Reviewer: Kailucy

Client: xgoodluck-girl

Cover: 6/10

The cover isn’t terrible but it could use some work. The font is good and the image fits the genre and storyline. However, you should add your name to the cover, whether you use a pen name, your real name, or your username. That alone would improve it greatly.

I recommend making the cover more eye-catching but that is optional.

Title: 8/10

The title is good. It fits the storyline and it’s easy to recall. It’s something I’d pick up to see what it was about so that’s good.

Blurb: 9/10

The blurb is short and simple. I like that it’s done in the character’s head. The opening line is compelling and made me want to see the rest. The rest of it was just as well done. The last paragraph especially. Overall, the blurb is well-written and does a great job of setting up the story.

Character/character development: 9/10

I can’t speak too much on character development yet, since it’s still the very beginning of the story. Based on the blurb though I can see that there will be some by the end of the story.

The characters so far are well-written and engaging. I found myself wanting to know more about the MC.  I would love to see more Crystal in future chapters. (if that’s something you’re planning) I love realistic friendships in books.

At first, I wasn’t sure how I felt about Xynar but the second he said, “I am glad to see you are paying attention this time.” he became my favorite. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for him. Besides getting home. (hopefully.)

Plot: 19/20

The plot so far is great. It’s moving at a good pace. I can’t wait to see what else will happen in the next chapters. Is it going to be sad when Xynar goes back? Like E.T. or something?

Chapter eight was the perfect time to bring in her boyfriend. Girl, hide Xynar.

Writing style: 18/20

The writing is good for the most part. It’s descriptive enough without going overboard. It does have quite a bit of passive voice though. So maybe see about fixing some of that. It doesn’t bother me if it’s occasional but after a few times, it becomes a little distracting. If you need help finding the passages just contact me and I’d love to help.

Grammar/spelling/vocabulary: 8/10

The vocabulary was great. It fits the story and the target audience. There were a few mistakes. Such as “Get to your seats immediately.”  it originally said “sits”

“I wish I could…” could would make more sense. I believe the sentence originally said, “would.”

Other than that I didn’t see much. It’s never a bad idea to look through it or have someone who can edit for you go through it.

Enjoyment: 9/10

I did enjoy this quite a bit more than I thought I would. I will continue when it’s updated.

Overall: 86/100

Overall, the story is pretty solid so far. You’ve set up the characters where they have room to grow but aren’t obnoxious. The plot is set up nicely and I’m torn between wanting Xynar to make it home, but I’m scared it’s going to be sad. There weren’t very many mistakes so it wasn’t distracting and the writing style fits the genre and storyline well. Overall you have the start of a good story. Keep it up!