Author's Note: hello everyone! Thanks for voting. Here is another chapter. Don't forget to vote if you like it : )

Chapter Ten

I was seated at one side of the room talking with one of my work colleague about some weather related issue but I wasn't paying attention. My eyes, like the first time I saw them, was glued to P'Arthit and P'Dean. P'Arthit looked good in a white long sleeved shirt and black pants, and P'Dean looked even younger in her blue outfit, she looked like she was from a rich family. I never bothered to know about her origin before but now I was curious.

She was clinging to P'Arthit, her hands didn't leave him for more than a few seconds. I know that unlike my feeling for her, hers was real to P'Arthit. It has been three years since that time and she could have gotten over P'Arthit, at least that's what I thought but the way she was looking at him. She wouldn't do this and act that way if she felt nothing.

I know I shouldn't feel this thing that was rising up inside me but every time her lips brushed P'Arthit's face as she whispered words to him, I felt it rise. I haven't been able to touch P'Arthit except for that kiss one week ago. And that cost me. But she was touching him freely.

The possessive side of me could not tolerate it. I was impatient to see them separated. I wondered if I would feel differently if it was someone else and not P'Dean? I don't know, all I know is I was starved for P'Arthit and I hated seeing someone touch him where I can't.

"Getting jealous, Kongpob?" I didn't even know when my colleague left and when Anya replaced him and she was smiling wistfully.

"Go away Anya," I said and looked back at P'Arthit and P'Dean.

"This is real, Kongpob. Maybe not right now but one day P'Arthit is going to move on and be with someone else. He can't continue to live like this with you, right? My father will never let you two be together. You know this, you understand it now don't you. But if you and I get married and you forget all about P'Arthit, then he can have his life back, so let's go and announce our marriage."

She stopped talking but I was watching P'Arthit and P'Dean walk away. "Kongpob," she shook me and I looked at her.

"Sorry Anya, I have something to do." I got up and left her there. I know now that I can't do anything, and after seeing that video and how close Mr Rojhat had been to hurting P'Arthit, I have given up all hope of getting free of Anya and her farther. P'Arthit deserves better but...

But, I love him. I can't even do this one simple thing that should keep him safe. By leaving P'Arthit, marrying Anya I was saving the memories of our relationship that I tarnished by sleeping with Anya and also saving P'Arthit from getting hurt, but giving him up was easy to think about. In the last three weeks I think I have decided to give up at least ten times but I always, always find myself fighting it, looking for a way to keep P'Arthit by my side. He is my life, my everything. I don't know how to live without him and I don't want to know. Maybe giving him up is the only way, maybe I should but as long as he is in front of me I can't help fighting.

"P'Dean," I called to her, making sure to avoid P'Arthit's cool black eyes. Those eyes unravel me and they can see through me. I can't wait anymore. I can't stay away from him for much longer.

"Kongpob?" she looked me up and down and delivered me a kind smile.

"Can we dance now?" I asked.

She seemed surprised; maybe she thought my asking had simply been a play of words.

"It's okay, P'Dean, go, I have something I need to do," P'Arthit nodded and looked at me then without saying a word left. I watched his back as he left and startled when P'Dean touched my arm.

"You miss him that much huh." She smiled at me without any ill feelings.

"Let's dance, P'Dean," I avoided answering her. I took her hand and led her into the dance floor.

Without warning, I dragged her around so her body slammed into mine. "Sorry, "I whispered. Her head was still spinning as I slipped the piece of paper into her hand. When she noticed, she stopped only for a second or three then she smiled and said,

"'it's alright Kongpob."

We danced leisurely for a few minutes where I talked casually to her about work related things. We separated and I walked away only to meet Anya at the steps again. "Kongpob, I need to speak to you."

She won't let it rest. I agreed to announce our wedding date at the party tonight as per her request, but I needed more time. "Later, Anya, I have something to do."

"My father is already here, what better time is there to announce it?"

My eyes went wide as I had been so distracted that I didn't notice when the man walked in. he was late for his own party, forcing my mother to entertain the guests. My father was nowhere to be seen either. He has been trying to speak with me these past few days but I haven't given him the chance.

"Your father can wait," I said and walked passed her, heading for my room. I don't know how soon P'Dean would work to get my words to P'Arthit, but I told her to direct him to a secret passage that led to the attic of our house. I hope P'Arthit still remembers where it is. We've been there before, not to do anything but my family store old things up there. We went there once to keep my mother's old mirror.

Because Anya was still behind me, I didn't go immediately but stopped at my room and counted to fifty before coming out again. When I looked down the stairs she was not there anymore. I walked forward heading for the door at the very end of the hall. I had left it open for P'Arthit but when I opened it and entered, I locked it behind me. No one will be able to open it and surprise us.

I paused at the steps, my heart beating hard in my chest, my hand sweating a little, and my throat swallowing air. I was that nervous to meet P'Arthit and that excited.

When I got to the top of the stairs, it opened to a cramp little space filled with old boxes and woods. It smelled dusty and moldy. It was empty.

What happened? Why didn't P'Arthit make it? I gave enough time. I stood around listlessly, not knowing what to do now that I failed to get one last time together with P'Arthit. We didn't even have that much time but I wasn't going say goodbye without saying goodbye.

I decided to return to the party and give my body and soul to Anya as she wanted. There was nothing more I can do. I opened the door and walked two steps forward and stop. There was a set of feet covered in sneakers in front of me.

I raised my head and there he stood just as surprised as I was. We were staring at each other when we both heard voices. I stepped in the same time he pushed me in and joined me.

He was the first one to kiss me. I was still afraid that we had been seen and staring at the door when he gripped my chin, turned my face and kissed me.

It was so good. Nothing could ever feel this good but P'Arthit's kisses, his chest against mine, his hand on my face. His mouth was kissing me hard and without pause, like he wanted to eat me up starting from my mouth.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pressed him more fully to me. I have never wanted him harder than I did in that moment. I was nearly in tears. I just never wanted to stop kissing him, stop feeling him.

He moaned as if suffering and pulled us apart which made me to whimper. "I can't stay, I can't'

My gasping mouth distracted him thankfully and he kissed me again, swallowing my needy cry into his mouth. I wanted us to move upstairs, I wanted so much in that moment than my chest was trembling.

"Kong," he said against my mouth," I have to go."

I didn't release him and he wasn't fighting too hard to go either. The n he pulled us apart again. "Don't go," I said.

"I will see you later," he pulled away and opened the door fast as if afraid he wouldn't be able to keep himself from me and then the door shut between us and I was still trembling. My whole body shaking, tears pouring from my eyes. "Don't go, P'Arthit, this is our last..." I couldn't say it.

I know I should have said it, I had no explanation to give him but he at least needed to know that I was giving myself to Anya. He needed to know that we won't... ever be... together again.

I will never see P'Arthit smile at me again, never tease him, never make him blush, never kiss him, never wake up next to him. I will never have anything like the happiness I find in being with P'Arthit.

Tears choke me and I clenched my teeth to keep my sobs low as I squeezed my fist on my head.

Can I really live like that, can I really wake up everyday without P'Arthit in my life. No, death would be better. I would rather be dead than live like that, it would be no different to me. I love P'Arthit so much that living without him feels like death.

Should I die then. Will I be free only if I die? My mother would likely regretting tormenting me, Anya and her father would only feel pity for me if anything.

I was there a long time before someone found me. the door opened slowly, light brightened the dark space causing me to shield my eyes away from it.

When I lifted my head, who was standing there didn't give much joy. She had short hair in bob hairstyle and she would be a little older than P'Dean.

"Young master Kongpob, the whole family has been looking for you," she said.

I exhaled and laughed dryly, "right. I should go and finish what I started. This is my fault so I can't just take the easy way out." After saying that, I struggled to my feet, feeling like I was made of lead. I paused briefly then I walked out of the door.

As I got to the stairs I realized how quiet it was. When did it get quiet like this? Only a few minutes ago when I left here there were music and voices, but now no one was talking.

I climbed the stair down and see some people leaving. So the party was over. The clock showed ten thirty. That was fast.

"Kongpob," I turned to see my mother rushing towards me.

"Mom, "the look on her face was twisted like she was near tears. "What's wrong?"

Then truly she burst into tears. I hurried to her. "Mom, what happened, tell me."

She opened her mouth but only strangled sobs came out, she couldn't seem to form words and when I held her she felt like years had been drained out of her. I was now truly worried.

"Mom, tell me what happened."

"It's your father Kongpob," my eyes widen at Anya.

I couldn't say it, "my f-father?"

"He was in an accident."

My mother wailed," Kongpob let's go to the hospital to see your father. Let's go right now. Oh god, your father Kongpob."

"Okay, let's go." I looked to Anya," please take care of her." I released her and Anya took my place holding her. Then I rushed to grab my car keys and then I drove us fast to the hospital that had called.

I didn't want to face my feelings of fear and unsettlement. Dad is okay. My dad is strong, nothing can happen to him. He is fine. I used this mantra to keep us on the road till we reached the hospital.

We all hurried to the reception desk and my mother who never stopped crying couldn't speak so I did all the talking. We were directed to wait that my father was in surgery.

I sat my mother down but I couldn't seat down and I began to pace. I was still pacing when my eyes caught his figure. I would recognize P'Arthit anywhere. He was standing by the wall and looking into the corner away from us.

I walked over and touched him. He jumped and turned with frightened eyes. "P'Arthit, how did you get here?"

How did he know that something happened to my father? I assumed he was here for my dad. The minute I asked him that his eyes turned traumatized and filled with pain. He refused to look at me. I moved in to hug him instinctively.

"What's wrong, P'Arthit?" he pulled away from me and seemed to be unable to speak though he kept trying then he said,

"Kong, I'm sorry. It is all my fault."

Before I could say anything, I see Anya's father walk in.