"homemade dynamite"
by lorde

" so let's let things come out of the woodwork
I'll give you my best side, tell you all my best lies
yeah, awesome, right?
...
blowing shit up with homemade d-d-d-dynamite
blowing shit up with homemade d-d-d-dynamite
now you know it's really gonna blow *pew* "

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"it's the end of the world"
season 2, episode 16

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eleanor had woken up expecting to be in alex's arms, just to find that he had left in the middle of the night. she thought things had been going well. i mean, they had hadn't they? he had told her that he liked her time and time again, and she was finally starting to believe it. they'd spent christmas together, and he'd kissed her at midnight on new years eve. derek had told her that her smile looked the most genuine it had in a long time, and that he was "really, really happy for her". but she couldn't shake the feeling. the feeling that something bad was going to happen, and that maybe she should just quit while she was ahead. she knew that he had been right when he said that her fear gets in her own way, but maybe that was the best way to protect herself. because after all, he had left before she woke up today. he hadn't done that before. and sure, maybe something came up and that was the only reason why, but eleanor just couldn't shake the feeling.

"mer?" she asked quietly, in case she was mistaken and the girl was in fact asleep.

"el? you're up early, up late? i don't know." meredith sighed.

"alex left before i woke up. he's never done that before." she explained, inviting herself into meredith's room and flopping down next to her on the bed.

"so? maybe something came up, i'm sure it' doesn't mean anything." meredith suggested.

"maybe." eleanor shrugged. "or maybe it's a sign, you know, that it's too good to be true."

"oh c'mon, seriously?" meredith asked.

"seriously? you of all people are asking me that? you're all dark and twisty, you should get it."

"but you're not dark and twisty. you're mcperfect, don't make something into nothing"

"i'm not mcperfect... maybe i am dark and twisty, what do you know? i make problems out of thin air all the time"

"that's true, you are kind of a mcmystery." meredith agreed.

"anyway, point is, i have this bad feeling... i think that maybe i try to find the bad in good things because i'm scared of what will happen if i get used to it. like what if i let him in and then he leaves? wouldn't it just be easier to push him away now?" eleanor asked.

"god, you really are dark and twisty inside."

"shut up, so are you. what are you doing laying awake at four anyway?" eleanor asked.

"i have a feeling."

"well we just went over my feeling, what's your feeling?"

"like i might die."

"me too, i feel like i could die right now, honestly."

"i hate your brother."

"yeah, that's understandable."

"the problem is that i don't hate him. i love him, and he loves his wife."

"i still don't understand why he would take her back after that... after mark, of all people, after everything that happened. you know, i've been on your side this whole time, i told him he should leave her like 3 times."

"she's got my mcdreamy, my mcdog, she's got my mclife."

"no mer, no... addie doesn't—satan doesn't—have your mclife."

"she so does."

"okay well, derek loves you more than he loves her."

"don't say that."

"what? it's tr-"

"don't say that unless you know, and i mean know, that it's true."

"i do know, he told me. i mean he didn't say that he loved you more, but he said he loved you and the rest was just implied--"

"elle, stop."

"i'm just saying." eleanor shrugged.

"i wouldn't break up with him over a feeling"

"i know."

"if he picked me i wouldn't be dark and twisty, i wouldn't take little things as a sign to end it."

"i know."

"good is good, eleanor. if you think alex is good, don't push him away."

"i know." eleanor frowned. "god, i'm sorry."

"why?"

"because i'm complaining about this tiny little thing and derek chose addison, i probably sound like a total asshole."

"you're not an asshole, elle."

"you sure?"

"promise. it's not your fault you don't know how to accept love." meredith said bluntly.

"ouch." eleanor chuckled.

"it's true." meredith laughed.

"it is, isn't it?"

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"we're just not going" meredith said.

"you have to go to work. you're interns. saving lives is not optional."

"yes it is." eleanor chirped.

"we're staying home." meredith told them.

"you're supposed to be helping." izzie mumbled to george.

"uh... mer, elle. maybe, um, there'll be a horrible accident nearby the hospital. you'll cut a bunch of people open--sternotomies, craniotomies. that'd be fun, right?" george asked them.

"i don't care about surgeries." meredith told him, sandwiching her head between two pillows.

"me either. we're being dark and twisty. today is a dark and twisty day, george, we have feelings." eleanor told him.

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"so much for feelings, huh?" eleanor said to meredith. cristina had dragged them both out of meredith's bed and into work, forcing them to take on the day.

"uh-hm." meredith mumbled.

"you two alright?" derek asked.

"i have a feeling." meredith told him.

"me too, i also have a feeling. a bad one." eleanor added.

"i get those." derek said.

"yeah?" meredith asked.

"yeah." derek nodded in response to meredith.

"i feel like i'm interrupting something." eleanor whispered, which earned a elbow from meredith.

"and?" meredith asked derek.

"if you wait long enough, it passes." he said.

"promise?" meredith asked.

"i promise." he said.

"that's bull, how do you know? what if it doesn't pass?" eleanor asked once meredith walked away.

"what's your problem? i thought you were all happy-go-lucky these days."

"not so sure about that anymore." eleanor hummed.

"do i need to kill him?" derek asked with a raised eyebrow.

"no... no. he didn't do anything. i just have a feeling. that's all." she shrugged, walking out and joining the other interns.

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"she's been going at it for at least 15, 20 minutes. this must be like, some kind of record." alex said as the woman continued to scream.

"mrs. carlson," eleanor tried, but she just kept screaming. "hey, where'd you go this morning?" she asked him.

"oh, i-"

"burke says shut her up." cristina interrupted.

"we've got an incoming trauma--m.v.c. with a 30 minute extrication time, and severe intrusive damage to the car. definite head injury. stable vitals on everything else. five minutes out." nurse olivia told them.

"i've got it." cristina said.

"i got it." eleanor said, giving alex a look as she walked away.

"i called it first." cristina said.

"i thought you said burke told you to shut her up." alex pointed out.

"oh, no. burke told me to tell you to shut her up." cristina said, walking away.

"okay, what do we got?" derek asked as he walked into the trauma room.

"tucker jones, age 35, lost control of his car, hit the guardrail, flipped--" eleanor started.

"he's got a head contusion. a head c.t. shows a left sided depressed skull fracture--" cristina interrupted.

"and a temporal epidural hematoma. g.c.s. was 14 in the field, it's now down to 12. his motor exams are intact." eleanor took back over.

"okay, let's get him on a gram of dilantin and 70 grams of mannitol." derek ordered.

"on it." eleanor said.

"mr. jones, i'm gonna need to do an examination of you, okay?" derek said.

"uh, my phone." tucker mumbled as his phone rang. "an-answer, it's my wife."

"okay--"

"you need to--"

"we're gonna answer your phone." derek told him. "nellie, go answer his phone."

"but i'm--"

"i got it." cristina said as she snagged the needle from her hands.

eleanor rolled her eyes and pulled off her gloves, grabbing the man's phone and answering.

"hello? george? what... it's eleanor, why are you calling my patient? bailey's husband's phone... oh my god, what's bailey's husbands name? oh jesus..." eleanor sighed, hanging up the phone. "derek, wait up. that's that--"

"spit it out, nel, c'mon."

"our patient is doctor bailey's husband."

"eleanor, could you check that." derek asked as his pager beeped.

"yeah," she nodded, checking the pager and picking up the phone.

"what'd they want?" derek asked.

"they want us to... evacuate? "

"evacuate? did they say why?" he asked.

"no, but, um, you're pager says code black. i'm embarrassed, but i don't know that one, do you?" eleanor asked.

"you're sure they said that?" he asked.

"100%. what does it mean?"

"it could be a drill. even if it's not a drill, i can't evacuate. i've got an open brain on the table. i'm not leaving bailey's husband on the table with his skull flap open, so if anybody wants to go, they should go." derek said. "anybody want to evacuate? going once, going twice, three times.

"will you please just answer the question, derek? what does a code black mean?" eleanor asked.

"you're sure they said 'code black'?" he asked one more time.

"yes, jesus, derek, just tell me."

"it's a bomb. there's a bomb in the hospital."

"sir, i'm sorry but this is a sterile area. there's a mans brain open on the tab--"

"eleanor?" meredith called out.

"sir, please, back up." eleanor told. "mer, what's going on?"

"bomb in a body cavity." meredith said.

"in a body cavity? i knew there was a bomb, but... damn. we've got bailey's husband on the table."

"what procedure?"

"craniotomy. got into an accident on the way to the birth." eleanor told.

"so much for our feelings, huh?" meredith said.

"yea--"

"excuse me. excuse me! hey, stop talking." the bomb squad guy yelled.

"geez." eleanor mouthed.

"dr. shepherd, there's an explosive device in the o.r. next door. i need you to evacuate now." dylan said to derek.

"yeah, and i've got a guy whose brain is exposed on this table. i'm not going to walk away and leave him to die. the rest of you can go. you should go."

"you close him up. you do whatever you have to do. the chief of surgery has authorized me to tell you you cannot stay here." dylan told him.

"the chief of surgery does not scare me. dr. bailey scares me. i'm not gonna be the one to tell her her husband died, and that's what would happen if we put his skull flap back on in this condition, bomb or no bomb. now get out of my o.r." derek told him. "nellie, you need to leave."

"i'm not leaving you here by yourself, you need an assist, or at least someone to talk to."

"that someone doesn't need to be you, get out of here."

"i'm not leaving, derek, okay? if this thing blows, i'm going out with you."

"you're so stupid. and reckless, you know that?"

"so are you, you know that ?"

authors note,,,,

bomb ep is here, wow cute slay pussy yass serving cunt.

okay not funny i'm sorry things are about to go downhill

my bad!!! 

also tysm for 20k reads

enjoy. byeee.