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MJ woke up in her room of the Salvatore House, deliberately not looking at the mess surrounding her. She'd gone from Enzo's to the hospital, held Caroline while she cried, then moved her to the Salvatore House, so everyone could easily come together without worrying about space and without potentially making it all more painful by being in the Forbes House.

That first night, the group had created a support circle, only to be hit by a worrying truth. MJ had fallen asleep with Caroline in her arms, and when she woke up, she'd siphoned her on instinct.

To the point where desiccation lines had started to appear.

Then, the magic exploded out and almost took Matt's head off.

The rest of the night had been filled with small moments like that until a vote had been made; MJ would stay with everyone as they stuffed their faces with food and comforted Caroline through the memory rambling, but the second people started to drift off, she would sleep in an actual room. With walls to attack, rather than people.

Every time she dozed off, it lasted about forty-five minutes before the stress would wake her up, setting something on fire or random objects around the room turning into insects.

The night terrors had stopped; she could get them to stop again.

Caroline went through almost the exact same cycle of mourning she'd gone through after her dad, finding random things that reminded her of a childhood story that would send her down a spiral, and MJ was trying. She really was. She was cradling her friend, whispering the pick-me-ups, grabbing the right comfort food, but each step felt like it was killing her.

Just thinking about Liz's dead body in the hospital bed and all the pain Caroline was in – officially joining the orphan club had her brain short-circuiting. She could barely hold herself together, and Kol hadn't actually died, so trying to keep Caroline together was crushing her lungs.

MJ didn't even waste time tidying her room up once it was finally morning, opting to just head down the stairs and start the day. It had been two days since the death, and she had cleaned the entire Salvatore House to keep herself busy the same way she had when she'd technically moved in during Stefan's first ripper spiral.

It was partly because cleaning made her feel grounded.

Partly as a way to help her adjust to the power now, she'd officially had two explosions, using it to speed it all up.

And lastly, because it was the 10th of February.

Chinese New Year.

MJ had managed to celebrate Three Kings Day for her mother, and she needed to celebrate the New Year. Whenever people died, she felt a hole in her heart where her dad used to be, a million conflicted emotions about her right to the word 'orphan.' Beyond her own need for a connection to her identity (especially after everything she'd been through) her friends needed it.

Something to be normal and not about death.

Damon wandered into the kitchen three hours after MJ started cooking, taking in the red ribbons and banners she'd tied up, managing a smile at the collection of food forming on the counter.

God, the entire day was a massive early 2010 deja-vu.

"You know, if you'd cooked in the Prison World, I might've hated it a little less," He placed a collection of paper on the counter, "I should've bribed you with ingredients."

She slid the plate of Chinese rice pudding, congee, she knew he liked over, "It wouldn't have worked."

"Going home did help. Both there and when you got back here."

"Because I was ready to feel better," MJ focused on the thin pancakes in the frying pan, "Considering I couldn't taste while we were in the prison world, cooking would've made it worse."

Damon hesitated, "You couldn't taste?"

"Why did you think I was throwing up after most meals?"

His face fell slack.

"Don't worry about it," She put a hand up, "Not your problem. And it's not like I mentioned it."

"And I thought the isolation was bad, but you were like, completely out of it?"

"Pretty much."

She was getting past it one day at a time.

"I'm home now," She started to organise plates, spelling them to stay warm, "And Bonnie will be home soon too. That's what matters."

He half-nodded, focusing back on his paper, spinning a pen while trying to write.

The sizzling of the pan, smells of things her dad made her growing up attempting to provide clarity.

After about ten minutes, Caroline joined them, walking in from the living room, where; Matt, Elena, Tyler, and Stefan were all sleeping around her.

Matt had called Tyler back to town, and he'd initially been adamant about staying with MJ to force her to sleep, but the Caroline-siphon incident had got him to back down. If they wanted her to sleep, they needed her to be relaxed, and she wouldn't relax if she was worried about hurting someone, especially Tyler.

As Caroline came closer, Damon ripped the sheet up, tossing it into the bin.

"Sorry," Caroline looked down at Damon's irritated face, "Just, um, water..."

"Here," MJ flicked her wrist, a full glass flying into Caroline's hands.

She accepted it easily, glancing over Damon's shoulder, "What are you not writing?"

"Can you believe your mother entrusted me to eulogise her?"

"That's..." Caroline paused to think of the right word, "Nice? I guess?"

"I think she's trying to teach me a lesson about my own mum," He huffed, "Was supposed to do the eulogy at her funeral, and I just – "

"We don't have to share," Caroline stopped him.

Caroline and Damon weren't friends, and Caroline wasn't exactly interested in becoming his friend, which was fair enough given the history. MJ just focused on the food. She didn't know anything about Stefan and Damon's mum, and she didn't really want to.

Maybe for Stefan – but again. Everything around her felt so 2009-2010, and it was freaking 2013.

She didn't want to get dragged into a new mess that'd keep her around any longer.

Damon shifted at the sharpness, "...Right."

"I just mean," Caroline stepped back, inspecting the food, "Today is pretty much gonna be the worst day of my life. I'm not sure that I need to start it off by bonding with you."

She picked up one of the smaller bowls of congee and a berry compote.

"No offence."

"None taken."

"Great," Caroline finally smiled at MJ, "Thank you for all this."

"For celebrating my heritage on the worst day of your life?"

Caroline's eyes settled on the decorations, "Red is a million times better than black."

"It has always been my colour."

She couldn't believe Caroline was genuinely thanking her, considering she felt like an absolutely awful friend, barely able to handle the word death, let alone get involved with a funeral.

"Anyway," Caroline stirred the berry into the congee, "It's how you feel connected to your parents."

"Yep."

And herself. Even if MJ was doing it on her own, celebrating all the little cultural things was about keeping ahold of the tiny strings tying her to reality. The things that stopped her from feeling completely adrift and alone.

"It's all about bringing the family together, so," She twiddled her bracelet, "In my mind, my mum's spirit always comes out for the holidays. Even if this is my dad's one, she's here..."

"Then maybe mine is too."

Despite Caroline's warm expression, MJ could see the sadness in her eyes, and the guilt hit her all over again.

They were in two different situations.

MJ knew her mum had found peace; they had no idea where human spirits went.

Caroline pointed to the door. "I'm gonna go check on everyone."

Her steps sounded heavy, echoing in MJ's head like a countdown pushing them closer to a funeral MJ knew she wouldn't get through.

"Hey, blondie," Damon called at the last minute, pausing her in the doorway, "Today isn't the worst day of your life."

MJ frowned.

"Today and tomorrow? It's a cakewalk," His tone was flat, "There will be people day in and day out like they're afraid to leave you alone."

MJ started to shake her head at him, miming for him to shut up.

"The worst day?"

Her hand came up to cut off his vocal cords.

Caroline looked between the pair, "Let him finish."

"Nope."

"I wanna hear what the 'infinite wisdom' of Damon Salvatore has to offer."

MJ tightened her hold despite that, "No, you don't."

"You don't say no to the mourner."

"Don't use death to guilt-trip me, Care," MJ did that enough to herself, "He's Damon. He's gonna say something stupid."

"Exactly. It might make me laugh."

Stupidly, MJ gave in to her, letting her hand drop.

"You two," He rolled his eyes, "The worst days are next week, Caroline."

"God – "

"When there's nothing but quiet," He smiled fakely, "Just a heads-up."

"Appreciate the tip," Caroline continued on her route to get as far from him as possible.

MJ was glaring at him.

Damon took an extra tense bite of food, "What?"

"That was a terrible heads up."

"It's the truth, and you know it."

"That doesn't matter," MJ slammed her hands into the counter, "This may be news to you, as the guy who told Elena to turn off her humanity rather than deal with her emotions – but dealing is the only way forward."

"Because you're gonna tell us what happened in New Orleans to send you back off the deep end?"

MJ rolled her eyes.

"Didn't think so."

"That's different."

"How so?"

"The last of her family died," MJ crossed her arms, done with the cooking, "That's pain that needs to be addressed – and I know that because I've got years of unaddressed issues dragging me down."

He shrugged.

"Let me make something clear," She leant forward, "Today isn't about you and your mummy issues. So don't make it about them."

"Who says I have mummy issues?"

"Your behaviour," She hadn't slept enough to deal with Damon, "You lashed out at someone whose mum just died because she told you she didn't wanna listen to your man-pain."

They both knew Damon wouldn't have been so cold if she'd let him say his spiel.

"After how you've treated Caroline, why should she respond in any other way?"

"How come with you it's parental grief, but for me, it's 'man-pain?'" He complained, "Double-standard much."

"Main-pain," She smiled falsely, "When a grown man has the emotional maturity of a teenager."

Cough – Klaus.

"And his growth out of that mindset comes at the expense of the women around him."

When love interests get killed or tortured in media to show the audience that the asshole does have feelings. To get sympathy for him.

"Because his growth is more important than them as people or characters."

Since it was a term mainly used about pop culture.

"I repeat," She wasn't in a mood to let him get away with it, "You just got angsty because the girl you compelled to be your blood bag girlfriend didn't wanna listen to your insecurities the day of her mum's funeral."

Damon lowered his tone, "I just told her the truth."

"The nasty version of it, that she didn't need to hear – and that isn't even true for her."

"It will be."

"In what world is she gonna be alone next week when you guys all see each other every freaking day?" She felt herself turning sharper, "None of you have jobs. Everyone's been ditching college since November – "

"That part doesn't apply to me."

"You're an a-nearly-two-hundred-year-old, twenty-five-year-old," She reminded him, "When are you gonna start dealing with your own shit instead of putting pain on everyone else?"

He rolled his eyes.

"You take every difficult situation and make it about your baggage."

A tiny voice in MJ's head momentarily called her out for projecting.

"And then you get angry when people don't want to care. As if it's not their difficult situation you're hijacking."

"I do more selfless things than you give me credit for."

"Maybe," She didn't care, "But you're using the fact Caroline was mildly snappy with you as an excuse to be taunting and insensitive. You chose to make her dread the future more than she already does because she didn't indulge you. Because you think your pain is more important than hers."

"You don't know what I think."

"But I see how you act."

2009 to 2013.

"It's time to grow up, Damon."

He glowered, "I'll apologise."

"And you better mean it."

"Maybe."

"Good," She shifted, almost feeling bad about going so hard on him, "And...whatever you are feeling about your mum..."

Dead mums were something she knew well.

"I'm sorry you guys lost her growing up," She couldn't not say it, "And I'm sorry if you feel like you failed her or whatever."

She wasn't about to ask for the full story.

"But doing better will probably help you feel better about it."

People slowly woke up over the next hour, taking from the food selection, saying 'happy new year' instead of 'happy funeral day.' Not that anyone would say that. But still, it just gave them all something else to think about as they got dressed and ready for Caroline's list of tasks.

The second everyone else appeared, MJ started to feel sick.

There was a clear edge in the room around her, all about the fact she looked like she was about to pass out, which just made her feel like the worse, considering they should be focused on Caroline. How could she call Damon out for making everything about him when people were making everything about her?

The sick feeling got worse.

As people munched away on breakfast, MJ found herself drifting from the kitchen, sticking to the edges and the doorway, occasionally answering questions about how people were supposed to eat stuff, and making sure Tyler could always see her. Other than Tyler, MJ wanted to disappear.

Caroline was genuinely smiling at all the decorations, which should've helped, but it just made MJ long for her dad even more.

It was a weird emotion.

The first time Kol had died, followed straight up by Jeremy, she'd called out for her dad.

She'd always been way better at grieving her father compared to her mother.

Her mum had been right there in her necklace, setting MJ up for eight years of denial. Now, her mother was at peace, which was great, and her dad didn't know she existed, and her heart needed him. Her best friend for eleven years. The person who really got her. Who always let her huddle up and cry because he got the social anxiety even if he didn't know about the witch whispers.

MJ would've been lying if she tried to act like there hadn't been a slight disconnect when it came to her mum watching over her in New York.

Ana Ruiz didn't get the fear of having people look at you.

She got it for the siphoner protection side, but not when it came to MJ not being the best at connecting with kids growing up. But her dad had. And that had meant MJ hadn't cared about her mum not getting it. Her mum was there for other things – she didn't need to understand it. Then, when she thought he'd been dead, she'd buried that need for him deep down, losing Ric bringing it all back.

The candles that had smelt like him.

The memories of him teaching her how to cook.

She had Ric.

MJ should've been letting Ric look after her, but instead, she was pushing him away because she couldn't deal with another New Orleans lecture. Maybe she just needed to tell him the truth, and he'd stand down. He'd realise it wasn't an argument he was gonna win, and he would focus on just being the adult she needed.

MJ was twenty years old, and she still felt emotionally eleven, waiting for arms she didn't get to hug anymore.

"MJ," Elena approached her cautiously.

MJ blinked, waking up from her thoughts.

She'd completely zoned out, to the point that the kitchen was now empty of other people, Tyler watching from the living room.

"Yeah?"

"I just," Elena cleared her throat.

She was probably waiting for MJ to say 'stop talking to me' again, which was fair, but MJ was also too tired to move.

"I just wanted to let you know that I have today covered."

"You have today covered?"

"That, I can be on call to Caroline," She tried for a smile, "You've got a lot going on, and you're going to feel guilty about not being there for her, but you don't need to worry. I'll be there."

MJ processed that information.

It was a nice thing?

It should've helped her relax since she didn't need to feel bad about leaving Caroline alone since, as MJ had told Damon, Caroline wouldn't be alone. But MJ just felt on edge at the declaration. Was she really that much of an obvious mess?

She just wanted to be a good friend, but being a good friend felt impossible.

She'd been practically non-responsive all morning, eyes fighting to stay open, and she felt unbelievably empty. Like her body would try to feel something and give up halfway through.

"I mean," Elena shrugged, "I am kind of the master of grief."

MJ's face hardened, the sick feeling coming right back into focus.

"I know how this whole family funeral thing goes...the good and the bad."

How was she supposed to be there for Caroline at the funeral?

The funeral.

The event where a dead body would be carried down a church.

The same church MJ had been shot in about two years earlier.

And it would lie there, and they'd all look at it.

MJ turned from Elena, gagging.

She hadn't left a body behind the first time.

She'd been tiny pieces in the blown-up Grill, other corpses surrounding her, burnt to a crisp.

Kol had been burnt up the first time.

Nausea consumed her, MJ retching over the sink as the smell of rotting flesh and burnt hair forced itself over her tongue and up her nose. But nothing was coming up. She hadn't eaten enough for anything to come up over than bile, Elena grabbing her hair and Tyler rushing in.

"Hey, hey," He rubbed her back, "M – "

She forced her eyes shut to think about anything else, "I'm fine!"

Tyler and Elena shared a look.

"I've..." Tyler motioned to the door, "I've got this."

"You sure?"

"I've got this."

"Go be the 'master of grief,' Elena," MJ stammered out, "Not like you're consistently awful at it or anything."

An awkward silence filled the air.

"Sorry," She mumbled, "You're trying to be nice."

How was she meant to be there for Caroline when she might vomit at any second? Any slightly triggering phrases leading to lashing out?

Leaving New Orleans was meant to be her time to reaccess and get a grip, but MJ knew she wouldn't be able to move forward without Bonnie.

"It's perfectly okay," Elena shuffled back, "I'll give you a minute."

As she left them alone, MJ shivered. Not in the 'death and gloom incoming' way, just, 'body about to crash' way, Tyler pulling her to the kitchen counter so she could lean against it.

"Happy birthday," MJ whispered, "By the way."

Tyler paused.

"I do actually have a present for you, but it's in my stuff at your house...I was gonna send it – "

"Have I mentioned how much I love you recently?"

"Even when I'm a temperamental bitch?"

"You're not a bitch," He rested next to her, "There's just no way you should go to the funeral today."

"I can't miss it."

"You can."

"I can't do that to Caroline."

"I think throwing up in the coffin would be worse for her."

He had a point.

Elena had a point in her dismissal too.

"Especially considering," Tyler knew just why she was out of it, "Sending you off to a funeral just doesn't sound right after everything."

She'd think about Kol's body in the coffin.

She'd think about her own.

"Sending you to one doesn't sound right either," MJ pointed out.

"I'll be fine."

She really wanted to believe that.

Tyler genuinely looked okay, but MJ had a pretty intense feeling that was just because he was determined not to seem low around her. His girlfriend had technically tried to kill herself by killing her brother, and then he'd dumped her.

Her boyfriend had almost died in her arms, causing her to technically try to kill herself, then run straight to Tyler for support. Like he was qualified to know how to handle that. Or, like he should be expected to deal with that. And MJ hated the idea he wasn't letting himself feel because of her.

It just made her incoming migraine worse.

"Nope," MJ decided, "This conversation is not about me – it's your birthday. Happy birthday."

"Pretty sure you're the only person who'll remember," He half-smiled, "And I'm oddly okay with that."

"I'll always remember," She moved an arm for him to slide over so she could side-hug him, "You finally have access to your trust fund!"

He laughed.

"That's something."

"Eh," He shifted, "I'm useless with money...which is kinda something I wanted to talk to you about?"

"Hm?"

"You've always managed your own money."

"Yeah."

"Wanna help?"

MJ blinked, "...Help?"

"Well," He shifted, "I get that you're in a crappy place right now, and I don't exactly wanna add to that...but this is family money."

"Exactly – "

"MJ," He stopped her protest, "You're family."

For a moment, the sick feeling flittered away.

"I feel kinda shitty about it all," He admitted, "That it's all just there, waiting for me...it's kinda a massive reminder that all my blood relatives are dead. And it's so much money. I have, like, no idea what to do with it."

MJ squeezed him tighter.

"But you're my family," He reaffirmed, "We have each other. So, why not share it with you?"

She was completely taken aback, "Are you serious?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't deserve it!"

"God knows you'll take better care of it than I will," He shrugged, "Plus, you already have a bank account set-up with the council running all the charity crap, so you'd probably just do more of that – and that's the stuff my mum would want the money doing."

"Tyler..."

"We share the lease to the house."

Her eyes were softening as she looked at him.

"I don't want all of it just in the back of my mind," He repeated, "I want it to stay as a family thing – plus, I know you have Mikaelson money looking after you too, but that's beside the point. You've had jobs your entire life. If this means you can relax, of course, I wanna share it with you."

She wrapped her arms around him properly, "I love you."

"I love you too."

She was burying her face into his shoulder.

"It can be a fun reminder that as long as I'm alive, you're never alone."

Why did everything that week make her want to cry?"

"No matter where you're living."

"Guys!" Caroline's voice came into the space, "Job time!"

They shared one final peaceful look, MJ returning to her feet, wobbling with head rush before edging into the living room to get on with the rest of the day.

Elena, Matt, Stefan, Tyler, and MJ were all standing around the sofas, listening to Caroline read from a list she'd made. The tiny sheet of paper was folded over in multiple places, meaning none of them could read through the back – something MJ would end up regretting not noticing.

Caroline was in mourning, not making a battle plan.

There wasn't anything sketchy about wanting to be in control of your mother's funeral...except her list for the day didn't end in a good way after Damon's message about how it would only get worse.

"You've all asked what you can do to help," She began, "There are five days' worth of projects on here."

She didn't show them the list, pacing as she spoke.

"We are going to do them in one."

MJ stepped closer, "Care – "

"Nope," She put a hand up, "I love you, MJ, but you're not talking me out of this."

She'd been trying to for the past two days, but every time the pair of them spoke about the situation, just the two of them, Caroline would start crying, which would have MJ shakily trying to support her, until she caved and agreed to let her do it her way.

"We can break the rules and cut through the red tape," Her voice was assertive, "I expect my mum to be properly celebrated and buried by the end of the day."

"Sure, Care," Matt smiled, "Whatever you need."

Tyler and Stefan nodded in agreement.

"First order of business," She pointed at MJ, "You are taking the day off."

"I'm not leaving your side for the next month, minimum."

"MJ," Caroline walked towards, "Every time we talk, I start crying. And then you start crying."

That was true.

"I can't cry through the funeral."

"A funeral is a place where you are one-hundred per cent meant to cry."

"Not when I'm expected to give a speech."

"Then don't – let Damon handle that."

"I don't wanna cry today, okay!" Caroline snapped, "I want to look after my best friend, which means sending you to bed."

"I won't sleep."

"You will try to," Caroline decided.

"I'm not doing that."

"You are."

"I'm fine!"

"MJ," Caroline begged, "For me. Please."

MJ's shoulder's slumped.

"The only good thing I can think of right now is you, sleeping. So if you can, please just do that for me," She was phrasing it deliberately, "Give me a reason to get through the day."

Her eyes dropped.

She couldn't say no to that.

"As my best friend. Take the day to not try and hold me together and get some rest."

MJ's brain didn't like the request.

"That's the only job you're getting off me, by the way."

"Why?" She half-challenged, "What's going on, Care?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why don't you want me here?"

"This isn't about you."

The phrase made her stiffen up.

"I need this."

They were locked in a bit of a stare-off.

The last thing MJ wanted to do was not be there for Caroline, but she also didn't want to think that her presence was making her friend cry. And she also really didn't want to go to the funeral and stare at a casket.

Stefan coughed.

"Okay," MJ gave Caroline her wish, "I'll take the day to rest and get better."

Caroline's focus on getting her healthy felt really weird.

Caroline knew that MJ wasn't just going to have a nap and wake up a shiny penny, and, though Caroline may be a blunt person, she was a good friend, and it had been universally agreed that MJ was probably depressed. Everyone was just running with it since it was clear that no one could get her to talk about it until she was ready too. Such guilt-trippy language felt like the opposite of helpful.

"Thank you," She visibly relaxed.

That did help MJ feel a bit better about the situation, "Do you want me at the funeral?"

"If you're awake," Caroline shrugged, "But honestly, I'm a-okay if you're not there. I'd rather you were sleeping."

"Then I guess..." MJ looked around the awkward expressions on everyone's face, focusing on Tyler as her beacon of comfort, "I'll head to the Lockwoods to crash?"

Caroline nodded, "I like that plan."

"See you tomorrow?"

A second nod.

As MJ backed out of the main room, she felt incredibly conflicted. The relief flooding her system about being given a time out was awful. She shouldn't feel happy about not being there for Caroline, but she clearly wasn't helping anybody. Leaving would take the pressure off and return the focus to Caroline.

With MJ gone, Caroline got back to her list.

"Elena," Her real first item of the day, "You're coming with me."

"Where are we going?"

"Casket shopping."

Everyone worked to keep their reactions lowkey at Caroline's casual tone.

"Let's move!"

They headed through the door, talking about how they'd get there, leaving Matt, Tyler, and Stefan in the house with a different list to look at, knowing they would be summoned if needed.

Instantly Tyler's face faltered, moving to sit on the sofa.

Stefan and Matt shared a concerned look.

"Don't even," He shook his head at both of them, "I'm fine."

"And you're the third person to say that this morning," Matt pointed and nodded, "Somehow less convincing than Caroline but not quite on MJ's level of 'faking it.'"

"It's nothing."

Stefan bit his cheek, "You know what's up with MJ?"

"I do," Tyler sighed, leaning back, "She doesn't want me to spill, so don't ask."

"Is she...how bad is it?"

"Depends who you ask."

"Any guidance to let us know what we're dealing with?"

"...Look...just – " Tyler really focused on Stefan, "I feel bad spilling."

"Caroline is two days off phoning Klaus, and we both know he'll tell her," He pointed out, "And if it's really bad, she'll throw a fit about you not telling us."

"It's none of your business - "

"She's depressed," Stefan shut down, "How are we meant to help her if we don't know what happened?"

"By being generally supportive and considerate?"

"Like how no one asked questions about her plan to destroy The Other Side," Stefan nodded falsely, "Which ended with her killing herself."

Tyler caved, "She did...it...again."

Matt just looked confused.

"MJ slit her throat about five days ago."

Both went still.

"Yeah."

"Oh," Stefan blinked about three times, "Um...And – we – how...?"

"Welcome to my brain right now," Tyler pointed, "It feels like something everyone needs to know."

Hence why he'd given in so quickly.

He kinda needed other people to know so he wasn't dealing with the pressure of it alone.

"But like...she doesn't want it to be a big deal. And the magic did its thing. Keeping her alive," He stretched his back, "But it still happened, and she feels guilty about it happening, but also...it's complicated."

"Why did it happen?" Stefan crossed his arms, "She was doing way better."

"Her boyfriend got hexed," He realised Matt didn't know what that meant, "As in, cursed to die."

Stefan's entire posture changed, "The boyfriend?"

"Damn," Matt inhaled, "No wonder she's back in a dark place."

"She managed to save him," He added, "Just in time."

Stefan clicked, "....That's not gonna end well with her..."

Matt just looked confused.

"That's her sweet spot of 'I'm not allowed to be upset right now' dodging."

"She saved him," Tyler repeated, "But she regrets being so drastic."

"And now she feels guilty about potentially making him think she regrets saving him," Stefan finished.

"Exactly," He pointed, "I couldn't get her to admit it, but that's exactly what it is. She feels guilty about being a mess since he didn't actually die, and Liz has, and she feels guilty about making him feel guilty since she doesn't regret it. She's just in a really weird place, and – "

He took a breath.

"The universe kicked her while she was down."

Already in-and-out after killing off all the Travellers, and then watching your boyfriend almost die - feeling it happen with every touch...

"So, I repeat, I'm fine. I've just gotta get her to wanna go back to New Orleans."

If MJ wanted to go back, it would hopefully be a sign the guilt was wearing off.

"She broke up with him, not wanting to make him feel worse. And, I thought that was the right thing to do."

Based on his situation with Liv.

"But I'm not so sure anymore."

But he couldn't tell MJ that.

"If Liv had just come to me and let me help, it would've been different," He'd had a few days to think about it, "She needs Bonnie. Then she needs to get back to New Orleans so she can get back to her life."

Because MJ hadn't had an issue with knowing what she wanted her future to look like before - other than post-Kol's first death.

"Now she actually wants to live it again."

Matt tried to sound careful, "Does she want to live?"

"Yes."

Stefan straightened up, "Confident?"

"She actually said it," Tyler managed a smile, "And not in a 'getting you to shut up' way. In a genuine 'break down over the fact she could've ended it all because she doesn't want to' way."

The vampire relaxed, "That's good."

"Yep," Tyler nodded, then declaring his plan for the day, "Now that Caroline's got her to take the day out – I'm going to get drunk and hate my own life."

Caroline hadn't assigned the three specific jobs, and he was very happy to let Stefan handle it. Tyler didn't want to contribute to MJ's problems, especially when he felt really dumb in comparison, even though he knew she'd try to be there for him. Instead, he was planning to just crash when she wasn't around.

Tyler's second motivation for getting her back to New Orleans came from a sad realisation related to that plan.

If MJ, Caroline, and he were all going through it, yes, they could try and support each other, but taking a minute to themselves would probably help more. Being alone was never the answer, but shoving a bunch of misery on top of each other would only make it all hurt that much more.

Phone friendships? Friendship updates from places that made them feel happy would keep them all going a lot longer than staying trapped together in Mystic Falls would.

Stefan followed him out, closing the front door behind them, so Matt didn't just overhear anything.

"Kol almost died?"

Tyler froze.

"Again?"

He turned to face the vampire.

"Caroline snitched."

"Oh."

"Kol almost died," Stefan repeated, "And she killed herself to save him."

He was trying to process it all.

"Then broke up with him and ran away from New Orleans – that's what you're saying?"

"Pretty much," Tyler realised he needed to cover, "You can't tell Caroline."

"Why – "

"Because MJ doesn't want her to know!"

"Caroline wouldn't judge her for – "

"That's not the point," Tyler put his hands up, "Care's mum just died. The last thing MJ wants to do is make today about anything other than that."

Stefan opened his mouth, then closed it, realising he had a point.

"You said it yourself. MJ's got 'almost' guilt going on – she'll feel even worse about it if Caroline starts to focus on it instead of her actually dead mum."

~***~

While MJ had been walking to the Lockwood Mansion, she'd started to get jitters. She'd been told to sit and do nothing for a day, but that was like, the worst idea she could possibly think of. Especially if she was gonna be alone in the house. Reaching the drive, she was thrown into a loop of memories, mainly from the day of Prom.

She couldn't walk through the front door on her own, knowing she'd broken down in that spot, calling out for her parents, and Ric, and Kol.

Except MJ didn't have to call out for them anymore.

She climbed into Tyler's car and drove to Whitmore.

Funnily enough, mid-drive, Ric called her.

"Hey, sorry to put this on you," His voice was nervous, "But something's happened, and I could really do with your help."

"I'll be there in five."

He paused, "Aren't you getting ready for the funeral?"

"My presence was making Caroline cry, so my job is to stay away."

The reasonable part of MJ's brain knew that there was more to it than that, but she couldn't get her sentences to come out with any positivity.

"...Right."

"It's all good," MJ forced herself to sound okay, "Any pre-information I need to know about the situation?"

"It involved Kai."

MJ's foot slammed on the breaks, bringing her to a stop.

God, she was so lucky that she only performed emergency stops in Mystic Falls because there was barely any traffic. Pulling a stunt like that in New Orleans would lead her to either hit a pothole or have someone crash into her.

"He seems to think he's dying, and needs Jo's help."

"I'll..."

After a long sigh, MJ put her car back into gear.

"I'll be there in five."

"Thank you."

She knew Ric wouldn't have phoned her if it wasn't important.

He wouldn't want to put her in a room with Kai. And not only was it important because if Kai died, Jo died, but if Kai died, Gemini magic died, which meant Bonnie died.

MJ felt her mind slowly going insane the longer it took Bonnie to get home.

Arriving outside Ric's Whitmore apartment just hit differently. MJ loved his Mystic Falls one so much, and it felt like a home, while Whitmore just felt like a furniture shop they were momentarily taking up residence in.

Heading up the stairs tired her legs out, and she loitered outside the door for a good few minutes, getting her game face on, knowing she'd need prep to deal with Kai again. Kai and his preachy attitude towards her. The voice in the back of her head reminded her that he could kill her at any moment, heart rate permanently fixed in fast mode.

MJ opened the door to find three people gathered in the living room.

Jo was dressed in casual clothing, her lab coat on for the fun of it, while Ric was leaning against a wall, boredom over his face, Kai sweating through a black shirt, eyes bloodshot, and skin pale.

"Lol," She took the sight of him perched on the sofa in, "You look as shit as I do."

Kai pushed up slightly, clearing his throat, "MJ!"

"Yeah," She scrunched up her nose, "You're not allowed to sound happy to see me."

"You do look," He scanned her up and down, "Not the best."

She closed the front door behind her.

"Maybe it's the universe trying to tell us something," He started, only to have his smile ruined by the fact he almost threw up, clutching his stomach and curling up.

A dark part of MJ was really enjoying the sight of him in pain.

"MJ," Jo greeted warmly.

MJ managed a smile back, "Hi."

Considering she'd skipped town after The Merge, she hadn't been too sure about how Jo would react to seeing her again.

"Do you need a check-up too?" Jo asked carefully.

"No, I just haven't slept in...February?" She tilted her head, "Or like, five-six days? Which isn't that bad when you think about it."

Jo blinked rapidly, processing the casual declaration, "Oh."

She came closer to MJ, pushing some of her messy, slightly unwashed hair behind her ear and scanning her face. Before MJ could even react, Jo was taking her pulse.

Her eyes jumped between MJ and Kai, "You sure you wanna be here?"

"Nope. I know I don't want to be here," MJ didn't let herself look at Kai, "But it's here, or a funeral, or in an empty house that feels haunted so..."

"Here you are."

"Here I am."

"Well..." After a second, Jo's arms came up to pull her into a hug.

MJ tensed instantly, just managing to catch herself before her defence reflex caused her to siphon any magic.

Looking at Ric's worried expression helped her ease into the gesture.

Jo felt warm.

It was nice to feel warm.

It was nice to have someone who was at least fifteen years older than her holding her – and not in a vampire way. In a human, caring, and motherly way.

MJ really hated the fact she was missing her parents so much.

Ric was right there.

But Carol...

MJ had crashed at the Lockwood's a few too many times, and she missed Carol's hugs. They'd always felt like rare occurrences, not the most affectionate person, always delicate with them too. Always trying to be careful with MJ, like she wasn't sure how tight she could really hold her without spooking her.

MJ had loved those hugs in a very special way.

Jo was a lot less cautious, trying to make sure MJ felt the hold, and she really appreciated it.

"Um," Kai fake coughed to get the attention back on him, "Sick patient over here."

Jo rolled her eyes, returning to him on the sofa, pulling out a light.

"Any joint pain?" Jo asked while checking how responsive his eyes were.

"Mm-hmm."

MJ could relate.

"Headaches?"

"Yup."

Again, MJ could relate.

"Are you pregnant?" She suggested, causing MJ to laugh.

Then she stopped.

She literally hadn't had sex since Kol's first death, so she had no idea why her brain had even considered it, but like...it was an automatic response as a woman. Her cycle still hadn't sorted itself out, so there was no way she was getting pregnant yet –

Her head needed to shut up.

"Don't make jokes," He complained, "I feel like I'm being scrunched from inside out."

MJ continued to relate.

Whenever she started vomiting bugs, it felt like her insides were getting crushed and shoved out of her body.

Dark magic sometimes felt like that too.

"Did you just siphon the wrong thing?" She suggested.

"I haven't siphoned anything since the merge," He dismissed, "Don't need to."

He gave her a sly smile.

"That's life as the all-powerful leader of the Gemini Cover," He winked, "Pretty epi – "

He vomited mid-word, MJ lifting a hand to freeze everything, so Jo had time to grab a bucket, "Does the all-powerful leader of the Gemini Coven need a blanket?"

He continued throwing up.

MJ smiled, turning to Ric, "I'm so happy you called me. Watching him in pain is exactly what I needed."

"A response I'm incredibly concerned about," He nodded, "But given the circumstances, I will let it slide."

She grinned.

Genuinely grinned.

MJ missed smiling without the emotion pulling at her very soul.

She and Ric were looking at each other.

Her expression faltered.

They hadn't spoken since he'd called The Mikaelson's a mourning mistake. He had no clue she'd passed out after a healing spell or that she'd spent the two days since then almost setting several people on fire in the Salvatore House, unable to go to sleep without becoming a danger to society.

"This is kinda private," Kai mumbled, "Does your baby-boo need to be here?"

"I'm not leaving either of them alone with you," Ric didn't miss a beat, "Deal with it."

"Okay," Jo looked over a list, "Your vitals are fine, your temperature is normal. I'll wait on pathology, but there is nothing medically wrong with you."

"Yeah, duh," Kai was not happy with the rundown, "Because I'm magically diseased."

MJ held out her hand, "Gimmie."

He happily took it.

She closed her eyes, then lurched back, shaking her hand and reaching for a wall, ready to keel over.

Ric was there to keep her up.

"Well," There was a shooting pain in her temples, "That's not good."

"Duh."

"No, Kai," She rubbed the spot, failing to get the new headache to leave her and her old one alone, "The Merge didn't work."

As Kai's mouth opened to argue, he threw up again.

His grip on the bin tightened, the second one coming up to take Jo's, almost like he wanted familiar comfort, messing up when it lit up in a bright red, Jo crying out.

"Hey," Ric yanked him back, "What the hell!"

MJ didn't mean to go still at the reaction, but she couldn't stop herself.

Seeing Jo's horrified expression and how firmly Ric stood in the middle just didn't gel with her.

Kai shook his head gleefully, "I feel better."

"Yeah," Jo huffed, rubbing the spot, "Because you juice-boxed my magic."

"Sorry about that," He rushed out, surprisingly genuine, "That was an accident."

"Sure it was," Ric finally released him.

"It was!"

"You – "

"Ric," MJ was trying not to let her fingers tremble, "It was."

They all paused.

"What do you mean?"

"When I get sick, I do the same thing."

He faltered, "I thought the only times you ever got ill were when you were magic sick."

"Because I learnt all the witch remedies to keep myself healthy," Her mum had taught her, "And because Floare have a minor healing factor. But kids always get bugs."

Even if she hadn't known about it until Ryos had told her.

"When I was a kid, and I got the start of something, it would only ever last a few hours. But my dad had to look after me because I'd siphon my mum and my brother," She rested against the sofa, "Ryos once held my hand while I was vomiting, and I drained him so much and so quickly he passed out."

She'd done it to him a few times when he'd woken her up from nightmares too.

Seeing Jo and Ric's face's flicker with guilt had Kai's smile turning smug.

"As a siphoner, when you're sick, you're bodies weak," She hated that she was defending him, "So it siphons. He didn't mean to."

Her fingers were fiddling together.

"And, yes," She focused on the fellow siphoner in the room, "You're going to feel legitimately better, but not because you got a magic boost, but because it's Jo's magic."

Said woman shifted, "Huh?"

"Oh," Kai clicked what she meant, "You really think this is the merge?"

"I know it's the merge," MJ lifted her hand, "Your magic's in this weird cycle inside of you."

Holding onto his hand had felt like getting stuck in a broken elevator, lifted up and dropping down at random speeds, no clue when help would arrive to stop it.

"You took the wrong person's magic."

"Which means," He turned to face his sister, "Jo needs to give me hers."

Her eyes showed fear, "What?"

"This faux merge is failing because I was supposed to get your magic," He stood up, taking a step towards Jo, only for Ric to push her further behind him, "Just – "

The magic cramps in his stomach were starting back up again.

"I don't know – " He groaned, "Put it in a teddy bear or a bedpan and gimmie."

Kai reached out for her again, only to end up in Ric's hold.

"Listen," Ric tightened his grip, "I could just as easily break seven little bones with one good squeeze, okay?

"I can see you're sceptical, Ric," Kai put on his monologue tone, "Can I call you Ric? Buddy? I'm gonna go with Buddy."

MJ cringed at how she often spoke with the exact same tone of voice.

So did Klaus.

She'd pulled the exact same line with Genevieve.

"Here's what you need to know," He wrestled his hand free, "Jo only survives if I do."

"And," MJ spoke up, surprising everyone again with her constant agreement, "The power that binds the prison worlds comes from the leader of the Gemini coven. Bonnie's not back yet."

"If I die, the worlds collapse," Kai reaffirmed.

Ric straightened up at one of the words.

"I see vacancy," Kai looked to MJ, confused, "Does he need me to start over with single syllables?"

"Did you say prison worlds?" Ric stressed, "As in more than one?"

Kai smiled, "Has no one ever mentioned that?"

"Ric," MJ gave him a look, "The one I brought back from New Orleans?"

"I thought that was like a model!" He defended, "It looked like a prototype made of wood and stuff."

"Because it was made in the Middle Ages," She justified, "Kai needs the magic to live."

"See," He gloated, "She wants me to live!"

"I want Jo to live," She crossed her arms, "I want Liv to live since Ty's still hung up on her."

Liv to live – MJ did know how to have fun with words.

"You and the rest of your coven can rot."

Jo shifted uncomfortably.

"And most importantly," She started to think, half pacing around the room, "I need Bonnie to live."

"We," Ric gestured to her and Jo, "Need to talk about this somewhere else."

He really didn't like Kai.

MJ really didn't like Kai either, yet, Kai was one of the three people who knew about Kol. He knew just why she looked like a train wreck, and most of the things he was experiencing, she'd been through, in one way, shape, or form.

Kol's 'Kaleb' voice was in her head.

Telling her not to have a soft spot since she already had one serial killer wrapped around her finger.

MJ should've had total control in the Chambre De Chasse, but Kai had been the one to get woken up, and he'd used the information he'd learned about her elder status and the fact he knew she'd chase after him to manipulate her.

She'd assisted in Luke's death because of him.

MJ detested the fact she wasn't just killing Kai. She was letting her nightmare exist, and lead a coven, and potentially kill her later on – and she was feeling bad for him.

But they had too much in common for her to not sympathise.

Ric ferried her and Jo into the kitchen to have a proper conversation about the situation.

"You really think it'll work?" Jo asked her, "Giving him my magic will fix everything?"

"Logically, it would," MJ thought about what she'd learnt about the merge, as well as what she'd witnessed and felt during the night it had happened, "The required death happened. All of those things were accepted – but the magic? It's rejecting him, and it won't settle until he gets the correct dose."

Ric shook his head, "So we make him even stronger?"

"I really don't have a choice," Jo reminded him.

"Of course you have a choice," Ric walked closer to her, so they were standing in front of a windowpane, making MJ feel like a bit of a third wheel, "It's your magic to give up or not."

She started to form an idea.

As she turned from them, MJ caught their attention, Ric watching how she held herself very carefully. Her posture was off, slumped, like she was carrying far too many heavy shopping bags, eyes tired, to the point that they looked glazed over, legs wobbling with each step. The worst part was, Ric couldn't tell if MJ had even noticed that she was unstable.

He had to think that she would've sat down if she had.

"MJ?" He prompted.

"I think I might have the third option."

Jo and Ric shared a look.

"There's always more than two doors," She started to twirl a finger as she thought, "It's about finding it."

"What's your idea?"

"What if I could de-link the Gemini Coven from Kai?"

"We'd all die?" Jo assumed.

"Not necessarily," Her hands were twitching slightly, "That little thing Luke brought to the battle? The thing that they both held? Do you reckon you could get that for me?"

Jo looked lost, "I'm pretty sure my dad has it – why?"

"Because," MJ returned to facing them, "I have a de-linking spell that can detach single people from the strongest connective magic to ever get made."

Kol had told her that she'd gotten her sire-line unlinking spell right when it came to one person.

"Technically, the Gemini Coven have existed longer than vampires, but the magic typing vampires together is also tied to immortality. It's a hell of a lot stronger," She started to ramble, "I'd need a few days to figure out all the details and switch a few words and-or ingredients, but I can detach you. I can detach Liv. And then you can leave Kai to die."

Jo looked down, "But the rest of the coven would just die with him?"

"Pretty much."

She shook her head.

"I mean," MJ sighed, "If I had the object, I might figure out a way to free everyone. But, if I'm honest?"

A terrible thought in her head.

"Why should I save the Gemini Coven?"

Ric tensed, "MJ."

"What?"

"Killing off The Travellers broke you – why on earth would you want to do something like that again?"

Time seemed to stop, her brain really taking in what Ric had said.

He was right.

How hadn't she clicked that she'd basically just volunteered to commit mass genocide again?

What was happening to her?

"I'm not going to let my coven die," Jo shook her head, "That's an awful thing to suggest."

"Sorry," Her voice was weak, taking two drifting steps back from them, "I – I didn't mean anything by it."

"What it means, MJ," Ric's dad voice activated, "Is that you've officially spent too much time with the Mikaelson's."

She closed her eyes.

"I knew they wouldn't help, and they clearly haven't."

"It's not their fault I'm a wreck right now."

Technically, it was Finn's fault, but he'd practically been disowned after everything.

"Maybe not!" He admitted, "But what other influence could make you suggest re-enacting one of the worst moments of your life. Mass murder. Like it was nothing."

MJ wanted to sink to the floor, but she didn't let herself, just looking down.

"And that's enough!" Jo's voice seemed to echo in the room, "I know I don't know the history."

She softened it as she scolded Ric.

"And I know that this Klaus guy is evil and all, but this has gone on too long," She gestured out, "You owe her an apology."

MJ's head shot up.

"She killed herself, and she's clearly trying to find anything to keep herself going. And the last thing she needs is a lecture you've already given her," Jo's words were clear, "Of course she's going to suggest killing off the Gemini Coven – they're the people who started the siphoner hate she's been dealing with her entire life."

Having Jo defend her was like a weight being taken off her back.

"They started the narrative that she was worthless. And Luke and Liv were the people telling her she wasn't a real witch and that she deserved to die! And Kai tortured her, physically and mentally."

Ric swallowed.

"It would be more concerning if she didn't want them dead."

"Jo," MJ's voice cracked, "You don't have to say that. They're your family."

"I do," She decided, "The only way forward is to address the problem for what it is rather than sugar-coat it."

Jo came closer to her.

"You didn't choose to be born a siphoner, and treating you like you're less of a person because of it is disgusting. You're not the bad guy, MJ."

She felt like she was sometimes.

"You're a twenty-year-old who's been through hell," She took her head, "And the coven is part of that. So wish them dead, go ahead and do that – admit everything you're feeling right now, even the 'bad' stuff. No judgement."

MJ glanced down.

"That's the only way you're going to start getting better. Because it's only once everything's out in the open that you can start to work your way through it," Jo turned back to her boyfriend, "And as someone who loves her, even if you don't agree with her choices, you need to turn your opinions off and let her feel."

"It's – "

"No 'it's,'" Jo inhaled slowly, "Otherwise – of course, she's going to go to the 'bad guys.' They're the people who don't judge her."

MJ bit her lip to stop herself from crying.

Her body was too tired to tackle Jo with another hug, no matter how much she wanted to.

When Elena had turned her humanity back on, MJ had been the one preaching feelings. When Bonnie had been going through it after Jeremy's 'Silas-Katherine' death, she'd done the same. She'd fought to make sure Tyler kept his humanity on even when he'd been compelled to do awful things because she'd been so adamant that feeling and being honest with yourself was the only way forward. She'd even said it to Damon that morning!

She hated being so bad at taking her own advice.

She desperately wanted to just be open and feel, but that terrified her.

Another factor in why she'd needed to break up with Kol?

She felt that strongly about him, but it had almost enabled her – which wasn't his fault.

That was something she needed to work through as she attempted to deal with her Mystic Falls baggage. Sure, Tyler was her family, and MJ would always love Caroline, but she'd called out for Klaus for a reason. Several, actually. And hearing Jo defend her reminded her of how much she missed being around people who really knew her.

All of her.

Jo was smart, and she was used to dealing with members of the army battling PTSD alongside the physical conditions she'd treat. She could see where MJ's declaration had come from without her having to spell it out, and she'd respected it. And MJ approved of her even more because of it.

After five days, she was ready to have her New Orleans non-judging breakfast club back.

...And maybe she was willing to have help again.

And she needed Ric to be okay with that, or she'd never stop feeling guilty.

"It's time for you two to find your middle ground. Because you love each other," Jo released MJ's hand, "And you will be doing that once I've worked out what I'm supposed to do."

"I can try and unlink you from him," MJ repeated, "You can give him your magic, or..."

"Or I can let him die," Jo spoke calmly, "And die with him."

She faced Ric.

"What do you think I should do?"

After a moment of consideration, Ric took both her hands in his.

"Look," He glanced at MJ, "My life is full of martyrs who cave to the bad guy."

She shifted her weight between her feet.

"Trying to be heroes," He focused on his girlfriend, "And it never ends well. Somebody inevitably gets hurt or dies."

Far too true.

"And that somebody could just as easily be you."

MJ wasn't going to let anything happen to Jo if she did end up sticking around.

"Or Bonnie."

MJ definitely wasn't letting Bonnie get hurt.

"No matter what you do," Ric managed a smile, "If you wanna fight and keep your magic, I will fight with you. We will work out the de-linking spell and all those things MJ listed."

She almost smiled.

"And if not, well," He lent forward to rest his lips against her forehead, "I loved you when you weren't a witch, and I'm pretty sure I will still love you regardless."

MJ felt her heartache.

She missed the way Kol would kiss her forehead since her lips were off-limits.

"You sure?" Jo checked.

"At least ninety-two per cent," He teased.

Jo wrapped her arms around his waist, resting into him to make her choice.

After a few more minutes of mental preparation, they returned to the living room to face Kai.

Looking at him still made MJ uncomfortable.

He really was trying to smile at her like a friend, to act like he wasn't a threat, but she could still picture him standing over her bleeding body. She felt as weak as she had in the prison world, and when she was weak, he hurt her. But he was trying.

He'd comforted her on Bonnie's birthday.

His time had been stolen, he'd been punished for existing, and he'd embraced his nature the way part of her knew she should. If she wanted to stop hating herself, she could just let go and be the big bad siphoner.

Enzo's time had been stolen, he'd been imprisoned for being a vampire, and he cared for her (in a friendly manner). Kol's time had been stolen, he'd been imprisoned for embracing his nature, and she'd loved him.

But, as Kol had told her, she couldn't trust Kai.

Her fragile mind was barely holding it together, and it was technically Kai's fault. The part of her wanting to help him was accompanied by a voice going, 'you need to do what he wants and be his friend, or he'll kill you.' And that type of voice shouldn't have been anywhere near a real friendship.

In the main room, Jo took the lab coat off with a sigh, looking at her brother, almost as uneasy as MJ.

They were giving him even more power.

Kai had pulled on a hoodie while they'd been gone, still huddled over a bucket, ready to throw up at any moment.

Jo planted herself in front of the sofa, "Let's do this."

"Me, our coven," He stood up, tone flat, "And the prison worlds thank you."

"What exactly are these other prison worlds?" MJ asked, "The one I checked seemed empty, but that might just be because I got lucky with where I explored."

"There's that one, which was a never used prototype, and one other," He revealed, "And it's filled with crappy people like me, I'm sure."

He sounded tired, turning to face Jo.

"Congrats. You're saving their miserable lives and our favourite Bon-Bon from oblivion."

Jo swallowed nervously as he pinched her cheeks like a five-year-old.

"Oh, don't look so stressed."

She shook him off.

"You never liked being a witch anyway."

"Shut up," Jo placed her own hands on his face and started the spell to transfer her power, "Oribos Turai Manecsitus."

The lighting in the room changed, becoming a harsh white.

"Orbiem. Oribos Turai – "

The wind starting to move, picking up a few discarded pieces of paper, MJ unintentionally backing up.

Ric was behind her, placing a hand carefully on her shoulder, very aware of the panic that spread across her features at the contact, only relaxing after repeating his name about five times in her head. Ric was safe. She was safe. Life was safe, except, not really. Her life was kinda falling to pieces.

MJ really needed to find a way to force herself to sleep.

"Oribos Turai Manecsitus. Orbiem."

The floor started to shake.

"Oribos Turai Manecsitus. Orbiem."

Jo's voice went up, echoing around the space, eyes slowly closing.

"Oribos Turai Manecsitus. Orbiem."

MJ focused on the energy in the air, feeling as it moved through Jo's body and into Kai's.

"Oribos Turai Manecsitus. Orbiem."

They both took a sharp breath in, and the lights died.

Kai's eyes opened first.

Jo dropped her hands instantly, voice quiet, "It's done."

"Thank you," His more pompous attitude was back now he was healthy, "And congratulations."

MJ raised an eyebrow, confused about that declaration.

Jo looked just as lost.

Then he lent forward to whisper something inaudibly into her ear.

Then he pulled back and patted her cheek softly, "Have a good life, Sissie."

Her face fell in complete shock about whatever he'd told her while Kai let go, walking casually past MJ and Ric.

Until he had to pause in the doorway and pointed at her.

"I hope you feel better soon, MJ."

She started to play with her hands.

"I googled what to say to people who'd watched boyfriends die in case I managed to see you again."

She shook her head at him rapidly.

"But there wasn't really anything helpful," He shrugged, "So...I hope you feel better soon."

Such a simple phrase, spoken in a loose tone that meant MJ couldn't tell if he didn't actually mean it or if he was just trying to be careful.

"Remember, I'm waiting for when you're ready to meet your true potential," His crooked smile wasn't trying to offend her, "You may have loved this Kol-dude, and I am sorry you went through all that. But I also hope you can find some peace. And remember that I'm out there. Waiting for when you're ready for a true equal."

Then he was gone.

MJ blinked, stepping away from Ric to close the apartment door, desperate not to face him.

Luckily for her, Jo's stunned reaction was the first thing Ric chose to focus on.

He stepped towards his girlfriend, "What'd he say?"

"The reason I was sick," Jo forced herself to start talking, "It wasn't food poisoning."

MJ spun round.

She hadn't known Jo had been ill too.

"What was it?" Ric noticed MJ's intrigue in the conversation.

"He said I'm pregnant."

Jo was pregnant.

Ric was going to be a dad.

A real dad.

A parent to someone who wasn't her and who probably wouldn't cause him half as many problems as she did.

Jo was pregnant, and the idea had her heart about to split in two.

As Ric took a shaky breath in, Jo started to talk again.

"I don't know what to say. I don't," She closed her eyes, swaying, "I don't know what to do – "

Ric smiled, "Marry me."

MJ's panicked breathing hitched.

"What? No, no!" Jo started to tidying up papers on the sofa, "That's a pity proposal!"

She wasn't letting herself look at him.

"You can't throw a pity proposal at a pregnant ex-witch – I don't even know if I want kids."

As she rambled, Ric was pulling something out of his pocket.

"Let alone if I want to get married – "

Jo's eyes landed on his hands.

The black velvet box in his hands.

MJ felt her pulse return to a normal, human speed, taking in just how happy Ric looked.

"Oh, my God," Jo dropped the sheets she'd collected, "What are you doing?"

"I bought this the day after your brother died."

MJ did the math, realising Ric had been carrying the ring around since the end of December.

"Caroline's mother was sick, and you were in danger. And I just thought...life's too short."

They were getting engaged.

MJ was welling up.

Ric was finally going to get his happily ever after.

She was such a sucker for weddings.

"And I've been trying to plan for the right moment. Which was supposed to be this morning," He revealed, "With breakfast in bed."

It sounded like it would've been perfect.

"Then you started puking up last night's dinner."

"Ric," Jo's eyes were glistening.

"We can talk about choices and all that. We can," He walked closer to her, "But I would really love to have this baby with you."

Jo was beaming at him.

"So this isn't a pity proposal, Jo," He moved to his knees, "I love you."

MJ felt the crack in her heart glow, warming at the words coming out of his mouth.

He opened the box, "Marry me."

The diamond ring shined up at her.

"I can't believe this," Jo sat down on the sofa opposite him, "Are you sure?"

"At least ninety-two per cent."

They were both smiling at each other, giddy.

"Yes," She answered, "Yes – Yes, yes."

Her arms wrapped around his neck as they both started to laugh and sniff and take in the fact that they were getting married.

"Guys," MJ was beaming too, "Congratulations!"

She really meant it.

"I – Um, I feel like I should probably give you some space?"

She motioned to the door.

They both laughed.

"No," Jo shook her head, brushing her tears away, "This is a celebration that requires champagne, and considering I can't drink anymore – you will be drinking for me."

MJ rushed forward to hug them both, "I'm so happy for you."

Jo was pregnant.

They were getting married!

"God, I love weddings."

She loved the dresses, and the cakes, and decorations. And the fact it was celebrating something good.

They popped the champagne, and played music, and ordered take-out, and for a moment, MJ felt normal. She felt like she was missing half of her heart but in an average way. The way she'd felt when she'd been in New Orleans after her summer abroad. How she'd felt when she'd spent the day with Enzo and Caroline, so she'd needed a hug from Tyler, but she'd still gotten up the next day, driven home, and been okay.

Bonnie was on her way home, Kai didn't seem interested in killing her, Kol was alive, and Ric and Jo were going to be happy.

They were going to have a baby.

After getting through some food, MJ had needed a breather, so she'd stepped onto the balcony, ready to let a tear run down her face as she accepted a few things.

Until Ric joined her outside, closing the door into the living room, where Jo was snoozing softly. Food coma. Or maybe it was a happiness coma. Both options were good.

MJ laughed again, leaning on the railing to look at him, "You're gonna be a dad."

He was going to have a biological child.

"Sorry," She brushed two tears away as they fell, "I don't know why I'm crying."

For a moment, he was smiling at her too.

"I'm just really happy for you."

"Thank you."

Then it turned quiet.

MJ started to feel her skin itching, anticipating that something was about to go wrong.

Happy things rarely seemed to last, and Kai had technically set a bomb off earlier.

"Why did Kai bring up Kol?"

The air between them turned static.

"Um," MJ had a choice to make, "Because..."

She'd been on her way to Ric's because she'd been ready to tell him. Because Tyler didn't care that it was Kol Mikaelson, he just cared MJ was upset, so she had to have hope that Ric would too.

"Turns out, Kol escaped the collapse of The Other Side."

She watched the exact way Ric's face tightened.

"Esther, well," MJ let it all fall out before he could react, "She body jumped herself, Finn, and Kol, back to life, so when I got back to New Orleans, I gotta be with him again. Kaleb is the name of the host – that guy you met Christmas...who you keep praising and calling good for me...it's Kol."

Ric's mouth opened.

"You saw how happy I was when Enzo brought me back," She reasoned, "I got to meet Klaus's baby."

Her voice cracked.

"And go on a date with the love of my life."

He still didn't say anything.

"He's in someone else's body, which is kinda weird. But it means he's a witch. Not an Original."

And, he'd shown himself to be a capable witch, helping MJ and them. She hoped that would make Ric react a little bit better. No vampire to worry about, just a mortal witch waiting for her.

"We defeated Esther, but then – " She couldn't say it.

She'd been so close to acceptance, but looking at the dark expression on Ric's face...

"MJ?"

"Finn hexed him to die."

She could feel the internal conflict radiating off him.

"I watched him go from happy, healthy, and alive to death's doorstep."

Her voice and expression made it seem like she was crying, but she wasn't. MJ was still holding it all in, desperate not to ruin the evening and keep all her tears happy. Ric put an arm around her to let the dry sobs fall into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry that happened, MJ."

The perfect reaction.

The reaction that made her relax and start to feel whole again.

"But," He rubbed her neck, "Take it as the universe giving you an out."

Her blood ran cold.

"I'm sorry you're hurting," He whispered into her temple, "But – "

"Ric – "

"Bad phrasing," He shook his head, "I know you're probably in a lot of pain. And I know what I'm saying probably doesn't help. But you deserve so much more than..."

Her entire body felt like it was being set on fire, and not in a good way.

"Let yourself heal here, MJ. With me. Take the out, and get yourself completely away from that family and back into the rest of the world."

She wanted to make a retort.

Point out the numbers and highlight just how many more people she'd lost in Mystic Falls.

"You're better than them, MJ, and loving Kol? It seemed to make you forget that," He stepped back from her, "Stay here and let me help with everything you're going through. The way you kept me going after Jenna."

MJ didn't argue.

She didn't even raise her voice.

"I saved him."

Ric blinked slowly.

"I watched him get to the end of his life, and then I found a way to save him."

He didn't need to know the details.

If MJ told him how she'd managed to do it, he would never let her leave. He'd turn it into a point about Kol manipulating her to end her life when that was the opposite of true. But it wasn't like Ric eavesdropped on their nighttime conversations. He didn't know how much Kol wanted her to live forever.

"I don't know how to explain how much it hurts watching someone you love come that close to death, but that's why I'm a mess right now. He was almost a dead body. And I couldn't cope. So I decided to take a time out and come back to Mystic Falls."

"Oh..."

"I – I really," She inched towards the balcony door, "I really am happy for you, Ric."

He straightened up at the change in topic, "What?"

"I hope this goes amazing!" MJ wanted to fall to pieces then and there, desperately fighting to keep some pep in her voice, "I hope you have a really nice life."

"MJ – "

"But I can't keep having this conversation," Her face broke, "I love that you see me as some beacon of good, but that's just not me anymore."

"It – "

"It never was!" She forced her volume to drop again, not wanting to wake Jo up, "I was always sketchy. I was never really trusted. I always went too far when people like Caroline got hurt. I – I – I'd been through so much shit."

From Marcel to New York, to Scary Mary, and everything in between.

"And I'm not about to unlearn the lessons from those situations," MJ half-had in Mystic Falls, "Because the supernatural world doesn't work the way your world does. And those lessons kept me alive."

Her eyes settled on Jo's sleeping figure on the couch.

"I hope you have a perfect life, Ric," Her love seeped into the phrase, "I hope you get to be human. And happy. And have it all."

Because MJ knew how badly he wanted it all.

"But you're not going to if you're stuck trying to parent me."

He was just staring at her.

"You're going to have a real family."

The reason she'd initially panicked at the news.

"A baby, who is half you, and half the person you love – and that's really, really great for you," She didn't want to cry, pressing her palms into her eyes until they stopped, "But I'm a mess, and I'm bad luck, and the judgement?"

Which Jo had called out.

"The clear difference we have when it comes to thinking about my future?" She exhaled slowly to avoid starting a panic attack, "It means that we've run our course."

It broke her heart to say it.

"You're gonna have a kid, and she deserves you. And you don't deserve to feel like you owe me anything just because you taught me history during some of the rough years."

She'd nearly been an adult when they'd met, and he'd given her an excuse to revert back to child status.

"You don't deserve to spend your life trying to keep me afloat when we're such different people," MJ was sick of feeling like she was bringing everyone around her down, "Just because you put it upon yourself to keep an eye on me. Because you're a good person like that. It shouldn't be a life commitment."

She moved her hands down.

"I'm an adult, Ric."

Turning twenty-one that year.

"Be happy. Get married. Have a kid – and know that I love you for everything you've done."

That wouldn't change.

"But I'm not going to suddenly stop being a part of the Mikaelson's world when I love one of them. Because I do love him," She needed him to realise that, "Because it wasn't a mourning mistake."

Some much-needed clarity surrounding her emotions after five days of mess.

"And I didn't go with Klaus out of grief either. I went to make peace with my ghosts, and I did."

His shoulders slumped, hearing her actually admit it out loud for the first time.

"I'm not going to bring that danger into your life, so yeah, right now, the universe is giving me an out. But it's not an out from the Mikaelson's...It's not an out for me."

She opened the balcony door to step back inside.

"It's an out from me. For you."

Jo was lying there, peaceful and happy.

"It's giving you the real deal, Ric."

Because she should've known from her time with Scott and the Malraux wolves in LA that she was never enough to be a long-term commitment for people, truly accepted, when they had blood family as an option.

Her eyes pinched closed at the thought she knew she should've tried to ignore.

If MJ ever changed her mind on kids, she was going to adopt.

Adoption, and then she'd make damn sure that kid felt so loved that the idea they weren't enough because of biology was never even a thought in their head.

"And I'm not going to get in the way of that," She couldn't ruin his life like that, "You're absolved. You don't need to feel responsible for me anymore."

"But – "

"You said you felt more responsibility towards me, but you're literally Elena's step-father."

He and Isobel had been married.

"You didn't know about her, and Isobel gave her up, but you still ended up in each other's lives, dating her aunt - like, if that isn't a sign, I don't know what is!"

They were family. They made sense. Elena and Ric and their attachment to humanity and forced vampirism and attitude towards the supernatural world. MJ didn't fit with it.

"You know this is what has to happen for you to be happy."

"I – "

"You've given me choices," She backed up even more, "To give up magic. To stay here. And I'm sorry that I can't."

Part of her wished she could just let go of magic sometimes.

"I wish I could be easier for you. I wish I hadn't wasted so much of your life – "

"You weren't a waste – "

"But I'm choosing to go home."

"MJ," He shook his head, "Please."

"You literally call the people around me dangerous – and you're right," She continued, "And now there's a baby involved."

Hope was in danger too.

"I never want to hurt you," MJ felt herself about to cry again, "And I'd never put your kid in a position that would get them hurt – which means the choice is, stay in your life or live mine."

Which he clearly didn't approve of.

"I'm the problem, Ric. I'm dangerous," She fitted with the Mikaelson's for a reason, "So, I'll see you when I see you...and I will always love you...but you deserve to be free of me. No longer constantly worried. Just happy."

The word came out breathy.

"And I deserve to be happy too."

Jo had told them to come to a middle ground because they'd been fighting on a loop.

"And right now, we're just making each other miserable."

"You could be happy here."

"Maybe," She nodded, "But I don't want maybe. Not for you. I want happy. So, I love you, but goodbye."

MJ was out of the door before he could get another word in, racing down the stairwell in case he tried to chase after her. Jo being asleep meant he wouldn't be able to call after her, not wanting to wake her, but running was a whole other thing. She had about three minutes of shell shock to escape during, in her car and driving away as Ric skidded into the parking lot.

Caroline had practically called her a weight earlier, and MJ knew she was a weight on Tyler.

But, she also knew she wasn't a permanent one with them.

She had been with Ric.

She didn't want to feel like a weight anymore.

Driving out of Whitmore, MJ wasn't sure where to go. Tyler had been bearing the brunt of her messy emotions, so he deserved a night off. Caroline was dealing with the aftermath of the funeral, so MJ couldn't bring herself on her...

Which left the Salvatore House.

Oddly enough, she didn't actually know which brother she was looking for.

Stefan was the one she'd cry into, but she'd actually be okay seeing Damon.

He'd been trapped with her at the start of her depressive spiral. He knew what he'd be dealing with. Even if he'd said some majorly triggering things, he'd done it out of some kind of fond emotions and a lack of tact, not a want to upset her.

And getting into another verbal fight with him might ground her back into reality.

As she was driving, MJ was also tempted to call Jeremy, but she didn't want to bring him back into the mess when he'd only just left. Then she considered Enzo, but she also knew he'd try and force her to sleep or talk about it, and she was awful at stopping herself from talking about stuff when it was Enzo pushing her.

She parked, entering through the door in a way that had become second nature. She'd never knocked, it was never locked, and she'd officially lived in an alternate version of it for over six months. MJ had a designated room there.

She was so done with it too.

The house was lovely, but MJ was sick of wood panelling and the overly warm lighting, homesick as hell.

That realisation had her heading up to her room, ready to collect the few things she'd dumped at the house into a bag. She could pack up, go to the Lockwood's, grab the vitals from there and say bye to Tyler, then find Caroline to give her the warmest hug she could.

Then she could dip.

She couldn't face Ric again after saying her goodbye, and she wanted nothing more than to be in New Orleans, crying into Cami, or Davina, or...well, the Mikaelson's. Even if MJ didn't think a romantic relationship was good for her, MJ was finally ready to see the living Kol Mikaelson without thinking about how it had felt to slice metal through her skin.

She needed Klaus.

And Rebekah, and Elijah, and Hayley.

She was headed back to the door when her eyes caught on a jacket she'd left lying on the sofa.

She went to pick it up, stilling at the sound of someone in the kitchen.

Someone was cooking.

All of her Chinese New Year decorations were still up, making her yearn for home even more, but on the off chance Stefan was late-night snacking, MJ picked up her jacket and drifted towards the door.

There was music playing too, the smell of pancakes in the air.

American toast-able pancakes, rather than the thin ones she'd made that morning.

MJ lightly pushed the door open with her foot.

Bonnie.

Bonnie Bennett was standing behind the stove.

Flipping Damon's pancakes, ingredients and three plates on her left, bobbing her head to the music, still dressed in exactly the same clothes she'd been wearing the last time MJ saw her, hoodie tied around her waist.

"Tell me this is real."

Bonnie jumped, noticing her.

For a moment, she just stared right back, taking in how awful MJ looked and at how harshly she'd pinched herself, not daring to blink.

"It's real," Bonnie's smile was so big that it took over her entire face, "I'm real – I'm back."

MJ broke down completely, tears streaming down her face as she rushed forward, arms up, "Bonnie!"

Bonnie Bennett, in the flesh, moved around the counter, too, bodies colliding messily as they were both desperate to touch each other again. Hugging, and squeezing, and crying. The first human contact Bonnie had technically had back in the real world since everyone else had been at the funeral.

"You're home!"

"I'm home."

They sunk to their knees together, holding on even tighter.

Bonnie was back, and with them, and MJ finally felt true peace in her body.

"You're an idiot!" Bonnie laughed as they separated, "You were gonna get yourself killed pulling that stunt!"

And she was scolding her.

MJ laughed through her tears.

"How dare you almost get yourself killed!"

It was becoming a concerning trend, one she would end – especially with Bonnie finally home.

She wasn't going to die for her loved ones anymore; she was going to live for them.

"Happy birthday?" MJ tried.

Bonnie was hugging her again.

"Sorry I failed."

"You look like a wreck."

"So do you."

Less so, but still true.

Bonnie at least looked like she'd slept recently.

"Thank you," MJ spoke more confidently than she had since February started, "Thank you for getting me out."

"Thank you for fighting to see me on my birthday."

"I'm sorry it wasn't more."

"MJ," Bonnie shook her head, "We were only alive because you ripped us out of The Other Side."

"Because you died for Jeremy, and to stop Silas."

"Mutual agreement to thank and love each other equally."

"Deal."

MJ was ready for a deal like that.

Happy tears felt so much healthier than sad ones.

The side door opened, Damon's voice filling the house.

"Where'd you go, Elena?" He was leaving a voicemail, "Call me back."

He stilled, taking the scene in.

The pancakes, the pair of them on the floor, MJ pulling Bonnie to her feet.

His voice broke, "Bonnie?"

"One and only."

He opened up his arms, and she jumped at him, hugging around his neck, legs going around his waist, letting Damon spin her around.

MJ found herself smiling even more, momentarily forgetting all of her worries.

He was crying too, "You made it!"

"I made it."

Damon put her down, offering an arm out, "Get in here, Emo-Batman."

MJ laughed, happily joining the group hug.

Once they stopped crying, they moved to the living room, sitting on one sofa, MJ curling into Bonnie like she might never let go.

Bonnie had gotten home.

Their message had worked.

"I was in 1903," She explained the mess that was her last day in the Prison World, "Something was happening, and it was all breaking down."

"That was Kai," MJ explained, "He was dying. Jo transferred her magic to him to stop it."

Bonnie froze at his name.

"He's headed back to Portland," She nodded furiously, "No interest in killing us anymore. The Merge gave him emotions."

"You buy that?"

"Do I look like someone who buys that?"

"You look half-dead."

"Fair response," MJ nuzzled further into Bonnie's lap, "Haven't exactly been able to."

Damon ruffled her hair, "Think you might now."

She yawned.

She actually yawned.

"Quite possibly."

Bonnie kissed her forehead affectionately, "Seeing you and Jer on my birthday might have genuinely saved my life."

MJ felt herself welling up.

Her existence had saved someone from a mental hell she understood all too well.

She'd done that.

"I missed you so much."

"Missed you too."

"I actually have a few things," Bonnie motioned to her bag as MJ's eyes struggled to stay open, "You know how I gave you the Bennett Grimoire?"

"You can have it back – "

"Keep it," Bonnie assured her, "I brought the Prison World one back, plus..."

She pulled out a huge chunk of rock.

"Qetsiyah's calcified blood."

MJ shot up, headrush hitting her like a truck, "Mine's in New Orleans."

"Which means we both have one," Bonnie grinned, "I got the Bennett magic back, but it's still stock full of stuff. I mean – the blood, and the stone itself, our crazy powerful objects."

"Go us," MJ high-fived.

The force had her swaying.

Damon was fighting off a smile, "And I think that means it's time to go to bed."

"I don't wanna," She complained, "I wanna stay right here."

"I'll still be right here when you wake up," Bonnie assured her, "I mean, maybe not right here 'right here.'"

She motioned to the room.

"But I'll still be on this version of earth."

"Exactly where you're meant to be."

With the light refilling her life slightly, MJ did let her eyes close, falling asleep on Bonnie's lap as Damon and she continued to play catch-up.

a/n: We're gonna have New Orleans sections next chapter wooo!!

The next two TVD episodes and two TO episodes are merged into five chapters. After those five chapters, MJ will officially by only a TO character!!

She'll make the occasional TVD appearance (weddings, child birth's etc), but no more constant jumping back and forth.

- Bea