Reviewer: CrownedMadness

Client: BookLover3062

SUMMARY:

Echo, a fan of the book series "Midnight Trials," faces a major challenge when the book comes to life and threatens her world. She and Aggie, a side character from the book, must team up to save both realms, even if it means parting ways.

PLOT:

The concept is incredibly fascinating. The idea of nested narratives always excites me. The story of a fan needing to confront a challenge against the book she loves, which also threatens her world, is an incredible setup. The dynamic of a side character taking on the main character's role to save Echo's world adds an interesting layer to the story and opens doors to character development and exploration. Overall, the blend of fantasy and real-world elements offers imaginative opportunities and, when done right, surely a fresh experience for readers.

PROSE:

The writing style reminded me of middle-grade children's fiction, which had me smiling throughout the read. I must also say that both of your narrative voices and styles seamlessly blended, giving the cohesion of a single author.

The opening chapter is well done, effectively combining action with slice-of-life elements. However, the waking-up routine felt like an overdone cliché opening sequence. The alternation between the "real world" and the "book world" brought a unique narrative, but I think the real-world sequence has room for more creative execution.

The pacing felt somewhat awkward due to the fast plot progression and convenient revelations. For instance, the way Echo found that Aggie was from the book could have been more natural instead of the convenient and dramatic "I think... you're from this book." For example, there would have been a natural unfolding if Echo quizzed Aggie to confirm her suspicions (or something creatively along those lines), which would have made for a dynamic and natural sequence.

I got the sense that you were eager to delve into the good part of the story, which unfortunately resulted in the readers feeling rushed through—the writing felt like a summarized version of the story, lacking the immersive experience that often accompanies detailed writing. There is a lack of scene-setting and vivid, specific descriptions. For example, character introductions can be made more memorable, and specific details, such as Echo's favorite meal, were mentioned without adequate description. Nonetheless, there were also well-done evocative descriptions, such as the opening of Chapter 4.

Regardless, the first three chapters are a good foundation, but they could use modifications for better visualization and offer a more unique and immersive reading experience.

CHARACTERS:

Aggie and Echo's voices seemed to blend. Although some moments revealed their distinctions, overall, there is a lack of individuality. I suggest paying attention to the character voices (especially the internal voices) of Aggie and Echo and letting their individualities come through clearly, which is important for alternating character POVs.

The physical descriptions are minimal; however, that leaves room for the reader's imagination, which is a positive. I'd only suggest including essential physical descriptions, such as the unexpected and interesting detail of Echo's violet eyes.

The parallel between the two girls—both struggling to navigate this real world—offers great dynamics and a connecting link between them. The subtle hint of a romantic dynamic between them is well done and adds a cute touch, especially the short and sweet hair-fixing scene.

Both characters have great potential. Developing their personalities and inner struggles throughout the book will make them more realistic, relatable, and well-rounded.

WORLD-BUILDING:

As mentioned before, the descriptions are lacking to create a vivid world in the reader's mind. Once that's resolved, I see world-building, especially with the possibilities of the two realms in this book, offering a wonderful experience. Balancing the two realms might be challenging and potentially lead to a convoluted plot. So it's important to be mindful of that.

GRAMMAR:

The area to focus on is comma usage, especially when pairing independent clauses. The errors that often occur for you are missing commas before conjunction or a comma is incorrectly used instead of a semicolon or period. The writing could use simple editing for clearing typos as well, such as "Echos's" and "Willows's" where the extra "s" before the apostrophe isn't needed, "all of the sudden" should be "all of a sudden," and the correct hyphenation of terms, such as "kind-faced."

ENJOYMENT QUOTIENT:

The plotline is engaging, and the writing is easily digestible. Overall, I found the concept enjoyable and there are some particularly well-crafted moments. Focusing on the suggestions and enhancing the descriptions will elevate the book's quality and the overall reading experience. Regardless, kudos!

BOTTOMLINE:

The strength is your concept, which has the scope for immersive world-building exploration. I also think the alternating narrative between the two realms shows great potential. In terms of improvement, focusing on vivid descriptions and giving more clarity and realistic progression to the plotline would enhance the overall quality of the book. I foresee this book resonating well with readers who enjoy "book within a book" and alternating perspectives. Keep writing!