"time to try again"
good morning

" time to try again
at home i need to find my pills
something they forgot to teach was
how to relax when things look steep
but you and i've been told
that now we're getting older
to use some sense and not our luck
oh i never had enough
so i try again "

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season 3
 standalone chapter

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eleanor had since not only been released from the hospital, but she'd been released without any further limitations. no mandated time off or therapy, which she was grateful for. bailey was suspicious, burke was hopeful, derek and addison were happy, yet still concerned, and mark had taken the forgiveness and ran with it.

but alex was still petrified.

not that he would ever say that, but he was. he was scared all of the time.

it certainly didn't help that eleanor refused to talk about it.

she just kept saying it was fine. well, she had said things were fine before and they weren't, so how was he supposed to believe that?

there was this looming presence of the whole situation, things had been weird, but nobody dared to talk about it.

they all avoided their problems. all of them but izzie, who usually channeled her feelings into baking, but meredith tried to explain that maybe that wasn't the appropriate thing to do. however, they were able to compromise for only one batch of muffins. after that, though, she was done.

so now, they were all avoiding their feelings.

none of them had ever seen alex care so much about things being in order. he had gone to the grocery store himself and stocked the fridge (something they weren't even sure he knew how to do). and he had cleaned, yeah, actually cleaned, which was another thing they didn't even know he could do.

he was so intent on making this right for eleanor when she came home, it was actually starting to freak them out. he was fluffing pillows when cristina asked what was wrong with him, meredith and izzie could only shrug.

but alex had done this before. sure, it wasn't exactly the same thing--helen needed to take her pills, eleanor just needed to eat--but the situations were close enough that he was prepared.

because he had done this before.

he figured eleanor would be a little bit more reasonable, being a doctor and all. he hoped it would be as quick and easy as she was claiming it would be, but he was prepared for that to not be true.

because one day his mother would be fine, and the next she was talking to the walls.

so maybe one day eleanor would be fine, and maybe the next day she wouldn't be.

but alex had done this before. he could take care of her.

he had done it before, he could do it now.

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"bailey, is all this really necessary? I mean you do know I'm going to get up and walk out of the hospital, right? and then walk home... and then to work tomorrow... and then everywhere after that. you don't need to wheel me around." eleanor questioned as bailey wheeled her to the exit of the hospital.

"what you do when you are no longer a patient in this hospital is none of my business, shepherd. but in the meantime, i am limiting your physical activity by pushing you in this wheelchair." bailey explained.

"technically, dr. bailey, i've already been discharged, so i'm already not a patient anymore."

"oh--would you just sit still and shut up... jesus my interns..."

"yes, ma'am." eleanor chuckled. 

"alex is picking you up, yeah?" bailey asked.

"yes, he should be down in the lobby." eleanor answered as they rode in the elevator. there was a brief awkward silence.

"are you okay? like really okay? because the intern exams are coming up, shepherd, soon enough you'll be a resident with your own little idiots to look after and if you're not alright--"

"i'm alright, dr. bailey. seriously, i mean it. i'm fine." she told her.

"you better not be lying to me, shepherd."

"i'm not." eleanor smiled.

"good." bailey nodded as the elevator doors opened. as they turned the corner, there alex was, a big smile on his face as he waited.

eleanor stood up from the chair and ran over.

"hey, easy!" bailey yelled.

eleanor turned around and rolled her eyes.

"hey." alex said.

"hey." she smiled, wrapping her arms around him.

"you ready to go?" he asked.

"i've never been more ready to get out of this place in my life." she sighed lightheartedly.

"good." he said, taking her hand in his as they walked out of the hospital. "so i have something to tell you."

"what? are you pregnant?" she laughed.

"no... no." he shook his head. "but i--i moved into the house, i took george's room when you were in the hospital and if you don't mind me being there, i'd like to stay."

"what? like move in together?" she asked as she got into the passenger side of his car.

"well, i mean technically, yes. but you'd still have your room and i'd have mine, we'd just be under the same roof, you know, roommates."

"do you want to be just roommates?" she asked.

"well, of course i don't just want to be your roommate, but i'm not saying just 'cause i moved into the frat house doesn't mean we have to like 'move in together' "

"okay but do you want to move in together?" she asked.

"i don't not want to move in with you, i just... maybe we should just take it slow, you know? see how things go?" he suggested.

eleanor said nothing, only smiled. alex couldn't tell because his eyes were on the road.

"elle?" he asked, worried.

"yeah?" 

"you didn't say anything." he said.

"right."

"so..."

"so what?"

"what do you think? about what i said. are you mad? is that not what you wanted to hear or--"

"it's exactly what i wanted to hear, alex."

"really?" he asked, briefly looking over at her in the passenger side.

"yes." she smiled, looking back.

"cool... that's... that's cool."

"god, you're such a dork once you get past that tough guy persona." she laughed.

"shut up." he scoffed.

she watched him as he drove and smiled. she felt good. she felt good for the first time in a long time.

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"hey!" meredith, izzie, cristina, and derek all yelled out when alex and eleanor walked through the door.

"oh, god. you guys, it's really not a big deal. please don't make it a big deal." eleanor said, hiding her head in her hands as alex put his arm around her and pressed a kiss on the top of her head.

"welcome home!" izzie exclaimed.

"thanks, iz. it's good to be home."

"i don't think i said it formerly, but, you saved my life, eleanor. thank you." meredith said softly as she hugged eleanor tight.

"wouldn't have it any other way." eleanor mumbled into her shoulder.

"okay, quit it with the sappy crap." cristina said.

"it's good to see you too, cristina." she mocked. eleanor rolled her eyes and looked over to her brother. he hit her with that brotherly smile, the one that almost asks the question of 'are you okay?' all on its own. she replied with the one he knew all too well, 'of course i am, you know me'. still, derek was unconvinced.

"hey, kid." he said, wrapping his younger sister in a hug.

"hi." she mumbled into his chest.

"how are you feeling? any lightheaded or dizziness? because if you are--"

"derek, stop. i'm fine, okay?" she told him. "all of you guys, i'm fine, i promise! i appreciate all of this, but seriously, i'm okay. this doesn't need to be a big deal."

"well it is a big deal, because you're good people and you deserve good things." meredith smiled.

"oh, god. i really have missed a lot, haven't i? meredith is a people person now."

"we almost died together. twice. that's gotta say something. just let us be happy you're back, elle." meredith told her.

"fine." she smiled. "and for the record... i am so happy to be out of there, i mean, hell, i thought working in that place was depressing, being a patient is so much worse." she scoffed. "wait a minute... are those--do i smell muffins? dear god, izzie, please tell me you didn't bake for me."

author's note,,,,,

hey guys, first of all, thank you for 50k reads!!!!

second of all, i wanted to put something out but to be quite honest this chapter is such crap LOL i have been juggling school and work and even tho i want to write more than anything and i have so many ideas for this fic, i have been so drained and it's just been hard.

hopefully, I'll be able to get something more substantial out soon, but for now a little bit of joy.