Client: SageSebastian

Reviewer: iburnrice

Thank you for giving me the chance to review your story. I apologize in advance if any of what will be said comes off as rude or hurtful. It was never my intention ❤️

Title and Book Cover - 3 /5

The title is a creative play on words, likely referencing a bet-related plot. It's catchy but might not immediately convey the genre or tone of the story. And it may seem unprofessional at some point.

The book cover is... okay? The image appears to be a digitally altered photo or painting of a couple embracing. The text placement and font choice could be improved for readability.

Blurb - 3/5

The blurb is engaging, with the high school setting, popular jock, and awkward girl dynamic providing plenty of potential for character growth and emotional conflict. The setup of the blackmail adds immediate tension, and the characters' contrasting personalities create an interesting foundation for the romance.

However, it was unnecessarily long and can be improved by tightening the phrasing, eliminating repetitive ideas, and focusing on the core emotional journey of the characters. The length could be shortened to maintain the reader's attention, and the emotional stakes could be made clearer without excessive backstory.

Your version:

Max Turner is the highschool's star quarterback, making him very popular. When Max's rival, Xander catches him cheating he blackmails him into a bet: date the most unpopular girl at school for the rest of the school year or else he will tell the principal that Max has been cheating. Both of which will ruin his reputation. But he chooses the first option and will have to date Sally McDonaldson.

Sally McDonaldson is a nerdy theater girl.She is an outcast at the highschool and get bullied a lot. But when the star quarterback, her biggest crush since freshman, asks her out she feels wanted for the first time ever. She thinks it is an official relationship. Little did she know it was all a bet in the first place.

As Max gets to know Sally the more time he hangs out with her, he discovers there is more to her than what meets the eye. Sally discovers under all of Max's ego, there is vulnerability

Revised Version:

Max Turner, the star quarterback, is blackmailed into dating the most unpopular girl at school, Sally McDonaldson, after his rival, Xander, catches him cheating. Sally, a nerdy theater girl often bullied, is thrilled when Max, her long-time crush, asks her out—believing it's real. But she's soon heartbroken to discover it's part of a bet.

As Max gets to know Sally, he discovers a depth beneath her shy exterior, while Sally sees beyond his cocky facade to the vulnerability he hides.

Note: I'd also like to add that there's no need for the extra dialogue at the end, and also, the warning could be added to the intro chapter of your book instead of the blurb.

Plot Creativity and Originality - 5/10

The basic concept of a popular jock and an outcast nerd is widely used, which isn't inherently uncreative. However, the blackmail element and the bet bring a level of tension and conflict that distinguishes the plot from typical high school romance stories. The inclusion of blackmail complicates the initial romance, making it less predictable. The twist, where the protagonist starts genuinely developing feelings for someone he initially used as a pawn, adds emotional complexity.

Despite these creative twists, the core setup — the popular guy dating an unpopular girl under duress — remains fairly common.

While the setup has a classic "bet to win a girl's heart" structure, it's still relatively fresh in how it mixes high school drama with the vulnerability of both characters. Max's vulnerability under his ego and Sally's journey toward empowerment are original nuances that could elevate the plot. The bet isn't just a plot device for romantic tension — it's also a way for both characters to face deeper, personal challenges.

However, the idea of a jock falling for an "unpopular" girl due to a forced situation isn't new. To stand out more in terms of originality, there could be additional unique elements.

Character Development - 4/10

Well, there wasn't much character development. Unless if you count the few seconds Sally transformed from a shy theater girl and actually confronted her abusive father...or Max owning up to his mistake and deciding to bear the consequence and date Sally.

But these aren't much really. I do feel that before we can get a character development in any way, we need to have solid characters. We're lacking details for Sally and Max, and seeing that this is a first person narrative, please allow us to hear the character's side of the story. Don't put things in dialogues only, let Max tell us or at least hint at his life a little. Why does he not like his Chihuahua mother? And Sally, what's her deal with daddy dearest?

Grammar and Story Flow - 5/10

There were spelling mistakes, missing punctuations and repetitions, and my only advice would be to either proofread before publishing, or have an editor assist. This affected the story's flow. It felt fast paced (even though a lot was actually happening out of nowhere) but yeah. Also a lot of, "he said," "she said,"...

Overall Enjoyment and Engagement - 5/10

I did enjoy the little bit I read, but it was somewhat predictable. The blurb is actually catchy but too long, the cover slightly pulled me, but I was especially intrigued by the title! The chapters were long and somewhat engaging, but lacked details. I was hoping to know our protagonist even if it meant bits of information here and there, and get to know somehow why she's an outcast.

However, this story has potential and I'm waiting for the safe landing. Keep writing