REVIEWER: @june_berrin

CLIENT: @innocentaddictions

Thank you so much for giving me the chance to review your story.

❥ Title: I love the title and the cover. It gallantly screams an Indian romance story. The colour scheme used was a mix of colours and the title font was readable even from afar, which is great. But the same cannot be said about the subtitle, as it is very challenging to read, especially on computers. The font used further solidifies this difficulty, and it doesn’t match the whole vibe of the cover. The elemental placements, including that of the subtitle, are great, but I highly recommend changing the subtitle’s font to increase coherency.

Also, your title has Abhilasha, which is not on your cover. If you wish to keep it, then I believe it would be better if you added it to your cover too. Write your title, not the one on the cover, by making the 's’ of saga and ‘l’ of love capital, as it is the title of a book. Everything else is perfect.

❥ Blurb: I love how you began with an excerpt from the story, but the second dialogue being in Hindi might be difficult for some readers to understand, especially since it is the blurb, the mood setter, or one of the areas where the readers decide whether to go forward with the story or drop it. So, I would suggest that you either add the English translation of it below or beside it, or maybe write the English version in place of the Hindi. This is just a suggestion, and if you wish, do not go on with it. Then it is completely understandable.

The rest of the blurb followed the typical Wattpad blurb format. And even the contents weren't that different either. I might suggest adding a bit more information or a cliffhanger to encourage the readers to turn the pages. Or have a better understanding of the story.

❥ Storyline: After reading the prologue, I might say I think it has more of a potential to be a blurb, as it did incite me to read the story and shed light on our female MC’s character rather than just her background. I would recommend that you consider merging them two, or instead of adding the dialogue excerpt, add the first part of the prologue there. Just to let you know, there is extra space in between the paragraphs in the first chapter, so you might want to backspace some of it.

The story's pacing is very fast; within moments, it is her brother’s wedding, and it is all of a sudden Mehindi day. I would suggest using some symbols, like **** or ____, or any graphic as a page break so the readers know it is the next scene or the next day. And see if your narratives are correct. In part three, in Viraj’s POV, you used first-person narrative words like ‘I’ and such, and you also forgot to mention whose POV it was.

Overall, the plot is great; there are a lot of risks, and I don’t like the male character at the moment. And I can see that there is a lot that is going to happen, and this makes the readers anticipate. Like waiting for a shoe to drop. So good work here.

❥ Writing Style: I think this might be your weakest area. While what you write is grammatically correct, it lacks fluency, and the words don’t flow well together, often making it sound a bit awkward and weird. You tend to overexplain some things and, henceforth, make the sentences unnecessarily long. Your writing style lacks any sort of thesaurus for metaphorical expressions or imagery. The words are very repetitive and basic. I have listed some examples in the grammar section. This is, I believe, not much of your fault, but a slight lack of experience and a stage every beginner goes through. I can see that you have edited your story countless times and thrashed every bug out of it. But in this area, to improve, you need to have a lot of experience as a reader. So, I would heavily recommend that you read professionally published books or other well-read and famous books on Wattpad itself and observe their writing style. Which includes the words they use, the way they structure their sentences, how they portray their characters, and also when and where to reveal each part of your story.

❥ Characters: I am not a big fan of weak female main characters, so I am glad that Abhilasha won’t stay as such and will grow a lot from how she was portrayed in the prologue. Both the main characters require a lot of character development, and I am feeling very excited to see how it is going to take place. So far, Abhislasha portrays a girl who has lived a very sheltered life and has never been exposed to many aspects of the harsh realities of life. I like how you also hinted at it with the way her brother did not meet her after he came back because he had many bruises and that she would have cried at the sight of it. All of these hint a lot at your characters.

❥ Grammar and Vocabulary: I think this is your strongest suit so far, as I rarely come across books with this great grammar. The story has minute errors, mainly in punctuation and rarely in the grammar section. I think you struggle with the commas while you seem to excel at keeping the tense consistent, and everything else is grammatically correct, especially in the first chapter. Also, while writing numbers, do not use symbols like 1, 2, 3, etc., but write their words like one, two, and three so as not to break the flow of reading. I will list out some of the errors I have gathered; I might have missed some in between, so look for those too.

Original: I was staring out of the window, gazing at the beautiful garden, while there was a romance book in my lap.
Edited: I was peering, gazing, or staring out the window, admiring the gorgeous garden, with a romance book in my lap.
Correction: There are no grammatical errors, but the sentence could have been structured in a more fluent or better way.

Original: She became soft now, her behaviour completely different.
Edited: ‘She became soft, and her behaviour was completely different’ or ‘She has become soft now, and her behaviour is completely different.’

Original: A golden plate was placed before them, but it was empty, just like my life.
Edited: A golden plate was placed before them, but it was empty, just like my life.

Original: I joined both of my hands while looking at him.
Edited: I joined both of my hands, looking at him.
Rephrased: I joined my hands together, greeting him. Or, I greeted him.

Original: And Viraj meet her, my baby sister Princess Abhilasha Chauhan.
Edited: And Viraj meet her, my baby sister, Princess Abhilasha Chauhan.

Original: My brother is a man of a word.
Edited: My brother is a man of his word.

Original: His tan skin and dusky skin.
Edited: His tan and dusky skin.

Original: I want to know what she is thinking.
Edited: I wanted to know what she was thinking.
Correction: Tense inconsistency.

Original: “ I will take my leave for now, Aryan and Princess Abhilasha. I appreciate your courtesy “ Aryan chuckled at my response…
Edited:  “I will take my leave for now, Aryan and Princess Abhilasha. I appreciate your courtesy.“ Aryan chuckled at my response…

❥ Conclusion: The story has potential, but there are a lot of areas where you need to improvise and improve. The first chapter seems to be well-edited and groomed to perfection. But the chapters after that have a plethora of mistakes in almost all areas. I am sorry if that sounded rude. I would recommend using Grammarly to edit or Quilbot, both of which are available on Google for free. Also, read the books of other authors, not the same Indian historical writers, on Wattpad because I know that most of those books also slack on grammar despite having great plots. So I recommend reading successful or high-range books so that you can upgrade your vocabulary and thesaurus. And I apologize for my delayed review. I had a lot of stuff going, but I am slowly getting back on track and getting all the work done.

And lastly, if any of my words hurt you or if I have misinterpreted anything, I sincerely apologize; that was never my intention. Remember that no author gets a beautiful, perfect draft the first time they write it; they edit it repeatedly the more they learn. So I hope you have had a great day.

Best Wishes🌻