I pack my things and made sure that I have things i need and I want. Things I know I need to survive in New York.

Yes, I'm moving to New York. After weeks of graduation, I have finally signed the contract and fix my papers. Attending my college in New York, and continuing my career there. I have realized all the things I can achieve there. Even though my manager already told me all the opportunities and bright side of New York.

Though of course, I'll live alone. But I don't mind. I'm okay living alone. I already prepared myself and I think I can do it. I must do it! I should survive this!

"Laura, you're ready?" I look at my door and smiled at my mom as she peak from outside.

I smiled at her and nod. "Yes mommy," I said before standing up from my bed and picking up my backpack. My luggage and suitcases are already downstairs.

I went out my room and went down the stairs.

"Andito na pala kayo." Dad said before standing up from the chair.

I stopped on my tracks and look around the house.

This feel so unrealistic, leaving the house? And my contracts is for 9 years, means, I'll be back and everything will change here. From the country to the whole house.

My friends, nakapag paalam na ako, and it was hard. Ang hirap pala magpaalam. Goodbyes isn't something that will make me cry. But seeing them with teary eyes, specially Ali, I don't know why she reacted that way, but among of all of them, she was the one Gwen said that cried when I left Lory's house. Babalik naman ako eh, but that time, of course pati sila ay may mga sari-sarili na silang buhay.

We went out the house and entered the van. Its 1 in the morning and there's already..  people outside our house?!

I made myself comfortable to the van, I put on my headphones and played my playlist. And closed my eyes.

See you soon my home town. I'll miss you.

I woke up around 9pm, its been 8 hours, and we are almost there. My flight is at 12am, exactly 12. So I just had to eat lunch then we will go.

Si Ms. Ava ang kasama ko sa flight, and my whole journey. Of course, she's my manager, so I'll stick with her. I don't mind.

When we arrived at the Airport, at around 9:15am, I made some check up with my things. Its not really  problem if I left something, I can just buy it sa New York. But of course its better if I have all of it here.

At 10 we had our early lunch, and at 11am ay nagtagpo na kami ni Ms. Ava.

"Are you excited alaga ko?" He softly said, I smiled at her and shake my head.

"No po, I'm fine, I'm actually excited, it's my first time long flight. Usually Philippines to Australia us 9 hours, but now it's longer, I hope i don't get bored." I said and she nod.

"Ako excited talaga ako. Sa Malaysia at Thailand palang ako nakakapunta. First time ko rin na ganito katagal na flight. Salamat sayo alaga ko ha? Dahil sayo mag le-level up na rin ang buhay ko." She said before caressing my hair.

"No problem Ms., we are with this  together. Help me with my schoolwork." I said and she chuckled.

"Oo, igo-google nalang natin, habang nasa runway ka, nagsasagot ako sa likod." She joked and we both laugh. We are now in the waiting area.

And like what I said, this felt so unrealistic. It wasn't like the usual flights I had when I was younger. Going to Australia or Japan. Because it was full of excitement back when I was a kid. When I became a teenager, still excited but less excitement. But now, its a 50/50, excitement cause I'll stay there for a very long time. Then of course, work. Its like I'm starting a whole new life.

Probably thats really what it is. Its a whole new beginning for me. Whole new life, house, surrounding, lifestyle  and people.

Few minutes and our flight got called. I bid goodbyes to my parents and not just like what I think it would be, none of them shed tears. I was somehow expecting mom to tear  up a bit. But she's probably happy for me. Cause I'll be able to reach more steps in New York.

I made myself comfortable to my seat. I look at the window and we are still in the land. The flight attendants guided us and made soem demonstration and we took off.

It was good 30 minutes before I decided to sleep because this will be a long ride.

--

When we arrived at the JFK Airport, of course we went to the embassy, then few minutes, two women approached us.

"Hi, Welcome, Ms. Laura Milendez and Ava Dela Crus?" One lady ask, me and Ms. Ava look at each other before nodding.

"Hi, we are staffs in the Arts and Media Entertainment, we are here to guide you to your apartment." The lady said,

"Oh, my bad, I'm Imelda, and she's Gladdy. Here's our identification to confirm that we are indeed from the company." Ms. Imelda said and handed us her ID. Ms. Ava checked it and Ms. Gladdy's ID.

"Okay, I confirm, can we proceed to the apartment now? My model needs her rest." Ms. Ava said and teh two lady nod.

When we leave the airport, there's already two taxi waiting for us. They brought us to a building, it not like a building with condo units. It have a beautiful design, not so modern but not old fashion, its unique.

"You will stay here for now. Once Ms. Laura grew and earn more projects, its a sure thing that you two will move to a bigger and new apartment. Or you two can separate if you want. But for now, you two will stay together, okay?" Ms. Gladdy said and we both nod.

"We will come back tomorrow morning, 8am, please be prepare by that time cause we will go to the company and we will have a meeting with  the boss." Ms. Gladdy said and we both  nod.

They bid their goodbyes and we said thank you to them.

"Matulog ka pa Laura, kailangan mo ng pahinga. Sige na, at pupunga pa tayo ng kumpanya bukas." Ms. Ava said while she unpack her bags.

I nod and went to my luggage to find a pair of pajama. When I found one i went to the bathroom. Which is  beautiful as well, and the temperature is cold so I had to blend  the water. 

Then I brush my teeth and did my skin care and lay down on bed.

When I checked my phone, Ali and and Lory have messages to me. Ali ask if I'm already at New York and I replied a short yes. Lory asked almost the same thing.

The next morning i woke up around 5 am, I took a bath and of course did my morning routine. I slip on to a pastel pink  pencil skirt and a white button up polo. I ironed my hair and put on soem hair clips and proceed to my make up which is just a simple one.

We waited for few more minutes until Ms. Gladdy and Imelda came. We leave the apartments but before we proceed to the company, we stop by a Cafe and they bought us breakfast. I just had a croissant and a caramel macchiato.

We ride another taxi and this time, its sure going to the building.

When we went out the taxi, I can't stop myself from being mesmerized by the company. Its so different from the one from the Philippines. Its not the same company anymore but they have a connection with my previous company.

And this building is so beautiful! Its full of glasses and crystals, it screams expensive.

"This way," Ms. Gladdy said as we stopped in front of a door at the hallway. Ms. Ava opened the door for us and once we entered the room, I can't help but to get nervous.

We had a meeting with the boss and the executive director of the company. And they want me, to immediately hold a photos hoot for their accessories and of course I immediately grab the opportunity! That will be my first project.

They explained more about teh contract and things I need to do here. We also discussed about my schooling which will be in a private school. I will be taking, Mass Communication, which is somehow funny cause I took ABM in Senior High but now I'm going to Mass Communication, they made me choose though. But explained things that I will be facing if I continue business management. So I chose Mass Communication as my course.

They also served lots of things on my plate already. Gosh, I already expected these. But wow, I'm surprised they really did. They also know about my background in acting, so they said that I am have some potential in acting here in New York. I still have to think about that though.

In the end, the last thing we discussed is my diet, routine and self care. They gave me schedules of my gym,  dermatologist, dentist and check up, which all the check up will happen twice a month.

And the gym, 3-4 times a week.

Today, the first thing we did after the meeting is the dermatologist, they gave me new products to use and new routines. Same goes with the dentist and doctors. It was all vitamins and other pills. I hope they know what their doing.

Then I proceed to photoshoot right after lunch. For my profile pictures, or course I need those so whenever the company will look at my profile  there will be pictures.

The photoshoot only lasted for around 50 minutes to an hour.

But the real work happened in teh next day.

I had photoshoots with the said accessories. Necklaces, rings, bracelets, earrings, etc. Its different varieties. And even its just jewelries and accessories, it was still tiring. It was mostly close up pictures so they did my make up a lot.

And those were followed for more projects.

As I enter college, I already had lots of projects. So on the first time I had a day off after a month of working non stop, my classmates recognized me already. They were happy that they have a classmate like me. And I tried my best to be friends with them. But due to my tight schedule, I would only be present in school 3 times a month. That's why I would answer assignments and do projects at the make up room.

I also have been in the Philippine news and news here in New York. It was after my first runway here. I wasn't  the youngest that time, but they said I was one of the most who stand out. They said because of my looks and different features since I'm a Filipina.

Then more offers came. My plate is overflowing, I had interviews, I got invited to talk shows and other programs. I had offers in different platforms. But the most unexpected one is that I got invited for Victoria Secret fashion show.

It was that one  fashion show with tight silk dresses, I was so nervous that time. I was being conscious with my body. But as I walk through the hallway and got so much compliments right after the show, I was able to sigh in relief.

Thats when it rains. Promotions, runways, invitation, first row in Saint Lauren, invitation in another Victoria Secret. Some cameo in films, in performance of music artist which made my name bigger.

Billboards, right beside famous artists and other Filipina models.

I would get emotional whenever my car would drive on the road and we will pass by of my billboards. It was a great achievement in life.

People chasing us on the street, cameras, paparazzi which can be creepy sometimes. Ms. Ava being my camera woman for my YouTube channel. Yes, I pursued that thing too, for extra income but it didn't became such a big priority for me. I would only record some other events but not when it comes to modeling. Not in backstage but my morning routine and just some of my lifestyle. But like I said, it didn't became my priority.

Time passes so fast and I had my second and third Christmas, I had films that I was one of the main casts. Maybe being in a Netflix movie is impossible but I was hoping for one. Since I'm raising the flag of the Philippines here. I want to raise it all up.

"Laura, I got your report card, congrats, nakapasa ka naman." Ms. Ava said, I look at her and chuckled.

"Grabe naman po yun, it sounded like pasang awa." I said and she shake her head.

"Hindi ah, it was good, like I said, pasado, not so high pero hindi rin pasang awa." She said and I nod. I look back at my phone, scanning through geh website of channel.

Even though Victoria Secret and other brands sponsors me, some products from other brands like Channel and Dior still caught my eyes. And sometimes its for mom anyways.

"Ano nga palang desisyon mo sa offer nung isang model sayo? You coming to that party?" Ms. Ava asked, I look at her and squinted my eyes before shaking my head.

"I won't, even though he seems nice, I won't go to his party. You know after all the runways and public exposure, I'm still not so comfortable with people Ms. Ava. And besides, I don't want to catch any scandals." I said, making her chuckle.

"Hindi naman siguro." She said and I shake my head.

"He's a guy, I'm a girl. I'm not going cause there might be paparazzi there and take pictures, spreading to the internet and media. We are not in the old days Ms. Ava, people right now are so malicious, they will give meanings to everything, I just, don't want to be involved into any guy." I said and look back at my phone. Ms. Ava became silent for few seconds before I felt her on my side.

"Talaga ba? Or is it.. dahil iisang lalaki lang talaga ang andyan sa puso mo?" My eyes widened and my head snap at her direction.

"Ms. Ava! No, what are you talking about?" I exclaimed and she look at me with teasing smile.

"Nabanggit mo before na you two ended your relationship nice and clean. I did believe that. Pero minsan napapa-isip ako, bakit mukhang hindi ka nag mukhang affected kahit papa-ano. Laura, alaga kita, nasa highschool ka palang. Nakita kitang mag grow mula dalaga hanggang sa pagiging adult, or young adult. Nagamay ko na ang ugali mo. Hindi ka ba talaga na apektuhan sa break up niyo kahit kaunti?" She said and the whole time I was looking t her with a blank face.

I sigh, "Ms. Ava, why do you have to bring that up?" I asked,

All this time, starting the day I lay my feet in New York, I promised myself that I will be focused on my work and studies, just that two. Thats why I avoided party invitation and any scandals. Cause that's not part of my priority and reasons why I'm here.

I drown myself in work so that I won't have time to think of him and that night. I don't want to cry myself to sleep because of pain. I don't want myself regretting what I did just because I love him.

I don't think it was an enough reason for me to cry. Love is not an enough reason for me to just let this opportunity slip out of my hands.

And most importantly, I don't want to regret that I told him all those things that night. Other girls cry for days or weeks when they broke up with their boyfriends. But I was different, that night, when  he left, I just stayed in my rooms, staring blankly on the wall. I didn't cry nor shed a bit of tears.

Cause it  doesn't feel right, but those time, I think I want to. I think there's a voice inside of my body, wanting to scream and just let all the tears stream down my cheeks. But I didn't let that voice take over and made me go nuts just because of a break up.

"Hindi naman, pero, na curious lang ako, hindi kita nakitang tulala o malungkot, hindi ka talaga na apektuhan? Hindi mo naisipan na umiyak?" She ask and I slowly shake my head.

"There's no reason to cry." I said and she shakes her head.

"Meron, minahal mo ba talaga?" It was the question that caught me off guard.

Our relationship was almost just two years. In that two years, was there really a true love? Is there any love  in that two years? Did I really love him?

"I.. I don't know." I hesitantly said,

"What do you mean you don't know? Laura, bakit mo siya sinagot nung una kung hindi  ka sigurado kung mahal mo siya? Kahit kaunti Laura? Walang boses na nagsasalita sa loob mo na, 'mahal ko siya', wala?" She ask and I look down on the floor.

Meron, kahit mahina lang, meron. Whenever we two are together, I can't help but to smile. Kahit.. kahit napaka limited, before I enter the modeling industry, naging kami. And I enjoyed every second I had with him.

But the real question, I didn't show any weakness or sadness after the break up, nor even shed tears, did I really love him?

"Meron, but it was a silent one." I answered,

"So you did love him, mind telling me what things you love about him, or the reason why you love him and said yes to him?" She ask, I look down on the floor and think.

I don't know, I don't know why I love him and said yes. I don't know why, I don't know the answer. I love him, that's all I know. But I don't know any reasons.

I slowly shake my head, "I-I don't know Ms., hindi ko alam, I have nothing in my mind. But those time, all I know is I love him." I said and look up at her.

She slowly nods, "Mhmm, you did fell in love." She said and my brows furrowed.

"How?" I ask,

"Just, I just know. You don't know why you love him, you don't know any characters that you loved about him, its because you love the whole him and not just because of his eyes, nose, lips or attitude. You love the whole him." She said before standing up.

"Sige na, have some rest. Talk to you friends or something, you deserve it, you have a photoshoot in 2 hours, then an interview." She said and my brows furrowed.

"They're busy, we haven't really had a talk in a while." I said and Ms. Ava look at me.

"Ha? When was the last time you had a talk with your friends? Na alala ko dati kasama pa natin sila sa company, they are so supportive. Asan na sila?" She ask and I slowly shrug.

"Well, Gwen is in college, Ali is in college, Lory in college, all of them. Busy sila specially Ali and Gwen since they are taking medicine." I replied and Ms. Ava nod.

"Sige, magpahinga ka nalang muna." She said and exited the make up room. I sigh and stand up from the seat before walking towards the massage chair and laying down.

I took a deep breath and close my eyes.

I don't have any reason why I love you, all I know is that, I really did love you. I am just scared to admit that I still do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~•3•