Person: You cant say a sentence without the letter 'a' in it.

Me: "Be silent! Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth!"

I hate when i wake up with Random cuts and bruised like what the hell?! When did i get that? Wouldn't I have felt it?

Judge: Order in the court!

Person on Trial: Cheeseburger, fries and nuggets please

Patient: Doctor! I broke my arm in 3 places!

Doctor: Don't go to those places then.