"bottle up & explode!"
by elliott smith

" bottle up and explode over and over
keep the troublemaker below
put it away, check out for the day
in for a round of overexposure
the thing mother nature provides
to get up and go

you look at him like you've never known him
but i know for a face that you have
the last time you cried
who'd you think was inside?
thinking that you were about to come over
but i'm tired now of waiting for you
you never show
bottle up and go if you're gonna hide
it's up to you
i'm coming through
bottle up and go
i can make it outside
I'll get through "

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

"as we know it"
season 2, episode 17

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

"dr. shepherd." burke said as he entered the o.r.

"dr. burke." derek said

"dr. burke." and eleanor said at the same time.

"i guess i should have said dr. shepherds," he said. "how's it going?"

"he's got a second bleed under the skull base. if i do what the textbooks say, he could lose the power of speech, herniate through the first craniotomy and die." derek said.

"what's your other option?" burke asked.

"well, if i do what i want to do, he could lose the power of speech, herniate through the first craniotomy and die."

"yeah. well, good luck with that." he said.

"thanks." derek replied. 

"is there something you needed, dr. burke?" eleanor asked.

"you know, it was really stupid of you both to not evacuate." he said.

"hmm. you, too." derek hummed.

"yeah, i know." he acknowledged.

"maybe we should all consider a change in profession, it's not too late for me." eleanor suggested.

"yes, maybe we should." burke agreed.

"now can you operate and, uh, remove the device from the guy?" derek asked.

"after the bomb squad is through assessing him, i'm going to try." burke explained.

"gotta say, i don't want to be the guy that kills bailey's husband." derek said lowly.

"i don't want to be the guy who kills us all." burke retorted. "dr. shepherds."

"dr. burke." derek and eleanor said at once.

"cristina? what are you doing in here, you should be evacuated." eleanor said as cristina walked in.

"so should you."

"okay, but there are enough people in here already, you aren't needed, you should go."

"i can't leave, okay? dr. shepherd? just let me stay." cristina asked derek, ignoring eleanor.

"my sister is right, but i can't force you to leave." derek said.

"how's he doing?" she asked.

"he's hanging in there." dereked answered.

"how's that paramedic doing? hannah, i think her name was?" eleanor asked.

"hannah?" cristina asked.

"the girl with the bomb." derek said. 

"oh, um, she's hanging in there, too."

"nellie, can i have those scissors?" derek asked eleanor, who was preoccupied looking out the window on the door. "what's so interesting out there?"

"cristina, will you go see what's going on and come back and tell me?" eleanor asked to which cristina nodded and took off her gown and stepped outside the o.r. "sorry, der, here you go." she said, handing over the scissors.

"thanks." he mumbled.

"you know, me and mer, we had a bad feeling today. we were both going to stay home."

"yeah? maybe you should've."

"cristina dragged us out of bed."

"sounds like cristina." he nodded.

"do you love meredith more than addison?" eleanor asked, earning an odd stare from the few other people in the room.

"why would you ask that?" derek asked, annoyed.

"because i think we both know the answer."

"if you knew the answer, why'd you ask?"

"because i want to hear you say it out loud."

"well i'm not going to."

"we could blow up at any moment and you're not willing to say it out loud to me. what are you guys gonna blab dr. shepherd's secrets?" eleanor asked the other staff, who all shook their head no. "see, you're secrets safe here."

"oddly enough, it's not them i'm worried about blabbing."

"whatever." eleanor scoffed.

"how's it going out there, yang?" derek asked.

"yeah, where's my update?" eleanor asked.

"everything's fine." cristina said.

"how's the girl with the bomb?" derek asked.

"how's he doing" cristina asked.

"he's almost there." derek answered.

"cristina, you didn't answer the question. the girl with the bomb, how is she?" eleanor asked.

it was quiet for a second.

"it's meredith. the girl with the bomb is meredith." cristina answered.

derek and eleanor stared with wide eyes, but their reaction time was cut short when bailey's husband began to flatline.

they pushed epi, atropine, and preformed cpr, but none of it was working. just when they were about to give up, he came back.

"oh thank god." eleanor let out.

"i gotta get back to work on his brain." derek said.

"i'm-i'm gonna go check on meredith." eleanor said.

"what? you can't go in there, elle." cristina told her.

"yeah, yang is right don't go out there. please, nellie, it'll be okay, just stay in here." derek begged.

"she's my best friend."

"she's mine too and i'm staying out."

"you're only out because burke made you leave." eleanor scoffed.

"well i'm your brother and i'm telling you to stay. not just brother, your boss."

"i won't go in the o.r. I'll just go into the hallway, okay?" eleanor bargained.

"no, not okay. stay."

"i'm sorry, der. i love you, okay? I'll be fine, meredith will be fine, okay?"

"jesus christ," he sighed. "i love you too, nellie, you've always been my favorite sister."

"you say that to all of us. I'll be fine." she smiled and walked out into the hallway.

she saw the bomb squad guy who had entered their o.r. earlier walk out of the o.r. with the device in his hands. that meant meredith had gotten it out. she ran down to the door of the o.r. where meredith was about to walk out.

eleanor was a smart girl, but when it came to danger and the people she loved--she couldn't think straight.

she ran in front of meredith, her back to the bomb squad, urging her friend to stay back, not even realizing the fact that she was even closer to it. like i said, she couldn't think straight.

then it exploded.

"yo, where the hell is eleanor? i haven't seen her all day. has she been up there?" alex asked george.

"i think she was working with other-brother doctor shepherd on bailey's husband." he answered.

"okay, well shepherd's done now--where the hell is she?" alex asked frantically.

"i don't know, i wasn't up there." george shrugged.

"hey, shepherd, where's your sister?" alex ran over and asked.

"what do you mean? she's not down here?"

"no i thought she was working with you." alex said.

"she was, but then she left to check on meredith."

"well i haven't seen her either." alex informed.

"oh my god," izzie said at the sight, rushing down to meredith and eleanor's side.

"well they're alive." cristina said after checking both of their pulses.

"why isn't eleanor wearing a flak jacket?" izzie asked.

"she was in shepherd's o.r. the whole time. she wasn't near the o.r. until she decided to run out into the hallway like an idiot." cristina answered.

"jesus," izzie sighed.

"page alex, we can't carry them both out on our own." cristina told izzie who nodded and pulled out her pager. "mer, wake up." cristina said, lightly tapping her face. meredith's eyes opened slowly, but she said nothing. "do you think you can stand?" she asked.

"i paged alex, he should be up here soon. cristina, eleanor's not waking up." izzie told her.

"it seems like she was closer to it, i think we can walk meredith out, but if eleanor's not waking up she might need a gurney to take her the e.r. or something." cristina said.

"oh my god," alex said as he turned the corner. "is she- is she alive?" he asked frantically.

"relax, she's okay. i think she's knocked out though, she hasn't woken up yet." izzie told him. 

"we've got mer, do you have her?" cristina asked.

"have her? what do you mean, what am i supposed to do?" he asked.

"take her down the e.r. i don't know alex." cristina said. "c'mon mer, let's get you cleaned up." she said swooping one arm under her and izzie under the other.

alex watched as they walked away, meredith couldn't even hold herself up on her own.

"hey, elle, c'mon, wake up." he said to her softly, tapping her face in an attempt to get some kind of response. "fuck it." he sighed, picking her up under her legs and back and carrying her over to the first gurney he could find. he put her down on it and wheeled it into the elevator. he headed down the ground floor into the emergency room and paged shepherd 911. it wasn't life or death, but it was the guy's sister so he figured it was worthy of a 911 page.

derek and addison were already down there when they got there.

"hey, she was in the hallway when it blew. her pulse is fine but she hasn't woken up yet. other than that no obvious serious injuries, i'm thinking she's just got a concussion but you might want a head c.t. just in case." alex explained.

"oh god," addison cried out. "derek, you can't, she's- she's your sister you can't work on family." she told him as he lunged towards her.

"i'm the head of neuro, she's got a head injury." derek justified. neither alex nor addison tried to stop him when he went in to check her pupils. 

"pupils are equal and reactive." derek sighed with relief. 

suddenly, she began to stir. "what?" eleanor mumbled as she sat up.

"hey, easy, you're okay." derek said, steadying his sister as she sat up.

"my head..."

"yeah, you hit it pretty hard in the explosion." alex said, brushing her hair out of her eyes.

"why'd you have to go out there, nel? you had me scared half to death." derek said, wrapping his arms around his sister and squeezing her tight.

"ow, ow."

"oh god, sorry."

"dude, i just blasted by a bomb and you squeeze me? idiot." eleanor chuckled painfully. "ow."

"what else hurts besides your head? are we missing anything?" alex asked.

"everything hurts, alex. like i said, i just got blasted by a bomb." she groaned.

"right, but do you think you have any internal bleeding or anything like that? i mean you weren't wearing a flak jacket like mer was." alex asked.

"how would i know if i have internal bleeding?"

"wait, meredith was in the explosion too?" derek asked nervously.

"dude, she's fine. iz and cristina have got her, she was able to walk." alex told him.

derek let out a breath, and addison watched his expression closely.

"i think you should get a ct just to be safe." addison suggested.

"look, everything hurts, but i'm fine, okay? i just want to go home and shower, i feel horrible and disgusting and i want to sleep in my own bed." eleanor sighed.

"alex, she's got a concussion. i want you to stay with her tonight and take care of her, make sure she's okay." derek told him.

"yes sir." alex agreed.

"good, now you rest up, nellie, okay? i don't want to hear anything about you running around trying to tough it out. you need to take it easy, seriously." he told her.

"okay, dad." she rolled her eyes.

'you got this?' derek mouthed to alex, who nodded. "good."

alex had helped eleanor out of the hospital, then into the car, out of the car, into the house, into the bath, out of the bath, and into her clothes. he took care of all her wounds in the bathroom, cleaning them with care and bandaging them gently. he walked her out of the bathroom and into her bedroom, helping her slowly get into bed.

there were no words spoken between them. eleanor wasn't thinking about the fact that alex had left while she was asleep this morning and alex wasn't thinking about why he had done it.

he wasn't going to do that tomorrow, he had to take care of her. but even if he didn't have to, he didn't want to leave her side. he was going to hold her all night long, and she wasn't going to slip out of his arms because she was in too much pain to care. but even if she wasn't, she didn't want to leave his side.

there was something about fear that makes you realize things. in the understanding that you might lose someone for good, you begin to realize how much you'd hate your life without them in it.

but then again, in the presence of fear, sometimes you know how much you'd hate your life without them in it and you push them away anyways.

authors note,,,,,,,,

ok well that was the bomb ep super cute. not traumatizing. definitely not the beginning of a series of unfortunate events. 

but guess what????? the moment we've all been waiting for is almost here, marks arrival!!! aka the shitshow the century for miss eleanor.

things are about to get bad ojnrbeajnfbankinkfmbkpn

ok mark next. eek. ok goodbye. enjoy.