REVIEWER: june_berrin

CLIENT: JP_Alcotte

Thank you so much for giving me the chance to review your story.

❥ Title/Cover: The title feels ominous, and I like how unique it is; it gives off a romantic vibe. The cover is pretty as well; I love the colour scheme used here and how it resonates with Amelia being a literature student.

❥ Blurb: The blurb was good; it gave the readers a sneak peek into the female character and her physical appearance. Also about how this story was romance, nothing more. I spotted a few grammatical and punctuational errors, which I will address in the grammar section along with a few corrections.

The blurb, while it did convey some details from the plot, was it necessarily hooking or one that invokes curiosity? I feel not. Because here we don't get a gist of any solid plot, plus the information of how she looked can better be written in the story and not the blurb; instead, you can use one synonym if you must keep it there.

At the moment, the blurb feels generic; we just know something about the female MC going to get entangled in love. It needs to be expanded more and give out more from the plot, something that is a crucial point of your story. Why is the title named Shadows of Desire? Maybe you can link that in the blurb. She has an enchanting personality, you say? Why don't you elaborate there—is she passionate, charming, ambitious, generous, intelligent, affluent, compassionate, or anything else? You could have written it like this.

'Amelia Lewis, a gifted English literature student in London, had always dreamt of a picturesque future. With her flowing golden hair, graceful presence, and an aura that feels almost surreal, she draws the attention of everyone, even those who she shouldn't.

Her once-held belief that love for the written word couldn't be compared to anything else. She comes uncovering a much more challenging truth, one that contradicts all of her preconceived notions about love, longing, and herself, amid the shadows of desire, where light and darkness collide.'

This is just an example, not exactly grammatically correct, but you get the point, right?

❥ Storyline: The plot is nice but a bit confusing at first. I would suggest incorporating more show than tell; you seem to have just completely introduced all of them altogether. I would recommend showing their character and their actions instead of straight up providing all the information like that. The plot could be structured better, through which I meant it could have sequenced each scene differently.

Some of the paragraphs are very long, even on a desktop. So I would recommend breaking it down into smaller, absorbable chunks so it doesn't seem like way too many blurring lines to the reader.

❥ Characters: The characters are all portrayed as well. I love how we get to glimpse the personalities of Amelia's friends before you introduce them wholly. It was a good example of show, not tell here.

❥ Grammar and vocabulary: There were some mistakes I have spotted in regard to this section. I will point out some of them below.

Original: With long golden hair, deer-like figure and enchanting personality she mesmerises everyone around.

Edited: With long golden hair, a deer-like figure, and an enchanting personality, she mesmerises everyone.

Original: Once, she thought love for the written word couldn't be compare to anything else.

Edited: Once she thought love for the written word couldn't be compared to anything else.

In the first chapter,

Original: "... Especially not this pimply-can't grow a beard-loser," interrupts him Megan, struggling to keep her voice low and everyone's eyes on us.

Edited: "... Especially not this pimply can't-grow-a-beard-loser," interrupts Megan, struggling to keep her voice low with everyone's eyes on us.

There are typos, like where you write 'humm' instead of 'hum.' Also, in the second chapter, you miswrote 'he' as she, and not only that, I have been spotting many such mistakes all over. While these are natural, it is best that you filter them and get them all corrected; it will make a great difference to those reading your book.

Other than that, I have also spotted many other grammatical errors, so I recommend that you seek the help of an editor or use any online grammar checkers.

❥ Conclusion: Your story has potential, and I felt I was reading a rough draft that, when polished, would amount to something way better and great. I would recommend mainly looking out for grammatical and punctuational errors, as they are the easiest to fix and will give your story a big level up.

Also, I am sorry for my delayed review. I had a lot of stuff going on, but I am slowly getting back on track and getting all the work done.

And lastly, if any of my words hurt you or if I have misinterpreted anything, I sincerely apologize; that was never my intention. Remember that no author gets a beautiful, perfect draft the first time they write it; they edit it repeatedly the more they learn. So don't get discouraged or lose the motivation to write with my words. I am a different person with my own opinions, so there is stuff you can get from my review and there might not be. But don't let that kill the writer's passion inside. With that being said, I hope you have had a great day.

Best Wishes🌻