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Chapter 2

I walked into my father's study like it belonged to a stranger and there he was seated on my father's chair like he owned it. Since it was dark and the only light was coming from the desk lamp, I could only see the side of his face and it was the one with the scar on his brow. I saw that the scar was longer than I had first thought, reaching past his brow down to his eyelash in a white nearly invisible thin line.

"You wanted to see me?" I was tensed and a little afraid of this man. There was something about him, something sinister. I suppose this type of feeling would be typical of veterans but I just could not be comfortable around him.

"Like I said," his voice was deep and throaty and strong, "I have a lot I want to ask you. Since we are going to be family now, why don't you seat down and relax. We are going to be honest with each other from now on."

This didn't feel like a situation I could relax in but I sat down respectfully and didn't try to correct him.

"So I heard you were in the engineering department," he said and I nodded, "it is rare to have this kind of people come out of that department."

I wanted to remain silent but he was waiting so I asked, "what kind of people."

"Fags, pussies who can't even be called men anymore because they love to take it up the asshole."

His words were dark and twisted and I sensed slithering hatred for gay people as dark as the darkest night sky.

"That man who came to the wedding, he is one of those things isn't he?"

P'Arthit and I never labeled ourselves as gay. I have never been attracted to another man and neither has P'Arthit and in truth I find women attractive, I just can't get enough of P'Arthit. I needed him and he is the only one I will ever feel this way about. It was that simple to me but others, like this homophobic barbarian of a man, would never understand.

"I don't think that is any of your business," I said. I was letting him talk to me this way but I didn't intend to be bullied.

"hm," I don't know if I could call what he was doing smiling, his face was twisted like a grimace, "I'm glad you can talk to me this way, that way I can make this conversation go faster. I don't really care what that fagot wants to do with his life. He is not important to me. My only concern is you and my daughter. You were going to get married and he disturbed it, I want to be sure that he is the only one with that idea."

I understood what he was asking and opened my mouth but he wasn't finish, "because the son of my best friend cannot be a fag."

"If I am?" I asked.

"Then I won't have to say much anymore. "He linked his fingers. "That man will have to answer for it."

My heart skipped and I took in a breath. "What do you mean? Are you threatening P'Arthit?"

"I don't have the patience to threaten anyone," he said. "But I don't want you to be the reason something bad happens to him. If you tell me now, in this moment, that you are gay, a homosexual, I won't do anything to you. I will take my daughter and we will leave and that is because I respect my best friend and it is not his fault, but as for the one responsible for pushing you astray, they would have to be punished."

He waited like he wanted my input but I was too shocked, too appalled by his blatant threats.

"So I ask again, are you gay?"

I didn't reply. I was only looking at him. Then I said, "This, what if I report it? You are obviously threatening me."

He slammed the table with his fist and growled, "I said I am not threatening you. Do you want to see me threaten someone? Then watch as I go talk to that young man."

He stood up and I stood up fast too, the chair scrapped loudly on the ground and we stared at each other. "He is in the hospital right now isn't he? I know exactly the one. You see, not much can be hidden from me."

"Wait, don't go near him and don't say anything to him!" I shouted, my eyes fixed on his face with all the anger in me.

He turned and stared at me," your reaction is very strange," he said, "it is almost like you are in love with him."

I stared agape. "You are, aren't you?" he walked very fast into my space and I felt something cold brush my side. Was it a gun? My heart raced. It felt like a gun was being pointed to my side, into my stomach.

I stood very still and said nothing," is it true? Are you in love with him?"

I couldn't speak. His eyes were focused on me I could feel his hot spice breath on my face. "I thought not," he finally said when I remained quiet.

I looked below when he pulled away and only saw his walking stick. I was sure he was holding a gun. Sweat covered my face.

"Where are you going?" I said.

"Like I told you," he stopped at the door, "to talk with your friend."

When he left the room it felt like he took a lot of weight and heaviness along with him and I felt lightheaded. As I leaned on the table, someone turned me around and slapped me hard on my face.

I blinked and it was Anya in front of me. "You fool, I told you to deny P'Arthit and you still came here talking like a buffoon."

I pushed her away," shut up Anya, I am not going to deny P'Arthit."

"Then, do you want P'Arthit to die? I thought you said you loved him?" her words were mocking. "It's okay, do nothing, keep holding on to that love you want so much. When P'Arthit gets killed for it, because I know like you he will also not deny you to my father, even though he knows well what my father is capable of."

"What? "

She paused and said," When I kidnapped P'Arthit I told him about it."

"When you did what?"I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"I told him about the gay men my father killed, about why he killed them. He hates them."

"No," I shook my head and approached her, "that's not what I am asking. You kidnapped who?"

She seemed to realize what I was talking about and shifted away from me. "Did you," I remembered how P'Arthit came to the wedding bloody and looking half dead. "Did you do that to him?"

"Look, I was only trying to protect myself,"

"Who are you?!" I shouted at her. I felt like I was seeing her for the first time. "You and your father just do whatever you want don't you?"

"Listen, instead of yelling at me, you should go after my father."

"Tell me the truth," I wasn't listening. "Did I sleep with you? Are you really pregnant?"

She looked at me with open wide eyes then threw herself at me like a cat and started to attack me with her fingers. "Just what do you take me for, do you think I am that desperate."

"I honestly don't know what you would do or wouldn't do right now, Anya'" I said quickly taking hold of her hands to keep her fingers from tearing my face. She kicked and struggled her hardest and found that she could not escape.

Panting she rested against me. "I am not lying, Kongpob. I didn't mean to get pregnant. I was drunk too and I wanted you." Her breath on my neck felt disgusting. I shoved her away.

The hope that it wasn't true slowly died from me as I see the look on her face: a miserable look of someone who desired something intensely but cannot have it. "I didn't plan it like this, Kongpob."

"Whatever, I don't want to think about it anymore. Just know that you will pay for what you did to P'Arthit."

"Listen here Kongpob if even I, his own daughter, am this afraid of him, why are you still standing here? Let me tell you, I am not my father's only child. I have a brother—had a brother. He is dead now. For a long time I thought it was an accident but I now I know that my father killed him. Since then I have never one day joked around with my father. If you think I am lying then don't do anything. Let P'Arthit take the fall."
I don't know what to do though. Even if I deny P'arthit in front of her father it wouldn't matter. He would never believe it. What can I do?

So I went to the hospital and caught Anya's father by P'Arthit's door looking in. it was a really disturbing sight to see a large man like him staring at P'Arthit through the door.

"Mr Rojhat?" I called. He turned to look at me with unsurprised eyes.

"What can I do to make this go away?" I asked. "I know you've already come to a conclusion that I am gay and so is P'Arthit. What he said at the wedding is true. I love him. Will you kill us then?"

I see his eyes glance behind me at Anya who had tagged along.

"Out of respect for your father and my daughter, I don't want to do anything to you, Kongpob."

"Then,"

"If you can change, "he said. "I want you to marry my daughter and for him to be with someone else. I want to see it with my own eyes."

"You are okay with a gay person marrying your daughter?" I asked.

"Father, Kongpob isn't really gay," Anya spoke up for me. "He isn't, otherwise how would we have dated all these while. To some extent I think he loves me but."

I gritted my teeth as she talked and interjected "No, I don't love your daughter,"

I hear her tense up, "but if I can keep you from hurting the man I love there is nothing I would not do. Nothing I would not give."

"Interesting. Are you then suggesting that you would sacrifice yourself to my daughter?"

I nodded. "And him?"

"I will have nothing to do with him. I am the only one you care about right? Because it would bring disgrace to your family if I leave your daughter for a man?"

"As well as you know. But know this, if I hear or catch whiff of the two of you together then I will not sit still. And yes, I do not want a gay person for a son-in law. Be sure that after a good amount of time you will let my daughter go but you are not allowed to return to him."
"Father," I hear Anya whining.

"Yes sir," I said.

"I want to see it," he said.

"What?"

"I want to see as you end everything with him."

My frown said it all. He was disgusting asking me to do that. Did he want to take pleasure in seeing two gay people end their relationship? When I just stood there saying nothing and not moving, his mustache twitched and he read my expression.

"How will I know that you did it if I do not see it myself? Do you think I am a fool?"

No, I thought he was a dangerous man, a troubled and insane man but I did not think he was fool. I also did not think he could do anything to P'Arthit while he was still in the hospital and so I thought of what to do.

"P'Arthit can be a tough nut to crack," Anya appeared beside me and I turned to look at her. "If you just go there without any proper backup he would never believe you, or worse he would try to know what is happening," she looked to her father who stood towering over us like an unmovable mountain.

"I can help you," she nudged me and smiled," if he thinks you don't love him and sees me with you, it would make him pause at least.

"After what you did to him?"

"Because of what I did to him and the fact that you almost married me," she leaned in a little, "and the other thing."

She was right. P'Arthit does not know why I almost married Anya and he did not know that at first the marriage was a sham. He thinks that I might have wanted to marry Anya, he even accused me of it.

Suddenly I could see how P'Arthit would think. He would think that I must have fallen for Anya, he already suspected it. He would try to deny it but the evidence, which is Anya flaunting herself by my side would prove too much and then...

I had to take a moment as I registered the pain he would feel, he would think that I betrayed him. Can I hope that he would trust me? Even without knowing anything, would he be able to keep holding on and not let go? What if doing this destroys everything? Should I risk it, maybe Anya's father's threat was harmless.

"What's the delay," he spoke just in time, "having second thoughts?"

I looked at him with as much despise as I could summon then I nodded, "yes, a little. I am just wondering what you would do if I go there and tell P'Arthit everything. If I told him that you threatened his life so I would break up with him."

"I did no such thing," he said without changing his tone, "I merely stated that in a dangerous world, bad things can happen to anyone and to be careful. Hate crimes are still happening. I heard that a kid was beaten to death for nothing more than his sexuality and the criminals were never found. I am only advising you to be careful."

I paused as the words settled around us like a thick wet blanket. "Right," I nodded and walked forward," don't follow me," I said to Anya as I felt her about to enter with me. "Come in five minutes. Give me five minutes."

And that was how it happened. We all played our part very well. I stood under the spray of water remembering P'Arthit's face over and over. I felt like something inside me was breaking each time. He had looked like he believed me. I didn't know I was that good at acting. P'Arthit believed that I could actually leave him. Doesn't he know that my life begins and end with him. If he believes everything it was good because I know that Anya's father was watching.

He sent a maid the night after our acting saying she was very skilled and my mother could use a new one since the old one had retired that same evening for some mysterious reason. My mother accepted and the maid so far was doing her job but I get the feeling sometimes that she was watching me. She must be there to make sure that I am not meeting with P'Arthit.

I didn't plan on meeting P'Arthit so soon, not until I have a plan on how to handle Anya's father. As I turned off the shower my mother's shout echoed into the bathroom all the way from downstairs. What was she shouting about?

I toweled my hair and got distracted thinking about my problems when I heard my father's voice. My father had stayed with P'Arthit which means...

I wore my clothes in record speed and hurried down the stairs in time to see my mother beating P'Arhit with her fist and shouting for him to leave. It is just as I suspected but this is worse than I thought. How can my mother do that to P'Arthit? I know how much he loves and respects her and how his fear of this very thing happening had kept both of us in a cage for years. Don't do that.

Desperately I ran forward hearing P'Arthit apologize over and over again. It was so painful to see that look on his face, like he deserved being treated this way. I grabbed my mother's hand and dragged her away from him. I was breathing deeply for control. I wanted to shout at her, to demand from her why she was treating him this way when for nearly six years she treated him like a son, but I contained myself and didn't say anything. I asked my father to take her away then I confronted P'Arthit. The first thing I wanted to ask was if he was okay and to apologize for my mother's behavior but he was the one who apologized instead.

As we talked I noticed the flower lining the pathway to the door shaking and a black dress on the ground next to it and I knew we were being watched so I had to do and say anything for him to leave and I hurt him by saying again that I did not love him but that was the biggest lie of my life, P'Arthit. All the lies that I have lied in all my life put together cannot amount to that because nothing is more true and real to me than the fact that I love you. I don't want to ever be apart from you ever again. So please, let me do this and let me protect us. Don't do anything.

End of flash back.

I told P'Arthit everything, all of it; my heart was almost clean except for that one thing. About Anya and me. I don't think I can tell him now, with everything going on, but I will. I will tell him that too and I hope he would forgive me.