IN three weeks, Odile learned to speak while we trained her in the way of the wolf.

In exchange for our generosity, she would study our palms and sign to us our future. Also, she taught sign language to us in three weeks. Three weeks after she woke up, she was proficient in the way of the wolf, and we knew almost fluent sign. 

Despite knowing how to speak, Odile continued to prefer sign language. At her bachelorette party, she signed the lyrics of the song playing over the speakers. We asked her if she wanted to speak, and she signed, 'No.' Afterward, she slammed her feet against the floor to the rhythm of the drums. 'I love this song.'

Meanwhile, Parris took control of monitoring the development of Kylo. He brought a black and white television into the living room. He coated gel all over a long instrument, explaining, "When I touch your pelvic area, it will feel cold." 

He was right. As he rubbed the instrument over my pelvic area, a cold sensation seeped through my skin. Damn. Ice. Cold. 

At the same time, I clung to the warmth of Rylan's palm. His warm skin outweighed the cold gel. Meanwhile, his beautiful thoughts caressed me. You can do this, Triz. You can do this. Over and over again. 

However, everything seemed too perfect even to believe an inch of what Rylan told me. What had I done to deserve someone as sweet as Rylan? What had I done to deserve to carry his legacy — our son, Kylo? How was I even worthy of love? 

I was a monster. 

I glanced at the screen, and in a grayscale image, saw my baby Kylo huddled into a ball in my uterus. Even better, a beautiful sound filled the room. Faint galloping. An unborn baby's heartbeat. As it echoed, the brightest smile swarmed against my cheeks. I remember thinking to myself that this boy would be as handsome as his father. Kind, too. 

From the moment I heard my son's heart beating, I fell in love. In my head, he had thin near-black hair, a soft face, much like Rylan's, and kind sun-stricken eyes. So beautiful. 

My heart fluttered. A warm sensation washed my cheeks. At the moment, I thought this was the best it could get. I couldn't have been more wrong. 

Against the cold gel, Kylo's voice echoed: You can do this. The sound carried soft masculinity to my ears. All I could do was cry. It was so beautiful. So beautiful.

On the flip side, I could see pumpkin hair set against bronze skin. And behind Kylo, Zoelle stood. Her snarky accent ravaged my brain: You see. We're the same. If it weren't for you, I would be carrying Rylan's heir. And not to mention, he wouldn't be in Ocala, living in a cottage. 

In the back of my mind, her demise played again and again as if the darkness had ahold of me. 

It was too late. When I blinked, I saw the knife flying through the air, the blade igniting into roaring flames.

Tears streamed down my face.

Her screams tore through the flames. "Fuck you!" 

All I could think was, I'm a monster. 

And everything went wrong from there. With thoughts sizzling in my brain like wires about to explode, I pushed Parris away and stormed outside. As I escaped the sound of my breath, neither my husband nor Parris came after me. 

Keep calm. Keep calm. Keep calm. 

Deeper into the forest, I went until I was entirely out of sight. No one could see me. And I let it out. "Fuck!" 

Over me, rain seeped through my hair. Thunder roared above—the perfect storm. 

I sank into the foliage as sand pines surrounded me. Into my spine, the cadence of a solemn aria caved: I'm a monster. My slightly rounded stomach felt too much pressure, and sobs tore through my throat. 

I couldn't take it anymore. The lie and magic. Everything. It was too much.  It felt like a prison: it was lonely; it was empty. Echoes across my skin insisted that I didn't deserve Rylan. The tug of their words became too true to ignore. Maybe, I didn't deserve him. 

I was the whore who bewitched Rylan into giving up his claim as the next Alpha. I was a monster. No wonder the Moon Goddess said I'd be perfect for Athan.

The word echoed against my spine — monster. 

As the rain stopped and the thunder faded into the horizon, I heard a yelp behind me. I looked over my shoulder to find Odile with her lips trembling. 'You did it,' she signed. 'You started the fire.'

I sighed and nodded my head. Then I bobbed my fist up and down. 'Yes, I did.' After a moment, I continued to sign, 'You going to tell everyone?' 

She shook her head and signed, 'No.' 

Relief emitted from my chest, which I rubbed with my fist. 'Thank you.'

'No problem,' Odile signed.

A severe pain laced through my brain. To try and cope with the pangs pulsing against my skull, I squinted. I gritted my teeth.

After lifting her brow in concern, Odile signed, 'Headache?' 

I shook my fist up and down — 'Yes.'

Odile reached into the pocket of her jeans and pulled out a small box embedded with the word Advil. She held it out the box towards me and signed, 'For pain.' 

I opened the box and tossed an Advil into my mouth. As I swallowed the pill, the pain somehow washed away like the tide of the sea. 

For a moment, Odile froze like a statue. Her eyes went wide. The sound of her breath amongst the indigenous noises that littered the forest became shallow. 

I took a step towards her. "Odile?" My words wavered. Meanwhile, a single question throbbed upon my skull: What's happening? I didn't know. 

As I began to make my way out of the forest, Odile's hand closed around my wrist. I gazed into her eyes. In her irises, I saw swirls of fear. She whispered, "Be cautious," and she fled towards the cottage. 

The words echoed in the back of my brain: Be cautious. About what? Why? What had she seen? I wanted to know. I needed to know. 

I was about to follow Odile when something caught my eye. Against an old tree stump, a piece of paper rested. I saw scribbles of black — words. Strangely, it called my name. Something told me I was meant to read it. Curiosity swarmed my brain. So, I picked up the creamy paper which read:

Dear Beatriz, 

Too much time has passed since we last saw one another. To be honest, I don't even know how we ended. We both got married, and — boom! — you were out like a light. 

I know I lied on our last day of school, as I'm sure you're aware, and I understand that you think it was me who notified Llwyd of your relationship with Rylan. Believe me; I would never break our sacred bond of friendship: sisters before misters. I never turned you in. 

I'm also sorry for not protecting you from my husband's temper. I was amidst an episode of morning sickness. I was even in the manor. But trust me, based on what Llwyd has told me, there's more than just Howl Falls. You may not be able to join an already-existing pack, but what if you and Rylan made one?

Llwyd has also made me aware that you, too, are pregnant. I'm pregnant. According to him, our first-born will, no doubt, be a boy. We're already discussing names. 

Also, don't hate Llwyd. He would've created new legislation that would've allowed you to choose Rylan. If you want, I can arrange for Llwyd to meet you with you. Have you ever been to Starbucks? 

I would be there as well. I miss you. You've always been my best friend. I'd hate to see it end.

Love,

Keanna Zoido-Castilla. 

My hands began to shake. Keanna wrote to me? How? I didn't have time to deliberate over these questions. Instead, I shoved it into my shirt and raced back to the cottage. 

As I ran through the wind, I thought about the letter. By the time I reached the house, I had convinced myself that the whole message was a lie. Llwyd never would've passed such legislation. He wouldn't have even considered it. To him, it would've been too liberal. 

Maybe Keanna was oblivious. Maybe Llwyd fed her lies, and she thought it would help me. Or perhaps, Keanna was the liar. The letter was a whole ruse she set up. Whoever lied, I had no intention to find out. 

At night, I rested my head on Rylan's chest. His heartbeat echoed against my ear. His shallow breath mingled with his snores. In the quietude of night, I didn't have to lie. It was only me awake. This night, however, the voice of my son kept company. Meanwhile, pain laced across my forehead.

Mom. Kylo's words filtered through my brain. 

Yes? I answered, glancing at my stomach. 

Am I going to be like you?

The words caught me with wide eyes as the syllables wrapped around my brain. Like me? My son could inherit my magic? My muscles tightened as I realized my magic was nothing I would wish upon anyone, not even Zoelle. 

I stroked my stomach and sighed. Oh, my dear Kylo, I hope not.

All of a sudden, a pang laced across my forehead. Memories of Keanna's betrayal played in my mind. She lied and she married the Alpha, and yet she had audacity to write to me. 

I took an Advil and I went to the fireplace that was nothing more than hot coal. I placed the letter on top and watched as it burned. 

Still, the memories replayed in the smoke. I wanted to squeeze my pain into inexistence. Though, the voices danced around my brain, taunting me with their words of rope. I nearly choked as my demons caved in on me. 

I fell to the ground as my brain throbbed. At the same time, I clutched my stomach, wincing with every pang against my skull. I kept begging the pain to stop. My muscles strained as I reached into the box and pinched another Advil between my finger. I swallowed the pill down with a cup of water. The pain slowly dismembered itself from me. 

I placed a hand on my stomach. It's okay, my baby boy. Mom's here. From there, I grabbed a handful of crackers and munched on them to calm my racing heart. Soon, my eyes grew heavy and I allowed myself to fall into the darkness. 

It felt like a scene out of perfection. In the tall fields, Rylan pushed Kylo on a swingset. My son bore a short height, though likely due to his young age. He didn't appear more than five. He had subtle dimples and short hair as dark as night. I couldn't help beaming with pride. 

But then, the skies turned gray, and thunder cracked. I looked at the swingset. Rylan pushed no one. Nearby, I saw Zoelle with a smirk. As she waved with her fingers. With her other hand, she held Kylo to her chest. 

Quickly, I emerged from my sleep in sweat. Tears streamed down my face. However, I couldn't bring myself to wake Rylan up. I needed to escape from the lie I created. I needed a breath of fresh air and relief. 

I pushed out of the cottage to find blaring lights cast upon me. "Want a ride?" The familiar accent filled the air. 

Athan. Bloodsucking. Solano. 

Normally, even thinking of going somewhere with Athan would've left me repulsed. This time, however, felt different. It seemed like an opportunity. He also seemed like the only one who would know what it felt like to look at yourself in the mirror and see a monster. After all, he killed to eat. 

So, instead of saying, "Go to hell," I threw my hand in the air and said, "What the hell." Slowly, I drew closer to the lights until I felt Athan's cold fingers wrap around mine. 

He helped me into the car as he called it. Leather seeped against my back. Inside this contraption, a weird humming sounded. 

"What's the noise?" I asked. 

"It's called an engine," Athan explained and sat down in the seat behind the wheel. He leaned over and secured a strap of leather around my waist with a click. "Seatbelt is buckled," he said and flashed a toothy smile. His fangs showed, and oddly, they weren't as repulsive as usual. They were white like pearls. No blood. 

"Where are we going?" I asked with the stroke of my stomach. 

"Anywhere you want," Athan replied. "Where do you want to go?" 

"Just drive as far away as possible from here," I told him. My heart raced against my chest. My breaths were ragged. "Please, drive." I probably sounded like a whining child at the moment. 

"Okay," Athan said, "I'm driving." 

As we pulled onto the road, the wind began to break through my hair. My straight locks danced. The wind whistled as the dim trees passed by. 

"How did you know to come?" I asked, leaning back in my seat. The wind rushed against my skin. 

"An anonymous tip," Athan replied. He seemed focused on the road. 

"You mean Odile?" I pressed.

An automated, high accent swept through the car. "Turn right onto FL-19 South." It seemed soothing compared to Athan's thick accent. For a moment, the voice almost left you believing that she finished, but no — she continued, "Then, continue for 3.6 miles." 

A ticking sound became audible on my right as Athan slowly wheeled the car to the right and the white lights pooled over, as the voice said, "FL-19 South." 

It was then, I saw the screen in the barrier between our two seats. The screen showed a map—a moving map. On the bottom, a box displayed a "36" and a weird symbol that reminded me of a fancy "T."

"In 3.6 miles, turn left onto FL-40 East." 

I noticed the "3.6" had the fancy "T" next to it. Finally, I realized the symbol meant miles, so I asked firmly, "Where are we going?" While waiting for an answer, I ran my fingers through my hair, deliberating over where to punch Athan. 

"Anywhere," Athan replied and pursed his lips. 

I leaned over and slapped his shoulder. 

With one hand off the wheel, the car strayed from the road and slammed into a tree. The lights flickered and the trees went dark. The only thing visible was the screen. 

"Proceed to the route." And the screen went black. 

"Damnit, Beatrice!" Athan shouted, and the sound of something pounding touched the night. "Shit! My father will kill Wynne if he finds out." I felt firm fingers grasp my shoulder matched with stern words against my ear. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" 

Tears began to brim my eyes. Bitch. Whore. Witch. Monster. It didn't matter what epithet they plopped after my name; it all meant the same. I muttered, "Everything," and unbuckled. With a heavy breath, I pushed the car door open and climbed out, the grass brushing against my bare feet. 

Meanwhile, Athan's words replayed in my mind: What the fuck is wrong with you?

Going back to the cottage felt too far, so I just sat in the grass against a sand pine and sobbed under my ragged breaths. I hugged my knees, letting my chest expand against the pressure. It was tight. Sometimes, you need this to calm down. Tightness. 

"Beatrice—" 

At the sound of Athan's voice, I unfurled from my knees. "Beatriz," I corrected. "It's Beatriz." 

"Sorry." After a moment, Athan added, "Beatriz, what's wrong?" 

"I'm fucked up," I said and bit my lip while wiping away my tear. "The whole pack thinks I'm some whore. I caused lightning to strike during the Ceremony. I broke and fixed an elevator to which a girl named Zoelle called me a witch and tried to kill me because she wanted to be Rylan's wife. And so, I killed her and set an apartment complex on fire. I lied to Rylan about Zoelle's death. And to top it all off, I'm afraid he'll leave me if he finds out I killed her.

"I try to let go, but the memories come marching back—" 

Wild tears ravaged my face. I shook my head. 

Athan placed a hand on my lap. "It's okay." 

"It is?" I asked and gazed into his red eyes. This time, they reminded me of red wine — rich and intriguing. 

Under the moonlight, Athan's skin glow ever so faintly. "It is," he said. "You know how many people I've killed?" 

"No," I answered. 

"Twenty-five." The world seemed to stiffen as those words entered the atmosphere. "I have killed twenty-five people by drinking their blood since I was sixteen. Your kind called me a monster. In the beginning, I didn't want to believe I was a monster. I was only getting food. 

"But then, in eleventh grade, I was in the boys' locker room—" Athan paused for a moment. He shook his head. I could see his eyes glistening. "I'm sorry."

I placed a hand on his thigh. "You don't have to say what happened." 

"Just know," Athan said and wiped his face with the sleeve of his shirt, "I'm glad to be out of that hellhole." 

"Do you care about Wynne?" I asked. 

"Of course," he said. "I loved her enough to save her. Now, she's free as a bird to find true love." Silence filled the night for a moment. Only a moment. After the silence, Athan added, "Do you think someone will love me?"

"Hopefully," I said and shrugged. Suddenly, I noticed that my hand had moved from his thigh to the back of his hand. 

The moonlight broke through his dark hair. His full lips reflected the rays of light. What hid behind those enticing lips? I had to know. 

One moment, my eyes rested on his sorrowful face. The next, I had closed the space between us, grabbing his shoulders and drawing myself to his lips. His kiss felt warm unlike the rest of him. With each caress, I could explore him as this uncharted territory. 

Kissing Athan was a breath of fresh air. 

All of a sudden, a sharp pang lurched against the walls of my stomach. "Gah!" I screamed and pulled away. 

"What's wrong?" Athan asked. With cold, gentle fingers, he grazed my shoulder. "Did we kiss wrong?" 

A scream tore through my throat. 

Mamá, what's happening? Kylo's voice rushed with panic. What's happening? 

I grabbed my stomach, tears falling from my eyes. "Kylo!" 

"Beatriz," Athan repeated, fear swirling in his blurry eyes, "what's wrong?" 

"H-he's dying," I cried. 

"How?" Athan asked. "I sent my son and daughter to ensure this wouldn't happen. Have you been doing something harmful?" 

"I don't know," I said as another scream ripped through my chest. "Is Advil bad?" Tears were wild against my cheeks. 

Mom! Even Kylo seemed to scream.

"Yes," Athan replied and swept me into his arms. His eyes, meanwhile, glanced at the car, which had miraculously turned back on. Beams of light cast across the road. 

Nearby, the automated voice from the screen said, "Proceed to the route." 

"You fixed the car," Athan said with a smile. He then loaded me into the backseat. 

The pain began to trace down into my pelvis. "Hurry!" I begged. Tears drenched my eyelids like hot sweat. "Time is of the essence." 

"I know," Athan said from nearby. And the engine roared. We sped down FL-18 South. 

The wind raced against my skin. Weirdly, the breeze felt sharp when it grazed my pelvis. A moan hummed against my throat. "Stay with me," I whispered between pants, but the pain swelled and swelled. Soon, it seemed as if I were carrying something heavy, something rough, like a stone in my stomach. "Kylo!" Tears continued to ruin my face. 

I focused on the moon hanging in the sky above. In this time and age, we rarely stop for a moment to observe the moon in its natural state. In Howl Falls, we always looked at the moon for hope. Those days, I saw the Goddess smiling down on me, cheering me on: Go, Beatriz, go.

This time was different. 

Instead of viewing a pure orb encompassed by a buttermilk glow, I saw the moon shattered into a kaleidoscope of pieces in my eyes. And above all, no Goddess extended a ray of pity, no smile to ease the darkness. It was just me left in a blanket of sin. 

As tears soaked my face, I gazed at the shattered moon and asked why it forsook me. But I knew the answer: I was a monster. 

Monsters don't get mercy. 

Flickering city lights veiled the fractured moon. All the while, flashes of red, yellow, and green dappled the night. At reds, the car paused. At yellows, Athan slowed down. At greens, we returned to racing through the artificial blockages to the darkness. 

"Hurry." I felt my muscles squeezing as tightly. Sweat and tears mingled on my face.

As the engine's sound faded away, I heard clicking. Athan lifted me out of the car. "We're here." His words hummed over me.

Lights flickered like a throbbing heartbeat. Black dots danced around my eyes, and my eyelids grew heavier and heavier until they closed and the world went dark and silent. 

Then, a light came barrelling through, and a slender hand waited for me. "Mom?"

"What?" I drew into the light, and there he was. My son. And he was as beautiful as I imagined. "Kylo."

"Come home." How could I have said no to him when his smile was just perfect. He held his hand out. "Please, come home."

"But, your father—"

Kylo placed a hand on my shoulder. "Dad will be fine." He seemed to hold the sunlight in his eyes. "Please, come."

I took my son's hand. "I will come home." 

— Shay <3