Author's Note: hello my favorite readers. : D so here is another chapter. Late as usual. Sorry about that. I try to keep to schedule except maybe towards the end of my story. There is usually a lot of internal monologues where I question 'is this good enough?' 'will my readers like it?' \

But here we are, all done. So the story didn't fit into twenty chapters but twenty one. For some of you, chapter twenty might work as an end, feel free not to read chapter twenty one, but if for you chapter twenty doesn't do it, read chapter twenty one in this case you can say there is two endings to this story. Please read and enjoy.

Thanks for voting and don't forget to vote if you like this ; ) ciao

Chapter 19

Going back to see Kongpob was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I tried a few times. I was there when my friends came to visit him and I returned before anyone could see me.

On one of those returns, I saw Pete waiting in front of my house. We haven't been able to really talk about... well anything real, but he was always around me. He was also around Kongpob when he was in a coma. I think he did that for me rather than any affection for Kongpob, but there was tenseness barely hidden between us and I pretended not to notice.

"Pete," I said with barely noticeable pause.

"P'Arthit," he turned around and smiled brightly at me. "Finally."

"What were you doing just now, waiting for me? Why didn't you just call me or go inside to wait. You have a key."

He smiled thinly for a moment then he nodded, "I just wanted to see you, I wasn't sure that I should go in."

Something was wrong with him. I could see it in his weak attempt to pretend otherwise. It is probably best to leave him alone until he is ready to talk about it, whatever it was.

"Okay," I said and walked towards the door to open it with my key. I gave Pete a key to my place during the time we were fake-dating and I haven't asked it back from him. I don't know why. Or rather I don't want to think about why.

P'Arthit," he touched my hand going for the door and I froze, my eyes went to his pale hand over mine. "Are you just coming back from meeting Kongpob?"

I nodded, "I couldn't go in though."

"So it's just like I thought. He told you about the pregnancy."

I didn't reply. After P'Dean told me, I told Pete. Mostly because at that time I thought I was going to explode if I didn't tell someone. He was the only one who reassured me that I should wait to hear from Kongpob as I was planning to do. But I knew he probably believed that it was true, unlike me who was burning away in denial. I stood my ground despite how much turmoil and distress I was in. His words, his help were the only things I could say for sure kept me going those months.

"P'Arthit," he exhaled and I shifted away from him and turned.

"Don't, okay. I haven't given up believing that the child isn't Kongpob's."

"Then whose is it?"

"I don't know, but we will know after the paternity test."

"He is doing a paternity test?"

I nodded and exhaled, "I'm trying my best to look at everything from an objective angle and not let my emotions carry me away."

"What happens when the results come out and he is the father, P'Arthit?"

My heart skipped and then kicked into a rhythm of panic and I shook my head. "he is not."

"He is." Pete shifted closer. "You can't see it but Kongpob does. He knows he slept with Anya and that the baby is his. If he agreed to a paternity test it is only to keep fooling you and keep you close to himself. You can't trust him."

I didn't reply to that. I guessed there are a lot of things I could have said, such as my undying faith in Kongpob, my willingness to see it through even if it means getting fooled. But all that would have been lies because I didn't trust Kongpob and I had little faith in him at the moment. And I wasn't so much willing, as I was just going through the motion to keep myself from being destroyed by this betrayal by a person I never thought capable of it.

"P'Arthit," Pete stepped closer to me and I faced him, meeting the soft eyes imploring me. I knew what he wanted; he didn't have to tell me. But I didn't think I could give him. "What will you do if I tell you that I am here for you, always? I want to help you get through this."

"I can't do this, Pete. I don't want to take advantage of you."

"I am offering myself. You are not taking advantage, trust me."

"Don't, Pete—"

"I love you P'Arthit."

I wasn't surprised but my heart still jerked and I stood very still. I tried not to meet his eyes but he wouldn't let me escape.

"And I will always be here for you. But I don't want you chasing a dead end."

When I didn't say anything he said, "Tell me this, P'Arthit. Is there a chance for me? "

I looked at him trying my best to face him with all the honesty I could summon.

"I'm not saying right now, but in the future, after everything is over."

By everything he must mean my relationship with Kongpob. When Kongpob asked me the same thing I told him yes, that we were over but I was a little shocked at the finality of that. Or is that not what the gaping hole in my heart was? It felt like I am about to be swallowed by immense despair.

I leaned forward and kissed Pete. He was shocked, I felt it in the stillness of his body, then he leaned closer to deepen the kiss, but my senses have already calmed down. I pulled away and pushed at his chest to get some distance between us.

He could feel my answer from that and I couldn't face the hurt that would be on his face. I tried to escape into my room.

"Why?" he asked. "Why did you kiss me?"

I had to confess what I have always known was true but never had confirmation of until that kiss. "I don't like men, Pete," I said, "only Kongpob, but I thought maybe I do and that kiss confirmed it to me that I don't ." I turned around. "I'm sorry Pete. Right now, I can't see my future with anyone else but Kongpob. He has hurt me in the most painful way yet when I think about not being with him, about never seeing him again, I feel like... I would die. This pain, there is nothing I can do about it but hope that my faith in Kongpob wasn't misplaced."

My old faith in him.

Pete was wounded, no devastated. I didn't realize that I could hurt him that much. My mouth fell open without any words coming out to comfort him. What could I even say? ' I', sorry' would only make me even more cruel. I reached out for him but he would not be consoled by me. His eyes shut me out and he walked away from my house without another word to me.

Anya went into labor two days later. I heard from Pete. Kongpob didn't call. I knew he was still at the hospital where Anya gave birth so I went there in a hurry. I don't know how long Anya has really been pregnant for but by my calculations it shouldn't be more than seven months.

The child was premature, a girl and she was being kept in an incubator. I met Kongpob standing in front of the room looking through the glass window at her. He looked blank, if that was the right word. When I stood next to him he didn't seem to notice.

"Kongpob," I whispered. I wasn't sure if we could talk there.

He glanced at me then away. I expected the cold shoulder so I ignored it. "Are you alright? What happened?"

"Anya," he paused and tilted his head, never meeting my eyes, "went into premature labor because I was in a craze, rushing over to see you. She tried to stop me, but I lost my head. I didn't want hear anything from her, about how you had moved on. I fought with her to get out the door and..."

"You can't blame yourself for this Kongpob—"

"Yeah, I can and I do. After all, what was I thinking? I knew it would be like this. I mean I didn't think you would move on so fast but I knew eventually you will and now..." his voice shut off for a moment. "The doctor say she is not going to live the night."

No. I looked at the baby. I could barely see her, she was so tiny, practically lost in the incubator. Her tiny body was being kept alive by machines and even from just looking at her I could see that she was fighting to take each breath. "Kongpob, "I said.

"Why did you come, P'Arthit? You don't care about me and you don't care about the baby. So why did you come?"

I was concerned about you. I was scared of what you might be feeling. I want to be there for you. None of those words could come out of my mouth. I said, "I wanted to make sure you are able to do the paternity test."

His head turned slowly to me and I saw his bloodshot eyes... "Are you kidding?" I didn't respond. "Are you serious?" his voice went up a bit.

I nodded like I had no feeling racing within me. "You said you would do it, you said that you wanted to know if you are the father or not."

"You just don't want to accept it. I don't know why because now you are dating Pete." If that was a question I didn't answer. At this point, Kongpob can think whatever he liked. I won't defend myself to him.

He watched me and stepped forward like he was going to come into my space. I backed away. "Do the paternity test, Kongpob, "I said.

"Okay fine, I will do the stupid paternity test!" he yelled.

"good." I turned around and walked away.

When I was in my car I stopped to breathe. The moment felt like a rush and my heart that may have seemed cold and emotionless was pumping too fast. Kongpob really thinks that baby is his and it must be painful for him to watch her die. He must be suffering a lot.

No, I shook my head. I can't let myself give in to despair. At least go down a little, I thought, grinding my teeth. The constriction in my chest is so tight and painful that I am panting with inability to breathe right.

I confronted Pete. I drove like a crazy person to his house. He was at his house and I have been there a few times. I knocked on his door and he opened. His expression was wide when he saw me.

"Why did you do that?" I shoved him on the chest so that he fell back into black and white checked room space.

"P'Arthit?"

I kicked the door closed with my leg the minute I was in and glared at him. "Why did you go to the hospital to see Kongpob and tell him about what happened between us?"

"I didn't!"

I shoved him again. "Don't you dare lie to me."

"I'm not lying. P'Arthit, ow!"

I was so mad I was almost brimming to start punching him but I held myself back. "If you didn't tell him then how did he know. How the hell did he know that, Pete?!"

He opened his mouth to speak but stopped. I narrowed my eyes on him as he thought. "Anya."

"You told Anya about this?"

"I told her how I felt about you. Any fool would be able to see right through me anyway but I never planned on telling you until... she encouraged me to."

I closed my eyes and breathe deeply. "How many times do I have to tell you that your sister is insane!" I shouted and started panting. "Now she has told Kongpob something that isn't true and he believes her."

"Kongpob already knows how I feel about you so it can't be that."

I ripped my fingers through my hair and sat down in dejection. "This is unbelievable."

"What did Kongpob say," he asked.

I shook my head, "he thinks I am dating you. "

"And you corrected him, right?"

I didn't. I looked up at Pete and he knew without my saying a word. "What are you doing, P'Arthit?"

I don't know. I am scared, terrified. That's all I know.

"I need that paternity test, Pete," I said, shaking a little.

The next day, I got to the hospital and saw Kongpob coming down from his car as well. He called me that the paternity test was ready but I thought he would be at the hospital with it.

"Kongpob," I saw his mother step out behind him followed by his father and stopped. We were in a sort of truce Kongpob's mother and I. I wai respectfully to them and Kongpob's father smiled at me.

"Arthit, good to see you here. "

"It's good to see you too, sir."

He looked at the two of us, "okay we are going inside. You two talk and come in okay?"

I nodded and he and his wife walked past us. We were alone.

"Where were you last night," he asked me at the same time that I asked "how come you are coming from home."

He sighed and looked away from me in a sulky kind of manner. "I had to leave the hospital, after the baby... anyway I went to your place and you weren't there."

"I... was at Pete's."

He looked at me and his face turned stiff.

"So who did the paternity test last night if you just left?" I was doing my best to ignore the waves of anger coming from him.

"The doctors? "he turned and walked away. I allowed it and followed closely behind.

"I hope you are happy," Anya's voice was the one to greet me. "Here!" she slapped a folded paper on my chest and turned teary eyes to Kongpob's mother who hugged her and began whispering kind words to her.

It was quiet around us that early in the hospital and her grieving seemed real enough: the tears in her eyes and the raw pain in her throat. I took the paper and opened it. On it I see all the information that came from the blood test. My hands grow cold as I see the 99.9% on the part I was looking for. I lowered the paper and Kongpob took it. He read with resignation and tried to touch me but hesitated.

"Who gave you this, Anya?" I asked.

"What?" she was resting her head on Kongpob's mother's shoulder. "It was given to me by the doctor of course."

"And where is the doctor?"

"What are you trying to say?" Kongpob's mother's voice was very stern. "Are you saying that the test is wrong?"

"No, I just want to see the doctor and confirm that this is the result that he did."

"Fine," Anya walked to me glaring with red eyes. "I guess you haven't tormented me enough, it is your fault I entered premature labor after all. You are always trying to ruin me."

"Anya, calm down. It is fine, if it is the doctor he wants we will get him. Maybe then you will have youtr answer, Arthit and leave my son alone. you have no idea how unfair you are being to a mother who just lost her child."

I pretended that her words didn't just hurt me and stared on coldly. Seeing how Anya was confident and showing a strong display I couldn't trust that doctor either. I said, "never mind, mo—Mrs. Sutiluck, we will just do another blood test."

Kongpob made an uncomfortable sound next to me, "P'Arthit, come on, please."

I turned to stare at him, "what is wrong with doing another test?" he lifted his eyebrow like he wanted to say a number of rude things. I ignored him quickly.

"The results are already out, Please give up P'Arthit. Enough." He said instead.

I turned away from him because he was making my blood boil so much. "Is that possible, can we just do another test with a doctor we trust?"

Anya and Kongpob's mother looked at each other. "No."

"No?" they both were looking quite determined.

"No because we had Inna cremated this morning."

My heart nearly fell from my chest. I stepped forward without knowing it. I think I must have looked intimidating. It explained Kongpob's reaction later when he grabbed my hand. "You did what?! Why did you do that? How could you do that?!"

"We did the test, it was too hard for me so I did what I could." Anya stretched every word, defiance in her chin as she glared.

I opened my mouth and Kongpob grabbed me around the waist from behind and dragged me backwards. The two women looked shocked at us as I was trying to rip Kongpob's arms from around me.

"Let me go, Kongpob. They cremated her. They cremated her."

"Yes I know but P'Arthit you are making a scene!" I turned around and grabbed his arms off me.

"they cremated her, Kongpob, that means" my voice trembled, "we can't ever know if she was really yours."

"I know," he said.

"No you don't know," I smacked him on the chest "no, she has to tell me why she did that. Why she took away the only chance I have of finding out the truth." I turned to go back to her, I would get that answer no matter what.

He was dragging me again and this time all my fights did not make him let go so we struggled.

"Arthit!" he shouted and grabbed me around the head pulling our faces closer. "Enough. Please stop!" the fear in his eyes was all that kept me from lashing at him.

We held each other's gaze, unmoving. I didn't want to back down from this. The whole time I was depending on this to help me sort out how I felt about Kongpob. I did my best not to consider our future after. I was hoping that the answer that I needed to decided what to do will be given here today, but it is all gone. If the baby has really been cremated then we will never know if Anya was lying or not.

"I'm sorry, P'Arthit," Kongpob said, his face scrunching up in tears. I shoved his arm off him, panting with effort and I glared at him.

He looked at me back, apologies written in his eyes, words he couldn't say because he thought I wouldn't want to hear them. Well he was right.

I pushed past him to walk away, our shoulders smacked as I went. "P'Arthit," he called my name but I ignored him and kept on walking till I was outside the hospital and in my car.

Kongpob followed me to my house which I drove to on autopilot. I barely saw anything around me. When I realized this, I began to boil enough to spill over. I slammed my car door closed and began walking to my house. He followed whilst calling my name.

I didn't care whether he followed me, or so I told myself and when I got my door opened, I went in and immediately tried to close the door but he held it back with his palm and pushed it open.

That unleashed a bout of violence where I fought to push him out and he fought to enter. We were out of breath as we struggled grunting and practically wrestling on the hallway, disturbing the neighbors with the loud thuds and bangs of our body against walls and each other.

Someone tripped, it was probably me, and we went down hard, his elbow dug into the ground and my knees into his stomach. We groaned and separated to thrash in pain.

Panting, the pain fading away, I stared at the top of my door's threshold. For a moment I gained clarity. I could see clearly, something like that moment after a long rainfall. I thought clearly and what I could see was the end. I folded, threw away my cards and began to cry silently.

"P'Arthit?" he sounded shocked and his arms closed over me to pick me up and hold me.

"Don't!" I yelled but it didn't sound as intimidating as I wanted it to be with my voice choked. "Please Kongpob, I can't," I begged.

Even though I told him to go away and to leave me alone, he remained next to me, holding me even though I didn't want to be held. I tried nnot cry for too long but it was out of my control. I cried for us and for the future we could have had.

When the last of my tears fell, I stood to my feet and put up a cold front against him. He was behind me as I walked into the house and didn't make any move to follow me in.

"I'm sorry, P'Arthit," he said behind me and I would have continued walking till he was out of sight and out of hearing range but I didn't. I stopped so he could speak, because I knew this was it. This was our last night. I have to give up all my hope that the child isn't Kongpob's or rather there was no way to prove that and I needed to stop deluding myself into thinking there was hope.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean to make life this unbearable for you. All I really ever wanted is for you to be happy, at least that's what I thought... until I had to pick between lying to you and letting you go. Until I had to face the possibility of life without you and it terrified me so much I ended up hurting you and destroying us forever."

He shifted, I thought he was coming closer but then I began to hear his steps retreat. I turned slowly.

"P'Arthit," there was tears in his eyes. "I won't cause you anymore pain. I will leave. Just promise me that... you would be happy."

"How... how can you believe in Anya so much? Don't you doubt that the baby is yours at all?"

He stared at me like that was the last thing he was expecting me to say. This is the reason I can't stand him. This is the reason I catch myself so bone shakingly mad at him. How can he trust Anya, a woman who has done nothing but manipulate us ever since she met us. A woman who constantly lied to us. And how can he give up so easily. Why isn't he trying to fight with me, trying to... what? Keep me from walking away?

If I was even capable of walking away from Kongpob I think I would have done it by now. I should do it, but I can't. Even though he has lied to me, deceived me, I still wanted to hold on to him, I still wanted to fight for him, Because it was my fault. I made this happen one way or the other. I may blame Kongpob for this and every other bad thing that has happened to us, but the truth was I am not blame free either. I know this. But Kongpob was just ready to give up.

"Can't you even summon a single doubt at all?"

"That would be," he struggled with something and his face tightened with pain, "that would be me trying to run again. If I keep running and looking for an excuse like I did before then where does that leave us?"

I looked away from him, annoyance prickled my veins. "you should have told me. no matter what you should have told me the night it happened, the night I asked."

"I didn't know!"

"What the hell do you mean you didn't know? You won't know when you've slept with someone?"

"I don't remember it."

"But your body will know! Does it?"

He looked at me, probably thinking that I am crazy. He nodded. "When I woke up I felt something was off. "he looked at me again then sighed. "I felt that something really happened."

"But think about it. Why didn't Anya admit it immediately?"

"Because she didn't know she was pregnant."

"Why did it have to be at the fake wedding, just when she faked that letter? And why did she have the baby cremated so fast."

Kongpob said nothing for a moment then he entered the house, strolled into the living room and stopped in front of me. "What do you want me to do, P'Arthit?"

"Pretend," I said softly, "like you care about proving Anya wrong, pretend that there is a chance that child isn't yours. Try for heaven's sake to prove it."

"Okay," his response was swift and it pulled a frown from me.

"What?"

"Tell me what to do."

Third Person Pov

Pete strolled into the Sutiluck family house with all purpose and righteousness only to be caught and dragged out again by Anya.

She pulled him out through the front door and back to the gate of the house.

"What are you doing here Pete," she said and glanced at the house.

"What's wrong with you?" Pete frowned at her and the house.

"I don't want you drawing any attention to yourself, "she said.

"You don't want Kongpob to know about Me." she didn't reply. "Well it's too late, he already does."

She didn't respond immediately, "I hope you are doing what I told you to do?"

"Oh you mean keep P'Arthit Preoccupied? Yeah, you didn't tell me that. You just followed me around with a camera."

"You said you love P'Arthit. I was giving you a chance to keep P'Arthit."

"Anya," he exhaled and gave her a reproachful look. "Seriously, how did you become so manipulative?"

"I am helping you, Pete. It's just only coincidental that I benefited as well."

"You think you've benefitted? " he tilted his head.

"What do you mean?"

"I am going to tell P'Arthit everything. And then Kongpob. I will tell him the truth about how you are trying to keep them apart by using me."

Anya exhaled and tried to look defeated for her brother's sake. He was a fool if he thought Anya hadn't predicted that. "Don't do that, Pete. My situation has already become precarious since I lost Kongpob' child."

"That is an interesting information too. I am going to tell P'Arthit just how you lost that child."

Her eyes went wide to Pete's satisfaction.

"What are you talking about.."

"Oh come on Anya, I heard you talking about it to a doctor. You were asking about how you could speed up your child birth."

Her face grew full with horror.

"I thought you were just curious, but I have been thinking since I heard about that picture you showed Kongpob. You wanted to cripple Kongpob by making him feel responsible for your premature labor, didn't you."

She stared wide eyed at him then she stepped forward, "Pete, don't say this to anyone," she said. "Someone might actually believe you and it would be a disaster. So just forget all this and leave, unless you want to ruin my life. "She paused, "Pete I am your sister, we are practically twins, don't do anything to hurt me."

"So I am right?" Pete looked... not shocked but amazed. "Why go this far Anya?"

"You don't understand. You can't."

"No, I can. If you are going to say it is because you love Kongpob, then don't. I love P'Arthit too and I want him to be happy with anyone. Even Kongpob. But you are doing the opposite. "he pulled in a deep breath and stepped back from her. She reached for him.

"Where are you going, Pete?"

"To tell P'Arthit, everything. You can't continue like this anymore, Anya."

She watched him with tears in her eyes and he turned his back on her. He thought to himself that he wouldn't pity her, he wouldn't allow himself to back out but his heart did shift a bit.

Till he got in his car and drove off, Anya didn't move an itch. Once his car was safely gone, she wiped her tears coldly, looked at it and flicked it away.

"For the last time, I am going to have to get my hands dirty." After this she walked back into the house.