You tell me that I'm lazy,
You tell me that I'm a delinquent,
But you don't know the thoughts running through my head,
You don't know how many times I wished I was dead,
But I never truly meant it,
Because as much as death seems appealing,
It really does scare me.
You know that deep dark part of you,
The one that's not where your heart is,
But at the center of your chest,
The one that hurts,
Even when you're taking deep breaths,
The one that comes and goes,
As it pleases,
Taking away chunks of your soul,
Like if you don't need it.
That's the place that rests my hiding place,
The place I go to escape the pain,
Even though that's the epicenter,
The core of everything,
Reliving those memories,
Really tends to help me,
Get over the troubles of reality,
But sometimes,
It makes me wonder,
Just how much I'm supposed to go through,
How many times must I become brand new?
Changed by experiences,
Always changing phases, faces, places.
I wanted a chance each time,
And I got it.
But sometimes change isn't want I really would have wanted.
I just wanted to be the same.
But I guess if all things happen for a reason,
Then all the changes that took place,
Would have been exactly what I needed.

(April 07-2021)