Reviewer: rebecca_batteur

Client: PeterDH2

Title:

The title, even for someone who has never read the story, sounds very good. It reminds me a lot of the term pentacle or pentagram, symbols used for satanic invocations and rituals, and this is also partly how the title is used. A heptagon is left on the bodies of their victims, like Allegra. This title also seems appropriate given that it is the name of the organization that the main character fights against throughout the story. The main antagonist of the plot.

Cover:

The cover is truly sublime! The symbol used looks very good against the black background and perfectly recalls the title and this theme which seems more or less recurring of Satanism. I find it very original and I think it really attracts attention. The font chosen for the title is also very judicious and fits perfectly with the tone given to the story. Generally speaking, the setting is delivered, this story will be dark, scary and possibly linked to the occult and the Devil perhaps.

The symbol in the center of the black cover stands out very well, white in the middle of the darkness, and is highlighted by the sobriety of the entire cover. It almost looks like an eye that stares at those who look at it.

Blurb:

Regarding the summary, I would say that it is suitable, it is sufficient and gives the information necessary to understand the plot. I don't think it's bad since it doesn't have any glaring faults but it also doesn't really have a compelling factor that immediately makes you want to read the story.

I think its structure is intelligent. We begin by introducing the sect, then its victims before focusing on the main character and his link with this sect. However, there are a few errors that need to be corrected to improve clarity. These are not very significant errors and can be repaired very easily.

First, the second sentence of your paragraph does not have a conjugated verb. I think you should add an "is" before "making" to make things more direct and understandable.

Then, in the second sentence of the second paragraph, you should also add a conjugated verb to improve everything. "Others, indirect victims, are suffering and being tormented...". The tense used in the following sentence is also incorrect, it should be "happened" rather than "happens".

Finally, in the third paragraph, I think that adding the word "ever" before "since" would make the sentence more pleasant to read.

The rest seems grammatically error-free to me, although I think reinforcing this idea of ​​revenge would perhaps be beneficial and a little more captivating. However, I find it good to immediately state the final objective of the main character, this immediately gives him a context, a line to follow and a goal to achieve, while making the story more gripping given that we know everything immediately why the main character acts this way.

Plot:

The plot seems relatively coherent and I don't think I have any major complaints with it. I think she is interesting and has some secrets that may very well surprise the reader, although some elements are sometimes a little hard for me to believe.

I would say that the only parts that I find questionable are the relationship between Lucas and the police, especially Marc. I find it a little strange that, after having already illegally entered the police station the first time and having directly shown Marc that he had dangerous hacking abilities, the latter, upon finding him a second time in the toilet from the police, quickly accepts his excuse, of seeking revenge on the cult that killed his girlfriend. I'm not saying it's not possible but it's not necessarily very plausible. Even Lucas notices that the turnaround is quite sudden and surprising. Marc immediately trusts him and is ready to lead him to the confidential place he was trying to break into until now and he doesn't even seem to worry when Lucas manages to easily hack the door that usually required the fingerprint of a high-ranking officer.

In Marc's place, I would be rather worried that such an individual had managed to break into the police center.

What happens next is just as disturbing. He confides to Lucas that, within his school itself, information concerning the sect is hidden in the library. I don't really understand the need to hide such confidential information in the middle of a seemingly public high school library. The excuse may be that the library is rarely used, but the risk remains present, what to do if a student, by accident, grabs the book leading to the secret room? I think it's taking too many risks. Why did you keep this information in a place outside the police center if this information is so important? Why did you have a teacher monitor this entry rather than someone else? If they really had to hide this information there, why not make it more difficult to access, such as putting a code at the entrance or requiring special permission? Instead, Lucas quickly gains access to the secret chamber and if his teacher hadn't interrupted him, he could have gotten all this information just as easily.

This situation seems strange to me for several reasons. First, how could Marc have been convinced to help Lucas so easily? I know they have a common goal but Marc wasn't so focused on the quest to avenge his parents when he met Lucas. The latter was then a teenage suspect breaking into the police center for the second time, with worrying abilities allowing him to bypass their security. As I said earlier, Marc immediately trusts him and tells him how to access secret files within his establishment. It seems to me that this is a high betrayal on the part of Marc towards his employers. He goes against his duty and takes a lot of risks. Nothing tells him that Lucas is really well-intentioned at the beginning, he doesn't know him. I'm not saying it's impossible for the two to ever combine, I think their duo works well. On the other hand, I am against the fact that this alliance can be concluded so quickly. In the blink of an eye, Marc gives him the means to discover extremely confidential files on the city's greatest enemy, files so important that even he is unaware of them.

Other than that, I don't think the rest is so lacking in meaning. I think the way to remedy this would be to take a closer look at Marc, his inner monologue, what he thinks, in order to discover what ultimately pushes him to believe and trust Lucas. His decision would thus be more justified.

I found the other revelations interesting and intriguing to read, such as the fragmented account of precisely how Allegra died. This element was not entirely a mystery since we knew from the first chapter that she had died, but it was the manner in which she was killed that had not yet been told. So, by cutting this story into several pieces, we keep the suspense a little, we increase the momentum of the moment and above all we increase the horror tenfold.

The various elements were brought out in an intelligent manner, including the revelation about the true origins of the so-called triplets. I found it wise that Dante managed to get into the room but not steal the file and above all that he had the idea at the last minute to send the photos he took to his brother before his father grabs his phone and erases all traces of the photos he took.

Then, I must admit to having been very surprised by the revelation of the children's respective mothers, although this was well done with the fact that Lucas did not look like his two brothers and his father. However, I must add that I don't understand why their father had children with his two sisters and then with someone outside of his family, Lucas' mother. Was it a custom? Why act this way? I imagine everything will be explained later.

I will add, however, that I find it surprising that Dante and Lander are as "functional" as they appear to be. Indeed, the rate of inbreeding that occurs during reproduction between a brother and sister is so high that the chances of having genetic diseases are very high. It is almost a miracle that they are not in much worse health than they are now. Unless their father is not really his sisters' brother? I don't know if I'm being very clear.

Furthermore, knowing their father's obsession with perfection, I don't know why he voluntarily endangered his offspring by reproducing with his sisters, he must have been well aware of the dangers that this would bring.would incur ? Isn't this, moreover, prohibited by law? Unless these are elements which will be justified later. I can't really speculate at the moment since I don't know the whole story and maybe this one has some nice surprises in store for me.

Finally, I appreciated the investigation carried out by Lucas to discover more about the circumstances of Allegra's death and especially about the organization. I really liked the clues hidden here and there that only he could have deciphered, like the message on the CD. In any case, I wonder how Allegra was able to have the CD placed in the file concerning his death. Why not send it directly to Lucas before he died? Did she anticipate in advance that he would infiltrate the police station to find her file where she expected his CD to be placed? Why wasn't it thrown away by the police since, in their eyes, it contained nothing of interest?

I also have another question. We know thatthe town of Claudial is in very bad condition, violence reigns there. However, why, when Allegra died, was the file regarding her murder handed over to the city of Wellington when it was not there that she had died?

Other than that, I liked how Allegra left clues that only Lucas could decipher because only he knew her that well. I think it's a good way to highlight their closeness and the love there was between them.

Finally, I found that the revelation of the identity of the woman who was pursuing Lucas was also well done. The fact that she is Allegra's sister is not entirely inconsistent and I find that the idea of ​​a conflict between Lucas and the sister of the girl he loved so dearly is very interesting and could perhaps constitute a promising element for the future. If Lucas could explain to Ruth that he was not responsible for Allegra's death, perhaps they could team up to exact their revenge against the Lethal Heptagon.

Characters:

Lucas:

Lucas is a good main character, I find him pleasant to follow, he doesn't have any obvious flaws or anything that couldmake me hate him or find it unpleasant. He's quite nice to me. He is not a superhuman character in the sense that he encounters obstacles, there are a number of situations where he is totally powerless, such as during the death of Allegra in particular. These kinds of moments are important to show to make the characterhuman and more complete. Lucas is also assailed by a whole mass of worries that haunt him, his anxiety, his post-traumatic stress syndrome, the fact that he must take medication regularly in order to avoid sinking further and seeing death again. 'Allegra playing before his eyes.

I also really like the idea of ​​pairing up such a young character, the main character at that. I find that this gives a certain maturity to his emotions, his objective and his actions. I find that this makes him more independent, like more advanced than the others. He has already loved and he has already lost this love, it is very unusual at this age and therefore all the more interesting to observe.

He is a physically strong character and also dexterous but not in a way that is impossible to imagine. He took karate lessons very early, a plausible element, knowing who his father was or perhaps simply because he lived in a very dangerous city throughout his childhood. In addition, since he joined the rest of his family, he regularly takes self-defense classes and shooting classes to train him.
Finally, even with this experience and these abilities, he is not invulnerable. He is at a loss when faced with Marc or even Ruth. It is realistic that he is not always able to prevail in all circumstances.

It's the same thing with studies. Lucas is a realistic student, really good in one subject but who neglects others. He doesn't achieve everything by miracle.

I find his suffering and nightmares very well described as well. Each time, these passages are profound and cause a lot of pain because they concern a character who is still so young and who should not have had to face so much pain. His story is truly fascinating and, just like Dante, his brother who is so curious about the event that left Lucas scarred for life, we discover him little by little in all his magnitude. It wasn't just Allegra who was shot and left to flee. No, it was him and her who found themselves tied up in a room before Allegra was tortured for hours under the eyes of Lucas who saw her suffer, saw her body being lacerated, massacred, endlessly. , until she died from blood loss.

As such, I find that the trauma that Lucas feels when faced with meat, especially raw meat, is particularly well constructed. This makes perfect sense. His recurring screams, his incessant nightmares... Everything contributes to making him realistic but also more vulnerable and close to the reader who understands his suffering by following his story.

I also really liked the message Allegra left him, the idea that he should try to be happy with someone else but that, in the end, no matter what choice he made, that would be the right one. I think that's more realistic than the thought that Lucas won't seek revenge. Allegra knew well that this was what he would like to do, which is why she left him clues in order to reconnect with his informant, to allow him to have the choice to continue the fight.

Lucas is also not unpleasant beyond the point. He does not have terrible outbursts of anger, he does not have a particularly bad temper, he is not insolent or mean for no reason.

Furthermore, it is described that, of the three brothers, Lucas is the one who opposes their father the most. Once again, this is not an inconsistent element. Of the three, he is the only one who was raised far from their father's influence, the only one who can thus question him by realizing how unreasonable all his demands are. He does not have the same attachment to his father as Dante at the beginning, who still remembered the one their father had been during their childhood.

Dante & Lander:

I find that the two brothers stand out very well from each other. They are clearly defined and their personalities are consistent.

Dante is the more likeable of the two, he supports Lucas, he does his best to support him, without really showing that he thought he was crazy at first. He shows himself to be a true brother to Lucas, giving him the listening and support he needs. It is thanks to Dante that Lucas managed to progress to the point where he is now. It was Dante who allowed him to have sessions with a psychologist and therefore the appropriate medications to treat his ailments. Dante is also the only one who paid attention to what was tormenting Lucas, listening to his cries in his sleep, taking care that his brother did not find himself too isolated from his peers. As a result, Lucas confides in him the most, partly telling the story of what happened to him and Allegra. They share a real bond and a real complicity. Thus, of his two brothers, Lander or Lucas, although Dante has only known Lucas for much less time, it is to him that he quickly sends the photos taken in his father's office, because he trusts him to keep the secret and understand the situation.

Dante is also an interesting character taken on his own. He has his own goal: to discover the identity of his mother. He himself sets out in search of the truth and it is thanks to his own resources that he discovers the lie that his father served him.
I also really like the way in which his vision of his father evolves little by little, going first from an admiration which recognized his faults and excessive sides to a real disgust for having him hide being the product of incest. .

It is also for these reasons that Dante is almost a main character, with different passages told from his own point of view. I think, in the future, he would be a good ally for Lucas.

Lander, meanwhile, has less time to be as developed or as interesting as his brothers. Despite his rebellious character who wants to do exactly what he wants, it is quite surprising to note that, of the three brothers, it is ultimately he who least questions the authority and omnipotence of his father. He simply wants to lead a completely free life, other than that, his father's actions don't bother him. His brothers try to rebel, to discover the secrets hidden by their father, he does not have the same determination, it seems. He looks a little pale compared to his two brothers but I think he remains an interesting character who will be pleasant to watch, just to see his reaction to the revelation that his mother is none other than his brother's sister , an element that Dante has wisely hidden from him until now. I doubt his reaction will be good and I wonder how his relationship with his father will evolve after this.

Allegra:

Allegra seemed like an interesting character who complemented Lucas perfectly. I thought they were the perfect couple, with Allegra seeming to be a perfect fit with Lucas. The two encouraged each other, with Lucas not hesitating to risk his life to follow Allegra on her quest to try to free the captured children. They seem ready to do anything for each other. For the moment, quite paradoxically, although she has been present since the very beginning of history, we still know very little about her and we can only hope to learn more. How did she meet Lucas for example, how did they end up dating? I think that, to develop their relationship, studying it before his death would be interesting to show us their whole dynamic rather than this idea of ​​unconditional love.

I'm quite sad that she died and that, with her disappearance, we also lost the opportunity to have romantic passages between her and Lucas which could have lightened the atmosphere and also shown Lucas in a different light, they seemed to go very well together.

I wonder what other secrets she was hiding, aside from her secret informant who Lucas never met. Could it be that she was hiding things from him?

Pace:

The pace seemed pleasant to me, I don't have much to note about it, especially given that the chapters weren't very numerous yet, I don't really have a precise opinion on it. I had the feeling that, overall, the suspense was maintained well by alternating moments of tension with Lucas' nightmares and his search for revenge.

Writing Style:

The style didn't particularly strike me as anything innovative or excellent. He certainly wasn't bad and he had some good moments, the torture scenes with Allegra in particular. However, some passages seemed to play the role of describing for the sake of describing. By that I mean that you sought to show everything without necessarily sorting out what you wanted to show. For example, to describe the clothes that Lucas or another character wears. In the end, it's just a diffuse impression that you give with a sort of list of what they are wearing. I learned myself during my setbacks with my overly long descriptions that it is important to be able to focus on a precise element that we then seek to convey to the character, a sensation that we experience and that we would like the reader to also experience what is special about a particular scene or character, what makes them unique. This allows you to gain clarity but also attention by giving the reader the impression that we know exactly what we are showing them and why.

Grammar:

The grammar wasn't bad, especially since English is not your first language, I have to say that there were still a few errors. These are not crucial errors and the text was completely readable. However, I think that using an automatic corrector like Grammarly could help given that it detects the few errors in tense concordances or other similar mistakes, it would make your life easier I think. In the meantime, I still congratulate you on the quality of the grammar which was still very precise.

Personal Enjoyment:

I liked the story, it was interesting, even intriguing, the characters were pleasant to follow as were their quests. The setting of the story, the strict environment in which their father raised them is also well constructed and constitutes a pleasant element of the plot. The whole mystery that is woven around the father and their origins is fascinating, as well as the idea that Dante and Lander are the product of incest. The Lethal Heptagon is still very mysterious and we know almost nothing about them at the moment, apart perhaps from their terrible violence which makes them torture a teenage girl to death and abandon her injured companion in the middle of the street, tied up . In addition, the few secondary characters like Marc or Raven also seem to have past movements and deep motivations.