Author's note: Hi, it's me again with a new chapter. I hope you love the story so far. Thanks for voting, your votes and comments keep me writing and I really appreciate it. so please enjoy the read.

Chapter 5

We were in each other's embrace kissing as though it has been more than three days since we saw each other. My chest was trembling with need for P'Arthit. I touched his hair, his face, his body with the reverent fervor that shook me to my bones.

He was compliant with me, which was rare, and he was kissing me back just as hard and hungry. We stumbled over boxes, I don't know why there were so many. They were a vague annoyance in my desire brimming brain.

I was going to take his shirt over his head as I pressed him to the counter when he suddenly stopped our progress by closing his hand over my seeking one under his shirt. "Wait," he added when I still continued to kiss his neck.

"Why?" I said distracted and unwilling to release him for even a moment.

"Did you make sure you were not being followed?" he asked.

My desire was still taking preeminence in my mind so I repeated "followed?"

"I saw someone following you earlier," he said. I blinked into focus and shifted away from him but he still had my hand in his so I didn't go very far.

"Earlier?"

I couldn't see his skin in the darkness, that pale skin that couldn't hide it when he was blushing, but I heard the fluster in his voice, "I was just passing by when I saw someone looking at you."

Interest spiked through me again and I closed the space between us, "really, where did you see this person P'Arthit?"

He sounded reluctant to say more so I helped with some motivation by kissing a line from his neck to his shoulder and closed my teeth over his skin under his shirt.

"ow, don't bite," he complained but I felt the answering tremble in his body

"Tell me P'Arthit," I said as I released him and did it again, my other hand delve under his shirt.

He gave a reluctant moan at my ministration, threw his head back, and said "earlier when I went to see you."
I paused only slightly.

"You were with Anya," he said almost accusatorily.

"Sorry," I could only whisper.

His fingers dug into my hair and he lifted my face to his. "I am not blaming you," he said, "I know you don't have a choice."

I really don't but that was not all.

"I just hate it. Anya still acts like she did nothing wrong and seeing her just really irritates me."

She irritates me more than anything too. Recently she has become clingy and there is something to tell P'Arthit that I am sure he would not like.

"Did she see you?"

He nodded and said as if worried I would question him more, "just forget about her. Soon enough we would be free of her."

I loved the trust in his voice and the faith he had in me, which made it all the more harder to bear. I am sorry P'Arthit; I am not the person I should be. I am lying to you and keeping secrets from you. I will tell you everything, but in the end I can't promise that Anya won't be a part of our lives, that is because... she is carrying my child P'Arthit.

He came closer and nudged me with the tip of his nose," what are you thinking about?"

"That I love you. You really are the best thing in my life P'Arthit. Thank you."

He chuckled," why are you so serious all of a sudden, so fishy."

I took his mouth before he could say more and we somehow forgot the conversation about my stalker.

P'Arthit was sleeping softly when I got dressed in preparation to return. I took a big risk coming to P'Arthit today. It was foolish and irrational. The need to see him had been almost unbearable that I took this risk.

I know my shadow must be fretting since I lost her and she hadn't expected it. I suppose I can't use this same trick twice, I thought with a wry smile. Likely this would be my last time taking such a risk.

I turned around the bed to P'Arthit's side and crouched to watch him sleep. He looked really cute in the light streaming through the balcony. Soon I would be able to sleep over on this bed and watch him sleep again and trick him into waking up again. Soon we wouldn't have to live like sinners anymore.

I never thought that coming out with our secret as hard as it had been would turn around to mean that we couldn't be together and we have to end our seven year long relationship. If I had known then would I have stayed hidden with P'Arthit in our comfort and lies? At least then I could sleep till morning and wake up by his side three out of seven days. At least I could see him any time I wanted and even hold his hand. At least I wouldn't have to sneak out before dawn like this.

Biting my lip to hold back mounting pain, I turned

"You won't be able to come again, will you?" I didn't realize he was awake.

"I don't know, "I replied honestly.

He began to seat up," no P'Arthit go back to sleep, you have work in the morning, I know how grumpy you get when you don't sleep through the night."

"Come here for a moment, Kong." He didn't sound angry or upset. I did as he asked, seating sideways on the bed.

"Tell me how far your plan is going. If you can't even see me how much more difficult would it be for you to find a victim of Mr Rojhat. Let's consider this carefully. In fact, even given a week you won't really be able to find out anything, not with eyes on you."

That was true, I hesitated. "Are you going to suggest that again then P'Arthit? Filing a case against Anya? You can't do that P'Arthit," I said hastily.

He opened his mouth but didn't say anything. I looked at him expectantly but he just frowned for a moment. "P'Arthit?"

"Why do you always disagree with me about that?"

I blinked, "that is because doing that would only provoke Mr Rojhat to do something to you."

"You don't actually know that. Mr Rojhat might find it interesting that his daughter tried to kill someone, he might not care about me. The only thing he doesn't want is you and I getting back together. I really don't think he would do anything if I file a case against Anya and while he is distracted we can do something else to get rid of him for good."

"Something like what?"

"I don't know, but it is better than this. Kongpob you promised me that after one week you would let me take Anya to court but if you are this against it now then are you going to keep me from doing it when it's time?"
"I'm not against it P'Arthit, I too want to see Anya in chains for what she did to you but I don't want to take such a big risk." That is only part of the reason. The other part is that I don't know what Mr Rojhat will to do me and Anya if he learns about the pregnancy, which he will if Anya gets sent to court and to jail. That man who killed his own son, Anya is so terrified of him finding out the truth that she does not even want me to tell P'Arthit. Even I am terrified of telling him too. We are already in this type of situation, I can't add that too.

We stare at each other uncomprehendingly. "Listen to me P'Arthit, I can do this. I might need a little more time but—"

"The problem is that we don't have evidence against him," P'Arthit said with a thoughtful note in his voice. I don't think he was talking to me but I answered.

"I will find the evidence, strong enough evidence to make sure he cannot do anything. P'Arthit?" I took his hand and held it to my chest, "please do not lose faith in me. If you do I'm afraid I won't be able to do anything."

He freed his hand from mine and touched my face, "sorry Kong, I am always making you do things that you don't want to do."

"Hey, this is my fault."

" No, this is mine."

We both sensed where this was heading and smiled at each other.

"I should go," noticing the light changing in the sky through the balcony window, I said.

He nodded," okay." He released me reluctantly and I rose to my feet. I took two steps to the door and stopped. It was already hard parting with him, I shouldn't.

"Kongpob?" he questioned behind me.

I turned," I'm fine. I love you, P'Arthit," I smiled.

He seemed confused then flustered, "what the, where did that come from all of a sudden."

"I just love saying it," I grinned at him.

"Go away," he threatened me with one of his pillows and I chuckled out of the room. I promised myself and P'Arthit that everything that has gone wrong in our lives will be fixed. Nothing will break us or keep us apart, nothing.

I didn't expect her to confront me. Her hair was black and short, barely grazing her neck and she had thick bangs over her forehead. As she stepped into my path on the way to my parent's house, I nearly jumped out of my shoes.

"P'," I said coming down from my freight.

"Where did you go?" she asked.

"What?" I frowned. I knew she follows me nearly everywhere but I never expected her to be so forward to show it.

"Where did you go?" she repeated with that same blank, unabashed look.

"Out." I replied. "Were you missing me, P' so much that you waited out here for me."

"Out where?"

"I don't feel like telling you. You are just a maid in this house, you have no right to ask me that." I walked past her towards the house

"If I don't know where you go, how can I make sure that young master Kongpob is okay?"

I stopped without turning around.

"You don't know that I am only following you for your own safety. I am not just a maid, consider me your guardian as well. The world is dangerous, young master Kongpob. You don't want to ever go anywhere without me again."

"Ah, I see," I turned around with a kind smile that stretched my lips to max, "so that's how it is. Sorry, I didn't realize. Do my father and mother know that you have taken this role as well? You are so kind to do even this one when they are not paying you to do it."

"go ahead and tell them, see if it makes any difference," she bowed, "in the mean time I am going to go make record of your disappearance that way I can know what action to take," she moved past me.

"Don't," I said. "I only went to the house, my house. I wanted to get some privacy."

She stopped just in front of the door. "Such privacy is not good for you, young master Kongpob. They can land you in a lot of trouble." With that she walked inside.

My fingers were aching from how stiff they went at her threat. I did not expect this. This is far bigger than I thought. To my mother and father she was just a maid but only I knew that she was sent by Mr Rojhat to follow me but apparently that was not all she was to do. She wasn't just going to watch and report but she will also threaten and take action as well. What kind of action though I do not know.

She lives in this house with my mother and father; I don't know what she would do to them if I say something to them. If I try to find a way to get her out, she could not only get in the way but see it as something she needs to take action against me or P'Arthit or my family.

What do I do?

I heard the door open and tensed in expectation of her presence. But it was my father. A sigh I didn't know I had drawn escaped me and I lowered my gaze. I couldn't bring myself to relax; I was sure even now that she was there listening to me.

"Kongpob, what are you doing standing there, don't you know that we have been waiting for you all night?"

"Waiting for me?" I asked my father who despite what he said looked kind and understanding.

"Well, things happened last night," he said, "come in first let's talk."

Let's talk. This doesn't sound too good to me. I tried to think of anything my parents know about that they would want to interrogate me for. Yes, this let's talk I am sure it's simply to put me on a couch and question me, but about what. P'Arthit?

I followed my father without coming to a conclusion and when I walked into our living room, I saw two people standing there. It was still dark outside but my mother was already dressed up looking like she never slept. The person next to her shocked me but at the same time did not. I knew she would do this. I forgot to mention it to P'Arthit before leaving.

"Kong," my mother started, I thought you said you are moving back in to live with us, why did you sleep out?" she was strangely anxious and I could not imagine what Anya had told them.

My eyes flew to hers. She did not tell them that she was pregnant did she? No, I see the wicked smile on her face as she took me in, she wouldn't do that. It wouldn't take long for it to get to her father and she was afraid of him so... what.

"Nothing to say?"

"Sorry mother, I had something to do and I quickly forgot to check the time." Then I turned to Anya, "why are you here so early"

"Honey, didn't we discuss it just yesterday?"

Something we discussed yesterday I pondered. The only thing I remember was Anya's insistence that she live with me, to which I told her that I had to move back home. There was no reason to live there anymore when P'Arthit had moved away and it seemed easier to have my enemy closer where I can watch them as they watched me. She didn't actually decide to move in to my parent's house, did she? She couldn't possibly be that shameless.

"Anya told us that you want her to start living here with us?" my father asked. It seemed from his tone that he found that hard to believe. He knows I wouldn't do something so inappropriate.

"I don't mind," my mother said just as I would speak. "You two are getting married soon anyway, she can stay here."

"About that," I began.

"That's right mother," Anya interrupted me. "But you must understand me, even though I know this is not really normal, I just feel afraid all the time."
"Afraid?" my mother was as attentive to her as ever.

"Yes, I am afraid of losing Kongpob. You know what happened at my wedding, nothing like that ever happens to other people at their wedding. I have to wonder why it happened to me and why it has to be P'Arthit of all people. I am just so scared because I know how much you care for P'Arthit mother."

My mother waved her hand," you don't have to worry about that, I have already told him not to step one foot into this house. I am not saying that you cannot stay my dear and if you really need to stay so close to Kongpob to feel reassured then I don't blame you, but you don't have to worry about that one."

"That one," I said, barely holding back myself in anger.

"It is true that you two are engaged, but you are not yet married. I do not advice you to stay under the same roof Kongpob, "my father was on my side, I could tell even as he spoke rationally.

"Don't worry father that is not going to happen." I let my anger go and focused on Anya. "Let's talk in my room," I said, "mother, father sorry for worrying you."

She made to say something to my parents but I gripped her arm tight and pulled her along.

When I got to my room I let her go only because I remembered that she was pregnant. "What do you think you are doing?" I demanded.

"What do you mean?" her attempt to act nonchalant backfired as she saw me step menacingly towards her.

"I already have your father to deal with and now you want to annoy me too?"

"I am only trying to help," she said petulantly "believe it or not Kongpob I really care about you and though my father says that he would leave you alone if you end things with P'Arthit, I don't trust him."

I said nothing in answer to that. Whether I believed her feelings were real or whether she was speaking the truth was really meaningless to me.

"Did I tell you why my father killed my brother? It's because he was looking to be gay. My brother liked to dress in women's clothes and put on makeup, I remember that much. My father must have given him a chance to change but when he didn't he simply got rid of him. My father has a lot of pride you know?"

"So Anya, so what?"

"So," she stressed, "you need to have me around you. If my father thinks you have a chance at changing, at becoming straight then he would really leave you alone."

"Really. But I have no plans for becoming straight or having you around me."

"But I know you and P'Arthit haven't really broken up."

I paused in what I wanted to say and stared at her. That's right, I had not given P'Arthit a chance to tell me the details of their meeting.

"I know because he doesn't look as upset as he should be and he was looking for you. Do you know how dangerous that is?"

I'm sure she was going to tell me. She made a frustrated sound and said harshly, "If you don't stop fooling around Kongpob you are going to get not only P'Arthit but yourself killed. Just stop it. It is over for you and P'Arthit. I don't want to see you get hurt so that's why I am saying all this. P'Arthit is just one guy, you don't have to throw everything away only for him."

"You are right," I said barely moving my lips, "I don't have to but I want to. P'Arthit is to me what air is to you. He is my reason for living, I will never give him up and nothing in this world will take him away from me. So stop preaching to me, Anya and get out of my house."

I turned dismissing her existence.

"I will tell."

My hand stopped on the door handle.

"I will tell him about it. I know that you are scared of him finding out."

I snorted," go ahead, your father won't leave you alone if you do."

"I'm willing to take the risk though," she smiled. "I know my father would want to kill me or hurt me very badly but before he finds out, your life would be ruined when that thing you cannot live without gets taken away. "

I turned and stared at her speechlessly, dumbfounded by her level of obsession with me. "Why are you doing this to me?" I asked.

"Because I love you Kongpob," she answered and that answer angered me terribly.

"You don't know what love means," I nearly yelled at her.

"maybe not, but I do love you and if I can convince my father that you love me, if you and I could, then your life won't be at risk and P'Arthit can go on with his life. I'm sure he hates the way you two are living right now. Don't you want to give him freedom?"

"No," I said immediately and this seems to startle her, perhaps she was not done talking. "No, I won't not if freedom means being away from me. "

"What about your own freedom?"

"Freedom is nothing to me without P'Arthit. I don't understand why you are doing this but do whatever you want, it won't change anything. There is nothing you can do Anya. Just threaten, like your father. You are no different from him."

She yelled something but I tuned her out and shut the door on her.

I can't believe I have to give in once again to this person. My hands looked free but they felt tied behind my back. I keep giving way and forcing P'Arthit to give way and it feels like all I can really do is struggle and throw back words. I can't let P'Arthit find out the truth from Anya. I have to tell him.

As I turned to return downstairs my father stood right on the last step. "Let's talk Kongpob."

"Yes dad," I said reflexively.

He took me to his study and I got pulled into the consciousness of myself when I was younger. When I did something wrong and my mother punished me, my father's approach was always to talk to me. Right from time he treated me like a grown up and talked about everything to teach me how to be a better person and I think I did grow up to be so but lately I could scarcely recognize myself.

"Kongpob," he stood by his desk looking grim. The room only made me recall another conversation that happened there, the feel of something that felt like a gun pressed to my side, the cold air and the smell of Mr Rojhat's spicy breath.

"Yes dad?"

"I want to know if you and Arthit are really broken up. Something seems to be wrong and like before you are trying to keep it to yourself."

I looked at him silently for a moment and nodded, "yes, we have."

"Nonsense. You dare lie to me?" I was startled by the vehemence in his voice. "Do you think you fooled me that day? I saw how much it hurt you to watch him leave. You looked broken."

Remembering that day when I stood at the window watching P'Arthit walk away, seeing the downward slope of his shoulders I could almost not keep my façade and I nearly quaked and shattered.

I am terrified dad; I can't reveal anything to you because I don't know what might happen. Please don't shake my resolve to do this alone.

"You don't have to do this alone," he said as if taking a peek at my troubled thoughts. "Whatever it is, I am your father I will help you. I know you love Arthit, that's right isn't it?"

I opened my mouth only to feel it tremble. This support was touching me in all the weak places that wanted to ask for help. I closed it and it was still trembling.

"I know you love him" my father sighed.

"Yes, " I said and blinked away moisture from my eyes. " I love him more than I can bear dad." I bit my lip," but I have to let him go. We... can't be together father. I already knew that but I was being foolish and holding on so I finally found the courage and I took it to tell him... goodbye. So you don't have to worry that I need help, I know what I am doing."

I turned to walk out unable to keep it in anymore. "Kongpob, why won't you trust me," I heard him say but I kept going till I was out of the room and away from the corridor then I pressed my back to the wall, put my hand between my mouth and cried. I can't ask for help without putting him in a difficult position even though I was in a desperate situation almost to the point that it feels like I am fighting a battle that has already been lost. I felt so hopeless and alone and unable to cope with my burden so when the tears came they nearly choked me with how powerful it was. I had no idea that I had been holding back this much pain.

How much more was P'Arthit holding. I missed him already. I wanted to see him again, I needed him so much. How can I tell him the truth when I need him this badly? I am too weak. I can't do it. I can't risk it. I am too afraid.