CHAPTER ONE

BEHAVIORISM

( — a theory that psychology is essentially a study of external human behavior rather than internal consciousness and desires. )

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          "YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE."

          Aaron Harvey's hand cups the back of Stephanie Ford's head to pull her close, she giggles as her eyes flutter shut and Rhiannon Ford tries really, really hard not to throw up. It's not even because the scene unraveling in front of her left her sick to her stomach, or anything remotely similar to that (really! She is genuinely happy for her sister; besides, what kind of sister would she be if she felt any other way, even if she never got to be a bridesmaid?).

          The problem is that both Stephanie and Aaron insisted on having rose petals drop from the ceiling of the cathedral as soon as they finished their vows and Rhiannon accidentally swallowed one. After the stupid amount of time she had spent trying to be invisible so as to not cause any more problems for her family (according to her parents), she just had to mess things up like that.

          Both of them shoot her a warning look from across the aisle while clapping and pretending to only feel happiness at that very moment. Rhiannon gulps, covering her mouth with a paper tissue as she coughs out the crimson petal, and he turns around to briefly glance at her over his shoulder.

          It lasts only for a fleeting moment, but their eyes met. They both know they weren't welcome in the ceremony, that both of them are only there because someone was doing them a favor, but Mr. and Mrs. Ford insisted on reminding Stephanie they were doing it for her, not for Rhiannon.

          Rhiannon takes in a sharp breath, one that feels as though she has inhaled smoke, and forces herself to not let the tears scorching the corners of her eyes roll down her cheeks. Not just because of her make-up (at least she remembered to use waterproof mascara, knowing just how well her parents manage to get to her sometimes), but because everyone around her has seen her break for one second too long.

          She knows it would seem like she was overreacting to anyone who looked at her and thought she was on the verge of tears just because she had nearly choked on a rose petal. Hell, Rhiannon would be thrilled if that was the real reason why she doesn't want to spend another minute around her family, but running around and telling people her parents were terrible people has never struck her as the best idea she could have.

          Truth be told, Rhiannon kept her mouth shut because she was determined to be a much better person than they were, refusing to step as low as they had. They had disowned her, for Christ's sake, and never forgot to remind her they were only paying for her education because she needed to graduate and go live her life some place far away, as far away from them as possible.

          Trust her; she has been counting the days until she leaves this forsaken place.

          Sighing softly to herself, Rhiannon watches her sister and Aaron make their way down the aisle, surrounded by people who never miss a beat while clapping, celebrating love and life and union, while she has never felt more out of place. Stephanie's eyes dart towards her, trying to find her in the middle of the crowd, but they're equally as quick to focus back on Aaron, as if they had turned into reversed magnets.

           That also happens to be Stephanie's own description of the two of them. After dating for four years and being engaged for one and a half, it was certainly about time they made it official, with the laws of Physics pulling them together instead of separating them, and Rhiannon knew exactly why she was using those terms. She thought it would be a subtle way of trying to reconnect with her, with Rhiannon having dedicated her heart to neurosciences, but their parents' pressure had always weighed too much.

           Besides, she doesn't care that much about Physics. She prefers neurons and synapses, with those electric and chemical shots carrying so much information from one tiny cell to the other and having potentially immeasurable consequences. She likes studying things on an atomic level, not through forces and vectors; to her, it feels like pulling away all the magic and beauty there still is out there and reducing it to simple mechanical explanations.

          Rhiannon's parents' height has never failed to astound her, even though she should be used to it by now after the twenty-one years that have passed. Mrs. Ford curls her fingers around her wrist as both of them try to walk out of the cathedral and Rhiannon is certain it hurts them both, with both of them having given up modeling at different times in their lives.

          Rhiannon hopes it hurts the absolute witch of a woman standing in front of her. She doesn't try to mask her disdain anymore, being awfully eager to leave the ceremony (the place was cleaned before it began and Stephanie made sure everything would be immaculate as soon as the first guest took a step inside the cathedral, but Rhiannon still finds it a bit morbid, especially with the tall windows and wooden archways), but Madeleine Ford has different plans, it seems.

          "Where are you going?" she demands, but Rhiannon has had enough of feeling insecure around her. Standing at an impressive natural height of five foot ten, the stilettos she's wearing today give her two extra inches and leave her taller than her mother. Rhiannon purses her lip, covered by a coat of red lipstick, the exact color of the rose petal she almost swallowed. "So? The ceremony isn't over. There's still plenty of things to do and see and you know"—at this point, her voice sounds more like a hiss and Rhiannon can barely hear her—"you're only here because your sister wanted you to. As far as your father and I are concerned—"

          "Trust me"—Rhiannon breaks free from the grip with a jerk, startling a couple standing nearby—"I'm not thrilled to be around the two of you either. I'm going outside to smoke, but, if it bothers you that much, I don't mind doing it in here." Madeleine's nostrils flare and she's livid, her black hair twisted into an intricate up-do that took her hairdresser almost an hour to create. "I wouldn't do that because I still have an ounce of respect for these people and my sister. I'm sure the same cannot be said about you."

          "Then you should have some self-respect as well," Christopher Ford remarks, with a hand set between his wife's shoulder blades, and Rhiannon's shoulders are so stiff they could slice a diamond in half. He's the source of most of her genes, with the two of them having the same strong jaw and brows, dark eyes and defined cheekbones, but his once blond hair has since faded to gray. "Don't be that way. There are more important things to care about today than your petty drama."

          Rhiannon huffs, trying to resist the urge of stomping her feet like a small child. Besides, she can't move too much, as the neckline of her red dress might be a bit too daring for a wedding, even if she has almost as many curves as an iron board. "I was minding my own business!"

          "By attracting attention to yourself when this should be your sister's day?" She wrinkles her nose. "Rhiannon, frankly . . . if you want to go smoke that damn cigarette, then go, but stop embarrassing us. Stop embarrassing Steph. We'll see you at the banquet if you're ever so kind to bless us with your presence."

          Their departure is a true breath of fresh air. It's pouring outside and Rhiannon wraps a cotton scarf around her head to shield her hair from the humidity, as Stephanie and Aaron step inside a black limousine, heading towards the wedding reception.

          She's not dumb enough to the point of taking a step outside the cathedral. Instead, she stands by the entrance, where the raindrops can't touch her, and pulls a pack of cigarettes from her handbag, holding one of them between her teeth as she struggles to find a lighter without messing up her lipstick.

          Luckily, she doesn't have to wait for long. The tiny flame casts orange and yellow highlights against her skin and she lets him light her cigarette in her place before doing the same himself, with his free hand hidden inside his trousers' pocket. Jacket lazily slung over his shoulder and short stubble growing along his jaw, Jude Sargent has never looked better in his life.

         "Thought you might need some light on such a grim day," he states, exhaling the smoke away from her face, and she has never been happier to have someone give her a run for her money on the height department, even with these shoes. "I thought you were choking back there."

          "My parents would sue me if I did," she replies.

          "Even if you died?" Rhiannon looks up at him, face deadpan, and his lips tremble with laughter, hazel eyes sparkling under the stormy skies. "Ah, Rhea. I never thought I'd ever see this, yet here we are, attending a wedding none of us ever wanted to come to, and pretending we don't care about what these people think of us. I never thought you'd be here today."

          "I could say the same about you." She pulls off the scarf, stuffing it into her purse, and Jude runs his free hand through his curls, with droplets of water dripping from its tips. "I'm guessing the only reason why you're here is for your brother." He gives her a noncommittal shrug, trying to tell her he's not too bothered by having had his brother, Ezra, be asked to be the best man instead of him. "I'm really sorry. I know you and Aaron used to be really close."

          Jude drops his cigarette and stomps it to put it out, even though throwing it to a puddle might have had the same effect without smashing the cigarette. "I'm managing. Steph looks beautiful." Rhiannon sadly nods, putting out her own cigarette as well, and slips an arm through his before he pulls her into a hug. "You just have to get through the reception. You and me. Then we'll go on living as if it had never happened."

          She inhales, taking in the fresh scent of his cologne, and his stubble tickles her cheek. "For all it's worth, you're still my favorite person in this damn town. You know, besides Isla"—he chuckles softly, and she feels his heartbeat against her own chest as the rhythms fall into sync—"but you get the point." She takes a hesitant step back, hands resting on his shoulders, and his remains set on her waist. "Thank you. For everything."

          His lips twist into a wide grin. "Together or not at all, right?"

— ♡ —

          TOGETHER OR NOT AT ALL IT IS. They're technically allowed to be sitting at the same table, with his brother being the best man, and all, but the constant glances Ezra shoots towards the two of them quickly become quite . . . disturbing. Nevertheless, Rhiannon is immensely glad Jude is here and is willing to be by her side through the utterly abominable day this has been.

          Her parents aren't ecstatic to have Jude here. They make an exception for Ezra because so did Aaron and all they want is the best for Stephanie, but they have never been and will never be fans of the Sargent family ("their issues can be tracked to forty, fifty years ago," Jude once said, "back when they were all in diapers and fought for their teacher's attention"); being as close to Jude as Rhiannon is was one of the multiple reasons behind her parents' decision to kick her off their will, along with most of the Fords', but not even they would be petty to the point of letting that be the only motive.

          They're not even dating, so she really doesn't understand why it's such a big deal. Granted, it would be a true adrenaline rush to be dating him in secret from her family and having to hide from everyone who could potentially harm their relationship, but that's not what this has ever been about; they've known each other since they were born (families used to be pretty limited regarding kindergartens back in the day so, even if the Fords and the Sargents despised each other, they had to leave their kids at the same place every day) and, at some point, they were the only people the other could trust.

          Eventually, they began to let other people enter their limited inner circle, but it's an exclusive club. There's the two of them, Matteo and Isla, but they're an isolated system; nothing ever comes in and nothing ever goes out. No matter or energy exchanges.

          The internal energy grows.

          She sighs. Stephanie's eyes find hers all the way from the other end of the table and she forces herself to look at something else—anything else—as nothing hurts less than remembering she broke her sister's trust, and the way they look at each other, on the rare times that ever occurs, mirrors that exactly.

          Rhiannon's hand trembles as she reaches out for her glass of champagne, threatening to spill the drink all over her dress. The buzzing in her ears echoes around the room, reverberating beneath her feet like the distant rumble of thunder, and it's Jude's hand, resting over her thigh, that keeps her stranded to reality.

          This was never supposed to happen. Things should have never turned into this, when she can't relate to her own family, the people who should have her back no matter what, but it only reminds her sharing the same blood running through their veins doesn't necessarily make a group of people a family.

          "You're my family," she tells Jude, in a slurred voice, almost an eternity later. Night has already fallen and the lights coming from the streetlamps and the skyscrapers outside cast shadows upon the walls of her hotel room. He sits by the end of the bed, with a leg beneath him, and reaches out a hand towards her to give her ankle a gentle squeeze. "I love you, Jude."

          Jude sighs, sliding towards her, and lies stomach down, propping himself up on his elbows. The dim lights illuminating his face soften some angles and sharpen others, but he's still the same Jude she has known her entire life. He's still the person she blindly trusts.

          "Rhiannon," he whispers. It's that simple, but, somehow, it still means more than anything else he could have said. "I think this is going to be a hell of a year. Especially when we go back to Crowcrest."

          "How come?"

          "I don't know." He exhales, tilting his head down to press a quick kiss to her forehead. "I just have this . . . feeling, in the back of my head. I think things are going to be different, and I don't know whether I should be scared of what the future will bring or not."

          Rhiannon mimics his sigh, eyes closed. "That's just your cortisol levels messing with you."

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first chapters always make me so nervous but hey! who said i'd be dumping info about the project right on the first chapter when all i should be doing is introducing the characters?? anyway this is my daughter rhiannon and my son jude i love them and yes i know i say this about 90% of my characters but shhh

please please please (let me get what i want this time) drop me some feedback. p l e a s e

brit i love you and i'm more than happy to provide you with occasional bee facts iwearheelys