WHILE NATASHA WORKED WITH THE OTHER AGENTS TO SORT OUT THEIR HIT LIST, TERRAN AND CLINT MADE THEIR WAY AROUND. The way it had been worded was that Clint was on babysitting duty, but everyone knew very well that one who needed a babysitter couldn't possibly be a babysitter themselves, and Clint had told Terran he was more than certain Coulson was having an aneurysm, feeling the shift in the universe when the two were back together without someone's supervision.

"You know, he hasn't really said anything just yet, but I'm pretty sure Steve is actually into dudes, but it's a little too early to say," Clint said, the two searching around for the blond in question as Terran, in his own words, was particularly thirsty that day.

"It's none of my business, but if he comes out, give him my number," Terran said, salivating at the thought of the blond without his shirt on, before he paused, "Wow, I need to stop sexualizing a human being, that's really disgusting of me."

Before Clint could make any comment on it, the two stepped into the training room to find a sweaty Steve in the middle of his usual routine, his hands wrapped and body in a crouch as he went to town on the bag which was struggling to stay alive.

"You know this isn't the Tower, right?" Clint called out, and Steve faltered, turning to smile at the other blonds who were entering the room, towering over him.

"Yeah," Steve said, giving him a tired, crooked smile, "Still getting used to this place. I know it's stupid, been here a while, but you know..."

"You're just by yourself in your apartment, right?" Terran asked, and Steve nodded, turning his attention towards him.

Terran had heard some stories from Clint and, at times, Natasha about Steve. He had just moved down to D.C. to work at S.H.I.E.L.D. full time since Tony had to focus on Stark Industries and he felt that he was a burden on the billionaire and the others living there; it couldn't be further from the truth, but it could never be said that any of the Avengers were good at communicating.

"How's that?" he asked, and he knew he was using the voice that Nicky hated-it was the voice he used when he wanted someone to share their true feelings-and it was clear that Steve could hear it, what with his response.

"It's fine, just takes some adjusting," he said, now leaning against the punching bag, "You know, new century, new city, new place."

"And you went from being surrounded by people to living by yourself in a cramped apartment without many friends outside of the ones you have at work, and you don't want to be a burden to the people who care about you, so you don't try to reach out," Terran finished, and he wasn't a psychologist, but he did know people, and while Steve was a unique person and a unique case, there were other people like him in the world, and Terran knew a fair number of them.

Steve looked highly uncomfortable at that, trying to keep a schooled expression as he held his gaze, though it was clear he wanted nothing more than to look away and hide behind someone else. Terran wanted to apologize, but if he apologized, it would infer that he was taking back what he said, and he wasn't about to do that.

Clint could easily see the tension and, finally finding a natural interjecting point, addressed Steve as calmly as he could, which wasn't as calm as it should have been. "How's Bella doing?"

"She's really nervous about going off on this mission," Steve explained, and Clint nodded in understanding as the blond continued, "You know she looks up to you, she doesn't want you to hate her if this goes wrong."

"Nah, how could I, she's the best," Clint said, grinning, and Terran couldn't help but smile as well, because this was Clint.

"Yeah, well, with you focused on whatever it is you're working with this guy-what are you two working on, by the way, I see you with Romanoff more than anything," Steve asked, and Terran was glad for his ability to keep his expression perfectly neutral while he internally panicked, looking towards Clint.

Thankfully, Clint was a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and was able to smoothly explain, "I would tell you, Steve, but I don't need Coulson and Fury yelling at me. Besides, Coulson's Lee's handler now too, so I gotta be careful."

Steve smiled at that, nodding in understanding. "That's fine. But is Romanoff part of it, because she told me she wasn't, but I see you two together all the time."

Terran shifted at that, feeling his face warm, and he should've been better than this, but he felt himself smile as he scuffed his shoe against the floor, and Steve made a sound of surprise, looking over to Clint who was staring at his psuedo-twin with shock, his eyes wide.

"I mean, it's not anything, don't get it in your heads," Terran said immediately after, pointing to both of them, but the damage was done.

"Are you two, you know, going steady?" Steve asked, and Clint looked genuinely curious as well.

Terran shook his head earnestly, looking around, as if he was going to find Natasha standing there in the doorway, having heard the entire conversation. "No, I swear, it's not like that."

"But you want it to be," Steve said immediately, and Terran raised his eyebrows; the tables have turned.

"Okay, maybe I do, what's that to you?" Terran asked, and Steve shrugged, and his lips had twisted into a sly smile, the kind of boyish one that screamed of mischief, and Terran would've melted if it were under any other circumstances.

"Take it from someone who's waited too long. Don't," he simply said, and Terran had to take him at that.

The taller blond sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets as he looked around the room, opting not to respond to his words. Instead, he took in the training room, the high ceiling and second level. It was empty, probably because Steve was inside, but he imagined it filled with agents who were just keeping themselves in shape or practicing for their training or for going out into the field.

"Are S.H.I.E.L.D. psychologists trained in combat?" he asked Clint, who only vaguely understood what he meant.

"Everyone needs to be prepared, so yeah," he said, glancing over to Steve, who only shrugged, "They're pretty much agents, they have the same benefits and the confidentiality is even more important, but they don't have to do as much as field agents, more like the scientists so they just need to pass basic training, nothing big. They kind of have to take the jobs home, but they're not the psychiatrists who have a lot more since they're prescribing drugs. Those are the ones that do that right, or are those the psychologists?"

"Psychiatrists prescribe the drugs," Terran said lightly, remembering when Nicky had forced him to repeat it so he could remember, because he used to get them mixed up in conversation all the time.

He looked around at the room again, imagining Nicky training to make sure he could keep the job here. The job that would force him to use a gun and be prepared to kill a person if he needed to. Just because he didn't have to know how to intercept a blow didn't mean that it would be easy for him, Nicky never wanted to hurt people, that was what made him so easy to teach when it came to the complex's rules.

"We don't hurt people," he said softly, mostly to himself as he looked around at the room, "And we're not heroes. We don't do anything stupid if we can't help people, but we don't just watch. We help the people who help other people."

Steve frowned at him, looking over to Clint who understood what he was saying. "What do you mean by that, Tree?"

"I grew up with the X-Men but they never made me fight, because I didn't have any mutation, and I always wanted to help and-" he faltered, swallowing; he wasn't about to tell them, not here, not now.

"But then I realized that if I wasn't going to be any help, I shouldn't be on the front lines. So I learned how to help them help other people, and that's what I'm always telling everyone I meet. That's why my kid wants to be a psychologist, he wants to work here, help the agents help other people, and he built tech for the military, not weapons, because we don't hurt people. If someone comes at us with a knife, we use shields. It takes a lot for us to use weapons."

Steve looked interested at his explanation, raising his eyebrows. "So you're pacifists?"

"We just help people," he said, but he nodded, "But yeah, I wouldn't argue with that. But this isn't a political statement, it's just to keep as many people alive as possible."

Steve nodded. "That's admirable."

Terran sighed, looking around at the room again, taking in this simple room, not wanting to think of all the others that were out there, of everything the people who worked there had to carry with them.

"But I don't want him working here," he said, and he couldn't even see the other two anymore.

All he could see was the small teenager who had stumbled into his complex one day, counting down the days until he could get out of his home, desperate to find another family, and Terran wanted nothing more than protect him, and he did, but it came with a price.

Nicky was out of the complex, but the complex was still in him, and he was never going to have the normal life. He was going to have to hide so much from the people around him, from the person he fell in love with, with the friends he made. If he was a part of S.H.I.E.L.D., it would be even worse. He'd be lying non-stop.

For all he wanted to take care of Nicky, it seemed like he was making things worse. Maybe for all he was trying to get the kid to smile, he would smile the most once Terran was out of his life.

"Tree," Clint said, breaking him out of his thoughts, "Are you okay?"

Terran cleared his throat, nodding as he looked at the two other blonds, raising his hands up to press his palms against his eyes, letting out a shuddering breath. "Yeah, yeah, I'm just...have you guys ever wanted to help someone so much that you wind up hurting them?"

Steve tapped his fingers lightly against the punching bag. "If you give me a minute, maybe I'll have an example for you." It sounded like he had already remembered a few.

"What's going on, Terran?" asked, touching his arm, and Terran sniffed, lowering his hands, and he didn't know why this was affecting him so much, but he could start to feel it in his chest, even if it was the faintest feeling.

"I just...I love this kid, but I really don't think I'm good for him," he said, and maybe it was because, at the end of it all, he would always feel love for anyone he cared about, it was the only emotion that hadn't been fully beaten out of him, "I wanted to help him, and I think I did, but I'm not doing him any favors by being in his life."

"Wait," Clint said, raising an eyebrow, "Are you talking about the cute little Hobbit who was crying while he was waiting for his turn to go see you in the med bay? Because, dude, I don't think leaving him would do him any favors."

"I know he won't be happy at first, hell I won't be happy, and it's gonna take some time, but I think he'd be a lot better off without me," Terran argued, running a hand through his hair, "Doesn't mean I wanna leave him, I want to get him to smile, he never does, and he's such a good kid, but I think I'm holding him back."

"Well, up and leaving won't be good for him if you're important to him," Steve offered, "If...if my childhood best friend had up and left me, I don't know what I would've done."

"Well, I'm not going anywhere, the complex isn't going anywhere, it's just...I'm worried about him," Terran explained, and he was surprised at how agitated he sounded, "I just...I'm always trying to help, but I always wind up making things worse."

"I don't think that's true," Steve said, before Clint could say anything, "I mean, I don't know you, but you seem like a good man."

"Yeah, well, that's not always enough," Terran argued, and Steve couldn't argue with that.

"Come on, Tree," Clint said, motioning towards the door, "Steve, you wanna come with, we're gonna keep looking around."

"I'll have to pass, Bella wanted to meet up once I finished," Steve said, motioning towards his duffle bag, nodding towards them as they left, "But cut yourself some slack, Terran, you're a good man who's trying his best, give yourself some credit."

Terran could only muster up a smile and nod towards him, wishing that the circumstances were different so he could actually smile at him, but Steve's words were echoing too loud in his ears for him to think of anything else.

Because that was just the thing, it seemed. There was no arguing that Terran was a good man, he was. But any man could be a good man, but it took more than a good man to do what Terran did and be successful. It took more than a good man to not hurt people when all he wanted to do was help them. Because a good man tried to help people.

A better man actually did.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

( 11.12.18 )

Terran is getting all existential, and sorry we didn't see Nat in this chapter, but we're gonna be seeing her a lot next chapter. Trust me, ya'll, it's gonna be intense.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!