that answers everything Miss Bose”,” He said clearly basking in his victory. “Coward,” he muttered before storming off the terrace leaving her alone.

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Swara sank down her feet giving up the moment he was out of sight. She curled herself into a ball trying to make sense of all her jumbled emotions. Sanskaar was right. She had been a coward. At Least he had the guts to accept openly that he carried feelings for her while she couldn't. He kissed her again because he wanted to prove a point.  True , She couldn't resist him and she understood she rubbed the wrong spot by insulting what they shared last evening.

She wasn't sure if it was love but he did evoke some feelings in her, some new alien ones. His proximity scrambled all her well-made plans or thoughts. Her brain and heart ceased the moment he touched her.

But she didn't want to fall in love, The thought scared her. Love is dangerous. Love left her sister scarred for a lifetime, their little world shredded to pieces. Would she want that? No ! No! 

She was here to help him, not make him her own. There is no doubt. It would have been easy to admit and make this little joyful bubble, her world forever. She didn't doubt  Sanskaar or his intentions. Didn't she already know he would make a wonderful lover, husband, and father..but..

It took her back to a conversation with her sister. “ I wish Shona … that maybe if I met someone else before Sahil, my life would have been different. He swept me off my feet. I was so much in love I ignored everything else. Love is blind, sach hi kehte hain log …. Pyaar main sab kuch sahi lagta hain, sab kuch…but when love starts fading… sab kuch badal jata hai.Kaash…”

What if Sanskaar feels the same way? That she trapped him into this. She is no match to Sanskaar . She belonged to a little middle-class world and his world always rang in riches. He would love someone who could match his business acumen, and stature not someone who belonged to a different world together. They are a world apart. Yes! They could be friends but …partners. 

 Hasn't she seen it today at the party, him and Kavita and how perfect they looked, how well their worlds matched? And how she felt like a stranger not being able to make sense of any discussions going around at the party.

“Wish I had met someone else,” She would die before hearing such words from Sanskaar. He didn't have to complain or get furious. She was being fair to him. Why couldn't he see that?

 Swara wiped her tears resolutely. Once he starts meeting other prospects, he will thank her. 

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Did she really think he was that low? He would fall in love or feel things for every random woman he encounters? She wasn't sure of her own feelings. Fine!  She didn't think he would push her. 

He was willing to wait if needed for a lifetime. He would even be happy just to exist the way they are doing … like a unit.

He wouldn't mind suffering alone. His feelings, His problem, but to hell with her theory. How could she even think he would look at another woman and fall in love like some instant two-minute noodles.

“You don't love me.  you just think you do ,” she went on blabbering

 He wanted to scream his lungs out.  I love you Swara! To hell with others, but she made up her mind pretty strongly. Stubborn woman! Sanskaar murmured angrily, pacing here and there. One minute she kisses him like there is no tomorrow, the next minute she pushes him off the cliff, tossing away his emotions.

How could she want him to pursue another woman? Didn't it hurt her not once, the thought of it? He would simply rip apart anyone loitering around his Swara. And here she was willingly handing him over as if he was some gift voucher with no feelings.

 Hell! What if this mad woman comes up with a scheme. I need to pursue other options as well, and meet more men for clarity. He would be ruined. No! No!  

He hoped it would never cross her mind. 

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That night both of them could hardly sleep.

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The next morning Swara found Sanskaar was already gone and didn't have or carry breakfast citing, that he had some important meetings.  So he was still angry! 

“Khane pe gussa nikalne ki kya zaroorat hai?” She chided, picking her breakfast and she could hardly eat, her mood turning sour and sad. She gazed at his empty seat next to her …

“Mrs.Braganza, Let's send him lunch. I am sure he would miss out on that too, if we don’t ” She turned to Tara who was already up and busy with her toys.

“Darlin, Your boyfriend ditched us today,” 

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Sanskaar eyed the lunch with contempt. So she wouldn't stop caring or showering this bit of love on him, then goes on to claim she doesn't love him. Of Course, she would say sirf lunch hain, not love. If she thinks she can send him lunch and he would cool off, she is wrong… so wrong.
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Lucky
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