Client: Ethreal_euphoria

Reviewer: lantea-

🌹》Title, Cover, & Blurb

The title is interesting and attracts readers to the story. Right now, it doesn't feel like the title fits the story, however, that could change as the story goes on. It is a little long though and the word "and" shouldn't be capitalized in the title. The cover is alright, it doesn't attract readers to the story. It's a little plain, just text on an image, and the fonts don't go well together. The title is also spelled wrong on the cover; it reads "Unrequited Ties and Luna Desires" on the cover. The blurb is very long and doesn't introduce the story well. It doesn't draw the readers in and make them want to read the story. It pretty much tells the readers what's going to happen in the whole book and doesn't leave much mystery. The characters' middle names don't need to be included in the blurb.

🌹》Plot

The plot of the story isn't clear and engaging. The story doesn't have a clear direction and it doesn't really align with the blurb. It's mentioned this is a werewolf story, however, other than a brief mention of the forest near the mansion being called the Wolf Kingdom and Iris saying she believes in werewolves, there's nothing else about werewolves. I suggest including chapters from Asher's point of view so the readers can learn about him and his world. He's supposed to be a main character in the story and the readers haven't met him yet. It's also mentioned in the blurb Iris is in love with Alex. I know they aren't actually related, but that's very weird considering they were raised as siblings. The world in the story isn't explained at all. Where does this story take place? Clearly the humans don't know werewolves exist. Why are they unaware of the werewolves' existence? The university set up is very odd and doesn't make sense. Why do Heather and Hayden have so much money? The kids' apartment in the city sounds more like a house than an apartment due to the size. The pacing of the story is fast, as several months have already passed in the first five chapters, however, the plot is progressing slowly. Despite several months passing, Iris still hasn't met with Asher. It was odd that Heather wants Iris to meet with the strange man she's been talking to on the Internet as a way to determine his intentions. That's a dangerous idea and not something a mother would insist upon. What happened to Iris' mother and sister? She mentions her father died in an accident, but her mother and sister aren't mentioned until chapter five. Did they die in the accident as well? I'm confused about how the children ended up with Heather and Hayden. Clearly they didn't adopt them since in chapter one you state Heather "...violated all the rules, sneaking us into her home and showering us with love and care" and in chapter two Brandon asks "are you going to adopt us?" before Heather shares the news of being pregnant. Did they just kidnap the kids from child services? Why didn't they adopt the children? Also, Brandon asking if they're going to adopt them doesn't make sense. They're all eighteen now and technically adults.

🌹》Characters

The characters need to be introduced and described better. The readers don't know much about the characters as there's so many of them and each haven't had time to be developed. The characters feel very flat and one dimensional. The children have been defined as introverted or extroverted and that seems to be it. Heather telling them they need to move out is very sudden. Why don't the children refer to each other as siblings? Heather called them siblings when she announced her pregnancy. Also, why don't they call Heather and Hayden "mom and dad?" It's weird they always seem to call Heather "Mrs. Heather" while they call Hayden simply by his name. There aren't any descriptions of the characters' appearances in the chapter either.

🌹》Grammar/Spelling

There were a lot of spelling and grammar errors throughout the chapters. Be conscious of the spaces you're using. There shouldn't be spaces before a period, before a comma, or between quotation marks and the dialogue they surround. There were also spots where punctuation was missing.

Make sure to start a new line when a different character is doing/saying something.

For example, you have this part in chapter 2:

"Where's Mrs. Heather?" Aria asks, her brow furrowed with concern. "I haven't seen her since morning. Is she still asleep? "Hayden shrugs, his expression unreadable. Just then, Mrs. Heather emerges, looking exhausted and drained.

"Hi, kids..." she trails off, her voice barely above a whisper."What happened, Mrs. Heather? You look like you've seen a ghost!" Danny exclaims. Vanessa pouts, "Aren't you going to say goodbye to us? That's rude " Mrs. Heather struggles to sit down, her eyes looking around the room nervously.

It should be like this (I also edited the other errors):

"Where's Mrs. Heather?" Aria asks, her brow furrowed with concern. "I haven't seen her since morning. Is she still asleep?"

Hayden shrugs, his expression unreadable. Just then, Mrs. Heather emerges, looking exhausted and drained.

"Hi, kids..." she trails off, her voice barely above a whisper.

"What happened, Mrs. Heather? You look like you've seen a ghost!" Danny exclaims.

Vanessa pouts. "Aren't you going to say goodbye to us? That's rude."

Mrs. Heather struggles to sit down, her eyes looking around the room nervously.

🌹》Writing Style

The writing style needs improvement. There aren't a lot of descriptions in the chapters. The readers are also told everything instead of being shown. The transition between scenes is jarring. For example, in the first chapter, there was no transition between the graduation scene and Iris coming out of her bedroom at home. I suggest adding a fleuron so the readers are aware of the scene changes and it isn't so jarring. In chapter three, instead of simply putting "after the party" as a transition, indicate the transition in the narration. Have Iris mention how much she enjoyed the party despite being exhausted as she heads to her room. Same thing for chapter four, show the passage of time in the narration instead of simply saying "after few weeks" and "after a few months." The writing doesn't flow well; as mentioned there were a lot of spelling and grammar errors. The chapters were quite short and not a lot happened in them. You used a lot of time skips and don't give the readers much information about the events that are happening.

🌹》Enjoyment

Unfortunately, the story wasn't enjoyable and I wouldn't read on. The story didn't draw me in and it was hard to connect with the characters. The chapters left me with more questions than answers.

🌹》Overall

Overall, the story needs to be thought out and developed more. The plot doesn't have a clear direction and not much has happened in the chapters despite the huge time skips. Take the time to develop the characters and go through the events of the story. Iris should have met Asher by now or, at the very least, the readers should have met him. As mentioned, I suggest having chapters from his point of view so the readers can begin to get to know him since he is a main character. Be sure to show the readers what's happening in the story instead of simply telling them. Also be sure to include more descriptions of the characters and the scenery. The story also needs an edit to fix the spelling and grammar errors as well as help the narration flow better. Good luck with your story!