REVIEWER: iburnrice

CLIENT: Glassgalaxi

Thank you for giving me the chance to review your story. I apologize in advance if any of what will be said comes off as rude or hurtful. It was never my intention ❤️

REVIEW

Title and Book Cover - 4/5

The cover is very beautiful. Though, I would suggest something like: the boy in question, with the angel on one shoulder and demon on another. You know? But we only see the two rivals and not the boy. For a moment, I thought the guy on the vehicle was Eli.

However, the cover is great. Love the small details.

Blurb - 4/5

Your blurb presents a captivating premise with a strong foundation for character-driven conflict and drama. It has;

1. Unique Concept: The idea of a demon and an angel both influencing the same person is fresh and intriguing. It sets up a natural conflict that can drive the story forward.

2. Character Dynamics: The tension between Vance and Charlotte, coupled with their growing attraction, adds depth to their characters and their relationship.

3. High Stakes: Eli's kidnapping by a paranormal investigator raises the stakes and forces the characters into a situation where they must work together, which can lead to compelling character development and plot twists.

Ways to improve;

1. Clarify the Stakes for Eli: While it's clear that Vance and Charlotte have opposing goals, it would be helpful to specify what Eli stands to gain or lose from each path. This will make the stakes more tangible for the reader.

2. Backstory and Motivation: Providing a hint of Vance and Charlotte's backstory or the reasons behind their animosity can make their conflict more relatable and engaging.

Revised Blurb

When Vance, a mischievous demon, and Charlotte, a diligent angel, are sent to Earth on opposing missions, they find themselves fixated on the same target: Eli Morgan, a nerdy college freshman. Vance aims to lure Eli into a life of hedonistic partying, while Charlotte is determined to guide him towards academic success and his dream career.

Despite their mutual disdain, Vance and Charlotte can't ignore the growing attraction between them. Their rivalry reaches a boiling point when Eli is kidnapped by a notorious paranormal investigator and demon hunter. Forced to set aside their differences, Vance and Charlotte must work together to rescue Eli.

As they navigate this perilous mission, old grudges resurface, and their true motivations are revealed. Can they overcome their past and save Eli, or will their conflicting natures doom them all?

I couldn't add a backstory for the lovebirds but I'm hoping you would...

But either way, the blurb is decent.

Plot Creativity and Originality - 8/10

The concept of a demon and an angel both being assigned to influence the same person is a fresh take on the classic "good vs. evil" narrative. This setup allows for a unique exploration of morality, free will, and the impact of external influences on personal choices.

The story blends elements of supernatural fantasy with a coming-of-age tale, creating a hybrid genre that can appeal to a wide audience. The inclusion of a paranormal investigator adds a layer of mystery and suspense, further enriching the narrative.

The growing attraction between Vance and Charlotte, despite their opposing natures, introduces a romantic subplot that adds depth and complexity to their characters. This twist on the typical adversarial relationship is both original and engaging.

The characters of Vance and Charlotte are not just one-dimensional representations of good and evil. Their evolving relationship and the necessity to work together despite their differences provide opportunities for significant character development and nuanced storytelling.

Eli's kidnapping by a paranormal investigator raises the stakes and introduces a sense of urgency. This plot point forces the characters into action and creates a high-tension scenario that can lead to unexpected alliances and betrayals.

The story's exploration of moral ambiguity, with both Vance and Charlotte having their own valid motivations and methods, adds depth to the narrative. It challenges the reader to consider the complexities of right and wrong, making the story more thought-provoking.

Suggestions for Enhancing Originality and Creativity:

Providing more detailed backstories for Vance and Charlotte can enhance their motivations and make their conflict more relatable. Also, please tell us more about Eli!

Adding more details about the supernatural world, the rules governing demons and angels, and the role of the paranormal investigator can enrich the story's setting and make it more immersive.

In a nutshell, your story concept is highly original and creative, with a strong foundation for engaging character dynamics and a compelling plot. By further developing the characters' backstories, expanding the world-building, and introducing additional subplots, you can enhance the depth and richness of the narrative, making it even more captivating for readers.

Character Development - 4/10

I read seven chapters and there wasn't much character development. But I did figure something out, Eli may not be our main character or protagonist. I have a feeling he was a shadow character? You know, a link to bring our main people together (Charlotte and Vance)...

Here's why I said so.

1: We know nothing about Eli, except the obvious college nerdy student who needs to get laid. No background story, no nothing .

2: We barely get his point of view

3: Charlotte and Vance are the talkatives. We get to see some of Eli's habit through their own eyes

Also, this is not just about Eli. This is also about Charlotte and Vance. Seeing we know nothing about them too and I couldn't see any development till my stopping point...well except their constant bickering.

I don't have much to say here.

Grammar and Story Flow - 8/10

For grammar, there are just a few errors I spotted but they did not in any way affect the story's readability. You'll just need to proofread before posting, or use a text to speech feature to help fish out the small errors.

Now, the story flow. It was fast paced. And no, it's not a bad thing. Though a lot wasn't exactly happening, because we were skipping days and focussing on Charlotte and Vance's arguments and whatever is left of their past relationship (that teensy spark).

I do like the different point of views because it gives us a chance to hear from the different characters and feel their personalities. But only Vance and Charlotte were happening.

Overall Enjoyment and Engagement - 8/10

I won't lie, I enjoyed reading. The demon dude is hilarious (first chapter especially) and Eli's uhm gross behavior was relatable (I can't believe I'm confessing). It's just that I wanted to know him a bit more. But either way, it's a fun read. Keep writing!