Chapter Thirty-Eight: Aftermath

(The Battle Of Starcourt, Pt. 9)

***

"What do you mean you think you did?" Lucas demanded as Alistair sat up, a hand over his wound—a wound now fully healed. "Al?"

"I mean... I did die," Alistair said, forcing the words out, sticking like the last remnants of blood in his throat and mouth. "I... I was dead."

Shock fell like a bomb as everyone stared at him.

"Uh, are we sure? Because last time I checked, dead people don't wake up and move around," Robin said, her voice growing a octave higher.

"Apparently they do if they're me," Alistair muttered, wiping the blood off his mouth and getting to his feet. He wobbled as something sloshed inside his chest, and Cami and Will were instantly there, supporting him. He sent them a grateful smile.

"Yeah, but maybe you went unconscious or—"

"There was a fucking hole in his chest, Robs. And... and I couldn't feel his heartbeat," Rowan interrupted, still staring at Alistair, but standing close to him, almost protectively.

"What happened, Al?" Nancy asked, voice soft but steely.

"I... I stood in front of El. The Mind Flayer was going to get her and I couldn't let it," Alistair began, ignoring the glare Cami shot at him. "It impaled me—I felt it. I... I felt it when I died."

His hand ghosted his chest, feeling the bump of scar tissue where the fatal wound had been. Alistair clenched his jaw before he went on, "I woke up in what I assumed was the afterlife. I... I saw the Flayed."

"Did you see Billy?" Max asked, and that was when Alistair looked at her—and saw Billy on the ground. Black blood stained his shirt from multiple wounds, but the most spilled from a hole in his chest—near identical to the one that had been in Alistair's.

"No, I didn't," he answered, staring at Billy before looking at his friends and sister. "I... I met Heather, though. She was scared, but she was okay, I think. And... and I met Mom, Rowan."

Rowan froze, her eyes wide. "You did?"

"Yeah. She... she kinda told me that apparently death doesn't stick for me," Alistair revealed. "I can die, but... I can come back. That it's a power I have. And... and now I'm back. Alive. Again."

Silence filled the mall as they all digested the new information. Alistair bit his lip, trying to find comfort in his heartbeat, strong and steady and like it never stopped at all, before he said, "Rowan, Mom wanted me to tell you that she's proud of us. Her and... and Dad. That they love us."

Something wet shone in Rowan's eyes as she swallowed, Steve coming to stand beside her, wrapping an arm around her in comfort. A million questions seemed to fill the air, but no one asked them—especially since Alistair was done talking, the weight of what had happened to him falling back on him.

He'd died, but he came back from the dead. Resurrected to life.

But even as he knew that, as he focused on his heartbeat and breathing in and out, as they now made their way out of a mall that was now burning and registering at last the sirens wailing from outside, Alistair couldn't ignore the cold that hadn't left his body entirely.

The cold of death.

***

Alistair hunched in the ambulance, a shock blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Next to him was Rowan, her arm wrapped protectively around his shoulders, as he stared out into the distance, trying to ignore the smears of blood still on his face, the rattle inside his chest.

Trying to ignore his bloodstained shirt, as he tried to hide it and the hole by hunching over. That underneath, through the hole in his shirt, was a starburst scar from where he'd been impaled—he assumed a matching scar was on his back.

He, Rowan, Will, Mike, Lucas, El, Robin, Valerie, Cami and Max had immediately been pounced on by paramedics the minute they stumbled out of the mall burning behind them, the greatest focus on Steve, and soon Robin and Valerie when Rowan revealed they and Steve had been drugged, on El and on Alistair thanks to his bloody shirt and the blood staining his mouth and chin, only to find nothing to indicate why there was so much blood. They'd lied, saying it was blood from Billy—that Alistair had been standing behind him when he'd died.

Alistair wanted that to be the reason why his shirt was soaked in so much blood, why there was blood on his face. If only that was the reason.

None of the Party wanted to leave him, as did Rowan, all of them death-glaring like Mike, Lucas and Dustin had done years ago, at Hawkins Middle after El had disappeared and the Demogorgan had been killed. But they were eventually separated except for Rowan, who refused to leave his side. Alistair was glad for that—after dying, he never wanted to be separated from his sister, from his friends, from Will, ever again.

But as he stared out at the distance with eyes he knew were haunted for the past half-hour, his mind screamed with what happened—of his death, his resurrection. It was all he could do to keep from falling apart about what he now was—was he actually alive? Was he like Hugin, something alive and dead? Or was he some sort of zombie, pretending to still be alive?

It didn't help that despite how warm he should be, the cold of death still shivered inside him, that he must be slightly cold to the touch now.

He hadn't spoken a word since they'd gotten out of Starcourt. 

Alistair couldn't—the words had failed him, freezing in his throat, as dead as he had been. So he watched, as paramedics tended to the Party and firefighters tried and failed to stop the fire consuming Starcourt. As military swarmed it and the base underneath, and making sure the Mind Flayer's weapon was removed and destroyed without anyone being the wiser—probably by setting it on fire so the melted flesh could be excused as burning to death.

But they had done it. They won—the gate was closed, the Mind Flayer dead. They were all okay.

So why did it feel so hollow?

It didn't help there had been no word from the adults since they descended into the Russian base to close the gate. That they might be... that Aunt Aco might be...

Alistair's heart lurched and he felt immediate comfort through the bond—Hugin flying above, but still letting Alistair know he was here. Alistair accepted it. After losing the bond, Alistair was so glad to have it back. To have Hugin back.

Rowan's hand stroked his curls matted with sweat and blood, and he accepted the comfort, the simple fact his sister could still do this. That he was alive enough for her to do it.

The squeak of sneakers sounded and the Graveswood siblings looked up to see Steve there, a shock blanket around his shoulders.

"Hey," he murmured.

"Hey," Rowan croaked.

Alistair looked at Steve, before he looked away, feeling like a third wheel now.

"You mind if I... Can I—" Steve started to ask, only for Rowan to tiredly interrupt, "Just sit down, Steve."

Steve did so, his shoulder pressed to Rowan's, before he wrapped an arm around her. His sister sank into it as they sat there, processing what had happened, recovering as the aftermath of the past few hours crashed down on them. The Mind Flayer destroyed, hopefully for good now, the gate closed and the machine opening it with it. Billy Hargrove dead and never coming back. And Alistair dying and resurrecting.

And that was when Alistair saw her.

She was wearing a Russian uniform with bullet holes in it—probably stolen from the dead Russian that had been wearing it—her hair wild and eyes frantic, but she was there.

It was Aunt Aco.

Rowan got up first, Alistair right behind her as they ran to Aunt Aco, as she ran to them, soul-crushing relief in her face, and they collided in the middle in a crushing three-way hug.

"Oh thank God," Aunt Aco sobbed as a knot of tears built in Alistair's throat, as his aunt held him and Rowan tighter. "You're both okay. You're both okay."

Alistair tensed, but he held Aunt Aco tighter as Rowan did the same, ducking his head down—he was taller than Aunt Aco now. They held each other, glad to be okay.

Except they weren't. Not really.

When they pulled back, that was when Aunt Aco noticed the blood on his shirt, the streaks of it on his face, the dried blood on his sister's hands, knees and shirt.

"Kid, please tell me that isn't your blood," Aunt Aco whispered, her voice trembling. "Kid, please."

Rowan's breath hitched and Alistair wanted to deny it, but he couldn't, whispering before Rowan could answer, "It is."

Rowan looked at him, at how he had spoken for the first time since he'd resurrected, seeing the look on his face, the look on Aunt Aco's as she asked shakily, "Wh... what happened? Al, what happened to you?"

"The Mind Flayer... i-it was going after El. I.. I couldn't let it," Alistair forced out, his hand moving to the hole in his shirt, right over the scar as it twinged with that horrible pain. "It impaled me, and I... I-I..."

He swallowed, banishing the tears and when he spoke again, his voice was carefully hollow, empty, free of that pain and terror.

"I died. But I... I came back."

Aunt Aco's face shattered.

"Oh kid. Kid," she whispered and she pulled Alistair into a hug, Alistair letting her as he held her tightly, as Rowan was also pulled into a hug. Alistair's body trembled and he hugged his family tighter, trying to stifle a sob as the trauma that had happened to him fell down on him, never leaving him, not for as long as he lived his second life, as his sister and aunt felt that trauma, too.

The trauma of death and resurrection and grief.

When they pulled back, Rowan asked, "Aunt Aco, where's Hopper?"

Aunt Aco's face fell again.

"Kid, he... he..." Aunt Aco started, but she couldn't finish as fresh tears filled her eyes, as Rowan stumbled back and Alistair's face fell before he looked around, searching for El, his heart shattering but he knew it would be nothing compared to the agony El would go through, the only person who be the most devastated by Hopper's death aside from Joyce.

He found her just as she realised that Hopper wasn't coming back like Alistair had, as her face shattered and tears fell from her eyes as she shook her head again and again, a denial of "No"s spilling from her mouth, yelling it out over and over again, like if she said it enough it could also bring back her dad and he would be there, holding her in his arms.

But it didn't. Because only Alistair had that power.

He headed over to her, wrapping El in his arms as she collapsed into sobs, clutching at his blood-drenched shirt as Rowan now joined him in holding El as she sobbed and howled out her grief, her pain over losing Hopper, over losing her father—who cared if they weren't related by blood, Jim Hopper was El's dad and she had lost him.

Rowan stroked El's hair as she sobbed while Alistair held her tighter, trying to comfort her as her world shattered. And her pain bled into Alistair, slicing his newly-beating heart open. He wasn't close ton the police chief, but he had been a good man who had taken El in and adopted her, who had been her father, who had loved her and she loved him, and now he was gone.

Footsteps sounded on the asphalt, and Alistair saw Mike was there, a wordless question on his face. Rowan let go of El first, Alistair a second behind her before he looked at Mike, the two of them looking at each other before he pulled Mike into a hug, Mike holding him tightly as he felt his best friend shake under him. It lasted a few seconds, but it was a hug they both needed as Alistair hugged El one last time before Mike did, holding El as she continued letting out those heart-wrenching sobs, shattering Alistair's heart all over again, as through the bond he felt Hugin's urge to comfort El but unable to.

A finger tapped on his shoulder and Alistair turned, seeing Will there, arms open. Alistair didn't hesitate, letting Will embrace him as Alistair all but collapsed into it, clutching Will in a death grip, like if he let go, Will would disappear into the Upside Down or Alistair would fall down dead again, feeling Will clutch him just as tightly, even though Alistair had always been the tighter hugger.

Neither of them said anything as they just held each other.

They had won, but Hopper had died. Billy had died. And Alistair had died before he came back, was still unsure if he was entirely alive. The gate was closed for good now and the Mind Flayer was dead, never to come back, and yet it didn't feel like much of a victory.

Not when so much had been lost tonight. Not when Alistair had been among those casualties before he'd resurrected, could have still been among them if he hadn't.

But for now, he just held Will, held this newly gained chance of life again, of being able to have it with Will, his family, and everyone he loved and cared about.

Sharing in the bittersweet victory of tonight.

*** 

It was silent on the car drive back home.

Alistair stayed in the back, holding Hugin. Rowan and Aunt Aco were in the front, the Russian uniform taken from Aunt Aco before they left as quickly as they could, Aunt Aco exchanging terse words and shielding Alistair from Dr. Owens—neither her or Rowan willing to let Owens get too close and realise the truth of why there was so much blood on Alistair, why Rowan looked so haunted.

But they were nearly home, and Alistair couldn't wait to face-plant into his bed and sleep. Maybe take some Tylenol to alleviate the churning rattle inside his chest.

However, sleep seemed to be the last thing on Aunt Aco's mind as she stormed to the phone and rang up a number.

"Aunt Aco, what are you—" Rowan asked before Aunt Aco snapped, "Mom, get Amarantha to make a portal to my home right now. We need to talk."

She slammed the phone against the holder as Alistair and Rowan shared a look, before reality tore and a portal formed, and their grandmother stepped through, looking ready for sleep.

She looked at Aunt Aco, and asked, "What do you want that you had me wake up Amarantha and have her portal me here in the middle of the night?"

"I think you know why," Aunt Aco growled, glaring daggers at Vervain.

Silence persisted, before Aunt Aco snarled, "Why didn't you tell Alistair he could come back from the fucking dead?"

Vervain was silent as she now noticed Alistair and his bloodstained shirt with the hole in the centre, before she said, "I had my suspicions, but I didn't think—"

"You should have still told him!" Aunt Aco exploded, rage in her face. "You should have told him instead of him finding out when he fucking died tonight! Rowan too, as well, so she didn't think her little brother was gonna stay fucking dead when she watched him die! And me as well! Do you know how terrifying it is to hear Alistair had died before he came back? DO YOU!?"

Vervain looked at Aunt Aco, before she sighed and admitted, "I didn't think about that, I will admit that. But I was thinking of Alistair—he was already having trouble coping with one of his powers, I didn't think he'd want the burden of this, too."

"What are you talking about?" Aunt Aco hissed, but a flicker of genuine confusion bled through the anger as she looked at him. "Kid?"

Alistair tensed, before he admitted, "I can raise humans from the dead, too."

Aunt Aco turned to him, shock on her face. "What? Since when?"

"Since Lynn," Alistair confessed. "I didn't want to tell anyone—only Grandma, Aunt Hazel and Uncle Percy knew. I... I was scared. Scared of what you and everyone else would think, and... and I was scared of myself."

Aunt Aco stared at him, before saying, "I don't care, kid. You're my nephew, my kid, and nothing's gonna change that, okay?"

She turned to Vervain, the anger back as she said, "Now, I would very much like you to tell us what this new power of Alistair's is, Mom. And if he has any others that he should know about before he's traumatised by them."

"He doesn't—I am certain that along with his other powers are his only ones," Vervain said. She paused before going on, "I don't know much about this power, only what I've read in the books from others who've possessed it. But from what I read, Alistair can die, and he will always come back. No matter what type of death he endures."

Something froze in Alistair. No matter what type of death. Did... did that mean he couldn't die from anything anymore? He couldn't die if he got murdered or had cancer, or...

Or if he died from old age.

Was he going to live forever?

"Of course, there is an exception," Vervain revealed. Alistair looked at her, desperate to hear it as she went on, "If Alistair feels like he can't come back, he will remain dead. Permanently."

At that, something settled in Alistair as Vervain added, "Or, I could be wrong and this was just a fluke. That he may not have this power entirely. Not like you should worry. I'm certain there won't be anymore events that led to him dying in the first place, right?"

"No. Not if that goddamn dimension stays fucking closed and away from ours like it should," Aunt Aco growled.

Vervain nodded briskly. "Then I assume this visit is done with."

She turned, stepping through the portal as it closed up.

Aunt Aco glared at where it had been, before she said, "Kids, have a shower, especially you, Al. I... I think I'm gonna have a drink."

Aunt Aco shambled into the kitchen, the anger falling as grief—grief over Hopper, a man who she hadn't liked due to their differing professions but had now become one of her closest friends, a friend she had now lost—shuttered over her face. She grabbed two bottles of vodka and wine, while Rowan and Alistair headed to the bathroom after grabbing their pyjamas. Alistair decided to have a shower first, scrubbing as much of the blood off as he could as the water roared around him, the pipes groaning as the water pressure unreliably switched from high to low like it always did, but he didn't think he could entirely. Just as he thought he'd never be truly warm again.

When he was done, he let himself catch his reflection, seeing the starburst scar on his chest. Alistair's jaw clenched before he got his pyjamas on, hiding the scar, before a wracking cough rattled throughout his body as he doubled over, his throat burning.

Alistair clapped a hand on his mouth as the coughs kept coming, sharp and vicious, something slick and hot searing his throat and making him gag. He tried to suppress it but it was futile as his hand dropped and he vomited into the sink. He hunched over it, coughing and retching until the coughing fit and the rattle in his chest disappeared and his throat didn't feel like it was on fire. A metallic, coppery smell filled the air.

Panting, Alistair wiped his mouth and froze when he saw the dark spots of blood on his hand.

Lowering it, Alistair looked at the sink, and saw more blood flecking it, pooling in the middle, so dark it was almost black. Alistair stared at it, then at the mirror, the terrified expression on his face, his usual eye bags stark underneath his wide eyes, water clinging to his hair, the blood still dripping from his chin, the blood he just vomited up amid the coughs.

The blood that had remained inside him after he died and came back, he realised to his horror, that was inside his lungs until he purged the last remnants out of him just now.

A knock came on the door and his sister asked, "Al? Are you okay?"

"Y-Yeah, I'm fine," Alistair croaked as he turned the sink on, washing the blood down the drain as he rubbed the spots off the sink and the remnants from his chin, spitting up more blood in the process, until nothing was left except for the taste of copper still in his mouth. 

Rubbing a stray spot of blood away, Alistair turned away from the mirror and stepped out of the bathroom, letting Rowan having the shower and ignoring her worried looked at him as he went into his room.

There, he sat on his bed, staring into the distance as Hugin sat next to him, offering comfort. 

No ghosts appeared in his bedroom. Alistair wondered if the distance was them mourning the friends they'd lost, or...

Or if they wanted to give him space, after his death and resurrection.

Alistair didn't know which option he preferred.

A knock came on the frame of his bedroom door and he looked up to see Rowan there as she asked, "Can we talk?"

Alistair tensed, thinking he knew about the blood, before he realised it could be about what had happened earlier in Starcourt, what he had done to the dead Russian with his power, what he'd just admitted to Aunt Aco.

So he nodded and Rowan sat down on his bed, Hugin between them.

Silence ticked by until Rowan whispered, "Why didn't you tell me you could reanimate dead people, too?"

Alistair's shoulders hunched in, mouth working as he said, "It's exactly what I said earlier. I was scared. I... I only had a hunch, and I didn't want to think I could do it. When I saw I could, I... I wanted to pretend I couldn't. I threw up when I did it because it looked so violating and I just couldn't tell you or anyone, not even Will or Cami, because what if you were scared of me, and I wouldn't blame you, because I... I'm scared of myself. Scared of what I can do."

He hunched forward, holding himself as Rowan was quiet, before she said, "I'm not scared of you."

Alistair looked over to his sister, as she went on, "I could never be scared of you, Al, no matter what. You can raise  up dead people? Creepy, sure, but it's also creepy when you raise up dead animals or when you felt everyone getting murdered in Hawkins Lab last year. You're my brother, Al, and nothing about you could ever have me scared of you."

Alistair bit his lip, something in him loosening but it knotted up again as he remembered his friends, Will.

"What about my friends? They—" he tried to argue, only for Rowan to interrupt firmly, "If they are your friends, they won't care. And if they do, I'll kick their asses."

Alistair frowned, wanting to argue, but his sister was right. His friends, his Party... they knew what he could do, maybe even suspected he could be capable of raising up dead humans. They wouldn't care.

Rowan, noticing his face, opened her arms, "C'mere."

Alistair obeyed, holding Rowan as she held him, the siblings hugging. As they held each other, Alistair hoped it was over, that maybe his grandmother was right and what happened to him was a fluke—that he didn't need to worry about possibly living forever if he came back from dying every time he did. Not that he was dying again.

That with the gate closed and the Upside Down finished, with this second chance, he could try to live.

***

Yeah, this... this was very bittersweet

Alistair... I want to give him a hug. So bad. And therapy. Lots of therapy (and yes, he's gonna have so many existential crises about dying and coming back to life and what he is now, especially when he's always gonna be a little bit cold from now on. Siri, play Zombie by The Cranberries/Damned Anthem)

The Graveswood reunion was sweet, but painful because Aunt Aco found out Alistair had died before resurrecting (and that she had unknowingly broken her promise to Bella and Ben :( )

The Hopper scene. Writing that gutted me, even with knowing Hopper is alive 😢 And Will and Alistair shared a much-needed hug (they both deserved that hug)

And yes, Aunt Aco called up Vervain and yelled at her for not telling Alistair about that power he has (though now she has explained more of it and given our boy another existential crisis of possibly being immortal now) And the blood... that was all the blood that had been inside Alistair's lungs after he'd gotten impaled before he resurrected that he now had to cough/vomit it out. And it was tempting to say it would all disappear when he came back, but I prefer gory side-effects after coming back from the dead instead >:) (and that's gonna stick with Alistair and not helping his existential crises at all)

 But I loved writing Rowan and Alistair having that talk—because it was very needed—and them having a cute sibling moment right after it (too bad it won't last long *eyes s4*)

Next chapter will be soon, and I promise it won't be as painful as these past few chapters. In fact, it's gonna be very sweet ;)

Please read, comment and vote!

GhostWriterGirl out!