Client: FahmidHassan

Reviewer: lantea-

🌹》Title, Cover, & Blurb

The title fits the story and it attracts readers. The drawing on the cover is cute, however, it's a little hard to see. The title is a bit hard to read because the yellow blends in with the light sky. The drawing also doesn't look centered on the black background. The blurb introduces the world in the story well. Although, it doesn't tell much about the plot of the story and the main characters. The blurb mainly gives background information for the story. It also doesn't flow well and some of the phrasing is hard to understand.

🌹》Plot

The plot of the story isn't clear and it's hard to understand. The plot also doesn't draw readers into the story. What is the plot of this story? Is it Ehsaan learning about the mysteries of Altab Nagari and his connection to the place? Is it a coming of age story for Ehsaan? Does he find friends and a place where he belongs? The exposition introduces the world pretty well. There's a lot of information given about the development of Altab Nagari. I think there could be more historical and cultural context. As someone who doesn't know really anything about the history of the country, specifically the 1951 partition, it'd be nice to know a bit more about it so I can understand its important to the story. The exposition introduces the main characters well. There's a lot of information given about the characters. The characters' situations are also introduced well in the introduction. It's hard to give feedback on the pacing of the plot and whether the chapters advance the plot because the plot is not clear.

🌹》Characters

The characters are introduced and described pretty well. As mentioned, a lot of information is given about the characters. More descriptions of the characters could be added. Some of the characters are described quite a bit, while others are hardly described. The characters' personalities also need to be shown better in the story. Some of their personalities aren't very clear. For example, Hablu is a trickster and bully, but he's also known as the hero of the town. It doesn't make sense.

🌹》Grammar/Spelling

There were spelling and grammar errors throughout the chapters.

🌹》Writing Style

The writing style is consistent throughout the chapters, however, it needs improvement. There's a lot of information dumped on the readers in the chapters. Spread out the information and try showing some of it to the readers. The readers are also told what's happening in the story instead of being shown. Be sure to add in more descriptions of the scenery and characters actions. There are a few spots where a mystery is mentioned and you say something like "we'll see." That's not needed in the story. The readers know they're not going to find out the result of the mystery at that moment and they'll find out later in the story. The phrasing used is very hard to understand. It's unclear what's happening a lot and it's often hard to tell who is speaking.

🌹》Enjoyment

Unfortunately, the story wasn't enjoyable and I wouldn't read on. It was hard to understand what was happening in the story and the plot wasn't clear. I didn't feel connected to any of the characters.

🌹》Overall

Overall, the story needs to be thought out and developed more. The plot isn't clear in the story and it doesn't have a clear direction. I recommend adding some historical context so those not familiar with the 1951 partition can understand the importance to the story. The characters need to be developed more as well. Add more descriptions of the characters and the scenery. Make sure you're showing the readers what's happening instead of simply telling them. Also, spread the information in the story out and show some of it so you're not dumping it all on the readers at once. The story needs an edit to fix the spelling and grammar errors. Also, the phrasing needs to be clearer. It was hard to understand what was happening in the story. Good luck with your story!