「 is it real or am i going out of my mind? 」

what is wrong? what does she have that i don't?

is it the fact that i'm thousands of miles away from you and that there's only little chance we could actually see each other one day and end up marrying one another? is it because we both don't have any money to fly and see each other? is it because we still have to wait three whole years for you to finish all your studies so you can actually leave your country? is that it?

no. that can't be it. because you said you were willing to wait. because you said sex didn't matter to you as much as it did to other boys. because you said you didn't care if you can get any other girl over there. because you said you wanted me and only me. because you said i am your destiny.

or were all of those things also untrue?

because if you could easily lie to me about one thing, then you can just as easily lie about other things. and you could do it again and again and again. it wouldn't matter to you.

there are so many things i want to ask you. so so many things. but i can't because i know that as soon as i open my mouth, no matter the harsh words that would come out of it, they'd all still mean "i love you".

because i'm hurt, jimin. and you know it. you know you hurt me. there is no use in me trying to hide my feelings and pretending i don't care at all. because i do. i fucking care a whole lot.

and i hate myself even more for doing so.

why? why is it me who hurts? you're the one who's supposed to be in pain. you just lost someone who truly cared about you, someone who would've done anything for you. and yet why, me, who has lost nothing but a horrible, inhumane person who's done nothing but bring me pain in my life, the one who feels lost?

i shouldn't feel this way and yet i do.

and yet i do.