Reviewer: rebecca_batteur

Client: Sadhana_2006

Title :

The title is excellent and I think it accomplishes something brilliant since it is reminiscent of a motif that we find throughout the work, this repetitive sound that haunts the main character, reminding him of the killer which fills his thoughts and his life. I like the idea of ​​using onomatopoeia to symbolize death and murder. I also find that the use of such a bland and almost anecdotal sound reinforces the fear and anguish that may be behind it, as if one were clapping their hands and that was enough to cause death. This is linked to the fact that the killer accompanies his murders with this sound. There is also something strong about the inscription added to the title in some of the alternative covers "Tragedy is half step away". Indeed, I find a correlation between this inscription and the sound, "clap", which seems close and has almost already sounded, perhaps it is not a voluntary effect but I still find meaning in it. This inscription also shows how close tragedy and death are to us in this story, so close that we would not hear them, paradoxically, arrive and take hold of us.

Cover :

Several covers are proposed in the first chapter of the book, I don't know if I can, as such, use them also for my analysis but I will use them as options at my disposal, possibilities other than the one that exists. The cover chosen presents a pleasant contrast between shadow and light and particularly highlights the only element that escapes this dichotomy: the blue butterflies that fly in the center of this fountain of light, or rather this cloud of light, which falls on the cover not as it would fall from a window but rather like a breath spread in the dark, a white smoke rather than a flash. As such, there is no real light in this image, simply its illusion. The smoke also reminds me of a show stage that it would invade to give an effect as if it were a stage. The two hands cut between light and darkness seem lost in their own movement, trying to reach the butterflies above them without succeeding, in a strange pantomime, like a puppeteer or the puppets themselves. We cannot know whether they are masters or victims. There is also something singular in their posture, in their movement begun and never finished, fixed by the cover, as if they were preparing to applaud. I have the impression that the butterflies perhaps play the role of this death, so close, so sudden, so imperceptible, and yet which we can never touch with our finger, imprisoned in our hands. So brilliant and fascinating in its colors, it is also deceptive, embellishing. And the hands fascinated by death that the butterflies distribute also seem close to spreading it in turn.

I am making rants here that perhaps have nothing to do with the truth, the only quality I can recognize in myself is to try to formulate it in a sufficiently obscure way so that people stop examining it and that this analysis seems intelligent.

Of the other covers proposed inside the book, I will simply mention the elements which touched me and which seemed relevant to me. I really like the silhouette of the young woman who seems divided into multiple tortured specters, biting her fingers, screaming, I have the impression that this represents rather well the almost schizophrenic delirium that the main character experiences. I also appreciate the cover on which the title is written everywhere like a myriad of echoes resonating over and over again. The last cover, with its layout which makes it more like a sketch than anything else, is also revealing. The drawn silhouette fades into an infinity of lines, lost between darkness, existence and nothingness, stained with blood released from all sides as well as the final touch of this portrait, added by the hand of a madman, or like the spurts of blood that an ax could have produced when unleashed against its victim.

As for which one is better, I guess it doesn't really matter, it all depends on the goal here, maybe the butterflies image hides something even deeper than that. that I can read there.

Blurb :

The summary does not show any grammatical or syntax errors and, from what I can judge, I find it to be a good summary. It sets up the basic elements, like the identity of the main character, the conflict that torments her, and the big question that can be asked after these elements have been asked. The basic situation is that of a character consumed by fear, the vocabulary used demonstrates to what extent this fear is omnipresent and invasive and suggests that, even if she was not killed, she was the victim of the murder to which she attended. Perhaps I could just note a slight redundancy in the phrase "that haunt her dreams", given the use just above "haunted by nightmares", it's just a detail but I think it would be worth looking into. Another downside is that the word "fear" is used twice in this single paragraph, and the word "chilling" is also used twice and only one line apart. I am not saying that it is easy to use words having the same meaning as those used here but I think that, since this is only the summary, that is to say, the place in especially where you want to make a good impression, it is crucial to avoid repetition if you can. I really look for details, I must admit, and since the positive must also be highlighted, it must be admitted that the vocabulary used is rich and varied. I also like the progression of the theme of darkness, Laila is at first on the edge of this zone but the summary progresses in such a way that it shows that she is discovering what is beyond. I think it's a good construction.

Plot :

I must admit my perplexity here, I can't really deal with the plot since, in my opinion, there isn't really one. It's not that it is non-existent or incoherent but above all that it is in the background. From a material point of view, and in particular, in view of the low number of published chapters, few concrete events worth mentioning occur. Most of the story centers around Laila and her descent into hell, her fall into darkness from which she does not know if she can return, and her fight against this voice that pursues her, and orders her to kill. The majority of these chapters, in addition to the repetitive murders perpetrated by the mysterious assassin, take place in Laila's head, her dreams, and her anxieties. It's not so much a plot as more of an internal exploration.

As for the characters, they don't exactly matter, since nothing they can do can reach or save Laila, although they remain an anchor and support for her, but rather serve as a backdrop to Laila's mental decline. Their role, in this kind of story, can hardly extend beyond their interactions with Laila. By that I mean they don't have their own stories, they only contribute to Laila's. I don't mean that they are not important but that their importance is necessarily reduced to Laila's point of view. The only person to talk about is therefore her and her relationships with the world around her, in the trembling and vacillating reality which seems to her a source of doubt as much as her terrifying nightmares.

There is not exactly a fixed framework to this story, at least in the literal sense of the term, the events do not crucially follow one another, several everyday things happen without much impact on the story, like Laila who goes to college, and the only thing that really matters is the slow gradation of nightmares that haunt Laila and disconnect her from her world.

For example, I don't know if this is a deliberate effect or if it's just an unimportant gap, it is said that Laila goes to college, however, this also plays a relatively secondary role, in the sense that it is not a fundamental aspect of her life. We know that she studies graphic design, and we sometimes talk about the work she has to do, but it is not essential. The same goes for the rest, her best friend and her boyfriend, intentionally or not, don't really impact the plot. They exist but still remain very... vague, I would say, since after a brief appearance, the two have not yet reappeared, nor have they been mentioned again. Everything seems relatively empty in this world, compared to the horrors she experiences, everything rings false and transmits an illusion of security. Compared to the very vivid and precise sensations of his nightmares, I have the impression that her daily life is much less detailed since we dwell on it less.

Some details are still... incomprehensible to me. For example, her visit to the therapist, very brief, which was not of much interest since all the psychologist could say of real importance was to try to put things into perspective and consider that these events were only happening in her head. For me, to clearly show the discrepancy, it was necessary to show more of this woman and her interaction with Laila, to clearly understand the reasonable and logical arguments that she opposes the chimeras haunting Laila. Furthermore, I don't understand the point at the moment of having replaced Laila's therapist with another therapist, I don't see what that adds to the story, since it's not a crucial element, that does not prevent Laila from immediately having an appointment with this woman, a surprising thing, already, that her previous psychologist did not warn her that she was changing the place of consultation, then that this new psychologist agrees to meet her without an appointment. I hope this gets explained.

Everything she experiences revolves around this alternation between day and night, reality and nightmare. The story must therefore seek to have a surrealist side, since it is not reality that it seeks to reach, but rather what is beyond and what occurs in a person's mind to slowly lead her to "perpetuate" a murder, to reproduce the event that has haunted her since she witnessed it on this street, in the middle of winter.

I find that there is truly something strong to try to transmit, rather emotions and sensations instead of concrete situations, I am not saying that what is happening is not concrete but that it is necessary to move away from material considerations. This book is intended to be a distressing exploration of the disturbed psyche of a young girl; as such, it must necessarily place itself at break with reality or only use reality to show to what extent the main character finds herself in offset with. Well, if that's what you're looking to accomplish.

There is also a strong divide between what really should have happened and what is undoubtedly happening, such as the multiple injuries that Laila suffers following her dreams where she has the feeling of being pursued by the serial killer. who tortures her systematically and repeatedly.

It's a dichotomy between what should happen, Laila sleeps safely in her room, and what actually happens, she is injured by an unknown force whose content or even existence we do not know.

As such, I find it coherent to compare this story with another writing that is familiar to me, The Horla, by Guy de Maupassant. This text, like the story treated, centers on an exploration of madness, the loss of consciousness, and the appearance in the psyche of an "other", unknown, foreign, who wants to invade everything. I find that The Horla is a particularly relevant example given that the author wrote it while he himself was gradually sinking into madness and feeling a foreign presence at his side, always present and seeking to take control of his "house", which leads the character in the story to set fire to his home to get rid of this enemy who has landed imperceptibly.

However, the biggest criticism I can make of your story is the lack of psychological subtlety, or its substitution for pure and simple horror, without explanation. We know that the serial killer harasses Laila and pursues her in her dreams and thoughts, inspiring her to become like him, to embrace a path of violence and murder that Laila is obviously reluctant to adopt. However, beyond this idea which is not uninteresting, I must admit that I am a little lost between what should be taken seriously or not. I mean: is the existence of this man who tortures her real or just the product of her illusions. It's never clear and I guess maybe that's the point of the story, to never make it clear whether events are rooted in truth.

However, the events of the last chapters suggest that this man does indeed exist, since he manages to impact the real world through his actions (although I still do not exclude the possibility that he is only a creation of the spirit of Laila from this murder which she would have witnessed and that she is perhaps the only one responsible). And it's the prospect of it all being real that "annoys" me, in the sense that the story loses half of what makes it interesting if it's confirmed that Laila's unreasonable suspicions have even the slightest footing in the real world.

This is indeed the real strength of a story like The Horla or even The Venus of Ille by Mérimée, stories that depict weird elements or almost horror. It is the idea that none of the stories ever completely supports and confirms the madness of the characters, ensuring the veracity of their assertions, always leaving a slight doubt. Very strange events occur, almost inexplicable, but for all that, we can either convince ourselves that they are just coincidences or realities, both answers are plausible.

The Horla shows a man alone at home who uses his knowledge to try to cast out, in the solitude of his house, an "other" who would be there permanently, eating his food, drinking his water, an "other" whom he never sees and does not only glimpses, which he believes he can discern when his reflection is momentarily blocked in a mirror. However, we can never really know if there really was someone there and if it was not the narrator himself. For example, to illustrate the extent to which this confusion is well established, to prove that the "other" exists, and to finally resolve the doubt that pierces him if it is he who drinks his water during the night, he rubs his face and hands with lead pencil and surrounded bottles of muslin, so that his passage would necessarily be detectable. In the morning, the bottles are empty but without any trace of his passage.

What I also find interesting here is how the narrator is brought back to reality several times by passages in the world where his anxieties disappear, he leaves his house several times, goes for example to Paris where what he finds haunts seems to him to have been nothing but illusions, a high fever now past. This excursion into a populated city suggests that it is simply solitude that gave him these nightmares and creates a contrast between his house invaded by this "other" and the big world where he manages to find himself. This also suggests that, amid modern society, almost superstitious anxieties disappear because they have no reason to exist, society represents "normal", which, I think, should be built more in your narrative. Certainly, the real world must fade little by little in the "dream", but I think that this disappearance must happen gradually and that there must be more moments where the character is brought back to reason. by a moment when she feels safe, surrounded by what seems rational, like a child who is certain of no longer being afraid of the dark in the early morning when the sun is already high.

In The Horla, there are several instances where the character encounters the fantastic, a fantastic that seems to exist without a shadow of a doubt, such as when he discusses with a monk at Mont Saint-Michel about the existence of mysterious creatures who are capable of replacing real living beings by pretending to be them, or even when he attends a spectacular hypnosis session. The narrator, each time, does not know exactly what to think, even if certain evidence seems to indicate that the fantastic does indeed exist. Certain events, in fact, do not seem to be able to be explained otherwise, such as the fact that many glasses are found broken without anyone being responsible or even the story of the bottles.

I think your story would benefit from being more ambiguous with its elements of psychosis, like the appearance of the drawing in front of the door of Laila's house. This shows far too bluntly that everything is true.

Once again, I don't know how to judge the man who appears to be torturing Laila. I don't know if he exists or not, surely it's voluntary, at least I hope so. However, if it were only a creation of her mind, I find it far too "present" and almost vulgar, if I may say so. By this, I mean that this voice in her nightmares, rather than appearing mysterious, only seems frightening and loses the charm of the unknown by making it too real.

I will therefore study in more detail the two options for the situation that are necessary:

Everything happens in the mind of the main character who has only been hallucinating since the horror vision she had in the middle of winter, that of the murder of a woman. Several objections, first, why? Why would the sight of the murder provoke such a reaction in her? What really defines her as a character internally that could push her to such a reaction?

For the moment, we only have very fragmentary information on Laila. We know that she is studying, that she has a best friend, a boyfriend kept secret, and an overall ordinary life, one could say. However, there must be something more, something that makes her react in this way to the vision of a murder, that makes her equally fascinated and terrified at the same time and that ultimately pushes her to repeat the experience, by killing herself, which the book seems to suggest she is about to do. For me, if this slow evolution must occur and come only from Laila and not from an external source which would be more supernatural, it would need some sort of explanation. In this case, comes the need to clarify the world that surrounds Laila rather than leaving it in a dreamlike blur. Make sure her weaknesses, strengths, and desires are highlighted more. If we know that she has always had difficulty with blood and violence, for example, if she was bullied as a child or if, just as interesting, she used to hurt her sister until she realized what she was doing, it gives a little more context to the sort of attraction that drives her to this murder scene. She herself may have been a victim of violence and she has always been interested in what can push someone to act in this way and make others suffer.

In this scenario, it would be even more interesting to make Laila a student of criminology, who tries to elucidate the motivations of the great serial killers and, as she does research, she becomes more and more fascinated and cannot prevent herself from wondering what feeling one experiences by imposing one's will on another's body in this way. She almost wants, for once, to experience it, to be the one who dictates her will rather than suffering as she has always done. You must add to this a rather self-effacing and unmarked personality, who has difficulty making herself heard by those close to her, to talk about her interests, in short, someone who exists rather than really living. Her stated desire, which the reader could approve, would be to stop the serial killer she saw that night, while her real need would be to understand the motives of the violence.

And since the story wants a negative shift in the character, a revelation that transforms her, she could find the trail of the murderer, discover that this man is not responsible for the obsessive thoughts that torture her and decide to take his place by killing him instead and continue his crime spree.

In this scenario, Laila sees violence as a way to have more power over one's life, to be heard, to exist in the eyes of others.

We can also envisage a scenario where Laila would have harmed people in the past, her sister for example, and kept from this experience a terrible memory of the use of force, which she hates. In this version, Laila sees herself as someone very empathetic and dedicated, ready to do anything to help others, as if in compensation for the person she was in the past. The relationship with her sister could be further developed, whether her sister holds a grudge against her or has forgotten everything. To underline this vision of herself that Laila wants the world to adopt, she could study in the field of assistance or teaching, professions that require listening and compassion.

When she witnesses the murder, the version of herself that she places in the eyes of the world wants to help the person who is killed so brutally. The story could center on Laila's desire to arrest the criminal who almost reminds her of herself, a desire that turns into an obsession and which gradually breaks the image she has constructed of herself, making her feel like no matter what she does, she will never dissociate from the person she once was. The story could emphasize this element by showing scenes where Laila lashes out at her family members by accident until she unintentionally hurts someone she cares about.

Then, the personality change, Laila abandons the masks and gives up on ever becoming someone better and decides instead to let go and no longer hold back. Her vision of herself transforms who she is, all this time, she is convinced that she is playing a role and of not being who she claims to be until she resigns herself and forces herself to accept that violence is the only path for her.

All these are just hypotheses, you are free to choose the option you like or none of them. I only see this as possibilities, choices on how to explain such an abrupt transformation in Laila. The truth is that I don't know Laila, I don't know who she is and I've only just invented pieces of life for her but you can do it just as well as me and even better, since it's about your character.

If the first situation is the correct one, in addition to thinking about the necessary explanation for Laila's derailment, I must add that I find that the mysterious murderer, as I mentioned earlier, is presented in a way that is anything but mysterious. Some of his comments, in particular, are... I will quote a few of them to explain more precisely what I mean.

"now someone as weak as you could become the next villain." or "Your only savior and enslaver is me. You're bound to me for life, even in hell!". "Killing can offer much more than you think. You could have the world at your feet if you become their alpha." "I am the conqueror, and you are my slave. You must do what I say."

Some of these comments seem to directly disqualify the first situation where all this would only come to Laila's mind, since I don't really see why Laila would use the word "alpha" alone in her head. I wouldn't go so far as to say that these remarks aren't dark and threatening as they wish to be, I just think that, if you engage in the first situation, I think it's a bit too much, too literal and not subtle enough for an inner impulse that should only be expressed in a veiled way so that Laila's consciousness cannot directly identify what her mind is trying to make her do. A bit like what Freud explains in his interpretation of dreams, they seek to reflect a desire of the unconscious but as this desire cannot be expressed directly as it is, at the risk of upsetting consciousness and its prohibitions, the dream takes a circuitous route. You must use a more subtle symbolism here.

As in The Horla, once again, I am not letting go of this example, evil came on a foreign boat, a bit like the plague brought back by merchant ships to European ports, and invaded the house of the main character, little by little suffocating his presence, what belongs to him, by drinking his water, by blocking his reflection in the mirror, by causing him fevers and ailments. As Freud says, "the ego is not master in its own house", and the character therefore decides to burn his house, obvious symbolism for his passage into madness, the house representing his mind which feels as if it no longer has control of itself and which is self-destructing.

Here, if the individual who speaks to Laila only came from her own mind, I will say it bluntly, it would be a failure.

So let's consider the other option:

Everything is real, and this is the path that the story seems to want us to take since Laila's dreams each time have a tangible impact that leaves no room for doubt, like her wounds upon waking up or the mark of the killer written in front of their door. The speeches of the murderer who talks with Laila are too literal, as I explained, for them to come from her.

However, I have several objections to this hypothesis, in particular since it seems that it is the one you are imprinting. First, why Laila? Laila actually quite accidentally witnessed a murder of the serial killer in the street and she immediately hid. The story does not specify whether she has sufficient information to reveal the identity of the criminal, which could have led him to target her in particular. In this state of affairs, nothing explains the criminal's obsession with Laila since, first of all, we know nothing about her past, who she is and what she desires, therefore nothing that could create a resemblance with the killer, there is also nothing in her actions that could have pushed the killer, when they meet, to want to follow her, intrigued by her, for example, if she had been fascinated by death and blood. The killer is obviously not trying to eliminate her, since otherwise he would have done so a long time ago and even refuses to let her die. He is therefore particularly sadistic but also psychopathic since, for no reason, he enters this young girl's house multiple times and in an incomprehensible way, since he even contacts her when she is awake and in a room with someone else, like with her boyfriend for example. Is he telepathic? How does he reach her in her dreams? His speeches towards Laila make him a kind of devil who only desires evil and has no other motivation to justify himself. This makes it quite empty I would say, in addition to removing, in my opinion, the psychological thriller side of the story. It's not really a question of psychology here if the villain really exists and he is the only one responsible for Laila's torments and not her own creation because then all the difficulties she goes through are external to herself and no longer depend on her. She no longer has to hesitate between following the right path or delving into violence since she is literally forced by someone else to commit these actions against her will. This takes away all the depth of the character and makes her even more passive than she already is, when she already reacts very superficially to events, not even mentioning the murder she witnessed to the authorities or to her mother and only her therapist, which leads to nothing, by the way. She does not act to try to counter this force within her, to try to test her reality, she only spends one night with her sister to reassure herself, an unsuccessful attempt. Overall, taking this path would remove all the moral part of the choice that Laila would make to plunge into violence and above all would raise practical questions like how is the killer able to communicate with her through thought?

I hope I am wrong in my analyzes and that these elements have more reasonable explanations that add coherence to the story.

Writing Style :

The style is very sophisticated, very descriptive, which suits this type of story needing a deep exploration of the sensations of its main character. However, I have the impression that it is almost, paradoxically, too "complex". There is a desire to impress someone by multiplying complex expressions and uncommon words and above all sometimes a real repetition, with expressions that constantly recur, like "seeking solace" I believe and still others. I'm not saying that seeking a refined style is a bad thing, I do it myself and perhaps also excessively, but we must also sometimes limit this excess and prefer a correct word to a complicated word. Meanwhile, the descriptions are very atmospheric and pay attention to detail, they are beautifully crafted, especially at the beginning, especially the murder scene but I find fewer descriptions of such quality in the later chapters, maybe because what they want to tell does not lend itself to this.

Personal Enjoyment :

It took me too long to produce this review when compared to the length of the book and I apologize for that, I had many personal obligations which I could not neglect but which I will not dwell on. Apart from that, I really liked the basic concept of the story but I also think that I was not able to fully appreciate the potential of the story, given that only a small part was published for the At the moment, I don't know if my analyzes are consistent with the way the story was supposed to unfold and perhaps everything I say is obsolete compared to the natural course of the story. I wish you the greatest success for the rest of this endeavor and thank you very much for your patience despite the long time it took me to finally complete it!