Client: shytabby

Reviewer: Kamila_DeRico

Summary: 10/10

I have nothing to say. Your summary is perfect! I love how seamless it is. You introduce the characters, with relevant information about them, clear goals and conflicts. That coupled with the clear formatting and the perfect grammar? I think your summary was exceptionally written.

Cover: 10/10

Your cover is aesthetically pleasing. The fonts are bold and contrast well with the background, making them easily readable.

Title: 10/10

I like how your title is very specific to your book, with key things like the main character's name on it. That way, it can't be ripped off and put into another book. It is short and easy to remember. The words 'Mine to Have' gives you a sense of what you're getting into without spoiling the plot.

Plot: 6.5/10

The book follows Silvia Benson who desperately wants to gain the approval of her boss in order to fufil her dream of being a Family Lawyer.

First, I like what you did with making Silvia doubt her decision when she was actually given a case pertaining to family law. Upon seeing how messy and unstable things can get, especially affecting children in divorce cases, it's only natural that Silvia might hesitate in her decision.

I also like the relationship dynamics between Silvia and her boss. She really wants to show her worth to him, but everytime she successfully completes an assignment, her boss finds another way to throw her off track. I feel this is very reminiscent of real bosses in our everyday lives. So nice work!

However, the book seems to have a side story going that none of the readers were warned about. The story about Shelley's life.

Not only is this massive part of the book not talked about in the summary, but it also seems to be entirely and completely unrelated to the main plot. Shelley has her own conflicts, her own life that has nothing to do with Silvia. And these scenes happen even before we actually see Silvia and Shelley meet face to face.

They also don't start after five chapters or more when we're fully grounded with our main characters. No! They start in chapter two when we barely even knew anything about our main characters. Especially with this line hitting you immediately chapter two is opened:

"I stared in disbelief at the two pink lines on the pregnancy test clutched in my trembling hands."

So the readers are like, what? How did Silvia get pregnant? And it only fuels our confusion as Shelley is not named until the very end of her point of view.

She also seems to have more screentime than Silvia, with compelling conflicts that makes her story very interesting. This makes Silvia seem more like a side character.

Suggestions

1. Since Shelley's story has nothing to do with Silvia, why not cut it out and make it a separate book on its own.

2. If she really is an important character in Silvia's life, then save all these backstory for when both these characters have actually met to avoid confusion.

Writing Style: 9/10

The first thing I want to point out to the author is the casual switch from third person to first person narration.

The paragraph: 'I need to forward this new client...' in chapter one came out of nowhere in a sea of third person narration. I understand these are the character's inner thoughts, but italicizing it would be much better and easier to understand.

It is also odd as this mistake is never repeated again. All other inner thoughts are either quoted or italiced.

Also, a sentence stood out to me when reading chapter fourteen.

"It's Mr MarQueen. You can call me Mr MarQueen."

This is a redundant sentence as you reiterated the man's name being Mr MarQueen for a second time even when it was completely unnecessary. Doing away with one of the sentences will not change anything but make the dialogue flow smoother.

Characterization: 5.5/10

First of, when reading your book, there are questions your readers are going to be asking: who is Silvia Benson? What does she like or dislike? What's her background? Her family history?

Sadly, none of these questions are answered. Infact we barely get any information about her until later. For instance, we only got a clear sense of what Silvia wanted in chapter five: to gain Ben's approval.

Then before another information is released about her, it was in chapter eighteen where she disclosed how she grew up in a broken home.

The readers feel so detached from the main character. We don't know what she's like, what are her indulges? Does she like ice cream or hate cake? Instead, we're forced to see her only through one lens: her professional persona.

And it's worse because the rest of the characters are very much multidimensional. Ben, for example, might be the strict, aloof boss at work, but at home, he's a loving husband and a broken son in a family with weird dynamics. Scott might be the flirty, charming guy everybody likes at work, but he's nothing but a man who wants to be closer with his brother. Shelley also has complex emotions, with personal dreams and conflicts.

If we can do this with the rest of the characters, why not Silvia? Must we always see her as a uptight and professional woman, show us another side to her that contrast perfectly with the personality she puts upfront.

Then, there are unnecessary characters; Miss Charity for example. Ninety percent of her scenes are just her talking down on Silvia's outfit. And even in scenes when she's nothing actively doing so, she's still commenting about it one way or another. What is the purpose of this?

Once or twice would've been enough. But going hard and hammering again and again on that makes Miss Charity's character one dimensional—because now, everytime she appears on screen, we already know what she's going to be commenting about.

If Miss Charity's character is important, then cut down on the unnecessary scenes. We get that Silvia doesn't dress flattery. There's no need to keep reiterating it for us.

Lastly, this is not a serious problem in the book but I'd just like to mention it.

Scott is introduced as an antagonist in the character intro, but in the summary and in the book itself, he's more of a love interest than anything else. So that might be a bit confusing for the readers.

Is he a villain or a love interest? Please clarify to ensure the readers are not lost.

Pacing: 7/10

The book starts slow, chapter one only introduces characters to us. And by chapter three, we still don't have a clear idea where the plot is going.

This makes the readers lose interest, because one: we still barely know anything about our main character; and two: we don't know what we're supposed to be expecting from the book.

Suggestion

1. If the important exciting scene starts later in the book, then I suggest cutting everything off from the first chapters and bringing the exciting scene forward. The information cut from chapter one should be implementing into the book only after that exciting scene has played out.

Grammar: 10/10

The grammar was perfect from the beginning till the end. Proper use of words and punctuation; I didn't find any problem with it.

Overall: 68/80

Overall, a decent read. I liked your writing style a lot, but I would love more character development—especially with Silvia—I want to know more about her. The book could also benefit from an increase in pace, and more clarity on the characters and the plot.