45. Sendoff

The sleep I've gotten is perhaps the best I've had in a long time. And that's saying something.

I inch up and push my head into Dean's neck, feeling his arms tighten around me. A smile quirks onto my face as I feel a thumb stroke one of my shoulders. This, right here, right now, I don't want to end. I don't want to lose this. If only there was another way.

Opening my eyes, I see my hand has fit the handprint mold on Dean's left shoulder. My hand looks small in comparison. Dean has been to Hell and Purgatory, practically two Hells. How is he still functioning? I think back to the first moments I met him, the first time I tried to wake him up. He'd almost hurt me that day. Wait, no, he'd almost killed me. Looking back on it, some of his actions make sense now. His past has made him this way, just like my past has led up to this moment. But would it have made a difference had I not done a deal with Crowley? Would we have still crossed paths? Would I not be shipped off if my time wasn't up?

"I'm gonna miss this," he says absently. Does he know I'm awake? "Just wish we had more time."

"Look at you, going soft," I tease quietly. I pick my head up to meet slightly glazed green eyes. I kiss him full on the mouth in greeting. My hand moves along his chest. "How you have any humanity left amazes me, Dean. It really does."

"Some things are the only things keeping my humanity intact." He suppresses a yawn, I can see it.

My eyes turn sorrowful. "Is there any hope for you and Sam to get out of this?"

"Max, now why would you go asking a stupid question like that?"

"One can hope, right?"

"Look, I want this to keep going as much as you do." His forehead goes against mine. "But we Winchesters are a repellent for anything domestic and good to come into our lives. Anything good will either disappear or die. It's part of the job, unfortunately. An unwanted side effect."

I bite my lower lip, a part of me wishes Dean and Sam could just drop everything and run. These boys have done so much, and I don't even know their full stories. But I know they both deserve some peace, some normalcy, something that doesn't involve hunting.

I take Dean's face in my hand, looking deep into those green eyes until I'm sure I can't find a bottom. "I know I'm being sentimental, but, that life we talked about...I want that, w-with you." I swallow. "You've made me feel safe, you and Sam both. True, we've had our bad times, but..."

"Max." He shakes his head. "I-it's what I want, too. But..."

"I know." I kiss a corner of his mouth. "Your life doesn't allow good things to happen, it only makes you suffer. I know there's no shot in Hell of convincing you and Sam to drop everything and run. And I could never ask you to abandon your brother. You two have a bond that's almost considered unhealthy. You rely on each other so much...At the end of the day, you have each other. You know my family situation." I smile sadly. "Don't let that go, Dean."

My brows come together when I hear it, the soft snarling. I slowly sit up, pulling the blanket to cover myself a little bit. I look out the Impala's windows, feeling my heart spike. It's too soon. They can't be here now. Not now. Not when I'm with him. I don't want this to end in blood. If it does, I definitely don't want him or Sam seeing.

"Max?" Dean sits up with me, rubbing my arms gingerly. "What is it?"

"Y-you don't hear them?" I whisper.

"Damn it."

"What?"

"You're hearing them. One of the signs."

My mouth parts in horror. No. No. I'm not ready to say goodbye to the Winchesters. I can't leave tonight. I don't want to. But I have to. It's the best interest for all of us. It will leave the Winchesters with one less potential victim to worry about.

"I know there's a high chance I'm not going to Hell soon, but...I gotta know. H-how was it?"

"You went there, Max."

"Only briefly. I didn't do time."

"Well, I don't know what Hell you and Sam visited. Mine was no picnic."

I close my eyes at hearing loud snarls. "Keep going."

"I was tortured." I feel him shiver. "What I went through down there...I got tortured by one of Hell's best. The only way I-I could get out of it was if...if I was willing to become the torturer. I held on for a few decades."

"D-decades?"

"Hell time is quicker than Earth time. Decades down there can equal only a few months here." I let out a breathy gasp as his forehead touches mine. "I—I lost the fight. I was off the rack, but..." He lets out a rattled breath. "What I did down there, Max...I...I wish that I could take it all back. I wish I could undo what I did. But I can't."

Feeling my emotions swell, I grab Dean and kiss him hard, feeling the tears already fall. He doesn't push me away, he plays along. I almost think this has the potential to go to another round, a continuation from last night's events. If this is truly the last time I'm with Dean Winchester, I want to have something to hold onto. I want something to remember him by.

Just as our mouths part, Dean's phone goes off. I clear my throat, looking down, pressing myself into his chest.

"That's probably Sam," I note quietly. "You better get it."

"What's up?" Dean answers the phone. I watch and gauge his reactions as Sam talks. "Yeah, we're fine. Nothing's happened. Yeah...Yeah, it's time, Sammy. We gotta move her out tonight. She's hearing them. Yeah, we're making our way back now." He hangs up, then looks down at me.

I start searching around for my discarded clothing. "I know it won't take long for me to pack, but, you know..."

"Yeah." He strokes my head. "I know." He kisses me softly. "Alright, let's get this plan in motion."

* * *

We almost treat the day when we get back like another day. There's a bit of apprehension in the air, and that's expected. We go about our daily routines, all while I'm packing and being helped. I've already got the hex bag tucked away in one of my pockets, and I've been lent a backpack by the boys.

Though we're hidden from most sunlight, we all know it's wasting. So after we have one last final meal together, we get the stuff loaded into the Impala, and I take my one final tour of the bunker. Of the place I have come to think as my new home. A place where, for most of my stay here, I've felt safe.

I'm the last one out of the bunker, with the boys waiting for me by the car. The sun is setting. I exhale loudly and get into the backseat. I mutely put on my belt, and Dean kicks the car into gear. The radio is put on at a low volume.

For the first hour or so, nobody says anything. The Impala's hum and the changing songs are the only noises. We all know we're dreading this. I'm dreading this the most. Though we never officially said it, this is considered a breakup. Not one that we want to have. A necessary breakup, though. This is better for both parties. I'll be safe, I'll be alive, and I'll be back home. The boys will continue to finish what they started with Crowley and the Demon Tablet. I hope they kill the King of Hell for me. And I hope I find out somehow from them.

"Whatcha thinking about, Max?" Dean's voice brings me out of my thoughts.

"Huh? I'm just thinking..." I look out the window into the darkness of the night. I hear the occasional zip of a car pass by us on the other side. "Just thinking how much this'll change once this is done. You didn't have to come along, Sam."

"I wanted to," he tells me. "It wouldn't feel like a proper sendoff if it was just Dean."

I give a half-crooked smile. "I hope you boys get that final trial done. Close Hell for good. And when you boys run into Crowley, try and kill him for me, will you?"

"Oh, one of these days, we just might get that chance," Dean tells me. "Hopefully that day comes soon when we shut down his kingdom."

Truthfully, I'd miss this all, even the little things: babying Sam during his ill times; meeting Charlie; meeting Henry Winchester; the relationship Dean and I had just started to build. I'd like to think, if things were different, I could maybe hang in here. Become a hunter like the boys. I have enough experience to qualify.

This is the best choice. No hunting the supernatural for you. Go home, try and repair the bridges with your family. Find a nice guy, settle down, and find a good job. I'm just glad I'm not telling myself to forget any of this. Some of the experiences, as traumatizing as they were, I don't want to forget. They prove to me that I can live through anything. I've seen things that people would never think to live through in their lifetime.

"Son of a bitch!"

I yell as Dean swerves, jarring us all in our seats. The car slides sideways in the road, and I just barely hit my head against the window when we abruptly stop.

"What the hell?!" I exclaim. I look out the window to see why we stopped.

I swallow. I don't think the figure standing the middle of the road is some average Joe.

My heart runs, and I swear I hear Hellhounds in the distance. They sound closer than I like them to.

"How?" Sam hisses. "We've got her covered with a hex bag!"

"Can't we just run the bastard over?" I cut in, watching as the figure is at a standstill in the middle of the road. I look out through the Impala's rear window, and through the other window. Right now, it's too dark to see anything clearly coming for us. But we all know what this is.

This is the start of an ambush.

I look towards the front seats, towards the Winchesters. Right now, if I were in the driver's seat, I'd gun it and hit the demon in the road. But how did they track us here? Am I somehow chipped? Did Crowley do something to me?

Before any of us can fully comprehend what's going on, the side door is ripped open, and I'm literally yanked out of the Impala. I instantly feel the survival instinct kick in, and I kick, and punch, and scream, and bite anything that I can find.

"Max!" the brothers scream after me, both jumping out of the car. I head-butt the demon's chin. All I get from him is a grunt. He's pulling me back towards the wood line, where we'll both disappear. But didn't Crowley say he wasn't going to let any demons near us now that he knows about the final trial? Maybe this is an exception.

I really need the demon-killing blade right now, or holy water. Something. Wait. In the midst of the craziness, I try to reach for my old friend. Through my hair, I can see the boys quickly pulling out demon-killing tools and coming right for us.

But we're into the wood line, and in my haste, I had my blade and dropped it on the ground. And this demon is way huger than me, and stronger. I try and bite the hand that tries to muffle my high, annoyed screams of outrage.

"Sam! Dean!" I shout. The demon throws me, and I fall stomach-first onto the ground. My eyes fall onto some rather polished shoes, and I feel my insides grow cold.

I look up with steely blue eyes to have Crowley smirking down at me.

"Hello, poppet."

The moment I try and jump away, Crowley has me by the arm. I punch his face, but it's not enough for him to let go. I cringe at the low snarling that's ringing in my ears. They can't be here.

Crowley grunts, spitting out the blood from his mouth, chuckling. "Spunky," he notes amusedly. "I believe you and I have a date."

"Dean!" I yell into the woods.

"You still think they're coming for you? They probably took one of my minions by now and drove off." He frowns.

"You're lying!"

"Do you hear them calling for you, huh, Maxi?" He smirks. "Because I don't."

Don't listen to him. You matter to them. They're coming for you. They are. But as the long seconds pass, I don't hear either Winchester voice.

"You did something to them," I snarl. "What did you do to them?"

"Me?" Crowley looks aghast. "I did nothing to your precious Winchesters."

"Yes, you did, you asshat."

He groans. "Think it's time you took a little nap, Max."

"No, no—"

But with one touch to my forehead, I suddenly go unconscious. 

**[laughs nervously] Yeah, uh...I don't have a good answer.

Bittersweet is all I can say. Bitter. Sweet.**