Over the next couple of weeks, Jason continues to go to therapy as directed by Bruce. To his surprise, it actually seems to be helping a little bit. He's still having nightmares but they aren't every night anymore. His hands aren't shaking as badly either. He just feels a little bit better. Maybe Bruce and Sam were right about Leslie.

Him and Sam are doing better, too. There have been moments where he's gotten a little too frustrated but he remembers their talk and she gives him a little bit of space until he's ready to talk. It works for them. They go on dates at least once a week and they actually feel normal during the day. It's not about being a vigilante and figuring out how to survive.

She goes out three days a week instead of six. This is Jason's thing and she knows it bothers him. She can wait to patrol every night until he gets Robin back. It doesn't bother her that much. And this way, they get to spend more time together and exist in a normal way that she desperately craved. They are a normal couple for once.

Above all of that, it's been good. Things have been good. And while that is terrifying, they stick it out anyway. They don't run or push. They want to sometimes because it's easier but they're fucking happy. So, they don't. They don't do it because losing each other is worse than anything the other could ever dish out. Running and pushing wouldn't do them any good for the first time in their lives. So, they enjoy the happiness together. Until things come to a screeching halt.

Sam is in the living room, having a FaceTime TV marathon with Gar when Bruce comes home. He offers a quick hello before trying to walk off but Sam calls him anyway. He's home a lot later than he should be since he went to pick up Jason. It was his request she stay back this time.

"Where's Jason?" Sam questions.

In all fairness, she wouldn't be asking him normally but she also hasn't heard much from Jason since his therapy session ended. He said Bruce was taking him somewhere so he would be home later. And that was kind of the end of it. He's been doing quite a bit better so Sam hasn't been as worried when he doesn't text her back right away. But now Bruce is here without him.

"In the city." Bruce answers plainly.

"Why? You went to pick him up?" Sam raises a brow and something happened. Jason texted her in the car. He was fine and with Bruce.

She looks at the time and sees that was a few hours ago.

"He's upset. I'm giving him space. You should, too." Bruce states.

"What did you do?" Sam deadpans, pulling up the text thread with Jason.

"I did not do anything." Bruce defends. "He'll be home soon." Bruce states before he walks off.

"Everything okay?" Gar asks.

"Nope." Sam shakes her head. "I assume they got into some sort of fight again." Sam rolls her eyes. "Did he text you by chance?" Sam asks seeing the read receipt from a few hours ago.

Gar checks his phone and the last he heard from Jason was that morning. "No, he hasn't texted me since this morning. What's going on?"

Sam: you okay? Bruce said you're upset what happened?

"I have no idea. He was fine earlier." Sam lets out a sigh, looking back at Gar through the tablet screen.

"You said he's been better, right? Maybe he's just blowing off steam from Bruce." Jason has shared some of the stuff that's happened and has complained a little about Bruce.

"Yeah, but if that's the case, he usually comes to me to bitch about Bruce because I always agree with him." Sam gives Gar a grin just as her phone goes off.

Jaybird 🥰: fuck bruce I'm fine don't worry

Sam: what happened? Do you want me to come get you?

"Well he texted me back and I was right, fight with Bruce." Sam rolls her eyes.

They fight sometimes, usually about Robin-related things or Jason wanting to do something reckless and Bruce putting a stop to it. Jason's usually only a mad an hour or so before he's fine and over it. Jason doesn't hold very many grudges.

"Did he say about what?" Gar asks.

"Nope. Just said, fuck Bruce."

Jaybird 🥰: no just wanna be alone still you and me love you ❤️

Sam: call or text every so often so I know you're okay please I love you, too 🥰

"What'd he say?" Gar asks. He worries enough for the both of them.

"He wants to be alone and when Jason wants to be alone that is never good. But we have this thing where I let him be alone and then he tells me about it later. So, I guess I have to wait. If he isn't home or texting me in a few hours, I'll go look for him." Sam reluctantly puts her phone down. Giving Jason space is never easy.

"Think he'll be alright?" Gar asks with worry in his voice.

"Yeah, him and Bruce fight sometimes. I'm sure it's nothing too bad, Bruce probably just said something stupid and Jason was already in a mood." Sam let's out a sigh as the worry feeling gnaws at her stomach.

"Did you want to still—"

"Yeah, yeah, no. We can keep watching. He said he'll text me." Sam offers a soft smile while the two of them continue their show.

It's not fair. It's utter bullshit. Jason can't help the way his blood is boiling and fuming while his hands shake. Bruce doesn't think he's good enough to be Robin. Bruce gave up on him. Jason is supposed to be his son and Bruce gave up on him anyway but he never gave up on Dick. If Jason weren't so weak, this whole thing never would have happened. But he's gonna prove to Bruce he can be Robin. He can be the best Robin and he can be a better Batman, too. He just needs a little help in the fear department.

He's desperate. He tells himself this is a one-time thing. Fear creeps in his throat, grasping to be let out in the damp air. It's a one-time thing, he tells himself. He's out of options if he wants to be Robin. He's out of options if he wants to keep the most important thing in his life. All he needs is a quick fix to fear and he'll be back out there, better than he has ever been. He'll prove it to Bruce. Bruce is wrong about him.

Bruce thinks he's a mistake. He thinks Jason isn't worth the trouble just like everyone else. Bruce thinks Jason is weak. He thought Jason could replace Dick and he couldn't. Not as Robin and not as Bruce's son. But if he can get rid of his fear, he can show him how wrong he is. He isn't just another mistake. He isn't weak and he's better than Dick. He swears this will be it. It won't be bad. He can handle this. He swears it'll all be fine. So, he hangs up on Leslie and heads inside the gates of Arkham Asylum as rain patters around him.

He's a master manipulator. Jason knows that. It's one of the things he's best at. But the desperation for a cure to fear clouds every aspect of that. The desperation doesn't let him see why Crane wants information for the cure. He can't see Crane's angel in his state of paralyzed desperation. And Jason has been manipulated before. He swears he'll know if Crane is manipulating him because he knows what to look out for this time. But, desperation and the fear of being scared forever, go hand in hand. Fear and desperation cloud everything. He tosses his loyalty from the window as he gets closer to the formula. Crane gives him a piece of it with every piece of information Jason gives him.

"Tell me about the first Robin." Crane offers this grin that sends a chill down Jason's spine.

"Like what?" Jason huffs.

"His name, where he is, everything you know."

"Dick Grayson. He's in San Francisco and goes by Nightwing." Jason explains, throwing Dick completely under the bus. He has a problem with Dick now anyway. Dick Grayson has always been the goody two shoes and Bruce's favorite. Jason only got to be Robin because Dick abandoned Bruce. Jason was a filler. "He's with the Titans. He got Deathstroke's son killed and dropped me from a skyscraper." Jason lets out a scoff.

"Interesting. Doesn't seem to be the golden boy Bruce portrayed him as." Crane grins and this is easier than he thought it would be. Jason has no problems rolling, apparently and Crane knows he's going to use that to his advantage.

He's broken. He's desperate and Crane has the cure he wants. This is going to be easy and Crane gets all benefits. Jason lets him take down the Bat but in the best way. Crane is going to get the Bat's son to turn on him and get rid of him. To break him. And then Dick Grayson and all of Gotham will follow. Crane finds the whole thing a little poetic. He can use him. And Jason will never see through it once he figures out the formula.

"Yep." Jason answers simply, wanting to get this over with and Crane offers him a piece of the formula.

"The Titans. Who are they?" Crane asks, hiding the malicious intent behind curiosity.

Jason looks up to him and he doesn't like to throw some of the others under the bus. But Crane is here. He can't do anything. And most of them thought he was just Dick's weaker replacement anyway. They gave up, too.

"Rachel Roth, Raven. Hank Hall, Hawk. Dawn Granger, Dove. Kory Anders, Starfire. Conner Kent, Superboy. Gar Logan, Beast Boy." Jason pauses, waiting to see if Crane knows more.

Of course, he does. He's in Arkham, not living under a rock. The Bat gains a new sidekick and everyone knows about it. Crane is only taking a guess the new sidekick also was a Titan based on when she showed up and her close proximity with Robin, himself. He saw Jason's hesitance on his face. The fear.

Crane chuckles softly. "Aren't you missing someone, pal?" Crane asks, almost a little too warmly. "Could have sworn there was one more."

Jason grits his teeth and he's so sorry.

When he came up with this plan, he had a feeling Crane would want information. He came prepared for it. Part of that preparation was leaving Sam the hell out of it. Not her. Crane can't know about her. Anyone but her. But he does know. He already knows she's a Titan and he already knows she works for Bruce. Jason has no choice if he wants the formula. And he is so sorry.

"Sam Carter." Jason says her name with bitterness on his tongue. "Bluejay. She doesn't really like the name thing though." Jason answers.

Crane has a soft smile. "She's the new bird. So many of you are birds." Crane chuckles. "I do find it interesting you would try to leave her out of it. She's the new edition to Batman. Let me guess," Crane boasts around his cell. "Your girlfriend."

Not her. Not her. Not her. She has done everything she can to save him and help him. He loves her. Not her. Anyone but her.

"No." Jason answers. "Just friends." He bites the words because maybe Crane doesn't know for sure they're together and he wants her at arm's length.

"If you want the formula, you really shouldn't lie to me." Crane has a sinister smile. "You wouldn't leave her out of it if you were just friends." Crane lets the words fall with ease.

He's so fucking sorry.

"Yeah, okay fine. Girlfriend." Jason spits.

He knows she'll never forgive him if she finds out. She can't tell Molly anything but he's here telling Crane everything. She's going to hate him. But he needs a cure. He can't feel this way forever. He can't do it. He doesn't think he'll be able to live like this anymore.

"Ah, young love." Crane smiles with that shrug of his shoulders. She is going to be an interesting obstacle in this one. He's already trying to protect her from this. Crane knows he needs to break that bond as fast as he can if he wants this plan to work. "I want to know about her." There's this look that crosses Crane's eyes and Jason almost turns around.

But he doesn't.

"Why? She's not with the fucking Titans and she hates Bruce. She works with him because of me. That's it. She got a suit out of it and a place to stay."

"I'm a bit of a romantic, myself. Love stories are cute. Always having someone on your side, through thick and thin. It is quite romantic, don't you think? If we're going to work together, I want to know why she's so important to you." Crane grins. "You can trust me, boy. We want the same things and the way the Bat has treated you...it's so cruel. But I, I believe in you. That's why I'm helping you. You trust me, don't you?"

She's going to kill him. Guilt chews at his limbs. His jaw squares and he thinks swallowing his own teeth would be easier than this. But he has to. Maybe Crane is being sincere. Jason thinks he is. At least enough. Maybe if Jason tells him enough, Crane will see she isn't a problem. Maybe he'll see Sam would side with them. She wants Gotham to be better, she doesn't agree with Bruce's ways. Maybe Crane will understand. He's helping Jason, maybe he can help Sam. She's scared, too.

"Dick found her." Jason answers reluctantly. "She joined the Titans. We went after Deathstroke together. Got kidnapped and dropped from the skyscraper. Dick saved her. CADMUS attacked her, Gar, and Conner when I was gone. Dick left them alone when shit hit the fan. CADMUS left her for dead. So, she came back to Gotham." Jason explains.

"She was there with Deathstroke." Crane lets out a sigh and like Bruce, in a way, he can always tell when someone could need him. Someone who's been traumatized. His intentions aren't as pure as Bruce's. "But Dick saved her and not you. Did you save her?"

"It wasn't like that." Jason shakes his head. "Dick tried to save me first and dropped me. Then he saved her. But yeah," Jason nods. "I protected her and she did the same shit for me."

"The two of you went through something so traumatic together. That really must have brought you closer. It's not as romantic as I was hoping for but it is quite nice." Crane grins. "She has powers, doesn't she?"

"Acid generation." Jason stares, leaving out the combat clairvoyance and the possibility of her having sharp shooting abilities. Two things Crane can't prove Jason lied about.

"Now that is interesting. Does she know you're here right now? Asking for my help?"

"No." Jason shakes his head. "Look, she's got nothing to with this shit. But, I can get her on our side. The other Titans targeted me for all types of shit I didn't do and she was the only one on my side. She's not a fucking problem. I can handle her."

Crane grins and that's all he needs. Jason is already hiding something huge from her. The distrust will be there and Jason doesn't know Crane's whole plan. If it goes the way he thinks it will, it'll break their relationship. He will have no one left besides Crane. Exactly how he wants it. So, he decides he'll let Jason think he believes this whole thing and moves back to the Titans.

"I do hope you're right." Crane sighs. "Tell me everything that happened in San Fransisco, with all of the Titans."

Jason lets out a sigh before he spills every piece of information. He tells him everything from Trigon to Deathstroke to CADMUS. He tells him about the Titans turning on him for something he didn't do, Sam talking him off the roof. Dick's confession and Donna's death. Everything.

Then he tells Crane everything he knows about Bruce. The manor, the Batcave. Everything. He tells Crane about his training and the cabin, how Bruce found him and how Bruce found Dick. He spills and Crane lets him talk. Crane listens a lot but asks questions where he finds needed but he mostly just lets Jason talk as Jason keeps Sam out of it as much as he can. Jason is far more cooperative when it comes to everyone else.

Crane figures once he figures out the formula, he can get more information on Sam and use it against him if he needs to. He can't have anyone if this is going to work and Crane knows exactly how he'll be able to accomplish it. But for now, it's about the Titans and Bruce. By the time Jason finishes, he's got the formula tucked away in his pocket, ready to let fear go.

Jason pulls his phone from his pocket once he's far enough away from Arkham. He's spent the walk running over every lie he could tell Sam. Guilt eats at him with every step he takes. She's gonna kill him. He's gonna lie to her because he knows for a fact, she'll freak out. She'll think he's gone off the deep end and she'll tell Dick. They'll drag him kicking and screaming out of Gotham. They'll tell Arkham and he won't be able to see Crane again. It's not fair and it's not right. But she can't know. And a part of him finds that to be unfair, too because he's gonna fix his fear while Sam has to suffer with hers. That's not fair to her. So, he thinks.

Maybe he can figure out a way to bring it up without bringing it up. Maybe he can try to see how she'd feel about a way to get rid of fear. If she seems for it, then he can tell her. He can see if she wants to help. But the more he thinks about that, the more he thinks about Crane.

She'd have to be involved with him. Jason doesn't want her involved with him. Not him. And he knows, the second he tells her about Crane, she'll lose it. Even if she wants a cure-all. She'll bail the second she hears about Crane. She would never work with a guy like that. So, he has no choice. It's that or end it and he doesn't want to do that either.

"Hey." Jason says as Sam picks up the phone.

"Jay? Where are you? I've been texting you to make sure you were okay." He can hear her worry and he thinks maybe the anti-fear drug will make him not worry. Maybe she doesn't want to worry so much.

"I'm sorry." Jason clears his throat. "I needed to clear my damn head. I'm fine. Can you come get me, please?"

"Yeah, of course. Where are you?" Sam answers and Jason can hear her rustling on the other end.

"I'll text you the address." Jason states. "Thanks."

"Of course." Sam hangs up and gets to her feet while Jason texts her the address.

When Sam reaches Jason, he's soaked. Sam's heart aches, feeling like it's being squeezed right through her rib cage at the sight of him. He looks exhausted and lost. He looks distant and he is drenched from the winter rain. Something bad happened and she has no idea how she's going to be able to help.

Sam takes off her helmet, not getting off the bike. "Jay, are you okay?"

Jason gets up from the curb and walks up to her, offering her a fake smile. "Yeah." His jaw clenches and he doesn't even want to go home. He doesn't want to see Bruce. He'd rather be outside in the cold. "All good."

"What happened?" Sam reaches out but Jason dodges her, reaching for his helmet. A lump grows in Sam's throat. He doesn't dodges her. Not like that.

"Bruce took Robin away." Jason's voice cracks as he shakes his head.

He dodges her stare. He doesn't want to see the look she'll give him. On the one hand, he'll feel guilty. He'll feel guilty for lying and talking to Crane. And on the other, she'll give him a look that screams pity and that is the last thing he needs. Jason Todd doesn't need anyone's pity.

"What do you mean?" Sam questions.

"Like fucking permanently. He said I can't be Robin anymore." Jason lets out a bitter scoff as he feels the anger come back to his bloodstream.

"Jay, I'm so sorry." Sam says softly.

She never thought Bruce would take it away like that. Jason has been doing everything Bruce asked him to do. Ever since the Pete Hawkins thing, Jason has backed off entirely. He is putting a real effort into therapy, really trying to let the process help. Why would Bruce rip it away from him?

"Fuck him. I'm gonna fucking show him he's wrong. He's fucking wrong about me." Jason grits his teeth.

"He is." Sam nods her head. "Come on. Let's get you home and warm and we can talk more, okay?"

"Whatever." Jason scoffs, popping his helmet on before he gets on the back and holds onto Sam while she drives them back to the manor.

Sam gets Jason back to the manor and into a warm shower. He says almost nothing. It's as if he's completely numb and it breaks her to see him like this. Jason is anything but quiet in a shower with her, usually. And he's always handsy and cheeky. But, tonight, he's just quiet, going through the motions, stuck on his own head.

She doesn't understand how Bruce could take Robin away like that. It's not fair. Jason does what Bruce asks him to and he messes up sometimes but that's normal. How does he not see Robin is the most important thing to him? She even told him that. And he took Robin anyway. He never should have let him be Robin in the first place if this was something that could happen. Dick almost killed someone and he didn't take Robin from Dick. Jason tries his best. Why isn't that good enough for Bruce?

Dick was always right about him.

Jason plops onto Sam's bed, his eyes red and puffy. His heart feels like it's being crushed by cinderblocks. It all hurts. How did he really let another person down? How was he fooled into believing Bruce was different than everyone else? He thinks about his dad. His dad wasn't a good person but Jason, sometimes, wonders if it was him. Maybe it was his fault his dad was like that. Maybe it was different before him. His dad didn't choose to be his dad. But Bruce chose it. And still is giving up on him. Jason is Bruce's son by choice, he thought the choice of picking a son, would make it different. But it's the same old story Jason hates retelling.

He fucks up and people give up.

"Want me to rub your back while you tell me about it?" Sam offers as she stands in between his legs, looking down at him.

Jason looks up at her and she always worried so much. He wishes he could be better so she wouldn't worry about him. He wonders why she chooses him. She doesn't have to, like Bruce. But she does. He wonders if one day she'll stop. If his mom and his dad and his uncle and Dick and Bruce all chose other things over him, why wouldn't she? But he looks up at her and she gives him this soft smile with her fingertips brushing his knees with care and he thinks she's still different than everyone else.

Jason cracks a soft smile. "Yeah, actually. Thank you."

"Of course." Sam smiles softly.

Jason switches to his stomach, facing the TV just as they did the first day they started their friends-with-benefits situation. Sam sits on top of him and runs her hands over his back. Her hands are cold, sending goosebumps up his spine. Her hands are always cold, something he always finds a bit ironic given the acid generation warms her hands. But her fingers are soft as she traces over the scars on his back. She does it every time and he always meant to ask.

"Why do you do that?" Jason asks, his eyes closed with his head on his hands.

"Do what?" Sam asks as she starts rubbing his shoulders.

"Trace the scars."

"I dunno." Sam shakes her head and she didn't realize she did it often enough for him to notice.

She's not even sure why she does it. It's something mindless. Maybe it's her subconscious wishing if she traces them enough times, it'll remove the damage the scars have caused him, like a magic eraser. Or maybe tracing the scars is confirmation he's real.

Sometimes, she has a hard time believing he's real. All of this is real. She used to dream of a life outside of the basement, sometimes they'd feel so real she could swear they were. Wishful thinking. Maybe she traces them as confirmation that the raised and paled skin is real, Jason is here with her and she's not dreaming.

Maybe she likes the way the scars look on his skin but he managed to pull through all of his terrible shit and make it out the other end with a smart mouth and a heart of gold anyway. Maybe, she just does it because she cares about him regardless of the scars and what made them.

"Does it bother you?" Sam asks softly.

"No." Jason answers. "Just wondering."

It always makes him feel vulnerable, a harsh reminder he is not invincible as much as he likes to believe he is sometimes. He might have survived those injuries but they're there as harsh reminders. And Sam touches them and he thinks maybe she finds comfort in them, because she has them, too. And that's always enough for him. He thinks it makes him feel human and real and alive. He always feels a little exposed but it's become comforting with her.

"What happened?"

He thinks he has his lies in order. He knows he might be sabotaging the relationship. Despite everything he thinks as she massages over the scar on his back, he knows. He knows she might not forgive him. There's always a chance she won't be so understanding when she inevitably finds out because she always figures him out. But it s a risk he has to take.

He can't keep doing this anymore. He can't keep not sleeping. He can't keep shaking and freezing. He can't keep living like this. He knows he can't. It'll destroy him. It'll be miserable. The idea of going back to being useless and not good enough and a disappointment, he can't live like that. He needs help now, before Bruce finds his replacement. Maybe she'll understand that part.

"He fucking said he made mistakes and I guess I'm fucking one of them." Jason scoffs from under Sam.

Sam narrows her eyes thinking Bruce didn't actually say that. She has no faith in Bruce to communicate worth a shit given her conversation with him and given Jason and Dick. And Bruce might be very good at hiding his emotions, but she knows he actually cares about Jason. She doesn't think Bruce would ever tell Jason he was a mistake, even if he thought it.

"He said that?" Sam asks, pausing for a few seconds.

"Basically!" Jason groans. "And he doesn't want to make more mistakes and he said I can't be Robin anymore. He thinks I'm a fucking mental case. He doesn't care it's important to me. He doesn't care that I'm doing what he wants me to. It doesn't matter to him. It's fucking bullshit." Jason's voice shakes as his back tenses under Sam's palms.

"That's not fair. I don't know why he would do that. You were always a great Robin." Sam says softly.

She wishes she could have heard the conversation so she would know better what to say. But, she also knows, even if Bruce didn't say any of that and it came out wrong, it wouldn't change anything for her to decipher it for him. At the end of the day, Bruce could have outright told Jason he loves him and he doesn't want him to die and Jason would still be absolutely crushed with Robin being ripped away from him. Bruce's delivery of the message doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything.

"Just fucking tired of being scared." Jason lets out a defeated sigh. "Fucking gave up on me. Ya know, thought he was fucking different." His voice is etched in pain and Sam wishes she could take it all away. He never deserves the pain he gets.

It's honest. He can be honest with her about that. Maybe he wants her to figure it out.

"Yeah, I get it. Being scared really sucks. You'll get better though. I know I keep saying it but it takes time, Jay. Bruce should be giving you more time." Sam says. "I'm really sorry about him." Sam leans down and presses a kiss to his shoulder blade. "You still have me, okay?"

He knows. He'll always have her. Somewhere inside of him, he knows. The anxiety of her freaking out and leaving when she figures it out is there, but he also knows he's given her every opportunity to take off and run. And she never does. She'd understand his desperation. She'd understand why he lied. He knows he still has her.

"What if there were a cure for fear?" Jason asks and he's glad she can't see his face. She'd know.

"What do you mean?" Sam's brows furrow.

"What if there was a cure? Like we can just take it and not be scared anymore." Jason listens carefully, feeling her hands pause on his back. He knows without looking that she's got her right eyebrow raised at him, her eyes narrowing at him as if she can't decide if he's joking or serious.

"I mean that'd be great, but there would be consequences, right?" Sam questions.

She's a little concerned with the question. But, that'd be insane. It'd be insane for him to really look for a cure to fear. She swears he's just talking, doing one of his hypothetical talks he does like she does about the zombie apocalypse.

"Like what? Being fearless sounds pretty fucking good right about now." Jason scoffs.

"We'll, fear is just adrenaline, right? But that fear also keeps you looking both ways before crossing the street, it alerts you when someone is following you home. Without fear, also means you won't have excitement. You'll probably be emotionally numb to a lot of things. Not having adrenaline is dangerous though." Sam answers.

"Yeah, but isn't that fucking better than being scared all the damn time? You're afraid of everything, too and your nightmares are back. You wouldn't want something to stop it?" Jason looks over his shoulder.

Her nightmares came back a week and a half ago. Her and Molly were on a walk and ran into Jerry's Gotham house. Sam still doesn't know how she missed it, but she did. They were walking and having a good time and she saw the house and that was it. She broke and it's like all of the progress she made over the last few months evaporated into the atmosphere. Molly had to call Jason because Sam was having a panic attack and couldn't snap out of it. The nightmares came back that night.

"Of course, I would." Sam shrugs.

She thinks about it and maybe it would be nice. If nothing else, just so she could get some damn proper sleep. So, they could get some proper sleep. Maybe if they got some sleep, they'd be better. Maybe Jason makes a good point but then she thinks about how happy she is when she sees him and when a new movie comes out and her marathons with Gar. She wouldn't want to trade those feelings for being fearless.

"But not if it means getting rid of everything else. Adrenaline also keeps us alive. I've been numb and that's worse than being scared. Why?" Sam asks. "You trying to find a cure to fear or something?"

"No." Jason scoffs, letting out a fake laugh and he was really hoping she'd be on his side with this one. "Just fucking saying, wish there were a cure. At least so I can be Robin."

"Look, it sucks, Jaybird. But I don't think the answer to being Robin is being fearless. You had to use that fear to survive out there, too. You're gonna be okay and then you can go out and be your own hero. You don't have to be Robin. Dick quit and became Nightwing. You don't need Bruce to help people." Sam says. "And I still think you're plenty good enough. I'm just saying, if Bruce won't let you, do it yourself when you get better. You're good enough."

"Yeah, thanks." Jason sighs. "Maybe you're right but he doesn't believe in me anymore." Jason says and Sam knows it's never her approval he'll need. And that's okay but she wishes sometimes, like tonight, it were enough. "I'm gonna prove him wrong."

"Good, fuck Bruce." Sam smiles softly. "Just...give it a little bit, okay? Keep seeing Leslie, too. She's been helping."

"Yeah, I guess." Jason huffs.

"I'm serious, Jason. You do sleep more now. Seeing her is helping, just keep up with it. And then we'll go out together. Fuck Bruce. We'll be our own team." Sam lets out a soft chuckle.

"Thanks." Jason lets out a sigh.

She makes good points but his mind is made up. He's going to do this. He doesn't have time to wait around and hope for the best. He isn't going to Leslie. He's going to make the anti-fear drug and he won't be scared anymore. Maybe she's right. Maybe he'll be numb to everything but he doesn't care anymore. He is desperate for a cure. He needs it. Maybe he can only use it to be Robin, just to prove himself. It'll be a quick fix and that'll be the end of it. Just use it out there and to sleep. She makes good points, but he has to do this. And he is so sorry he has to lie about it.

Jason turns from under Sam so he can face her and she places her hands on his chest. She has a soft smile and he feels so guilty but she'll understand. She'll get it when he can function better, it's just until this whole shit wears off. She'll get it. If anyone will, it'll be her.

"Thanks for not giving up on me." Jason places his hands on her thighs, his thumbs rubbing softly against her bare skin.

"You and me." Sam smiles softly.

"Yeah." Jason smiles looking at the necklace hanging from her neck. She hasn't taken it off since he gave it to her. "You and me."

"You okay?" Sam's voice is filled with love as she asks. No one ever asked like that before.

"Yeah." Jason answers simply. "Just glad you're here."

"You sure? I'm really worried about you." Sam's brows knit together. "You know I'll always be here. No matter what."

"I'm not gonna walk off a roof, I swear." Jason's eyes widen as a grin tugs at the corner of his lips.

"Good. I just know this is bad for you. I just hope you believe me because I believe in you."

Jason sits up and places his fingers under her chin. "Thanks. Look, I'll be fucking fine. Trust me. I got a plan." Jason offers her a grin.

"That's still mildly unsettling coming from you." Sam smiles. "What's the plan?" Sam widens her eyes as her hands come to his shoulders, a teasing smirk coming to her lips.

"You'll see." Jason drops his hand to her waist.

"Oh, you're not gonna tell me?" Sam laughs.

"What's that you always say?" Jason teases. "We don't always get what we want, Sam Carter."

"Shut up." Sam groans.

"Do you trust me?" Jason asks as his hands squeeze her waist softly.

"Of course, I do. You know I do." Sam answers.

"Trust me then. I got a plan. I'll be back out there and proving everyone else wrong." Jason holds his head with confidence.

Sam raises a brow at him. "Why do I have a bad feeling about that?" Jason and plans aren't always a bad combination but he is desperate and hurt right now. She remembers the last plan he had when he felt this way.

"Don't. I got this. Like you said, I'll be fine." Jason presses a kiss to her lips.

"Right yeah, you will be." Sam lets out a sigh and she thinks it can't be that bad. He'd tell her. "Okay. You'll tell me through, right?"

"Of course, you and me." Jason gives her a wild grin.

He hopes she won't be mad.

The next day, Jason rents an apartment and sets up to work on making the anti-fear drug. Sam had plans with Molly anyway and that was the perfect excuse for him to get here all by himself to get to work. Plus, Bruce had to go out of town so that's one less person he has to worry about.

He feels guilt gnawing at his stomach like a bad stomach ulcer. But he works anyway. He works through it because this is the only way. And even if he wanted to back out, he already told Crane everything. If he wanted to back out, Crane could use that information against him. But, he doesn't want to back out anyway, so he pushes the guilt and anxiety away as he puts together a botched drug.

Sam grows suspicious over the next few days. Jason is making weird and random excuses not to hang out. He's always trying to get her to hang out more with Molly or for her to head to Excellent Gotham and get to know Tim better. She always needs more friends, apparently. Normally, she wouldn't think too much of it. Or she'd be worried he was distancing himself to leave. But it's Jason and he's definitely hiding something, so she follows him one day.

Sam's phone rings as she hides in the alley beside the building Jason walked into.

"Hello?" She asks.

"Why are you following me?" Jason asks.

He caught onto her following him a few blocks from the apartment he's been using. He was Robin and a street kid, he knows when someone is following him. And he feels bad about it. For Sam to follow him, she has to be really worried. He doesn't track her unless she gets kidnapped and she doesn't track him on his phone. They don't follow each other. But she is. And he needs to find a way to assure her.

"I—" Sam pauses. "I-I'm not following you." Sam scoffs.

"Yeah, you are." Jason states as he walks through the opposite end of the alley.

"Why do you think that?" Sam raises, crossing her left arm across her chest.

"I can see you." Jason answers, pulling the phone away from his ear s Sam jumps, turning around to see Jason.

To be fair, Sam should have known he'd figure it out. But, she tried to be subtle and keep a far enough distance away from him. She put in a lot of effort. He's just more vigilant than she is, apparently.

"Oh, hey, Jay." Sam gives him a cheeky smile with a nervous laugh. "Whatcha doing?"

"Walking, what're you doing, babe?" Jason quips, closing the rest of the distance between them.

Sam might be following him. She might be figuring it out a little sooner than he'd personally like. But, he does find it a little cute. And a little amusing she really thought Jason wouldn't figure it out.

Sam sighs in defeat. "Following you."

Jason lets out a hearty laugh. "No shit. Why?"

"You've been...weird, sneaking around. Worried about you." Sam groans as she scrunches her nose.

He's really not trying to worry her. He doesn't want her to worry about him anymore. Even if she would be completely against an anti-fear drug, a part of him thinks maybe if he has it, she won't have too many reasons to worry about him anymore. The way Jason sees it, he was always better off with less fear. Maybe the drug helping him, will help her. In a roundabout way.

"You don't have to worry. I'm just working on something, alright?" He's giving her that toothy grin that is always trouble.

"Right...that's not nearly as reassuring as you think it is." Sam quips back, the smile falling short.

"It's a surprise, alright? Don't worry so much."

"A surprise?" Sam raises a brow.

"A surprise." Jason echoes and it's not technically a lie. "You said you trust me."

"I do." Sam groans. "I'm sorry. You just never sneak around. It's weird, even for you."

Sam chews the inside of her cheek and maybe she's being paranoid. She's always been a little on the paranoid side, especially since Jerry. And the paranoia decided to come back in full force with the nightmares. Maybe she's just paranoid, more worried about losing him. Things have been good, between them at least, she always gets scared when things are good for too long.

Jason puts his hands on her shoulders. "I'm fine, babe. You've got nothing to worry about."

"Promise?" Sam asks.

"Promise." Jason nods.

"Fine." Sam sighs, taking his arms off of her shoulders and holding his right hand. "Just...whatever you're up to, be careful."

"Always." Jason beams, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "I'll see you at home, yeah?"

"Yeah, okay." Sam sighs, kissing him softly.

"Love you." Jason grins, walking past her.

"I love you, too." Sam watches him walk off and she really has a bad feeling about this one. But she can't follow him and she has no reason not to trust him. So, she lets him walk as she heads back the way she came.

The next day, Jason gets the formula right. He uses an inhaler to take it and every fear he has ever had, melts away. It works. He did it. He got his cure to fear. So, he heads back to Arkham, high on the drug to confirm to Crane he got it despite the shotty formula.

And Crane already had a plan in motion. He had a feeling Jason would figure it out. So, he set up a plan and it's time for the plan to go into motion so they can make Gotham theirs. Crane needs Jason to prove it works. What better way than to have him face off with the Joker alone? That'll surely prove it. But, what Jason doesn't know, is that Crane knows the downside to life without fear. Of course, he does. He's the expert in it. Crane already has someone on the outside ready to handle it when this does not go the way Jason thinks it will. But is it perfect for Crane, another thing to hold over Jason's head to control him.

And Jason doesn't see the motive. So, Crane tells him to go after the Joker to prove it works and prove to the Bat he can do this. Jason doesn't need Bruce. He can take care of the Joker all by himself. Jason, lacking all apprehension and self-preservation thanks to the drug, agrees easily. He's not scared of him.

That next night, Jason convinces Sam to run out to the store. She was talking about needing some supplies for her scrapbook. She's reluctant at first, but decides to go. It'll be quick. And Jason gets to work tracking the Joker.

But, with Jason at home, something just does not feel right to Sam. She makes it all the way to the store, hoping the feeling will it go away, but it doesn't. So, she decides to call Molly, maybe Molly can talk her down.

"Hey." Molly chimes through the phone.

"Hey, you busy?" Sam asks as she sits on the bike outside of the store.

"No, what's up?"

Sam pauses. It's eating at her. Jason was weird as fuck last night when he came home and he's been weird today. Convincing her to go to the store was weird. Him not coming with is also weird. And she has that feeling in the pit of her stomach. She shouldn't have left.

"You....uh, I don't know. I think I'm having a bad feeling so I just...need to talk I think." Sam shakes her head, the helmet weighing on her head a bit.

"What's going on? Where's Jason?" Molly asks.

"Home." Sam answers. "I went to the store, he didn't wanna come."

"Is everything okay with you guys?"

"Yeah, yeah, all good. Not, uh, not what I wanted to talk about actually."

"What's going on?"

"Uh...do you...you know when something bad is gonna happen like really bad and you just....get this feeling? Like...right in the center of your stomach?"

Sam thinks she's being paranoid. It only happened once when her mom died. But since Jerry, she's always paranoid and the feeling comes back. Sometimes it's wrong. Sometimes, it's just her being paranoid. And she knows that's what this has to be because what could possibly happen to Jason at the manor?

"Yeah." Molly nods her head because it happened with her mom. She just knew. "You have that feeling?"

"Yeah...I don't know. Sometimes it's wrong. But it just...I don't know. Feels bad." Sam lets out a sigh.

"When did it start?"

"Right before I left. Like, I got on the bike and I just....I don't know. I think I'm gonna go home." Sam shakes her head and she can go home. She can always come back tomorrow.

"Are you sure? I mean...what if it's a coincidence? Two's a coincidence." Molly tries to assure her.

"Yeah, I know but....what if it's not? Can you stay on the phone with me while I get back?" Sam just can't do it. It's not a big deal.

"Yeah, of course." Molly nods her head and Sam starts the bike, taking off back to the manor. "What do you think it is?" Molly asks, mostly to talk Sam down.

"I don't know." Sam answers. "Jason's been acting weird lately. I don't know. I can't explain it. It's not....he's...something's off with him and I don't know why I came. He told me to and maybe I listen to him a little too much sometimes. He said he was fine but I don't know. I got a real bad feeling." Sam groans.

"How far are you from the manor?"

"Like twenty minutes."

"Well, if something is going on, you're not that far and you haven't been gone long. He couldn't have gotten into too much trouble." Molly tries to assure her but it doesn't work.

The more they talk, the more paranoid she gets. She knows Molly is right. He couldn't have gotten into too much trouble in the last half hour. But she worries anyway.

"Yeah, hey, can you conference him in? Just...give me some piece of mind before I get back."

"Yeah, of course." Molly states as she pulls the phone away from her ear and adds Jason to the call. The girls listen as the phone rings and rings and rings. And then goes to voicemail.

"Fuck." Sam lets out a scoff as panic starts to flood her system.

"Maybe he's--"

"No, he'd answer if it were you while I'm out. Call again." Sam states and Molly does as told, getting voicemail again. Sam shakes her head and she pulls the throttle back, kicking the bike into third.

"Slow down." Molly urges. "I'm sure he's fine. Maybe he's just in the bathroom." Molly says as she hears the bike rev further.

"He'd answer. I know he would. Double calls. He would because why would you call him twice in a row unless it were important?" Sam argues. She is begging for her to be wrong. She hopes against everything in her body she is wrong. This one time, she has to be wrong.

"Okay, so what do you think is going on?" Molly asks.

"I don't know!" Sam groans. "That's the problem. I have no idea what's been going on with him. I followed him a few days ago and he brushed it off. Like it was no big deal but he was sneaking around behind my back. He said he was planning something or some shit. Whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean."

"You don't think he's like cheating--"

"No! Of course, not. He would never. I...." Sam bites her tongue because Molly doesn't know about Robin. "I don't know what the fuck he's been doing but now he's not answering. And I got this feeling. Hold on I'm at a stop light." Sam groans, quick-dialing Jason as she watches the red light. The girls listen as it goes to voicemail. And Sam tries again. Voicemail. "Something's wrong." Sam says as the light turns green and she starts weaving between cars.

"Because he's not answering and you have a feeling? You sound paranoid."

"I know." Sam grits her teeth. "But he'd answer for me. I know he would. Especially calling him twice. He'd answer. I just...remember a few weeks ago when he got his ass kicked?"

"Yeah." Molly wishes she could forget.

"Okay, so what if he went out on his own to try that guy again or something?" Sam spits, avoiding details about Robin because she's thinking he's out Robining alone for some sort of spite against Bruce. He's still mad. And maybe he froze and it got bad.

"Why would he do that?"

"Because he's Jason." Sam lets out a breath.

Sam gets back to the manor, switching the call to her phone instead of her helmet. She makes her way into the manor and calls for Jason. The manor is silent. It's not even like that's abnormal. Jason isn't really loud and neither is Bruce. But, the quiet and lack of Jason answering is eery and unsettling.

She searches their rooms and living rooms and kitchens. He's nowhere to be found and her heart sinks further. So, she goes to the Batcave. Hoping maybe, he's just training. Maybe Molly is right. Maybe he's just busy. Maybe his phone died and he didn't realize it. That's possible. It's Jason. He isn't the type that's glued to his phone. Maybe.

But that hope dies as Sam reaches the Batcomputer, seeing Amusement Mile pulled up with the Joker's location.

No, no, no, no.

"I'm sure he went out and he'll be--"

"Fuck!" Sam yells as she looks to the display case. The Robin suit is gone.

"Sam?" Molly asks and now she's worried.

"What a fucking---" Sam cuts herself off as she grits her teeth. "Molly, I gotta go."

"Sam!" Molly calls.

"I can't. I'm sorry. I'll call you. I have to call Bruce." Sam rushes as she hangs up, running over to her own display case holding her suit. She rips the case open and grabs her suit as she puts Bruce on speaker. "Bruce!?" Sam yells into the phone as she jumps around, getting the suit on as fast as she can.

This can't be happening. The Joker? Of all fucking people, that's who decides he's going to go after to prove himself? Why the hell would he ever do that? Sam tries her best not to focus on the millions of questions she has for him and the fact she's ready to scream at him for the twenty-four hours. She has to focus because it's the fucking Joker. He's taken too much from her.

Bruce can hear the absolute panic in her voice. "What's wrong?"

"It's Jason! I fucking told you! He went after the fucking Joker!" Sam screams into the phone as she zips the front of her suit and puts the mask over her mouth.

"I told him not to." Bruce says calmly, but a part of him is panicking.

Bruce doesn't panic but there is no way Sam would be calling him and telling him this if it weren't true. Jason knows better. Why would he go after the Joker? On his own?

"Oh, because Jason is so fucking good at following instructions?!" Sam runs over to the weapons once she's completely suited up.

On the one hand, Bruce could send her after him. That's at least, two against one. But, it's the Joker. And Bruce knows he's more ruthless than anyone. It's a fun game to him like whack-a-mole. And the prize is always bloodshed. He also knows how Sam feels and if he sends her, not only could she go out and get killed but she could kill him first. That's a life on Bruce's conscious.

"Do not go anywhere. I'm on a flight—"

"No! You don't get to tell me to fucking sit here and hope for the fucking best. He is everything to me and I am not gonna sit here and let him get fucking killed, Bruce!" Sam seethes and the Joker should have been killed a long fucking time ago. She swears, if the Joker even lays a single finger on him, she'll do it her damn self. Bruce is too much of a coward of what he could become if he did it. She doesn't care. "The Robin suit is gone, the Joker is gonna fucking kill him and it's all your fault!" Sam screams as she gathers knives.

"Stay put." Bruce is stern on the other line. "It will be dangerous and you aren't prepared--"

"No! Fuck you!" Sam snips back, gathering as many knives as she can carry. "I'm gonna save him, kill the damn Joker since you're too damn cowardly to do it and then I'm calling Dick." Sam fumes on the other end. "I'm gonna beg him if I have to to come and bring us back to San Franciso because fucking clearly, he's worse off here!" Sam screams before hanging up the phone and heading towards the exit.

It's not that he's scared or even feeling uneasy. His head is clouded with a sense of nothing. Everything is just numb as he cuts the chain into the amusement park.

Jason should be scared and there's a gnawing at the back of his head that is screaming and howling for him to be scared. To turn around. This is a bad idea. This is bad. There are red flashing lights begging him to turn around but that sense of adrenaline that would normally kick in and give him a little bit of common sense and self-preservation is being suppressed. It doesn't exist. So, the normally loud and blinding lights that have been causing him so much pain over the last few months, aren't loud enough. They're useless.

As he walks further into the amusement park, he finds old and run-down games that grab his attention. This is the Joker's hideout. It's known. Of course, the maniac clown would like a closed amusement park. And Jason knows he should be hypervigilant. This is the Joker's turf and he knows the Joker is here. But the drug keeps suppressing that, too.

He knows he should be more aware and more on guard but the drug gives him a false sense of confidence. He can do this. It's the Joker. He's just some crazy clown and if Bruce can take him down several times, Jason can do it. Bruce trained him, right? He knows better though. He should be scared and more aware. but then there's a noise from behind him and he jumps anyway.

His heart skips before plummeting back into a resting rhythm as he spots a dead man with a creepy smile tugged on display. Jason's eyes widen and there's this small, tiny bit of fear that seems to bypass the anti-fear drug like a leaky faucet. And Jason starts to hear and see the red flashing lights in the back of his head in perfect color. But the point is that he isn't supposed to feel fear at all.

Maybe his formula is a little off. How is he feeling any sense of fear? It's barely there, barely even noticeable but it's there enough where if he were in a normal state of mind, that alone would send him into a panic. He'd panic about being worried he's going to panic. And that thought with the mixing of the drug, makes him miss the creeping steps of the Joker from behind him.

With a quick swing, a crowbar connects to Jason's head and he's sent right to the ground.

His head throbs and aches, a horrendous and shooting pain sending his head into a spin as his stomach turns. Blood drips down from his forehead, the warm liquid seeping down his cheek as he looks up to see the menacing and sadistic smile of the Joker looking down at him just as he pulls his arm back for another swing.

This swing connects with his jaw and Jason can hear the bone break. Jason's mouth pools with blood, the taste of iron already becoming more nauseating. He groans out in agony as the Joker takes another hit to his head, his laugh echoing through the park.

His laugh rings through Jason's ears with every blow and Jason thinks that laugh can penetrate any type of anti-fear drug. His hearing seems to get worse and worse but that laugh could pierce through solid steel. And he's not supposed to be scared anymore.

But the Joker hits him again and Jason coughs up blood and fear starts to rush into his veins. Maybe it's the overwhelming amount of adrenaline making the anti-fear drug wear off a lot sooner than it should. Maybe his formula needs to be tweaked. Maybe the anti-fear drug has a side effect, maybe it doesn't work when he's on the brink of death. Jason can't think straight enough to figure it out. Instead, all he thinks is that he has never been more terrified than he is right now.

SMACK

WHACK

CRACK

Jason's bones break as Joker takes a break from his face and works on his side and then his arms and legs. He swears this is the worst pain he has ever been in. The Joker hits him over and over and over again, the pain getting worse and worse as tears brim his eyes. He claws at the ground in desperation, a failing attempt to move away. But, the bones are being broken one by one and he can feel the shards with every movement. And he is so fucking sorry.

SMACK

He's so sorry to Bruce because he should have listened. He should have been a better Robin. He should have listened. He's so sorry he wasn't better. He's so sorry he wasn't a better son. He tried his absolute best but he could have tried harder. Maybe he could have told Bruce what was going on. Maybe he could have told Bruce more about therapy. Maybe he could have explained anything that ever happened with him. Maybe he could have just tried to be a son. He's so sorry and all he wants to do is tell Bruce he's sorry. And thank you.

He wants to thank Bruce for trying. For taking him in. Letting him be his son and letting him be Robin. Bruce, in his weird way, cared about him and loved him. He tried even if he sucked at it sometimes. Jason wants to tell Bruce thank you.

SMACK

Jason screams as the crowbar finally shatters one of his ribs. His breathing is becoming ragged as the Joker takes another swing to Jason's chest. The Robin suit offers a lot of protection but the Joker is relentless. He's getting off on every scream and groan and gasp Jason lets out. It's as if the sight of the blood seeping onto the ground and the backswing of splatter gets him off. He's having the time of his life beating Jason to death. And Jason has never been more scared.

SMACK

He's so scared and sorry. He's so fucking sorry to Sam and he would give anything to tell her that right now. All he wants to do is call her. He wants to take it all back. He wants to go back home and crawl into her bed with her. He wants to hug her and kiss her and promise he's doing okay and he'll be okay. And she'll be okay. He wants to promise her that it'll all work out in the end, even if he doesn't make it. He wants to tell her not to be mad or sad because he doesn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve to dwell on his inevitable death.

They both knew it was going to be him. Sam liked to fool herself into thinking maybe it would be her but at the end of the day, they both knew it would always be him. Jason always knew it was gonna be him who died first. And he wants nothing more than to promise her it'll be okay. She'll be okay. He doesn't want her to run herself into the ground over him. But he knows her and he knows as the Joker takes another horrendous and agonizing hit to his skull, she'll be miserable. This will be it for her. He's not gonna make it and she's gonna lose her entire mind. She always said she would. And it's all his fault.

SMACK

CRACK

He wants to shake her and tell her he's so fucking sorry. He should have just told her what was going on. He should have told her. She would have helped him. She wouldn't have been mad or yelled at him. Of all people, Sam would have understood why he went to Crane. She would have gotten it. She always understood him. And he should have told her.

He shouldn't have lied to her. He's so fucking sorry. And he's so sorry for not loving her better, she deserves someone who's not gonna do this. She deserves someone who's not gonna get killed and didn't even stand a damn chance. And he is so sorry he's going to leave her alone.

He doesn't think he's gonna make it.

The Joker's laugh starts to sound further away as he takes another blow to the right side of his face, the crowbar connecting hard and steady against his ear. Then he can't hear anything from that ear at all as blood starts to drip out. It's the worst headache of Jason's life. He can hear his skull cracking under the blows. He feels the blood seeping through his suit and onto the ground. There's so much blood. He's lightheaded and dizzy. It's so hard to breathe.

SMACK

He's not gonna make it.

And he finds himself, hoping against all odds, that someone will find him soon anyway. Maybe help will come just in time. Bruce is supposed to be the world's greatest detective. Jason is his son. He'd figure it out. Maybe he already did and he's actually close. Maybe he lied to Jason and he's actually in Gotham and on his way. And maybe, Sam figured it out.

Sam is smart. Sam can fight off the Joker enough to get them both to safety. She was trained by Jason, Dick, Bruce. Jason believes she could do it. Maybe she's on her way. Sam is smart. Sam knows Jason better than anyone. She'll figure it out. Sam always figures it out. Maybe help is coming.

SMACK

Everything goes black for just a few seconds and then it's blurry and shifted. He can't see out of his right eye. Jason doesn't know what's going on as the Joker takes another smack. His laugh is just a reverberation now. The only sound he can even hear is the cracking of bones. Nothing else. And he doesn't think he can breathe real well. He can't move his jaw. He can't even find the strength to try to move anymore. It all hurts and there's so much blood.

Jason silently begs for the help he doesn't realize will be too late just as the Joker takes a larger and harder blow to the front of his face.

He doesn't think he's gonna be able to hold on.

Sam drives to the abandoned carnival, coming up on one of the gates. Jason's bike and helmet are right outside and the chain to the gate has been cut. Sam knows. She knows this isn't good. It's completely silent and she is terrified.

Silence can't be good and a part of her hopes that maybe the Joker wants to play with Bruce. Maybe the Joker wants to kill Jason in front of him, to taunt him, that'll give Sam some time to have a plan and get them out of there, maybe. Or Bruce could make it in time to save them both.

But Sam creeps around the grounds, cautiously but quickly. She's paying close attention to her head, making sure she doesn't miss it if the throbbing she's certain will start. But, it doesn't. Instead, she reaches an open tunnel with carnival games and there's someone lying on the ground.

It's dark and despite Sam knowing damn well if it were the Joker on the ground, Jason would be over him bragging and cheering for himself, she hopes it's the Joker anyway. She hopes against everything that the person laying on the ground is the Joker.

The closer she gets though, the more she gets the picture of the yellow and black cape.

Jason.

"No..." Sam's lip quivers as she pauses. She's terrified to get any closer. It can't be Jason. It can't be. It can't be. It can't be. He's strong and smart. He knows better. "No, no, no, no..." Sam's voice cracks as she starts to walk closer and she can see him now.

There's blood everywhere. He's laying in a puddle of red and there's blood splatter on the ground and the games. A bloody crowbar is tossed to the side and Jason is completely still. Sam's heart is in her throat as she closes the distance, dropping to her knees.

"Jay..." Her voice is a whimpered whisper as she puts her hand on his shoulder, pulling him to face her.

His body is completely limp and as he turns, Sam gets the gruesome sight of what the Joker has done.

Jason's face is mangled and unidentifiable. Sam can see his teeth through his jaw while there's blood and bruising around the other side of his face. His face is swollen and paler than usual. There's blood smeared across his face and on his lips. Some of his hair is wet with blood and sticking to his forehead. And his eyes are closed, not even trying to open.

Her heart shatters in that instant. The weight of the world has been on her shoulders for years and with the sight of his body, the world finally falls. It tumbles around her, breaking into unfixable pieces. The foundation keeping her steady is lifeless and cold and bloody.

Her lip quivers as tears start to trickle down her cheeks. Everything around her feels heavy and cold. The lump in her throat is so big and hard, she swears it'll suffocate her finally and she'll finally be out of this misery. The reaper creeps back from the shadow of her head, a smile similar to Joker's shining back at her and he's finally won. He won in a way she never thought he would.

Killing the last good parts of her, by killing him.

"Jason..." Sam whimpers, one of her hands hesitantly going to his neck to check for a pulse. Nothing. There's no pulse, just cold skin under the blood. "No..." Sam whines, tears now blurring her vision. She leans down, trying to hear him breathe and there's nothing. He's completely still. No breathing. Nothing. Just lifeless. "Jay, please, you can't die." Sam lets out a sob, pulling Jason's body into her lap. "I love you. You can't die. I need you." Sam's words are slurred as her nose runs and the cries grow louder.

Sam sobs, rocking back and forth. She knew it would happen. She knew. And she should have known Jason was up to something when he didn't go with her today. She should have known. He can't be dead.

Sam swallows the lump in her throat, moving to rest Jason's head flat on the ground while she pulls out her phone, hands covered in blood. She calls Bruce, putting the phone on speaker and then she starts CPR. She swears it'll be useless but she has to try anyway.

She swore every single day that she would never give up on him. And CPR isn't going to help, but fuck it, she's not going to give up. So, she tries anyway. She has to fucking try.

"Did you find him?" Bruce asks as soon as he answers.

Those words get Sam to let out another cry, her arms shaking as she pushes down on Jason's chest. "Bruce!" Sam screams as her arms tremble.

Everything stops for Bruce. Pain shoots through his heart like a barbed wire arrow. He knows. He knows that cry because he's let it out himself all those years ago. He's heard other people. Babs. Dick. He knows and yet, it can't be true. Not his son.

"What happened?" Bruce shakes his head, using all of his willpower not to let his voice shake..

"What do I do?" Sam cries, her cries are loud but there's a weakness in her voice. "He's not breathing and the Joker beat him with a fucking crowbar! Bruce, what do I do?" Sam begs Bruce to help. Her voice is slurred and panicked, pleading with all of the energy in her. He's fucking Batman, he has to help. "What do I do? He's not breathing. There's so much blood, Bruce, help, please. You have to save him. Help me save him, please. Bruce, I can't lose him, I can't I can't I can't I can't." Sam keeps pumping on Jason's chest but she swears it's not working and not just because the Robin suit is so sturdy she's barely getting a compression in. She begs him and begs him, as if her pleas are enough to bring Jason back.

"I'll send someone, keep doing CPR." Bruce instructs with a square jaw.

"Bruce, I don't.....I don't think it's helping." Sam wails and she can't breathe. It's so hard to breathe. "I don't think.....Bruce...." Sam lets out a cough as her elbows shake and she's losing rhythm of the chest compressions.

"Keep going, don't stop until they get there. I'm landing soon." Bruce instructs and he never should have gone. He should have seen it. How the hell did he miss this?

"There's so much blood...Bruce."

Barbara Gordon and a few trusted people close to Bruce show up first. They find Sam still trying to perform CPR. She's slower now, and she's not getting the impact she needs to make a difference. Her arms are weak and she's nearly hyperventilating and choking on her own tears.

The paramedics try their best to get Sam off of him but she screams and yells and cries for them to get off of her. She shoves them off of her and she tries and tries and tries. Bruce is still on the phone, telling her to let them do their job but she can't. She can't do it. She can't because then she gives up. She can't give up on him. Not him.

"Hey.," Barabra wheels over a few feet away from her and she gets a look at the damage as her stomach turns and she knows he's gone. "You need to stop." Her voice is calm as she tries to keep it together.

"No!" Sam screams and she feels too weak to deal with any of it. He was her everything. "I can't."

The paramedics look at Babraba waiting to be told what to do and they know, too. His face is completely destroyed. He's unrecognizable. The only reason Barabra even knows it's Jason is because of the Robin suit. There's brain matter on the ground. There's more blood on the ground than there is in his body. 

"Bluejay." Barbara calls again, her voice cracking and this gets Sam to look at her. Even in the dark, Babara can see the redness of her eyes and the tears shining on the top half of her cheek above her mask. "He's gone." Babraba's eyes go misty and Sam shakes her head.

"No..." Sam whines and she finally stops but her hands stay on his chest. "No, not...no." Sam lets out a sob and she can't even see Barbara anymore, the tears have blurred everything together. "I can't." Sam falls back, one of the paramedics catching her so she doesn't hit the pavement too hard. The other paramedic jumps in and to Jason, just to be completely positive.

Sam shoves the paramedic off of her and walks the few feet weakly to Barbara. "I-I...what--" Sam sucks in a harsh breath, her breathing so rapid she feels like she's going to pass out.

"Sit down." Barbara tries to keep her composure and Sam collapses with a loud sob, her entire chest feeling like it's been set on fire with gasoline.

It can't be him. Why him? He was good. He was a good person and funny and smart and kind. Jason had a heart of gold. Why did it have to be him? It never should have been him. He always deserved so much better. He never deserved this. This isn't fair. It's not right and it's so fucking painful Sam wishes the ground would just open up and swallow her whole.

"Babs!" Sam screams. "I-I-I don't I don't wanna do it anymore." Sam's teeth grit together as her words are wet and slurred.

She can't breathe. She can't breathe. It's hard to breathe and her chest feels like it's all caving in under the pressure. Maybe putting her heart in a pressure cooker would be less painful than this. Everything fucking hurts.

Barbara rests a hand on Sam's shoulder and she knew Jason was reckless but she didn't think he'd ever actually get himself killed. He was smart. Smarter than this. Sam covers her face with her hands, not caring she's covered in Jason's blood. She just wants everything to stop. The pain and the world and time and everything. She wants it all to be over.

"I'm so sorry." Barbara offers and there is nothing she can say that's going to make this better.

"I can't." Sam spits and pushes Barabra's hand off her before getting to her feet.

She pushes through the pain, running away. Barbara yells after her but Sam does not care. She makes herself run through the pain and the weakness. If she can do anything, it's run from it. She wants to run as far as her legs will let her. To the bike where she can speed away from it all. Speed so fast the pain goes away. The agony will fade if she runs. She can do it. She tells herself she can as tears fall down her face. She tosses the helmet on and hops on the bike, and leaves. She's always been good at running. She can run from it.

Sam is in the bathroom back at the manor, scrubbing the blood off of her hands through tears. Everything is blurry and painful. It's burning and agonizing and stabbing. It aches and throbs. Breathing is the hardest thing she's ever done. She tries to get in a full breath but every time she does, a sob immediately follows and it's like the wind is knocked out from her lungs all over again. Her head is spinning with a throbbing headache and her eyes are so puffy she can barely open them. But, there's blood staining her hands, Jason's blood, and she has to get it off. She has to get it off.

Get it off. Get it off. Get it off.

Sam grits her teeth so hard that her jaw starts to pulse and she hates it. She hates this so much. She hates it and she wants him back. She needs him. He is everything to her. He is her everything. He is her best friend and she loves him more than she's ever loved anyone. And he's supposed to take care of her and she's supposed to take care of him. And it's not fair and it's senseless and it was brutal and she screams at the top of her lungs before falling to the floor. She leans against the counter, pulling her legs to her chest as she puts her hands on her face because she can't do this anymore

They talked about what life they could have together. And she swears she saw it. For the first time, she was optimistic about a future. Because she had him. He gave her all of this hope for the future because Jason could survive anything. He was supposed to survive anything. He was good at it. Dodging whatever fucked up shit the world was going to throw at him. And now he's not. He didn't dodge fast enough. And they were supposed to have an apartment one day. And make dinner together. And have a dog and a cat because Jason always really liked cats. He'd come home and she'd clean up the blood and he'd do the same for her when patrol got a little messy. They were supposed to have a life.

Sam doesn't know how she's supposed to get up again after this.

And then Molly walks in.

She's been crying since Bruce called her and asked her to check on Sam. He's worried about what she might do and seeing Sam on the floor absolutely hysterical, she knows why. Of course, she knew it would be bad. Her best friend just lost the person she loves. Of course, Sam is going to be a mess but....Sam is covered in blood and Bruce didn't tell her what happened. And on top of that, Sam still has the suit on, minus the mask, which is another surprise Molly did not expect to get today.

"Sam..." Molly says with hesitance as she walks in, sitting on the floor in front of her.

Sam looks up, moving her hands. "M-Molly." Sam whines, her bottom lips trembling, the hood of her suit barely lets Molly get a glimpse of her face that's covered in blood as well.

Molly nods. "Bruce called." Her voice is just above a whisper.

"He....Molly...h-h-he...d-di-died.." Sam lets out a sob as she shakes her head and she just wants it to be done. She's so fucking tired.

"I know." Molly lets out a soft cry, sniffling softly.

"H-he's dead." Sam's entire body jerks with another cry as she hangs her head. She's so fucking tired. Tired of all of it.

"I know." Molly closes the distance between them, pulling Sam into a hug and allowing her best friend to completely break against her. And then Molly starts crying because Jason was her best friend, too. "I'm so sorry, Sam." Molly manages to get out.

"I can't do it." Sam's voice is weak against her.

"Can't what?" Molly pulls away, her hands still on her shoulders as if trying to stabilize Sam.

Any of it. She can't do any of it. She is covered in his blood and it all hurts. She's weak and tired and exhausted. It's all agonizing and paralyzing and numb. It's all too much. And she just cannot do any of it anymore.

"Blood and..." Sam's breathing is labored, her head swaying slightly. And she's so lightheaded and nauseous. "Do this."

"One thing at a time." Molly stands up and grabs a wash rag, wetting it with soap and water. Molly can break later. Sam needs help. "Let me see." Sam hands her hand to Molly and Molly starts cleaning.

Molly expects to find some sort of wound but she finds nothing. The more she scrubs, the more blood comes off and it's just Sam's skin under it. And she shakes her head because what the fuck happened to her best friend that her other best friend is covered in his blood? A part of her almost doesn't want to know. But, she has to ask anyway. Bruce was a little vague. So, after a few minutes, with Sam's cries becoming quieter, Molly decides to ask.

"C-can I ask you what happened?" Molly is seeing that Sam is actually one of the suited vigilantes that roam Gotham so she's guessing something with a bad guy went a little south.

And Sam doesn't care anymore. None of it matters anymore. Jason is dead. It's not his secret anymore. She's in her suit anyway and Bruce isn't home. Sam's all alone anyway.

"Joker beat him to death with a crowbar." Sam answers plainly Molly feels her stomach turn.

"What?" Molly's heart stops in her chest.

Sam nods as she snifflings, watching Molly clean the remainder of Jason's blood from her hands. "He was Robin." Sam's voiced is hoarse as she talks.

Molly pauses, blinking at her and she's so confused. And this whole thing is growing more and more unsettling. Maybe she shouldn't have asked.

"He...Jason was Robin?"

Sam nods again, sniffling. "Yeah."

"You found him?" Molly asks. Why did Sam have to find him? Of all people, it just had to be her. Of course, it was her.

"Yeah." More tears start to fall from Sam's eyes and she can see him every time she blinks. That's going to be her last memory of him and it hurts so fucking bad she wants to leave.

"Sam, I'm...I'm sorry. Is this all his?" Molly's voice grows a little panicked. She can't even imagine the sight Sam walked in on.

"There was a lot of blood. The head bleeds a lot." Sam clears her throat before she sniffles again.

Molly is terrified Sam is going to start giving her gory details. Not on purpose but because Sam is too tired to care. The crying is slowing down and that always means Sam will talk. She stops caring and then she talks. Molly doesn't want to know and Sam doesn't need to relive the horror verbally.

"Okay, um...okay you stay here. I'm gonna get you some clothes." Molly stands up quickly.

"C-can you...Jsaon's room, there's a... maroon hoodie. It was his favorite." Sam looks up at her as Molly heads to the doorway.

"Yeah, I'll be back." Molly nods quickly.

Sam lets out another cry and she doesn't think she'll be able to survive this one. It's too heavy. It's too much. There's only so much one person can take. And she swears as she shivers on the bathroom door with broken sobs tearing up her throat that Jason Todd was her breaking point. Jason Todd is dead and Sam swears she'll never recover.

A/n: So, this is what Jason looks like in his death scene and he looks scared. Which, is probably a plothole because Titans (or them trying to throw us off since it's episode 1 ?? idk) but I decided I was just gonna use that anyway for fun lol Also fun fact, I was originally not going to include his death scene since we saw in the show but then I rewatched UTRH and was encouraged by my best friend to make it worse so I did. And I'm really glad I included it lol I'm sorry but I really like how it turned out lol Also, it's Jason's birthday!! Very on brand for me to drop his death today oops lol