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#19. The Confession

When someone changes, it's hard to bring their old self back again. However, some instinct of their past self always remains. Such is Ruhana's story. She's sweet, kind, and gentle to the people she loves, while she's ruthless and stone-hearted to the rest of the world.

Vineet has been kind enough not to blame her for her ways; instead, he chooses silence. Yes, they work on their own terms and don't interfere in each other's affairs. She's thankful to him, but at the same time, she feels guilty. She has behaved rudely with him, and the guilt lingers in her heart.

As they stroll around Marine Drive, enjoying their ice cream, Ruhana feels that Vineet wants to say something. She berates him, tugging at his hand.

"What are you up to, Vineet?"

"Nothing." He lowers his gaze.

"Hey, I know you. I know you're contemplating something. Tell me about it." She nudges him.

He takes a deep breath, finally giving in. "Yeah, there are a lot of things I want to say."

"Yeah, I knew it. It's written on your face, Vineet. Now, tell me, what is it?" she asks, tugging on his hand, and he's surprised.

Vineet quickly looks at her, and she encourages him to talk. She seems happy, and he feels that it's the right time to confess his feelings. No matter what her response is, he will still love her. Ruhana nudges him again, bringing him back to reality. He reaches out to hold her hands and squeezes hers in his. He begins to walk toward the shore and she follows him, resolute not to give him any reason to complain. They settle on a rock near the seashore, inhaling the fragrance of the sea. She nudges him again.

"Vineet, say something. What are you thinking?"

He takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "Ruhana, what I'm going to say is something you might disagree with. And I won't force you to feel the same for me." Ruhana gazes at him, amused by his choice of words.

"It's been a long time that I've been feeling this way. Maybe ever since you left Delhi. Yeah, we were kids, but you left a void in my life. And that void is still there," Vineet says, taking her by surprise.

"I might be wrong, Ruhana. But I'm telling you how I feel. Things haven't been in my control lately. And today I'm here, confessing my love for you. I cannot pause my feelings, and yes, even if you deny them, it's okay. Because you're a part of my life that can't be erased," Vineet says sincerely.

"It's about my feelings, Ruhana. And this is the only truth—I just couldn't keep it to myself. I love you. I do. You're the significance of my life."

Vineet finishes speaking and gazes at Ruhana. She is shocked beyond words—so much so that she is unable to speak or react. She stares at him, who's silently hoping she doesn't overreact. He hopes for a soft response.

Ruhana locks eyes with him. "Do you still believe me? And even if you do, how could you think I would accept your confession?" Her tone is soft, and he is surprised by her question.

"Ruhana, I already said that these are my feelings for you. It's not necessary for you to feel the same."

"Yeah, exactly! So, you should keep your feelings to yourself, Vineet. I don't believe in love anymore. So, you shouldn't take this to the next level," she says coldly, leaving him shocked.

"I don't trust people these days—how could I trust this feeling of love? It's out of my dictionary. And you, too—forget it. I respect you; you're one of my closest friends, but I don't feel any love for you. Waiting for me would be like caging yourself, so move forward in your life. You'll find someone better than me." She says it aloud, and her tone is certainly hurtful.

"Ruhana, don't take me wrong. I was..." He tries to explain, but she shushes him.

"Vineet, I don't want to talk about it. Can we head home? Aanya is all alone, and it's too late," she says, freeing her hand from his grip.

Vineet sighs deeply but follows her lead. He doesn't want to upset her further. He feels guilty for professing his feelings. She has denied him coldly, telling him she has no feelings for him. Silence prevails between them as they head to her home. He tries to talk, but she doesn't respond. He stops the car in front of her bungalow, and as she's about to leave, he holds her hand.

"I'm sorry, Ruhana. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Vineet, better not talk about love to me ever again. You know what—love is nothing but a weak emotion, and I can't fall weak. I don't want to. And you must not wait for me. Do not cage yourself." Saying so, she walks past the main gate while he watches her helplessly.

He sighs deeply and drives toward his home. As he turns the car to leave, Ruhana watches him through the main door of her house. She looks pained for a moment but quickly wears a tough demeanor.

"I'm sorry, Vineet. I can't let you fall into a dry abyss. And there's no way I can feel that beautiful feeling of love ever again."

*****

On his way home, Vineet is thinking about Ruhana. He had expected that outburst. She had already told him that she wouldn't be able to change ever again—and she had proved it. She didn't accept his confession, and she even asked him to leave. Her words echo in his ears:

"I do not love you."

"How could you think that I would love you? It's your outlook towards me. I don't love you and... and I can't love you."

"We are not meant to be together. You're my friend—behave like one."

"Do not make things difficult for yourself and for me as well. Loving me won't do you any good."

He reaches home, lost in thoughts about Ruhana. He parks the car in the parking area and runs toward his flat on the second floor. It's a sea-facing flat. He locks the door and then stands on the balcony of his room. He loves watching the sea from there, but today, his emotions overwhelm his calm demeanor, and a tear escapes his eye. In the next instant, however, he wipes it away, and a determined look appears in his eyes.

"Ruhana, you're my love. I can't think of anyone else as my life partner. You don't want me to wait for you, but I will—until you change your mind. Because, my love, believe me, waiting for you has always been a form of freedom."

"I will wait for you until you turn back and come to me. It will happen one day, Ruhana. That's my promise."

Vineet is determined to make Ruhana fall for him—and that, he believes, is part of the transformation she needs in her life.

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