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Chapter 7

It was a blessing and a curse to meet P'Arthit that day. For weeks I planned and thought of how to expose Anya's father, how to get rid of his agent that he planted in my house to spy on me and keep me shackled. I thought of ways that I could investigate the man without being caught, all to no avail.

I was stuck because I soon realized that my computer has been hacked and that anything I search was being seen, any message or emails I send would be read. I became anxious about contacting P'Arthit. When he called that one time I quickly ended the call, I think I may have been rude and hasty.

So in the end my plans moved from finding out what I can use against Anya's father, to finding out how I could get in touch with P'Arthit.

Anya did not make that easy. She was living in my house now and she acted the devoted daughter-in law to my parents. The more I shunned her, the more she complained and worked hard to soften my mother until one day...

"When are you going to set a wedding date, Kongpob," I turned on the chair and looked at my mother standing at the door looking like she was up for a fight.

"What?" I asked, pretending not to hear her, it was my only tactic for avoiding her attacks.

"Anya is a good girl and you and Arthit disgraced her on her own wedding. Do you know that speculations have been going around about her, tarnishing her good name? The poor girl can't even show her face around her colleagues, she is even thinking of quitting her job. The only way to fix this is to get married as soon as possible."

"Mom," my attempt to speak was brushed aside as she continued stepping more into the room.

"I don't know what is making you hesitate so much, I thought you loved her, isn't that why you purposed to her?"

I had already figured out by then even without hearing from her that, that my mother had not been aware that the wedding was a sham. I had left that task to Anya, trusting her to inform my mother so she wouldn't get her hopes up, but of course now I know she probably fed her a twisted version of the story. Anger made me clench my teeth.

"Mom, please let me say something."

"There is nothing to say. Anya has been living here for nearly two weeks, it is time to set the wedding."

"I don't want to marry her," I blurted out.

She didn't say anything but her face set in a righteous jot that said I had ticked her off. "Why? Are you already tired of her?"

"No, it's not that—"

"Kongpob, I never raised you to be the kind of person who would use other people like that."

"I did not use her." Rather she used me, she used my weakness and fears to her own advantage, she used me through and through as she was using my mother's desperation to see me married and my reputation restored. But for some reason I found it difficult to say this to her. I actually don't know what Anya would risk if I did anything to get her kicked out of the house. If she told P'Arthit about her pregnancy then what would I do.

"If that is true then let's set a date for next month. How about it? There is a nice event center Anya and I looked at last time that wasn't available but is open now. "

I stood to my feet and said clearly and precisely," I will not marry Anya, mother. Never. I don't love her and I can never love her."
I started to leave the room, apprehensive about her stopping me.

"Then is it Arthit you love?" she yelled and I froze, my back turned to her and hers to mine. I said nothing as I knew how volatile she was about this. My father I can readily admit it to, but my mother was a bit tricky. So I stood there and neither denied nor accepted.

She walked over and stood in front me, her expression twisted by anger. "Look here Kongpob," she pointed at me," I will never accept him. I will never allow the two of you to be together so just forget it. That cannot happen in my family, do you understand? Even if I die and my body becomes bones, I will never allow you to be with Arthit. "

I didn't understand this at all. My eyes must have clouded with pain at her rejection of my love and of P'Arthit. I used to think she loved him as much as she loved me; I used to think that to her P'Arthit was a second son. Now I can only be glad to P'Arthit was not here to hear this, because if I hurt this much to hear it, how much more would P'Arthit hurt.

She put her hand at her side and said quietly," just get married to Anya, okay? All will be well for everyone."

I watched the wall as she left saying nothing in return and when the door shut I sat helplessly on my bed unable to move for hours.

Anya was even more despicable than I could have ever imagined. She appeared in my room one night dressed in nothing but a camisole.

"Anya? What is this?" I had been woken up by her body pressing to mine in my sleep. The minute I could see her face I jumped off the bed and ignored her cry not to turn on the light.

She hid her naked half under the blanket and smiled flushing deeply. "Sorry, Kongpob. I just couldn't help myself. You know how they say when a women first has sex it would be hard for her to go without it."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, that time in my apartment with you was my first time."

I had no memory of what happened that night; I try not to remember because I was already haunted enough by it. Imagine if I remembered every detail. I think I would go mad.

"How does that relate to you coming into my bed?"

"Well, you are the only man I have ever been with, and my fiancé. I want to do it with only you, Kongpob."

It occurred to me then what my mother must have been referring to about using her, so she complained that I took her virginity? Now my mother is all for defending her honor. The thing is I don't know if that was true, I can't disprove it. I didn't trust her but I couldn't stop thinking that she was probably saying the truth. That day when I woke up there were flashes in my head, and my body did feel like something happened. I shook my head to clear the thought.

"Anya, get out from my bed and my room this instant," I said in a low voice, my eyes narrowed to a slit.

"Kongpob, please I can't bear it anymore."

"Get out!" my voice was loud enough that I am sure I have probably woken my parents.

"Okay, okay, no need to shout." She got up off the bed and I looked away from her nakedness. "It doesn't matter anyway. We will be married soon and then I will be sleeping on this bed every night."

I sighed," Anya, you are really insane."

She laughed quietly," am I? How come when I fight for what I want I am suddenly insane? Well if that's what it means then I guess I am certifiably insane.''

All I could do was gritted my teeth and endure her presence. She finished talking and finally started to leave. "You know," she turned, stymieing my sigh of relief. "It is best for you to start getting used to the idea of marrying me. I have convinced my father that we are perfect for each other. So stop trying to contact P'Arthit."

My surprise registered all over me and it hurt to see her knowing smile. "I didn't actually know that for sure but seeing your surprise I guess I hit the nail right on." She laughed like someone told her she has won something.

I snapped and walked towards her. It was interesting to see her pause at the look on my face. "If you are done making a fool of yourself Anya then get out."

I didn't give her a chance to say another word. I grabbed her by her hand, opened the door with my other hand and dragged her out. "Let this be the last time that you do this ever again," I said it loudly because it would please me if my mother could see her the way she is now.

She seemed frightened, her eyes darting to the stairs and behind, "Kongpob," whatever she was going to say ended when I slam the door on her.

I was so angry, at Anya, at this situation and at myself for making everything turn like this. At this rate I really might end up marrying Anya. I couldn't see a way out at all. I don't know what to do. All my plans have failed, now I just needed to meet P'Arthit. I just wanted to see him, to hold on to him. I wish I could be reckless and go right then even though it was one in the morning. I wanted to ignore the danger and do what I want, but I can't. I stand to lose too much

In the end, with all the turmoil and pressure being placed on me and the fact that there was nothing good I could look at to comfort myself, I felt myself becoming sick and sick till I couldn't even go to work anymore. I couldn't find the motivation to rise up from bed.

That morning of meeting P'Arthit, Anya and my mother came to me in my room.

"Oh Kongpob, you really look bad. Should we take you to the hospital?"

I shook my head and sat up. There was no point. The only thing that could possibly make me feel better was far away and I cannot see him.

"Are you sure?" Anya looked sincerely worried. I didn't reply her. "At least eat something."

I glance weakly to the tray of food resting on my dresser and shook my head. I have felt my appetite reduce to nothing over two weeks. Something cold was placed on my head and it was comforting. I looked at Anya holding the wet cloth and said," You don't have to do that."

"I want to, I am going to be your wife and I love you."

"Anya," I said with a suffering sigh.

"It's true Kongpob. Let her take care of you. Anya, if he still isn't well by afternoon we are taking him to the hospital."

"Okay mum," she answered docilely.

"Mom, please just leave me alone," I slapped the clot from my head but barely managed to nudge it.

"I won't. I am your mother, Anya is your fiancée. Your stubbornness ends right now."

I suddenly felt like a kid and fell back on the bed, closing my eyes to block them out. "Why? Is nothing I want important to you, mom?"

"Kongpob, how can you say that," Anya's voice was soft yet reprimanding.

"Leave him alone Anya, let him think that. Kongpob, there is nothing your mother will not do to make sure that you don't make a mistake in life. All I want is your happiness."

"But I am not happy," I said miserably, rolling to my side when Anya tried to touch me again. "I am not happy, mom. You should know that if you care about me, if I am really your son. "

It was quiet. I think I might have hurt her with that. My mother and I have always gotten along, we never fought, she pampered me and when I did wrong I knew enough to apologize but now we were both standing on opposite sides. It was a painful thing, more painful than having to lie to her. Now that I was in this situation I wished I had kept lying to her. I hate myself for pushing P'Arthit, complaining about our relationship. I wish we never came out.

"Kongpob," I felt her seat next to me. "Can you seat and look at me?"

I was reluctant and stayed in my position for a while. She didn't urge me to rise but her persistent presence kept me from disobeying her. I sat up and met her eyes. She looked like the mother I know who loved me more than anything.

"Kongpob, you know that I have always let you have most of what you want. You know that right? But this time, mom just wants you to listen to her."

I closed my eyes and shook my head, disagreeing without words. "Just listen," she placed a hand on mine and then said to Anya "can you go and get us some water from the kitchen dear?"

"Huh?" she looked very reluctant to do so. "okay." Finally she got up and walked out, discreetly closing the door behind her. I expected her to still be there eavesdropping though.

My mother exhaled," Kongpob, mom just wants you to have all the happiness in the world. The happiness of having a family, watching your children grow up and into themselves. I don't want you to miss out on any of it which you will, if you give up on Anya."

Her words were too pointed. She was talking about kids in such a persistent manner. I sighed and gripped my hair. "What did she tell you?"

"She didn't have to tell me, every woman who has any experience in the matter can tell."

I felt so suffocated, so crushed I couldn't seat still. I rose to my feet and walked away towards the bathroom door and paused. "So that's why you have become so persistent."

"Kongpob, Mom wants you to be happy, always. And even though you feel that you love Arthit son now, soon, in a few years, you will forget about him and he will forget about you. So just marry Anya, have many children to fill your days. Arthit can never give you children, he can never support you in the way that a wife can. And remember that you will face discrimination everywhere you go. When I think of you having that kind of life I am terrified for you, Kongpob. But thank heavens you are not gay, you can learn to love Anya with time. I know you will."

I shook my head. There were a number of words I could say but I felt disarmed. She walked over and hugged me gently. "Think about it Kongpob. You can't let a girl like her go especially when you have already come this far."

In other words, I have to take responsibility.

"Mom," I sighed as tears rolled down my face. "I really really love him, mom. I really really love him. I can't," my tears choked me off and I couldn't speak.

She patted my cheek," its okay, time heals all. It will heal. It will heal."

I later slept and when I woke my dad was there. He offered to drive me to the pharmacy to get some drugs, which was strange as my drugs were still plenty, but he insisted that I needed more. Anya came and offered to drive me instead, stopping my father.

Seeing P'Arthit again was a blessing as it made me feel whole again, it brought back to me the resolve to be with him again. I don't know what to do with Anya and I hate disappointing my mom but I really can't marry Anya. I just can't do it, pregnant with my child though she was, even if I am the first man she has been with, I still can't do it. So I have to get out of this. It was a hopeless situation but I was ready to fight for P'Arthit, I won't give up on him.

But.

"My father is coming to visit tomorrow tonight?"

I paused on the stairs and raised my eyes to Anya. "What are you trying to say?"

"I'm talking about that fool acting you and P'Arthit pulled at the pharmacy. "She was furious. P'Dean humiliated her and I did not rise to help her.

"You told him," I stated.

She smiled stiffly; I could tell that she was a bit regretful but still pleased overall.

"Okay," I said nonchalantly and walked passed her. She seemed surprised and caught my hand.

"What do you mean okay."

"If your father wants to come and interrogate me then let him come."

I sounded unafraid but inside I was quaking a little. I didn't know what I would do if he is convinced that something is going on with P'Arthit, I don't want to deal with him but I am going to have to. This was also a good opportunity. I could get evidence that I can use against him.