Client: ErieRyonn

Reviewer: iburnrice

Thank you for giving me the chance to review your story. I apologize in advance if any of what will be said comes off as rude or hurtful. It was never my intention ❤️

Title and Book Cover - 2/5

The title "The Rift Between Us" immediately evokes a sense of separation, division, and perhaps a breakdown in relationships or reality. "Rift" suggests a significant, perhaps painful, break, and "between us" implies a personal, intimate conflict or distance. It hints at a deep emotional or conceptual chasm. So yes it's attention grabbing and unique

The cover is well-designed and impactful. It successfully communicates the serious, mysterious, and potentially psychological nature of the story, drawing the viewer in with its evocative central image and stark aesthetic. A change of font would be good.

Blurb - 3/5

The blurb is intriguing and sets up a compelling mystery with speculative elements. It successfully introduces the protagonist, Eve, and the central conflict while hinting at deeper, more complex themes.

1: It has a strong Strong Hook: The opening line immediately establishes a sense of disruption to Eve's seemingly normal life.

2: An Intriguing Premise: The reappearance of letters from a "long-lost fiancé" and the mention of "secrets only he could know" create a strong sense of mystery.

3: Hints of Speculative Fiction: Phrases like "Time fractures," "Memories blur," and "Eve realizes she's not the only version of herself in the world" effectively signal a shift beyond a simple mystery into something more fantastical or sci-fi.

4: Clear Stakes: The final question, "Can Eve make sense of the rift—before it's too late?" clearly articulates the central conflict and the urgency of the situation.

Revised Blurb:

Eve's life was supposed to be straightforward—until the past caught up to her. When letters resurface from Damian, her long-lost fiancé, they carry secrets only he could know, forcing Eve onto a bewildering path that feels both alien and strangely intimate. As she delves deeper, reality itself begins to unravel. Time distorts, memories blur, and Eve confronts the startling truth: she is not the only version of herself in existence. The Rift Between Us explores hidden truths, lost connections, and a bond that transcends the impossible. Can Eve navigate this fractured reality before it consumes her?

Plot Creativity and Originality - 3/10

I won't say the plot isn't creative or original, because I can get a whiff of what exactly you're trying to tell us, but it's just the way you're presenting it isn't quite... it.

It's not everyday you read a story where the protagonist's significant other vanished, and years later she's getting letters from HIM, and as time goes on she'll realize that there might be another HER in the world (like your blurb suggests)

Let me explain what I mean based on your blurb:

1: The "Long-Lost Fiance + Secrets" Premise as a Launchpad for Something Deeper: While "long-lost love resurfaces with secrets" is a common romantic or mystery trope, this blurb immediately elevates it. The letters from Damian aren't just about a past relationship; they lead to a breakdown of reality. This isn't just about solving a forgotten mystery; it's about uncovering a truth that fundamentally alters Eve's perception of her world. This transition from personal mystery to existential crisis is where the originality starts to shine.

2: Breakdown of Reality ("Time fractures. Memories blur."): This is a crucial element that pushes the story beyond a typical psychological thriller. It suggests a non-linear narrative, unreliable perceptions, and a blurring of the real and unreal. This is often seen in more speculative fiction, but its integration with a personal mystery enhances its impact.

3: "Not the only version of herself in the world": This is the biggest indicator of originality. The concept of alternate selves, parallel universes, or fractured identities is a powerful and less common trope in the mainstream thriller genre (though very present in sci-fi). When combined with the personal search for a long-lost love and the breakdown of reality, it creates a unique psychological and speculative blend. It suggests a high-concept narrative that delves into identity and existence itself.

The brilliance of this blurb lies not in inventing entirely new individual concepts, but in combining these elements in a fresh and escalating manner. Many stories feature secrets, or time distortion, or alternate realities. However, starting with a grounded, emotional hook (the fiancé's letters) and then progressively peeling back layers to reveal a deeply existential and reality-bending crisis where the protagonist is not even one consistent self, creates a very distinct narrative path.

It suggests a story that is not just about solving a crime or finding a person, but about redefining what it means to be a person, to have a past, and to exist. This level of psychological and philosophical depth, interwoven with a thriller's pacing, is what makes the plot of "The Rift Between Us" appear creative and original. It promises a journey that will challenge both the character and the reader's understanding of reality.

Character Development - 0/10

Honestly there was no character development. I can't even make out who our characters are. Yes we got to meet Eve, but that was it. We know absolutely nothing about her? Well apart from the fact that she's a Psychologist Professor. Honestly the problem I had with the book was that you somehow seemed to confuse your own characters and details. You dropped the information that Eve's fiancée Damian had vanished into thin air while they were on wedding preparations, and no one seemed to even remember him, except her. Later on we see her getting cryptic messages from the said Damian. Then you introduce us to a boyish lecturer named Mark. Later you say Mark is a CEO who had no business being in a psychology conference? Then you tell us again that Eve is receiving letters from Mark instead of Damian and you make Mark the fiancée that disappeared? I'm honestly still trying to wrap my head around what you're trying to convey with all these jumbled details.

Hopefully I'm not becoming another version of Eve with memory blur haha.

Grammar and Story Flow - 3/10

I didn't exactly come across too many grammar mistakes. And so there's nothing much to write about. But the story's flow? Goodness! A bumpy ride. We were jumping from one scene to another. I feel you need to edit the book itself.

Overall Enjoyment and Engagement - 5/10

My rating is dependent on the fact that in my head, I have an idea of what you're trying to tell us. But if it's based on what I read so far, I'd say no. You need to focus on this story again. I remember texting you to update more so we can understand what's going on and you promised but I haven't heard or seen anything for months. Anyway if you end up rewriting or continuing the book and would love me to read it, please feel free to tag me in one of the chapters. Good luck!