"she won't go away"
by faye webster

" so maybe next year
things will go according to plan
maybe, who knows, she could leave town
but she won't go away
it's you, hiding in limelight
it's you, no one really likes
it's you, happy all the time
it's you
how do i forget that she's around?
is there a trick?
middle ground, be okay with it
'cause she won't go away "

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"let it be"
season 2, episode 8

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eleanor wasn't religious, but every day she woke up and prayed addison would change her mind and leave seattle.

the more she thought about that argument she had with addison in the nicu, the more things came together in her mind. why mark never showed and why addison was so persistent in asking what had happened to her.

she already knew.

it all made sense.

mark declined the call because he was with addison.

he listened to the voicemail and told her what had happened.

he realized he had an out. addison could deal with it, it wouldn't be his problem.

addison invited her over for dinner that night and sat her down.

she had spilled her guts to addison, and she already knew what had happened.

eleanor hated that.

what she hated even more than addison knowing before she was ready to tell her was that addison kept sleeping with mark after and didn't even push him to reach out to her.

how could she let him get away with it? not a single message, call, or comforting hug.

in her eyes, it was unforgivable.

so she prayed that she would leave.

especially because addison was requesting her on her service every chance she got.

eleanor couldn't think of anything worse.

okay, she could definitely think of worse things.

but that was so not the point.

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"savvy and weiss are in town." derek told eleanor as they walked side by side.

"really? where?" eleanor asked excitedly.

"here. in the hospital." he answered, not so excitedly.

"oh, why?" she asked concerned.

"catherine, savvy's mom died. ovarian cancer. savvy has the gene and she wants to take some pretty drastic measures." he informed.

"like?" eleanor asked.

"like a double mastectomy, hysterectomy, and oophorectomy." 

"holy shit." eleanor said shocked.

"that's what i'm saying. weiss and i think it's crazy." he said.

"well wait a minute, just because i said holy shit doesn't mean i don't think she should do it. i mean yeah, it's really drastic and that's going to be one hell of a recovery but at the end of the day it's her body and her choice. i mean shit, if i knew i had the gene i'd probably do it too." she argued.

"seriously, you would? that's crazy, nellie."

"i don't know, is it?" she shrugged as she walked away.

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"nora," savannah acknowledged happily as eleanor approached her room.

"sav," eleanor smiled.

"i haven't seen you in ages, you're all grown up. what are you doing in seattle?" she asked.

"well, i'm doing my residency here." she smiled.

"oh, wow." she beamed. "did you pick here because you knew derek was doing to be here or was it a surprise?" she asked.

"oh, it was definitely a surprise." she chuckled, looking back on the first few weeks in seattle.

"it must be nice to have him and addie here, huh?"

"it's definitely nice to have derek here, yes." she said awkwardly.

"seriously, eleanor?" sav asked, her happy joyful tone replaced with a serious confrontation.

"what?" eleanor asked defensively.

"you and addie have always been so close, closer than you were with your biological sisters, you're seriously going to let what happened between her and your brother ruin your relationship? is derek pressuring you to take his side?"

"no! what? he is not pressuring me. my feelings about addison are all my own, and they are a lot more complicated than that." she ranted. "it's a lot more than just her cheating on my brother, alright? it's-- it's just a lot more than that, and you're gonna have to trust me on that. i'd like to think i'm a pretty forgiving person, so trust me when i say that it's a big deal, sav."

"okay, okay... i won't push anymore." she told her.

"thank you, sav, i appreciate it."

"no problem, hon." she smiled.

"i support what you're doing, y'know, i think it's a brave decision." eleanor told her.

"yeah? well your brother and my husband don't seem to share that opinion." she scoffed.

"yeah, well, fuck them." eleanor said. "derek and weiss don't know what they're talking about."

savannah smiled, "thank you, nora."

eleanor smiled back. she found it interesting, everyone in new york called her nora. eleanor always felt too fancy for her, and her friends and family nicknamed her nora. aside from derek, of course, who had to be different and call her by the name he had called her since she was a baby. but here, in seattle, everyone shortened it to elle. it was just something small she had noticed, she didn't mind either one; anything was better than her full name in her opinion. but it was almost like the two names represented two different people. it was almost as if she was two different people. new york eleanor was different than seattle eleanor. to be fair, the things that had happened in the past year in new york were probably the things that had changed her. but the point was, she was changed. the person that everyone from new york knew her as, wasn't really her anymore. i mean, new york eleanor would have never been with somebody like alex. before this year, she was polished and put together. she was happy and always had a good time. the assault, mark sloan, and addison montgomery had changed that. they had killed her.

okay, not literally.

both of them were a lot of things, but they weren't murderers.

eleanor knew that.

but she knew that there was no coming back from what had happened with them.

that wasn't to say she'd never be okay again, she knew that she would.

but she'd never be the same.

ever.

"you're gonna be okay. that's what matters, right? that you're gonna be okay? it'll be really hard but it'll all be worth it in the end because you'll be alright, right?" eleanor asked her, teary-eyed.

"oh, honey." savannah frowned, grabbing eleanor's hand and squeezing it tight. "I'll be okay... and you will be too. i don't know what happened, sweetie, but you're gonna be okay too."

eleanor began to cry. she didn't realize how badly she needed to hear those words. to feel that comfort. she sat down on the side of savannah's bed and hugged her, crying into her shoulder.

"i'm sorry. this is about you, you're going through so much, i don't know why i'm crying. i'm sorry." eleanor mumbled into her arm.

"don't be sorry, it's okay." she assured, holding her tight.

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alex had seen the whole thing.

he hadn't heard any of what was said between the two, but he saw the part where eleanor started crying.

there was something she wasn't telling him.

from her claiming she had 'stuff' to derek basically threatening to murder him,

he figured it was serious.

but he didn't want to ask because what the hell did he know about that kinda thing?

besides, he didn't want to pry.

what good was that going to do her?

what good was he going to do her?

he wondered that often

if they should even be together at all.

everyone knew she was too good for him,

he was a liar, an asshole

evil spawn

pig boy

i mean, the list went on.

her list only went as far as mcperfect.

he had no idea what the hell she saw in him, he was just happy that she saw anything at all.

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he found her in the locker room.

why was he always finding her in this locker room?

this time, she was still in her scrubs.

she sat on the bench, hugging one knee up to her chest. the other on the floor, her back to the door.

it was silent.

then there was a sniffle.

then the door finally shut behind him, and she turned around.

wiping her eyes before he could even say hello.

"you okay?" he asked.

"yeah, i'm fine." she smiled.

"no you're not." he shook his head.

"you're the one who asked."

"it's a formality." he shrugged and sat down on the bench behind her. "what's wrong?" he asked, resting his chin down on her shoulder, his breath hit the back on her neck and she tensed up, and turned away from him. "hey," he said sadly "talk to me, what's goin' on?"

"i just--" she started, burying her face in her hands. "i don't think you'd want me if you really knew me." she told him, lifting up her head to face him. her lips formed a frown and tears traveled down her cheeks as she looked him in the eye.

"then let me really know you, elle. let me know you and I'll be the judge of that because i think you're wrong. i don't think there is a single thing you could tell me about yourself that i wouldn't like." 

"you don't mean that." she told him.

"you don't get to tell me what i do and don't mean, elle, you just--you gotta trust me." he urged her.

"god it's just," she started. "it's all so fucked, y'know?" she cried.

"you can tell me, i promise you can tell me." 

she took a deep breath in

in one hand he grabbed hers, holding it tight

the other running up and down her back softly

then she told him.

she told him everything from getting ready for the date to the month she spent in derek's guest room.

she trusted him, and he comforted her.

that it was okay.

it didn't change how he felt about her.

that he would never let anyone hurt her like that again.

not the way the man did,

not the way addison did,

and definitely not the way mark did.

well, so much for that one.

author's note:

eleanor is my baby 😭😭😭😭 she's been through so much give my girl a break and some time to heal.

except for the part where i will not be giving her a break and time to heal because that would just be too nice.

okay i'm making it out to seem like alex does something really bad, guys i promise he doesn't do anything madly unforgivable. he just does something stupid and the circumstances surrounding what he does ends up making it seem a lot worse than it really was but we will get to that when we get to it. anyway, in the meantime i love him and i love them and i hate addison (i don't actually hate addison and dw both her and mark will have redemption) but for now she is satan.

ok byeeeeee hope u enjoyed. ALSO I LOVE SAVVY AND SHE WAS SO SWEET TO ELEANOR I CAN'T TAKE IT MY HEART 

ok bye fr this time.