Client: Superwicked

Reviewer: june_berrin

Thank you so much for giving me the chance to review your story.

❥ Title/Cover: The title is long but unique. I like how you creatively tied together Cutesy and Bruisers, which sort of means someone cute but also feisty, making the title intriguing. The title is quite generic and doesn't point to any certain age group; it could have been the title of a children's book, an adult's, or any other, and it also works for some other genres.

The cover whoever, it could be because I am not a big fan of bright colors, I didn't like it. The entire title was not there on the cover, missing 'The' and other than that, the cover didn't sort of match the overall vibe that the title and the blurb gave off. The subtitle also felt unnecessary and confused me for a moment, so I recommend that you modify it or take it down as you please. Even though I understand the underlying meaning you're trying to cover by using pink color. The cover quality wasn't that good, and along with that, the addition of blue doesn't seem to match the vibe. I would recommend keeping the pink color as it greatly reflects the characters of this story, but changing the font and the way the title is strewn over the cover.

In Wattpad, many graphic designers would design free typography covers—even though I would recommend more vector-type covers to match the vibe—and you can find them in graphic shops. If you want, there is one under this community itself. Overall, nice title but not a fan of the cover.

❥ Blurb: The blurb seems to have a lot of personality and is presented humorously. I recommend adding a closing line so that the blurb doesn't feel like it was ended so abruptly, like, for example:

'Beneath the pastel makeup, big hair, and puffy skirts lies a wild side no one suspects. When the Cutesy Bruisers catch wind of your misdeeds, you'd better duck for cover. They might look sweet, but when the bad guys show up, they square up. Justice has never looked so fabulous—or so fierce!'

I modified it while keeping the original premise. I strengthened the flow and added a closing line to the end.

❥ Mechanics/Storyline: Your story's formatting is not that of a novel but of a series or a sitcom. While this is good, the episode formatting feels very long for Wattpad readers, even though it makes sense as it is an episode. This entire first chapter was about 19 pages, which could be about 17,100 words. In traditional books, this word length would be okay, but online it is way too much. The ideal chapter length is to be about 1000-2500, and you can even go as high as four thousand or five thousand. But having more than 10k in a chapter makes it harder to read, so a better solution would be to break it down into chunks like Episode 1, Part 1, and put in more than five thousand words so you can finish the first episode in 3 parts.

Your scenic descriptions are vivid and make it easy to imagine the scene. I also loved the incorporation of metaphorical and poetic descriptions, which helped enhance your writing a lot more.

I liked how you slowly worked on the world-building, giving us a glimpse of her surroundings, the gang members scene, the robots in the mall, and especially the first part where the Savior Syndicate was introduced. It helped to visualize the world Kandy was living in.

The pacing of the story was a little too fast, but still, it was manageable. I loved the addition of that slight mystery that you added in the beginning about how something even worse comes every time the heroes leave the place.

I like the dialogues; despite their grammatical errors, if written properly, they are actually very good and realistic. The dialogue sort of lights things up and helps build the character and their relationship with each other.

The prologue didn't seem like a prologue and more like another chapter; suffice it to say only the last part felt like it was a prologue. So I am suggesting, why don't you just name it Episode One or maybe Episode Zero?

The short monologues before starting different scenes also lend a hand in setting the premise of the story and the mood of the story. But in some areas, the monologue is sort of cut off mid-sentence and continued back into the story without paragraph spacing or period or at least a comma to differentiate it. And it ruined the flow of the writing and threw off the reader immediately.

Your descriptions are good; you have a knack for tying together clever words to create good imagery. Overall, your writing ability, if not given any importance to the grammar and punctuation, which are important and integral parts of story writing, is actually good. You have great talent for crafting vivid scenes and lively characters, with a very fun plot. You just need to polish your craft and weed out the errors in it.

❥ Characters: I like how you introduced Kandi into the story, giving deliberate attention to her attire, her phone case, and everything irrevocably letting the readers know she is part of the Cutesy Bruisers. The way you waited till she said her name gave it a cinematic effect, which I believe is what you are vouching for, considering this is like an episode.

Further on, her little grumblings were also an indication of her age had you not mentioned that she was a teenager. I liked the first scene of her kicking at the balls of the gang man; it threw light on her tough interior despite the soft exterior, giving more to the being labelled as one of the members of the 'Cutesy Bruisers.' Overall, her character introduction sort of rocked.

I like the name Tricity; it is a very beautiful one. Her character seems to be more on the lighter side and is also very dramatic. I very much adored the character dynamics between Kandi and Tricity, letting the readers have a gist of how deep their bond runs. When Tricity found out her supposed-to-be date was already talking his way through another girl, the way Kandi reacted and how Tricity just trusted her and let her take over was very wholesome. The only issue I feel is with how fast Tricity moved on; maybe it is just me, but shouldn't Tricity be shown a little miffed and then gradually get over him?

Andromeda and Sana are the other two characters I immediately liked, seriously though. I like the spunky character of Andromeda; she seems to be the hard-love sort of person. While Sana seems to be a kind character who is also very smart but is insecure and shy. Along with Kandy, Tricity, Frostina, and Poppy, they seem to have really perfect friend-group dynamics.

The only issue that I find in this area is the introduction of too many characters all at once; we already have six friends and an unknown villainous character from the prologue. Suffice it to say, in the prologue you have given these characters different personalities and traits of their own, and Kandy is already very fleshed out, making it easier for the readers to remember each of them. But in the first episode, Pretty In Power! More new characters are introduced, like Jabir, Melinda, etc. While these are all important characters, at least for chapters when these characters come to the scene, make sure to highlight their bond with Kandy so that it is easier to remember who is who rather than just the name alone.

Character portrayal is your strongest suit so far, so good job, and keep it up.

❥ Grammar and Vocabulary: There are a lot of tense inconsistencies; you have chosen past tense for your writing, but sometimes some of the verbs are written in the present tense. There are also errors in the subject-verb agreement, and along with that, most of the sentences are very long, muddling the meaning. So I suggest breaking it down using commas and periods. The first sentence of the first episode was a bit too long; consider breaking it down into separate sentences for an easier read.

Some of the grammatical errors from the prologue:

Original: As she walked, she passed a bakery where an elder woman work, they both waved at each other, and she got back on her phone again as she kept thinking the quickest way to get to the mall, she put her phone in the pocket of her jacket and kept on walking.
Edited: As she walked, she passed a bakery where an elderly woman worked. They waved at each other before she returned to her phone, thinking about the quickest way to get to the mall. Slipping her phone into her jacket pocket, she continued walking.
Corrections: Tense inconsistencies, awkward sentence structure, overly long sentences, and lack of fluidity in the writing.

Original: One of them, the stick of the group looked at her and grinned, he was missing a couple of teeth. "Hey baby~Why don't you come here~" The girl gave him a harsh glare. "My Name's Kandi, dude." she retorted.

What do you mean by the stick of the group? Did you mean 'the leader' of the group, or were you referencing his physique as being the leanest of them all? Also, when the speaker of a dialogue changes, it should be written in a separate paragraph.

Edited: One of them, the lanky one in the group, looked at her and grinned, revealing a few missing teeth. ""Hey, baby~ Why don't you come here~?"

The girl shot him a harsh glare. "My name's Kandi, dude," she retorted.

Some of the grammatical errors from episode one:

Original: When she got out of bed and undid her hair wrap, she fixed up her braids, placed a few braids in front of her face and the rest in a large ponytail before heading over towards the bathroom, took a shower, brushed her teeth and rushed back into her room where she bumped into her little brother, he growled at her.

Edited: When she got out of bed, she undid her hair wrap and fixed her braids. She pulled a few strands in front of her face and gathered the rest into a large ponytail. Then, she headed to the bathroom, took a quick shower, brushed her teeth, and rushed back to her room—only to bump into her little brother. He growled at her.

Original: "Okay, three things here, Jabir. 1, It's too early for you talk about hospital crap, 2, It's Monday, which is the worst day of my life, because 3, I have to go back to school again!"

Edited: "Okay, three things, Jabir. One: It's way too early for you to talk about hospital crap. Two: It's Monday—the worst day of my life because. Three: I have to go back to school. Again!"

There are more such issues spotted all over your story; I would suggest reading through each chapter and combing most of it out. Or you can use free online grammar correctors like QuillBot or Grammarly. For addressing deeper issues, you can opt for an editor.

❥ Conclusion: The story has potential, but there are a lot of areas where you need to improvise and improve. There are a lot of grammatical, punctuational, and story structural mistakes sprouted all over the first episode and the prologue. I am sorry if that sounded rude. I have already given recommendations in the grammar section as to how to fix it. Also, read the books of other authors on Wattpad so that you can upgrade your vocabulary and writing style; it is one of the best ways to improve. See what they did differently, observe their pattern, and try to decipher the similarities they share with the others. Even though every book is not the same, there are general trends many seem to share, even if it is in a different genre.

And lastly, if any of my words hurt you or if I have misinterpreted anything, I sincerely apologize; that was never my intention. Remember that no author gets a beautiful, perfect draft the first time they write it; they edit it repeatedly the more they learn. So I hope you have had a great day.

Best Wishes🌻