"Ow," a woman dressed in white robes, winced as she tried to push herself up to a sitting position. She breathed through her mouth as she turned on to her side, and propped herself up.

She looked down at her six months old pregnant belly. She realised that while sitting, she couldn't see her feet beyond her baby bump.

Her fingers ran through her long hair, an unfathomable expression on her face.

' " Gūmā, why don't you smile? Smile... smile, please? See, I'm smiling, you smile too!" A couple of fingers pulled the corners of her lips into a smile. '

She smiled, as she felt the rhythmic lurch inside her womb.

"It hasn't even been a fortnight, and I miss the boy so much already."

She felt the movement again as if the tiny life inside agreed with her.

She rubbed her bleary eyes and supporting her aching back, she walked towards the window. The dappled sun shone through the trees, creating mysterious shadows. Specks of dust seemed to dance in the shaft of afternoon sunlight that slanted through the window.

As she slowly walked around, she moved the stray strands of hair away from her face. Her onyx eyes landed on an object, wrapped in linen, which had been gathering dust due to long, melancholic months of disuse.

Holding her breath, she slowly unravelled the cloth. As it fell to the floor, stirring up a cloud of dust, a sheathed weapon was revealed. A sword. Her sword.

She gulped as an onslaught of memories assaulted her.

' " Li Jia! You're doing great!"

"Thank you, Ge!" A much younger version of her beamed at her elder brother, whom she had just disarmed while practising sword arts.

"The youth smiled, as he retrieved his sword from the trunk of a tree, where it had got stuck. "This time, Li Jia, I won't let you win," he grinned.

"Yeah, yeah, bring it on, Li Shing," she smirked, and both of them took up mock battle stances, before bursting into laughter." '

Her lips curled up slightly at the corners. Her fingers curled around the hilt.

' " Something is wrong, you know," said a man staggering on his feet, due to the alcohol in his veins.

"Yeah, sure. Otherwise, why would the bridegroom disappear right after the bridal night?"

"His family is silent too."

"I think, the Royal Family has fallen out with them. Or else, why would anyone refuse such a deal?"

" You know what I think? I think, there's something wrong with the bride herself."

"You mean Young Mistress Li Jia?!"

"Was there any other bride there, idiot??"

"Ah, no no no, it just feels a bit unbelievable. Come on, she's a fine woman, who wouldn't want to marry her??"

"Oh curse you," a royal guest remarked, "Didn't you know, that she practises sword arts?? Now think. A woman should do household chores, and learn how to be in her husband's good books. And what does she do? She goes around flying on swords with other men. Tell me, who would want a wife like that??"

"True."

"But, brother, this might not...."

"Thank God my wife is an obedient lass....." '

Li Jia could feel the tears well up in her eyes, but they were just too stubborn to roll down. Her hand that was gripping the handle, trembled.

She found a seat, and sat down, her hand clasping the scabbard tightly. Her head hung low, and her long, black tresses covered her face.

' "Oh my god!!! Oh my..." Li Jia exclaimed in uttermost delight and cooed, "Gege, he's so small... He's so tiny!!"

Shing smiled at the tiny male infant in his arms. Jia cooed, almost in tears at the heartwarming sight of her newborn nephew.

"Since it's a son, I'll name him Li Renshu," he declared, his chest swelling with pride, as he gazed lovingly at the sleeping baby Renshu, who was contentedly sucking his tiny thumb.

"How's Sǎozi?" Jia anxiously inquired, looking at the closed door.

" Ehuang is safe. Don't worry, there's no danger. She's resting now."

The Physician and the midwife arrived, softly closing the door behind them. "Congratulations on being blessed with a son, Sect Leader Li!" They beamed.

Just then, Renshu scrunched up his little, red nose and began to cry loudly.

"Ge, can I..."

"Of course, you're his Gūmā, after all." '

The weight of everything seemed to press down on her shoulders, as her fingers clung to the adjacent wall for support, and she slowly stood up.

------

As she felt the cool, scented air of the sunlit magnolia garden, she took deep breaths.

' " Gūmā, you look so sick staying inside all day. See, I've finished my lessons. Let's go outside and play, Gūmā! Please?" A beaming Renshu hugged her few weeks old flat belly. He then placed a few kisses on it. "Xiǎo dìdì or xiǎo mèimei, can you hear me? It's me, Gege. When can I see you? Ma said you are here. But if you stay there, how will I see you? Come out soon, okay? Me, Ma, Bàba, Gū mā, we all want to see you. I love you so much." '

Her fingers began to trace the embroidered patterns on her long, flowing sleeves. She pushed them up to her elbows, revealing long, jagged scars on her arms. They were an odd mixture of bright white and light pink. The skin around them was slightly discoloured.

She heaved a heavy sigh and craned her neck up to look at the sky. The sunlight played with the grey flecks in her black irises.

Li Jia's life had started with, 'In a land far, far away grew a beautiful baby girl.' Where was her happily ever after? It wasn't there. It was never meant to be there either, or so it seemed.

She smiled bitterly at the thought.

Never had she ever imagined, not even during the wildest of her dreams, that the saying of an old woman, begging on the streets, would come true: it's just that, some people die at twenty-five, and get buried at seventy-five.

No one could confirm that cursed saying better than her. For she too had died, as she had woken up naked to a bright, sunny morning, after a steamy, lustful night, on an empty bed.

' "Damn, did you hear? Young Mistress' husband has run away!"

"Yeah, yeah, I have heard it too!! How unfortunate! Fucking bastard."

"Of course! Otherwise, tell me, who leaves his wife right after the wedding night?" '

She had laughed, she had cried. She had cried. Was there any bottom to the mind's pain?

She closed her eyes, as the ghosts of her past began to parade around her and within her, a sneaky reminder of all the nights she had spent in a struggle to keep breathing when her entire body seemed to sag with exhaustion and numbed agony.

' "Ouch!" her opponent squeaked at the sting in her wrist, as the sword flew off at a peculiar manoeuvre of Li Jia's arm. It fell with a thud on the soft grass.

Li Jia haughtily twirled her gleaming sword in her hand, before sheathing it with a click. Suddenly she heard a baby's cackles from behind her.

"Don't ask why," Ehuang grumbled, as Renshu squirmed out of her arms and took a few steps towards Jia. He raised his arms, wanting to be lifted. "Your sword glares could be seen from my room, and he got so excited that he almost started crying when I didn't want to bring him here. Look, he didn't even finish his food."

"Aiii, RenRen," Jia cooed, blowing raspberries on his stomach, making a four-year-old Renshu giggle gleefully. "Don't worry, Sǎozi, your son will be the best swordsman from our Sect. I'm telling you, he'll be even better than Gege and me. Won't you, Ren?" She asked, and received a wet kiss on her nose.'

There was a bright flash of light, which almost blinded her. Only after a while, did she realise that her sword was out. She had unsheathed her weapon from its scabbard, and now it was gleaming in all its glory, as if that was its way of announcing to the world that Mistress Li Jia had drawn her sword again.

Jia looked at it as the fire in her eyes had been doused with ice water, if anything, it made her look paler. She moved her eyes slowly over the spiritual incantations engraved on the shining metal blade.

' "Did you find him?" Li Liang asked, his face drawn with lines of worry and sleeplessness.

"No, Father. It's so... It's so strange, how can someone even disappear like this? There was not a single trace. Damn, I couldn't even track down his mana!" Li Shing replied, his eyebrows knitting with anger and frustration. "What about his family?" He asked.

"Gone."

"What?!"

"When I went there, I found their whole house in ashes. Everything had been razed to the ground. Not even a hen's feather had been spared."

She couldn't bear to hear anymore. 'Scoundrel, bloody scoundrel,' she thought, as she began to move away stealthily.

Just then, she knocked a vase over.

She didn't wait and sped off as fast as her legs could carry her. She could hear Shing call for the eavesdropper, and felt all the eyes on her trying to claw at her soul.

No matter where she went, everyone looked at her with pity in their eyes. They watched as to how she was coming along, treating her like spun glass, as if she would break into pieces with the slightest impact.'

Her jaw clenched, as her fist gripped the hilt tightly. She swung it in an outward slash.

Instantly, a dazzling wave was emanated. It sailed swiftly over the grass, making them bend due to the gust of wind that accompanied it.

' She wanted to howl like a feral animal in the wilderness, till her throat bled, but she couldn't do either.

She began to pace frantically, fingers raking through her already messed up hair.
Her eyes fell on her wardrobe. She quickly jumped up and began to rummage through it. Irritated on not finding what she was looking for, she tossed out clothing haphazardly, quite contrary to her neat nature, till she finally found it.

Scarlet wedding attire.

Her trembling hands hurled the apparel onto the ground.
A honed blade took its place in her hand. Soon, the wedding clothes were reduced to mere rags.'

From afar, she heard the sound of a clap, followed by faint exclamations.

She didn't care. She simply slid her sword back into its sheath and began to walk down the flower-lined path.

She soon reached a junction of three paths that were crossing each other. A few elder disciples were trying to console a sobbing young girl.

"Mèimei, please don't cry, it wasn't your fault..."

"Baba will be very sad, he had given me this on my birthday!"

"Aiya I want to know whose sword that was. What a powerful glare! It snapped the bow in two like a twig!"

"Aigoo, instead of thinking about that, think about how you are going to console your sister, fool."

Li Jia took slow, careful steps towards them. All of a sudden, her ankles went numb, and she lost her balance.

"A-Jia!!" A voice screeched near her ears. It caught the kids' attention. They whipped their heads towards the pregnant woman and another elderly woman, who was holding her tightly by her arms.

"Aunt Qing, nǐ hǎo," Jia muttered. Then turning her head towards the girl, she said, "It was my sword glare. I'm sorry. I didn't know that you were practising."

The girl bowed to her and looked towards the ground.

"Come with me."

The girl looked up, puzzled.

Jia extended her hand towards her, urging her. The girl complied.

Slowly, the youths made way for the three of them, as they continued down the path.

' She wanted to cry. She wanted to wail, till her eyes felt like they would come out of their sockets. But her tears were too obstinate.

With the wedding robes slashed to pieces, she was feeling even more insane. Lunacy seemed to weigh down like poison in her veins, as she went on a wild spree of destruction, ripping apart whatever came in her line of sight.

She wanted to weep, but how?

Suddenly it clicked.

Pain.

Yes, exactly! Don't all animals howl in agony?

She quickly crawled over, her shaking hands picked up a knife, and brought it to her arm.

She gasped each time the cold metal lacerated her skin.

Blood flowed.

Her colourless robes were soon streaked crimson.

WHY??

WHY COULDN'T SHE CRY YET?

Was the pain not enough?

Must be.

More pain it is then.

The world seemed to waltz in front of her now rapidly dimming vision, as her grip, which was now slick with plasma, loosened and the knife fell out.

As her eyes began to droop, a lonely tear finally rolled down, at the realisation that she still couldn't do what she wanted to do most.

Cry her heart out. '

"We've reached," Aunt Qing said, snapping her out of her daze.
Jia shook her head once and flung the doors of the weaponry room open.

"Give me your bow," she said. The girl, who was completely intimidated by her, timidly obeyed.

Jia examined the broken bow, and replied, "Go in, and pick up the first one in the row."

When the girl came out of the room with the bow in her hands, her smile was elated, as this was the best bow she had ever seen in her entire life.

"Take it."

"But..."

"Your father had given you that with all the love in his heart, and I destroyed it, though that wasn't my intention. Please accept it as my apology," with that, she waddled off, with Aunt Qing at her heels.

When the two women finally sat down, Jia's swollen ankles were hurting due to fluid retention.
Aunt Qing began to gently massage them.

"Are those children foreign disciples?"

"Yes maybe."

"They were training, does that mean Gege has finished teaching?"

She leaned back into the cushions, sighing at the ache in her hips. On being met with silence, she glanced at the elderly woman. Aunt Qing held a perplexed expression on her face.

"Aunt?"

"A-Jia," Aunt Qing began, "I think, you should find that out for your self."

******

Shing was hurriedly pulling out clothes from the closet. A weeping Ehuang lay on the bed, holding one of Renshu's robes tightly to her chest.

"I think this will be enough for us while we're staying there," he sighed. On receiving a hiccup as his reply, he sat down next to her and held her close.

"What will happen now? What will happen to our Ren?" Ehuang grieved.
Shing remained silent, caressing her hair and back.

' Isn't Ren at the Ruan Sect? What happened to him?' Jia wondered as she stood beside the door to their bed-chamber. ' Is he sick?'

She heard the sound of the rustling of clothes and peeped.

Shing was standing with his back facing her. In one hand, he held a wrinkled sheet of parchment, and with the other hand, he was drawing a fire talisman with his blood.

"What's that?" Jia entered and nimbly took it from him as if she was plucking fruit off a branch.

"Hey!" Both of them yelped at the sudden intrusion. "How dare you-" Shing began, as he turned around. "M-mèi?" He stuttered as soon as he realised who the intruder was.
"What are you doing here?" He tried to grab the sheet.

"No, I wouldn't try that if I were you, Gege," She stepped aside.

Shing and Ehuang exchanged worried glances.

"Mèimei..."

Jia began to pick at the raw skin from a recent blade gash.

"Why are you crying, Sǎozi? What's wrong with Ren? What are you hiding from me?"

None of them could find anything to say.

"Very well," Jia smoothened out the crumples in the parchment and began to read.

The dolorous contents of the letter written in their father, Li Liang's spidery handwriting brought her murky world to a tenebrific halt.
The blood drained away from her skin. Her parched lips remained open. Her shoulders were hunched together as if she were trying to disappear within herself.

"This... Why? Why didn't you tell me? Gege? Sǎozi? Why?"

Ehuang burst into tears again.

Shing grabbed the letter and incinerated it.

Jia looked at them with a woeful expression that made their insides coil in on themselves. "I'm accompanying you."

"What? Mèi, please try to understand, you're pregnant. You shouldn't-"

"I refuse to listen to anything or anyone. No one can stop me."

"Mèimei, please listen to reason-"

Jia clenched her jaw. A dazzling light illuminated the room. Her sword unsheathed itself partially.

"I'm not staying here. Not after this," she pointed at the grey char of the letter on the ground. "Now you choose. Either you take me with you, or I will take off on my sword right away."

She stood her ground firmly, noting the signs of yielding on her brother's face, and sheathed her sword.

"I will ask Aunt Qing to help me pack."

†******†

*Gūmā- paternal aunt
Sǎozi- Sister in law
Nǐ hǎo- hello
Xiǎo dìdì- little brother
Xiǎo mèimei- little sister*

A/N:- Hopefully I haven't missed anything, if I have, please ask in the comments section.

I'm gonna rant, so please feel free to skip it.

Okay, I finally updated a chapter! That's a huge achievement for me, especially because of the situation I'm in right now. But I couldn't have done it without my GandalfofspaceAnli, my dearest Shijie. Thank you so much *sniffles*, Shijie (no matter how much I thank you, it will never suffice), I wuv you, period. You're amazing, and I am glad that I ran into you.

Besides, this chapter was tough for me to tackle for a personal reason as well, and also because I want readers to connect with my characters. And no matter what I had been drafting for the past few days, it felt like crap.

Besides, I'm stressed out with balancing online classes along with story writing. We have a hectic schedule, and damn we have only 10 minutes for lunch. Our professors' whims are always there for our entertainment. *Cold shivers at the thought of what will happen when offline classes will begin*

Anyhow, I am not giving up on my story. It's my baby, and I won't abandon it ever *determined hhmph*. Only my updates will take some time.

Thanks a lot to everyone who read this. Thank you a lot for supporting me, it means a lot. Your votes and comments always make my day.

With love,
Yours,
Erus555.