dear younger me,

i was reading through what we wrote when i was 13 and to say that i cringe d would be an understatement but know that i am so proud of you. please do know that you'll make mistakes along the way and you won't be able to live up to your own expectations and to those of others around you. right now,you're aiming for the stars and you're doing so so well but don't get as disappointed when you don't make it because frankly,as you grow older and start swearing(yes, it's a thing-we do that now.we swear.), you'll realize that life isn't as black and white as you think it is.
here are some things you need to know, okay?
it will be hard to believe [actually no,you were always so much better at believing than i am]

at the moment,you are insecure. about a shit ton of things about yourself. because yes,you are growing up and words have started to get to you and you can no longer pretend that they don't.
so here's what you need to know -
you are two fucking years younger than them.
two goddarn years.
you get to be a little immature and you get to go through your squeaky as fuck voice phase regardless of how much someone might make fun of your high-pitched voice
love it.
please.
i didn't wanna tread on this topic but might as well address the elephant in the room [you! i'm kidding! i am sorry]
you are getting chubby (fuck puberty and inherent metabolism amirite ) but if i could ever travel back in time and change something about us,

i'd learn.
learn from namira.
on how to love yourself.
on how to own it and show it off.
fuck yes,girl,you are beautiful.okay.always were.

don't worry,we find ourselves pretty now.it's a thing.get used to it.

learn how to take disappointment.you're gonna do that a lot.not only to your parents but to you too.just know that it's okay.take it as a stepping stone.you have big dreams and well,i have big plans - i am working to realize them as soon as possible so hey,we aren't entirely a gone case?

also,i want you to know how much i admire your courage.how you fucking stood up for yourself even when everyone told you not to because it felt right. you always trusted your gut instinct and ngl,it's been getting us through all this while.
you're gonna learn that people aren't inherently bad.they aren't inherently mean.they aren't thinking about how it's gonna make the other person feel especially as kids.
all these people you find mean? spoiler alert : you are gonna get pretty fucking damn close to some of them and be okay with all of them because that's the beauty of life.
you grow up.
you all did.

good news! i am slowly working on my social anxiety and it's not as bad as before.you're not going to blank out on new people - you're actually going to try and make conversation or at least that's what i am doing. i know people seem daunting right now and social events are the definition of your least-preferred spot but you're going to pull through and slowly get better at it.
you might even convince people that you're an extrovert (can you imagine? damn)

you are also going to learn how to remove toxic people from your life.you are going to learn how to take jokes but you're also going to learn how to draw the line and snap the fuck out when someone says something wrong instead of letting it eat you up inside.

if you are wondering,no,your friends are going to change.that sucked but you're gonna land yourself in a better circle of people.
ones that don't cut you off of the rest of the world along with them.
it won't be easy,yes but you will pull through just as you have for every barrier thrown at you.
in the years you will be at school, you'll learn the importance of friends,the need of eventually not giving a fuck and the numerous crushes that will haunt your dreams

if you want to know how we are doing, presently,i am not perfect. i know you expected a better future but fuck,we lost our way by a shit ton and our present conditions are far from ideal but hey,i am doing fine so you're gonna get by.

writing this has made me realize how much i grew and how much room is left for me to grow into a wiser owl.

i suppose all i'm trying to say is,it's a job well done at last

from,
the 17-year old confused me.

p.s - it genuinely fucking broke my heart to read a diary entry i wrote when i was thirteen which prompted this.