「 how does she touch you? can i try it too? i wanna know how she can make a man lose his mind 」

"i never fought with anyone like this before. not even my ex."

well, i'm sorry.

jennie isn't as fucked up as me. she didn't go through the same shit as i had. she doesn't have the same trust issues as i do. she doesn't have borderline personality disorder. she doesn't have social anxiety. she doesn't even have depression.

she's not me.

i am not her.

though, yes. i think, "i wish i was her," sometimes but only because i want to be your first love. but i can't. because you loved her first. and we all remember our first loves, don't we? i know i'll remember mine. we will never forget them until we die.

i wish i could be the first girl you held hands with. i wish i could be the girl you first kissed. i wish i could be the one you lost your virginity to. i wish i could be someone you could never forget.

i don't want to be kim jennie. i want to be me. but i want you to love me like you love kim jennie.

no.

i want you to love me more than you have ever loved kim jennie.

i'm pathetic, aren't i? here i am, just been lied to, and all i can think about is how i still want to be the perfect girl for you. i still want to be the one who ends up with you. the one who makes you happy.

i still want to be her.