Client: Chellelynnwriting

Reviewer: lantea-

🌹》Title, Cover, & Blurb

The title fits the story and attracts readers. It's also capitalized correctly. The cover isn't very appealing and doesn't attract readers. There's too much going on on the cover and it's hard to see everything. The smaller text is very hard to read and I'm not sure what they say. The series text at the top is a little cut-off. All the text is also at the top of the cover. Maybe move the author name to the bottom and move the knives up. The blurb introduces the story, world, and the characters well. It draws readers in and makes them want to read the book.

🌹》Plot

The plot of the story is clear and easy to understand, however, it wasn't very engaging. It felt like the plot was moving too fast. There wasn't a lot of development in the exposition before Maddie was rescued. The world in the story needs to be introduced and explained better. The readers are sort of thrown into it and we don't get to see much of the cruel side of it so they can better understand how lucky Maddie was to be rescued. The mystery surrounding her mother doesn't draw readers in either. Maddie didn't seem shocked to find out her mother was from this world. And she didn't seem to want to find out more about her connection to the world.

🌹》Characters

The characters are introduced and described well. The supernatural beings are introduced and described well. The characters' personalities can be shown better in the story. Becca's personality is shown very well. On the other hand, Maddie's isn't really shown. Show her struggling with her new situation and trying to find herself again when she's been rescued. Also, as mentioned, show her more curious about her past and her mother. It's unfortunately hard to connect with Maddie and feel for her. We didn't get to see her before she was taken (the readers were just told about the incident) so we don't see how she has changed and been affected by it. I suggest starting the book with Maddie getting ready and going on her date. Show us more of her personality and what kind of person she was. Then after her training, the readers can see the stark difference in her personality.

🌹》Grammar/Spelling

I didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors in the story.

🌹》Writing Style

The writing style is consistent throughout the chapters, however, it could use some improvement. The information about the supernatural beings was worked into the story well. The descriptions that were included were also done well, however, more descriptions could be included. The narration felt a little bland and felt like you were telling the readers what's happening instead of showing them. The phrasing used was easy for readers to understand. Some of the phrasing didn't flow very well though. The chapters were a good length as well.

🌹》Enjoyment

I'm not sure if I would read on. I do want to learn more about Maddie's past, however, the story didn't really draw me in.

🌹》Overall

Overall, the story feels like it needs to be developed and thought out more. The plot is a good idea and the blurb draws readers into the story. The execution of the plot doesn't draw readers in though. A big part of the blurb was Maddie discovering she's different and learning about her mother. Maddie doesn't seem that interested in learning more about her mother or her past. Maddie also needs to be developed more in the story. She's been through a traumatic event and it's hard for the readers to connect with her. Not much of her personality is shown in the story and the readers didn't get a chance to see her before she was taken. Ensure you're showing the readers what's happening instead of simply telling them. Be sure to include descriptions in the story as well. Good luck with your story!