Author's note: hey guys! Sorry for the late post, I am so sorry. My only excuse is the lack of stable electricity in my country. In any case here is the next chapter. Please vote if you like it : )

Also we are three more chapters to the end.

Chapter 18

The first thing I see when my eyes open is P'Arthit. I sighed. It's only fitting. He is the man who consumes all my thoughts, the man I can't live without. The day I wake up he should be the one I see, he is the only one I want to see.

I knew I have been unconscious for a while. I remember the voices of my parents, P'Arthit and others and a little bit of what they talked about.

I would have smiled when P'Arthit finally noticed that I was awake and staring at him but a long time asleep has made my face frozen He made a sound of joy and nearly hugged me. He called my name over and over, and my mother came in followed by my father and soon the room was filled with my family and a doctor.

They told me I have been unconscious for nearly four months. They filled me in on everything that has been happening, that Anya's father had been tried and found guilty of assault and attempted murder. My father pulled some strings to make sure he gets a sentence. He would not be disturbing us again.

Pete too came to see me and told me about how P'Arthit really loves me and that he didn't stand a chance. I don't stand a chance either, I was thinking while he talked. When P'Arthit finds out the truth, he would leave me.

Anya has come to see me, she was obviously pregnant now and she wore it like a stamp. I couldn't even hate her the more I tried. When I saw her pregnant and heavy with my child, I turned a blind eye to her actions and acted like I have forgiven her for telling her father about Pete and P'Arthit. When I saw those two kissing I let it slip by accident to Anya and she must have let it known to her father. I only now know that Pete was actually Anya's brother.

Every day for a week P'Arthit came to visit me. I wanted to see him but I often wished he wouldn't come, because if I keep seeing him doing his best for me, taking care of me, I feel worse. I feel guilt like a hold on my throat choking me.

I knew I had to tell him, that I should have told him before things became like this. At the party I had gone there to right my mistake when P'Arthit walked outside the party. I followed him in an effort to get him alone but then I saw him being held at gun point by Anya's insane father. Everything else that followed happened so fast, I could barely remember.

When I was near death, the one thing I regretted was my betrayal of P'Arthit, of how I have hurt him. The only thing I wished for was to tell him myself. I didn't want someone else to tell him and paint it all in the light of their opinions and what they think they know. I know that P'Arthit wouldn't want me anymore even if I was the one to tell him, still I wanted to be the one to say it.

But each day passed by and I was still unable to say a word to him, until I decided within myself that it had to be today.

"P'Arthit," I said and he looked up. He was sitting next to my bed peeling a tangerine. The citrusy smell wafted to my nose and I turned teary a bit, but I pulled my face back together again.

"What's wrong Kongpob?" he stopped his work and held my gaze.

I smiled at him, capturing his face in my heart and feeling it squeeze painfully close. I have to close my heart to the pain about to come. "You know I love you, right?" I winced internally. That was just typically me trying to soften him and make him pity me. I shouldn't be pitied; I deserved the rawness of his anger and ... even his hatred.

He didn't reply which I suppose was good. "I'm sorry, P'Arthit," despite my best attempt and my intentions, I feel tears struggling within me, choking me. "I lied to you.

"When I told you that nothing happened between me and Anya. It was a lie." I breathed and bit my lip to keep talking. As hard as it was getting to put the words together I needed to say this. "Anya is pregnant with my child." I sniffed and wiped tears from my eyes.

His face was expressionless. I did not know what he was thinking so I distracted myself by explaining why I hid it and why I never told him. "I was scared. When you came to my wedding and stopped me from marrying Anya, you saved me. And you gave me a reason to want to protect us, and our relationship. How could I give you this news after you suffered so much for me, when you fought for me, for us? I failed you, P'Arthit, in the most painful and unforgivable way. I-I thought I could take it away, and I found excuses to push from telling you. I thought I was enduring for both of us, but I really am just so scared that you would leave me. So terrified I completely forgot everything about myself and about you and I hid it from you, deceived you. I am so sorry, P'Arthit."

"I know," he said and then nodded. "P'Dean already told me." he dropped the plate on the cupboard next to my bed, avoiding my gaze. "P'Dean woke up a week after you... after the accident."

I remembered how P'Arthit had looked when I first woke up; like he had lost weight. I thought it was because of worry for me but it could be that it was worry about this.

We stayed in silent for a while, me looking at him, he focused on the white wall behind me. I kept thinking, if he knew already then why was he here, and why did he let me finish talking.

"P'Arthit?" he looked at me. "Can you tell me what you are thinking? I don't understand anything."

He opened his mouth, stopped and exhaled. "The truth is that I haven't let myself think about it. I would wake up every day and when the thought comes to my mind I would push it away. I would see Anya's pregnancy clear as day that it was true, but I didn't think about it. Until just now." He stopped once again and his lips moved, more like trembled. "I didn't really believe it until just now. I don't know why but I was waiting for you to tell me that it was all a lie, that you wouldn't do this to me. You wouldn't hurt me like this."

"P'Arthit."

He didn't want to hear it. He tore from his sit and began to pace about the room. What could I say to him, how can I help him through this.

"I am so foolish that I trusted you with all my heart and I would fight anyone who said anything wrong about you. I told P'Dean that I didn't believe it, that I won't because I know Kongpob, I said. I trust Kongpob, he loves me more than anyone in the whole world why! Would he hurt me like this!" he shook his head and I could see the tears of anger he was fighting and losing against.

"I didn't mean to—"

"Yes you did. Three months, Kongpob. I was in front of you, and you didn't tell me. When I asked you what happened that night, you lied to my face. "

"No, I didn't mean to—"

"You've deceived me more than anyone in my life and you love me? Do you really love me, Kongpob?"

"More than myself. P'Arthit, even if you hate me now and never forgive me and continue to think I am a liar, that will never stop being true."

"If you loved me then Kongpob, you wouldn't have lied to me and deceived me. I don't know what I am going to do now," he bit his lip and shook his head. "You are not this person, Kongpob. Is it me? Did I make you this person?"

"Don't blame yourself, P'Arthit."

"Then who should I blame? You? Anya? "he covered his face and threw his hand and cried out, "why did you do this to me. I can't—I don't know how to fix this. I don't know what to do, my heart and my head are exploding. It hurts so much."

I struggled out of the bed while P'Arthit's attention was focused on his struggle within himself. My legs were a little shaky but I did my best and walked to him. I nearly fell but he caught me.

"Do what you want to do, P'Arthit." I told him, holding his teary eyes. "Don't forgive me if you can't. l-leave me if you can't bear it. I don't have the right to keep you from doing any of these things. And if you heart feels at peace far away from me then..." I trailed off, "I will understand." I tried a smile and it felt good.

I was lighter than ever but my load was now on P'Arthit's shoulders. "Just know that I would never intentionally touch another person like that. I only want you, always and it would never change, no matter what. I will only need you and even if I have to live without you from now on, I will bear it. "

P'Arthit said nothing till he could take me by the hand, walk me the short distance to the bed and help me on it. I raised my eyes and met his eyes, the look that had crowded them were gone or buried within. Definitely buried. That pained and tormented look has been hidden from me. I didn't want P'Arthit to feel that much pain and if he did I wanted to be able to comfort him but my words must have very little effect on him.

He sat on the stool and I was afraid he would go back to peeling the tangerines without saying anything. I reached out my hand but his words stopped me.

"Tell me how it happened," he said.

"What?" I squinted a little. He refused to look at my way, his head was turned to the side and focused on some point beyond.

"Tell me how you... slept with Anya. Why you lied to me when I asked you what happened that night."

"I was drunk P'Arthit," I sighed.

His eyes snapped to me, "not that drunk." Anger. Okay, that I can handle. I think. I sat forward.

"Yeah, when I left you I wasn't that drunk but after Anya came to get me we... we drank some more together and then everything is blur."

"And?" he lifted his brow. When I don't respond he looked at me again. My heart spiked a little and I had to continue.

"I don't remember everything that happened. I woke up on Anya's bed. " I looked through my memories again. "I thought something happened but when I saw Anya—"

"She wasn't on the bed with you?" he asked, cutting me off.

"No," I said patiently. "She was not in the house. When I saw her she told me that nothing happened."

"She lied to you?" he asked.

"Yeah... it would seem that way."

"What made her change her mind?"

I pulled in a breath. Thought that sounded like a rhetorical question but I answered because I knew. "she told me that she never wanted to say anything because it was a mistake and she didn't want to hurt us."

P'Arthit scoffed. I paused to wash his face and I what I saw made my heart plummet. I held back my own emotions and stared down at the while sheets.

"She said that she had to tell me because she was pregnant."

P'Arthit breath. "There is no doubt that she is pregnant," he said. To be honest, even without seeing Anya's heavy belly, I had been sure she was really pregnant. There was no doubt in my mind and that baby is mine. I sealed my feelings and opened my mouth but P'Arthit spoke over me.

"I don't trust her," he said, turned his chair and held my gaze. "Tell me you are going to do a paternity test for that baby."

I blinked and he frowned. "Tell me you are."

"I didn't think of it." he looked like he would hit me.

"You will, "he said, using his hazing voice. "We would have to wait until the child is born then you can demand it."

"You think the child isn't mine." I didn't want to hurt P'Arthit but he was grasping at straws here. "P'Arthit."

"Don't, say another word. I am so mad at you right now I could hit you. I want to hit you so badly." He got up from his chair and walked towards the door. He was leaving. My heart skipped. Don't, I warned myself, don't beg him, don't make it harder. Let him go as he wants. But I can't. I am so weak and pathetic.

"Are you done with me then," I asked, lowering my eyes from his back. I heard his footsteps stopped. "I understand, I told you that is okay too." My voice was shaking more than I wanted it too. Why can't I be selfless here, why am I so stubborn? "b-but P'Arthit tell me first, okay. I can't bear not knowing if you are going to leave me or not."

"I am," he said with a severity that snapped my head to him. "The only reason I will come here again is because this is my fault. You being in the hospital, I am to blame."

"No, that was Anya's father."

"No, it was me."

I made a distressed sound and he came forward to explain how he and Pete faked dating to catch his father and how that party had been a trap which I walked into.

"So you were never dating Pete?" I asked, relief didn't begin to cover how I felt inside. I'm sure it showed on my face.

P'Arthit didn't respond, just watched my face. To my shock tears pooled in his eyes, he said, "I thought that after, when everything was finally over you and I could finally..."he trailed off looking at the floor so I didn't see his tears.

"I'm sorry." I wanted to get off the bed and hold him again.

"Don't," he said and when he looked up there was no more tears. I stared at him just as the door open and Anya walked in. she looked at P'Arthit's back then at me.

"Kongpob, I brought you lunch." My mother used every reason to keep us in touch and I didn't reject her once but I wished she hadn't come in at just this point.

"I..." as I opened my mouth P'Arthit was leaving. I let him go without another word. As long as I was here P'Arthit would keep coming.

Though P'Arthit didn't come the next day, I had friends visiting, Aim, Oak and even P'Arthit's friends. They made my room so loud that the nurses came to kick them out after thirty minutes. None of them were the wiser that P'Arthit and I were no longer together.

Their presence had helped me a lot but once I was in the darkness alone, thoughts of P'Arthit filled me again. Every time I started to feel afraid that he would never come to me again, I would smother it and pretend that he was on his way. That P'Arthit loves me enough and that he wouldn't just never visit me again.

But that day went by and the next and P'Arthit did not come.

I was going to be discharged soon. The next day actually. My dad who was able to speak albeit not like his old self, there was a bit of jerkiness to his movements, came to visit me every day and I was so relieved at the sight of him.

I told him that I wanted to be discharged today so that I could go to P'Arthit. If he won't come to me then I should go to him. He was on his way over at the moment to pick me up when Anya stepped into my room.

I held my breath subtly and released it as I always did to deal with her. "Anya," I greeted.

"Kongpob," she paused," there is something I want to show you but given how you are and what you think of me I don't know that I want to."

I stared at her, "what is it."

"You can choose to believe it or not then," she said and walked over to drop a blue paper. A paper used for holding pictures. I looked at them then at her.

"What's this?"

"I saw how worried you were that P'Arthit hasn't been to see you." And I thought I kept that hidden so well. "So I just want to set your mind at ease."

I said no more, opened the paper and pulled out three photographs, each showing a different angle of P'Arthit and Pete kissing. My heart broke into many pieces.