Client: DeathBlade__

Reviewer: -Untactful_Criminal

Introduction: 8/10

> - Blurb:

The blurb is a bit long for Wattpad blurbs. I think some of it can be removed unless it is of vital importance, such as mention of Nina's home. Otherwise, the blurb is well-written and easy to understand without giving away too much of the book. It's nice to see an author use their title in a meaningful way that doesn't sound cheeky.

> - Prologue:

N/A. I might suggest something that will lead to the end. Prologues are great hookers and you can do anything in them, as long as it connects to the story.

> - First couple chapters:

Despite what you said in your author's note in one of the chapters, I think the story starts off fast. I enjoy a book full of action, especially when it's executed as smoothly as you did it. I would say the first couple of chapters raised a lot of questions that we hope to answer in the future. Writing a mystery is not an easy task but you are making it look like a piece of cake. When I read the first couple of chapters, I was captivated and excited for what was waiting ahead for me.

> - Hook:

Like I said above, there was a gnawing presence waiting to be unleashed. I was excited to keep reading on, because you were able to fully capture your audience with little information. It feels good reading a book that doesn't lore dump on you in the first couple of chapters. I also enjoyed how you introduced Nina and Elias

Graphics: 4/5

> - Cover:

The cover is very pretty and gives off a fantasy vibe. I don't like the man in it though. It sticks out in a way that kind of takes away from the vibe. I'd just remove him.

> - Banners (if included):

Very pretty banners. My only suggestion is having your name somewhere on it to avoid screenshots for some weirdo to steal.

> - Character Aesthetics (if included):

I like a collage that really speaks to the story. I think the aesthetics should have matched the cover and banners a little more. With the font, at least.

Nina's aesthetic was a little too dark to see it clearly. I'm not sure about some of the images and how they relate back to her. A crowd of hands relates to her, how? Maybe I have not reached this point yet in the book. The hearts seem to signify a deep romance. I'm not sure if that's the vibe you want to give off. Try not to use more than one font on an aesthetic either.

I think the fonts should match for both aesthetics. I like Elias's images more, as it feels more relatable to him.

I think the filters are distorting your images, giving them a weird look. The matching borders give off romance vibes, which I don't think is your intention. Maybe, it is. If that's the case, ignore me.

The trailer was really cool to watch.

Body: 45/50

> - Plot:

I am enjoying watching the plot unfold. You mentioned that it felt a bit slow in the beginning, but I would disagree and say it is rather fast-paced. I do like fast-paced books, but that also means we are taking in a lot of information in a shorter amount of time, meaning we might not be able to remember everything or connect to the story as well. Your plot combines mystery and fantasy, which is not very common. I enjoy the twist and I expect there is much still to be told. At the current moment, the plot isn't as unique as I would like. I think there are plenty of time-traveling books that are trying to fix something from the past. In that way, I hope your plot runs even deeper, and from what I've read, I expect it does.

> - Character interaction:

I think the character interaction was amazing. It felt authentic and it was easy to read. Some books have you cringing and wishing you could do anything but read. I like genuine, authentic interactions, and I felt quite captivated while reading.

> - Dialogue:

The dialogue is interesting, to say the least. At times, I felt it was very natural, and at other times, it felt too constrained and unrealistic. If this is modern day society, I would make it more "modern". Something I think every author struggles with is distinguishing their character's dialogue from another character's. Since your book is so wonderful, I am being knit-picky. I would try to make the dialogue different for each character.

One of my favorite exercises is to put my characters in scenarios and have them answer each scenario differently. And I do this in the shower, when I'm bored, or before I fall asleep. In this way, I am not only understanding my character more, but I am practicing how they speak. It might seem silly or foolish, but it helps me to differentiate my characters more.

An example of differentiating factors in dialogue would be use of contractions. Does one character speak more formally? Does one use more slang? I ask these types of questions in a way that I can discern their personalities and fit it into their dialogue. Nina is young, but she has also been through a lot. Maybe she speaks more cryptically due to distrust.

Your dialogue is fine. This is just ways you can improve upon it.

> - Plot Holes:

Honestly, there is a lot to uncover still, so maybe you have reasons for not explaining things. From what I have read, I did not see anything amiss or contradictory. I will say I was very confused in some parts, and if you are making it complex, it could lead things where they shouldn't. Re-clarifying known facts helps the reader keep it ingrained in their minds. I think that would help any confusion since this is such a layered plot.

Grammar + Spelling: 40/50

> - Correct spelling:

I did not see anything misspelled; however, there were a few typographical errors. I know you are writing in British English, so I sometimes get confused by the spellings since I am accustomed to American English. So, if I missed something on that, sorry.

> - Correct grammar usage:

The grammar was flawless. I would suggest using em-dashes for some of the breaks where you use an en-dash instead. I don't know where you are writing, because I know my computer doesn't have immediate em-dashes unless I change settings in a Word or Google Doc. My phone keyboard obviously has em-dashes and settings that turn two en-dashes into one em-dash.

Your use of semicolons and commas are nice. I hate authors who overuse one or the other, or confuse them with colons and periods. Again, I didn't see any immediate grammatical mistakes. I think there's a bit of freedom when using commas and em-dashes. I love using both since it sometimes makes the book look more "dynamic".

I would say I did not enjoy the time skips, because it wasn't conveyed very well. I'd use past perfect tense when going to the past, such as the scene in prison with Ruby, because it will help differentiate the past, since you are using past tense throughout your book.

> - Formatting:

Everything was done flawlessly here. I usually use this for newer authors who don't know how to use paragraph formatting.

> - Dialogue Tag:

I like your dialogue tags because they are simple. Your use of words is already difficult for non-native English speakers; however, I would use even more diverse dialogue tags to keep it engaging. I am a bit weird about tags for some reason. I like the diversity it can add instead of repeating the words "said" and "replied" over and over again. Plus, it adds a level of emotion. I could say "replied" or I could say "interjected". There, I see he interrupted him. I think there was one part that you did use "replied" when I think an interrupting synonymous word would have been better. Just another example would be "said" vs "cried". "Cried" is far more emotional than just saying. It also helps remove a lengthy sentence after the word "said" to convey an upsetting tone. I think using different dialogue tags just gives more depth and emotion to the book.

> - Descriptive clarity:

While I enjoyed your writing style and vast use of vocabulary, it even got a little too thick for me, a native English speaker. Your vocabulary knows no bounds, however, I would simplify some of the words since it eventually becomes excessive. Whenever I'm reading, I hardly ever want to have to check the dictionary to see what the word means. Usually, popular books on the market use simpler terms in their writing without hurting the vocabulary of the book, if that makes sense.

At some points, I was utterly lost. I had a hard time catching up with the scene due to over-explanation and lack of explanation in other parts. Try to find the happy medium for descriptions, because I felt like it was too much. I think of The Lord of the Rings vs The Hunger Games. The Lord of the Rings is very descriptive and kind of hard to read at times. The Hunger Games is a very easy read, yet still engaging. Both books are very successful, so it is your choice to pick what type of readers you want and how you want your story conveyed. I feel you are even a little more confusing than The Lord of the Rings, where you get wrapped up in the description and forget the action.

Just whatever you choose, do not confuse the readers during active scenes. I was very confused about what was even happening when Nina was breaking into the police station for information on Elias. Her actions were vague while how she felt and what she wore was too descriptive.

Another example would be when they were getting Elias out of the station. It was very hard to understand what actions were being made due to the vague explanations and thick vocabulary.

For your chapters, I was having a hard time following the pronouns when there were several characters and several points of views. Since you are using third person, you are giving us less knowledge of the characters, but there's still a point of view. Like, there was a Nina chapter. And there was an Elias chapter. As you brought in more characters, it got fuzzier. I would suggest having separate chapters for each point of view. Because at one point you were talking about Aelfrun, and I thought you were talking about Nina, because you had just been talking about Nina's point of view. It just helps clarify the characters and it might even help you get to know the characters more. My first thought is how Rick Riordan did his Hero of Olympus series with the point of view, if that means anything to you.

Overall: 35/45

> - Enjoyment:

I love your writing style, as it's very engaging. There is still so much to uncover, and it's exciting to read on. My one suggestion is shortening your chapters. For Wattpad, people tend to prefer chapters of around 2000 words. I know I shorten my own chapters just for Wattpad, even if it means having more chapters over all. I have a tendency to do 5,000 words in my chapters, so I don't think it's wrong, but be cautious of your marketing techniques and your target audience. Maybe your target audience are just avid readers who can hold onto chapters longer. It's been something I've been battling since writing on Wattpad. Pay attention to the platform you use and what you think will get the most reads and interactions for your book.

> - Character development:

Your two main characters, Nina and Elias, have a lot of depth to them. They are very well-written with very deep stories to explore; however, you kind of cut it short for your other characters. I am having trouble remembering who is who. Grant and Gregory? Anthony and Arthur? I would be careful to distinguish these characters. Grant is finally being understood more, but at first, he was just another guy to me. I also think you could have introduced some of the characters more. Especially if they are important in the future.

> - World-building:

You have a very nice thing of magic going along with the London atmosphere. I'd say I haven't learned enough about the magic and how it works, or who the Valkyr are yet, and I hope you plan to uncover more about them.

> - Originality:

Like I said above, it's not the most original plot I've ever seen. Time-travel for restitution is very common. I'm just hoping there's an even deeper plot waiting to show up.

> - Specifics:

There is a lot to unpack in your story and it is very well-written. The characters seem very authentic and genuine, and they seem very deep. I love well-written characters. You excelled at making it mysterious. I'd say at some parts, I got confused when they were explaining things to them.

The title seems suitable for the book. Though, I'm curious if it should be Prisoners of the Past, or at least, Prisoners of Past. It just sounds a bit weird saying Prisoner of Past. Even The Prisoner of Past would be better. I know that kind of throws off your graphics, and maybe I am not thinking about it the way you are.

Overall Score: 132/160