You kept an eye on Jongho, who stayed quiet the entire trip back to the boys. You were glancing at him every so often, sighing when he just stared ahead. He didn't bother to look at you, which left you a mess.

It was way past the middle of the night by then, but the boys assured you it was not a problem. The one lantern they were using was enough to light the way. As you all pulled up to the camp, it was quiet until someone opened up their tent to take a look at what the noise was.

"What are y'all doing back?" Hongjoon asked, walking closer to the four of you.

"Plans changed." Yunho sighed, pulling you off of his horse. As you walked into the camp, the others had moved to put their horses where the others were.

San had gotten out of his tent, looking around and finding you waiting. He took notice of your tired expression, walking closer to you.

"You alright, Darling?" He asked, placing his hands on your arms.

You tried to give him a smile, but you were too emotionally tired. "Yeah. I'm fine, San." You told him.

"We're here if you need anything." He continued, rubbing his hand along your sleeve.

"I know you are." You whispered with a smile. "I appreciate it."

"You wanna go to sleep?" San perked up, pulling you along. "You can sleep in my tent. Let's get you into some other clothes."

You had a tired smile the whole time the man spoke to you. You allowed him to drag you into his tent, quickly moving about to find a clean shirt to give you. When he found what he needed, he handed it to you before moving back out the tent without a word.

You were grateful for how gentlemanly they all were. They could tease you all they wanted, but they for sure knew how to respect others. It was something you found yourself admiring. They were not at all what one would dare consider criminals. At least not when you got to know them. It left a bubbly feeling in your chest to think about them at all.

When you had finished dressing, San walked back in, giving a closed eyed smile when he took you in. A blush was starting to settle on his cheeks as he enjoyed the sight of you in his clothing.

"Thanks for the shirt." You spoke up, moving to sit down on his bedroll.

San watched as your shoulders dropped and you began to fidget with your fingers. He knew the tale-tell signs that you were stuck in your own head and it was making you emotional.

"Hey, please talk to me." San spoke up, kneeling down in front of you. "I know something's bothering you."

Your bottom lip trembled as you tried not to cry in front of San. The man looked intimidatingâ€"seemed like he frightened just about anyone with how wide he looked. However, he was the sweetest man you had ever met. You knew he was someone who would listen to you.

"I had a fight with my parents." You softly told him.

"Those sometimes happen." San scooted closer, moving to your side.

Tears started to pool in your eyes once more, lips wobbling as you tried to speak. "Yeah, but not because they think you're aâ€"a who-"

"You are not!" San stopped you from finishing. He looked at you with furrowed eyebrows, almost offended you dared to say that. "Don't ever think for one moment you are." He shook his head.

Your mind wandered back to earlier in the day, trying your hardest to justify what you had done. You knew that there was something wrong with what you were thinking. You were even honest with Mingi after he had kissed you. Not only that, you didn't know which one of them you liked in a romantic sense and it left you in a dilemma.

There was nothing wrong with liking multiple men, however in the end there was only one a woman could choose. But did you really want to pick just one of them? You were the kind of person who wanted to get to know someone before even thinking about them romantically. And you had spent enough time with some of the boys to know that you were starting to like them.
And because of that, it made you think that your parents were right about you. Who in their right minds liked multiple boys? Who would dare to even tell them that?

"But-I kisses Mingi-" You choked out.

"What does kissing Mingi have anything to do with what you are saying?" San frowned.

"Because I don't know what to do with my feelings for everything." Everyone was what you wanted to tell him. However, that involved telling him that you liked them all.

"Do you like Mingi?" San asked, looking at you as he waited for your answer.

As you looked at him, everything seemed to flood in as you didn't really know what to tell him. How were you supposed to answer him when he looked at you with kind eyes? He was a patient man who valued your words. You were a dead woman with how they all treated you.

"Yes? Maybe. I don't know." You groaned. "It's complicated." Your shoulders dropped as you thought about what to tell him. "After he saved me, I feel like things changed."

"Good or bad?" He tilted his head.

There was a fine line between knowing what was good and what was bad. You had your very obvious ones that made you look stupid if you didn't think about it before. However, when it came to the feelings a human has, there were a lot of troublesome details that fell into it.

Your feelings were your own, just as theirs were. In your head you knew it didn't matter what others thought of it because it was what you wanted. They weren't going to be the ones who supported you when things got tough. Perhaps your family was always going to be there, but if it was what made you happy, why would you give it up just to please them?

But they were still your family. They had taken care of you your entire life, up until that point, and will probably be the only people who knew better than anyone else. You cared deeply for their opinions, which left you with an aching heart over choosing your happiness or the safe route of staying at home.

"I can't answer that if I don't know." You explained. "And the only reason I think that, is because I don't know if it's normal to think the way I do."

"I'm sure you'll figure it out." San patted your knee, humming.

You'll figure it out? Figure out exactly what? That you were being pulled in different directions and didn't know which one to take? You didn't ever think that liking a man would be so troublesome. But then again, the first time you would ever like one, it just had to be multiple men.

You had no idea what it was like to court someone, nor to have someone court you. You never really got past a first date with someone and didn't get to experience the full thing of having someone listen to you, make you laugh, make you cry, save you. There was something about having someone do those kinds of things with you that made you regret not knowing about it sooner.

However, thinking about it, if you had someone already there, would you have ever met the boys? They left you breathless because of how they looked at you. They didn't make you feel like you were insufferable. It made you feel like you were on top of the world.

The problem in everything, though, lies in the fact that while you weren't going to fall in a hole, the others were going to. What happens if in the end you could only choose one and the others are left to their devices? Were you really going to come in between them like that? You were being selfish.

"What happens when I do, though?" You sighed to yourself. "Someone is gonna get hurt either way."

"Why would they get hurt?"

"Because it's not normal-"

"Nobody will be normal, so long as one other person will think of you weird." San frowned. "I still haven't found normal and honestly I wouldn't want to." A soft smile crossed his features.

"That would mean finding what everyone else thinks I should and should not be doing. I love what I do. And the others make it all the more better." San turned to you. "Darling, no matter what you want in the end, we'll respect it. We'll respect you. Nobody is rushing you to find out what you want."

You could remember Mingi had said just about the same thing. It made you wonder if they truly knew what it was you were talking about. You weren't being completely honest and talked around the real problem. But it seemed like they knew you more than you thought.

"Thank you, San." You smiled, taking in his features.

"You're welcome." His eyes closed as his lips pulled into a smile.

"Sweetheart, you're staying here?!" You and San turn to the entrance of the tent, watching Wooyoung pronounce into the space. "You look so adorable!" He cooed, eyes drifting over your body in San's clothing.

"The others have gotten you for far too long and I want to stay with you." He made himself comfortable on the bedroll, pulling you down to lay next to him. "Sannie, come lay down with us." He spoke up, calling for his friend.

You started to giggle as Wooyoung's hands tickled you lightly, squirming away from his touch. San chuckled, scooting himself closer to both of you. "Coming, Woo."

San and Wooyoung whispered to each other as you laid between them. They both seemed to be bickering, which caused laughs to quietly fall from your lips. They were like a married couple. Wooyoung would say something and San would try to agree no matter how stupid the boy sounded. It left a smile on your face as you drifted off to dreamland in their arms.

You were baffled, though. There was so much you were missing in the pictureâ€"so much you didn't know about themâ€"that it made you worried about how much you cared about them. It was important to know the person you wanted to be with, even if in this time it wasn't common. You knew that at one point you would need to separate yourself from them for fear of tearing them apart.

But you wanted to be selfish just a bit more.