Client: thevioletscar

Reviewer: -Untactful_Criminal

Introduction: 5/10

> - Blurb:

You need to focus on being ambiguous yet informative. The blurb is good; however, the past-tense/present-tense relationship isn't worded correctly. First off, you have a typo: "she.was". Last sentence of your second paragraph.

"As they rekindled their bond, Elina uncovered Florion's secrets: advanced technology, inter-universal travel, and a world where science and magic coexisted.

With Gary by her side, Elina navigated this uncharted realm, confronted her past, and unraveled the mysteries of Florion."

'Rekindle' should probably be in the present tense since this is what is occurring within the book. Everything here mentioned above should be present tense.

> - Prologue:

You don't have a direct prologue; however, I would say that the first couple chapters could be condensed and made into a prologue. The time skips were unnecessary and confusing. I didn't see the necessity for even showing the school part with some random interactions with other people. Most of "Beautiful Child" is necessary. When you skip time in books, you have to ask yourself why you skipped the time and didn't move smoothly into each event. Again, the first two chapters could easily act as your prologue.

> - First couple chapters:

The first couple chapters felt unnecessary to the story plot and seemed like a way to throw in some extra "vibrato" that we didn't need. I enjoyed the cute interaction between Elina and Gary, giving readers a bit of what might come about. The foreshadowing was poorly done, but I will mention that later.

> - Hook:

To be honest, I didn't have a hook. The beginning was very rushed and boring. I was waiting for that moment, and it only happened at the end of the book. There needs to be something to draw in the reader without spoiling the end. I would have put one of the flash backs or even a different flashback in the beginning to put everything together, because, right now, everything is pieced into two different sections for me. The hook is completely non-existent except for the sweet interaction between the two main characters. The whole half of the book was giving cheeky romance vibes, which doesn't fit the ending at all. The hook needs to not only pull in the reader but it also needs to correlate with the book so that the reader can be like, "Ohhhh. Now, it all makes sense." I did not have that feeling. I would have stopped reading halfway through due to the light romance and poor plot.

Graphics: 3/5

> - Cover:

The cover is very simple and understandable for the plot. The hands are kind of weird though. I get what you were trying to display, but I would have actually not made it look like they were getting married. I would have made it more galactic/star-like to fit the theme of the book.

> - Banners (if included):

'Thank you for reading' is simple and bright, but the pink doesn't really go. Maybe a gold would have been better.

> - Character Aesthetics (if included): N/A.

Body: 35/50

> - Plot:

Outstanding plot. I wish more people read this book, because there are layers to this book I wish everyone understood. I was bored for over half of the book. It felt like some cheeky, high-school romance with two lovers. There was no lift or downfall until the last few chapters. They were cute, but it felt like it was lagging. You could have condensed some things and expanded on others. I really wish you would have given your readers more before dumping everything in the last few chapters because what you have created is deep and beautifully layered. It was one of those endings where everything should have been pieced together, and for me, it wasn't. You had everything going for you in the end, but it felt rushed and condensed to fulfill whatever you had planned. I would say the outlying of your plot was poorly done because the plot is there. I would suggest giving more hints, doing meaningful actions with the two characters, and giving readers even more of a mystery that they want to unravel. From what I was reading, there was nothing I was waiting to happen or expecting to happen, which can quickly leave readers to not finish the book. You want to capture the reader throughout the entirety of the book, not just pile all of the actual plot on the end.

> - Character interaction:

I think the character interaction at first was a bit fake and weird. She was very quick to fall in love with him. It was a lot of squabbling back and forth. I think throughout, it felt more realistic though. I started to feel a connection, because at first, I really didn't care that Gary died. You want your reader to feel, at the least, sorry for Gary's initial death, but I wasn't feeling that emotion that Elina was feeling. You had a good description of her remorse, but I felt disconnected from it due to the lack of good interaction with the characters. I think the time skips also interfered with the character interaction. Throughout the book though, their interactions got tighter. I enjoyed the festival together and their bonding, but the timeline didn't feel right. The interaction with his brother was similar to the interaction with him. You want to set each character apart, and I know it's even harder, since it's just a continuous loop with the same people.

> - Dialogue:

There are really only two people throughout this book that speak, that means, I should know who is who, regardless if there are dialogue tags or not. I enjoyed the dialogue, especially since it took up half the book. It was essential for us to get to know Elina and Gary, especially as she navigated the new world. I think she asked some unrealistic questions to him, especially in the beginning. Overall, I think she would have acted more surprised or scared, or any emotion at all. There were times during the dialogue that felt static. When her boss yelled at her, I was hardly keeping up with the story, and the yelling didn't have an effect on me. Another time was when she realized the truth about Cinoplex. I felt there could have been more emotions there. Also, the emotions in the dialogue could have been conveyed better. At times of anger, I should also feel angry. Usually, the anger turned too quickly into comedy, which is cute, but it can't make up the whole book. There just needs to be more emotion in some of the dialogue.

> - Plot Holes:

I would recheck some of the timelines, especially with talking about the use of AI on Florion vs AI on earth, and such talks of those, to make sure the timelines make sense. I was really excited when she was "erasing" her memories and seeing the endless loop. I don't really get the twin brother though, due to the nature of falling in love with an alternate her. I was struggling with the plot at the end due to the lack of foreshadowing in the beginning. None of it felt as tied as it should.

Grammar + Spelling: 40/50

> - Correct spelling:

I didn't see anything misspelled. I might add a hyphen to a few words I saw, but overall, nothing was misspelled.

> - Correct grammar usage:

There were a few grammatical and typographic errors I saw. I'm curious if you used any tools to help you edit the book.

> - Formatting:

Formatting was correct. Watch when you use dialogue. Don't do two paragraphs for the same speaker. Example:

"I really like you, Elina," said Gary. "I just don't know if it will work out."

"You mean a lot to me."

"You mean a lot to me too," I replied.

The above example is Gary talking to Elina, but a reader will see it as Elina replying back since it's a new paragraph. But then you realize she says something below that. I saw that a couple of times. It should be:

"I really like you, Elina," said Gary. "I just don't know if it will work out. You mean a lot to me."

"You mean a lot to me too," I replied.

> - Dialogue Tags:

The tags were pretty good. I'd say your use of action verbs throughout was strong and clear. Some authors forget to add action verbs to their sentences and I felt you did well. The tags didn't feel boring or too long.

> - Descriptive clarity:

Most of the time, I enjoyed your writing flow. It felt pretty natural and easy to read. At times, you used long sentences to describe certain things. I would say your pacing is what needs to be worked on. I thought they had left the festival at one point, and next thing I know it, they're dancing at it. Small clarity would be helpful in situations like that. Once it got into the star stuff, it kind of got fuzzy and hard to follow along. Careful when describing to not be overly poetic or unclear with the reader. This is new ground we're walking on, and adding layers to it can make it harder for the reader to concentrate on what's actually happening versus what metaphorically is happening. The use of verbs needs to be clear in these instances. I was definitely thrown around a lot during the ending chapters. Your choice of adjectives were interesting to say the least. I wouldn't use certain words, but to each their own in that context.

Overall: 35/45

> - Enjoyment:

I didn't enjoy half of it. I am not a romance reader, and the beginning of the book felt like a slow-burn romance that was going nowhere. This is a way to take away from your sci-fi edge you gave the book. The other half of the book, I was deep in, reading it all like I was sucking my straw for dear life. That is what you want throughout the book. You want your reader to be on edge, questioning what comes next. Don't bore your readers with superfluous scenes with little content.

> - Character development:

I really liked Elina and Gary's bond. I felt like it was forced in the beginning but throughout, I suppose it got better. The timeline wasn't helping. You need to somehow make the reader feel like it's been a while. Don't just skip and say "two months" has passed though. You want to be intentional and present in the moment. I'm curious if you should have used present tense during the main part and past tense during the past events. Just a thought.

> - World-building:

The futuristic world was very neat to me. I could visualize it within my mind and I felt it was very unique. It's hard when every sci-fi futuristic multiverse feels like it's been done before, but while you kept the theme of science-fiction, you gave it your own elements. I think you could have expanded even more on your world. It runs so deep with layers, I would like to have understood it even more. This world needs to be set apart from the world we know or have seen. When you introduced the outer world concept, I would have liked a deeper understanding of it. It fell flat due to the lost attention to detail and rushed ending.

> - Originality:

You have a great idea here, but unfortunately, I don't think you did it right. Something throughout was missing. The characters didn't make the story move enough and in the end, was it all worth it or not? I think there was simplicity within your plot that could run so much deeper, and you were headed that direction. It is very hard to pull off what you did, layering the plots in a way that really went together. Authors tend to do two-dimensional plots but your plot was thick with poetry, meaning, symbolism, and metaphors that all coincided with one another.

> - Specifics:

Overall, I think the book is a grade-b book. It has a lot of potential and great elements throughout. Your characters are beautifully written. I would have liked more time between moments to really feel the characters' emotions. You lacked emotional depth and the way you handled the plot outline. The ending was rushed and kind of fell flat from what the narrative was building up. Having the author's point of view made no sense to me. Careful to spell Cinoplex's name right because I read Cineplex somewhere in the book. I would focus on trying to draw in your readers and really captivating your plot through a stronger narrative. Sometimes less description is better, and sometimes more is better. It's about finding the happy medium.

Overall Score: 118/160:

I would recommend this book to others. You have a very clear and compelling way of writing, but it falls short due to the outline of the overall story and the lack of character development. You have some very strong elements within this piece and you write beautifully. I would just make sure to really give the readers information while not info-dumping on them. And don't be afraid to let the scenes unfold instead of skipping them. Really try to expand on your world too. You have a lot going for this book, but I think readers get bored because there's nothing really going on until over halfway through the book. I would also recommend changing the name Gary. It doesn't give off any attractive vibes, and for me, a reader's first impression on the character is their name. That is a personal preference though.